Thursday, July 25, 2019

The Collapse Letter XXV: Failing Commerce


17 August 20XX

My Dear Lucilius:

Our traffic has dwindled to almost nothing in the two weeks or so since my last shopping trip – in the past week, I have maybe seen six cars drive along the road that passes in front of my house.

Our little town, that had virtually no business in it, has almost none now. The RV park/bar is still open, but with no fuel and dwindling alcohol supplies there is little enough left to attract folk. Most of the RVs have left by now in search of fuel in towns farther away and I suspect the few remaining will follow – I have been counting them as I make my daily stroll around town to get out and stretch my legs. The campground I did my laundry at is still open as well, although even his supplies are dwindling as well.

Our post office/gas station has essentially become the post office and nothing else – the RVs leaving took the last of the fuel and it is unknown when, or even if, a replacement delivery will be made. The town gathers once a week now for mail delivery every Wednesday to parcel out the packages and letters that have been stored up (interestingly, junk mail still seems to make its way through. Good for kindling if nothing else).

By the end of the month, if not sooner, I suspect commerce will have completely died out here if nothing else changes.

The InterWeb suggests that the towns north and south of us still have supplies and are in business, but I suspect that everyone is holding out because of the risk of having no additional fuel – a round trip is not less than 50 miles to the nearest town of size and the need has to be balanced against the risk of wasting the fuel. I have been constructing a list of things that I think I will need to secure on one last trip; I keep trying to decide when I have reached the maximum amount of benefit of the trip versus the risk that things will start becoming depleted.

The quiet is amazing.

Without the traffic, the surrounding hills and even the town are almost dead quiet. One can hear the occasional shouts of children or the barking of dogs, or even the sound of cattle farther out. But really nothing else – human voices are kept low or inside and if people are playing music or the news, I surely cannot hear it.

I have lived through the time that men touched the stars; it seems that I will now live through the time that men scarcely hear or know their neighbors.

Your Obedient Servant, Seneca

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Changing Diet And Lifestyle

My fellow curmudgeon Glen Filthie has reported that his doctor has stated that he is overweight, pre-diabetic, and possibly pre-cancerous.  

Welcome to your 50's.

I have to admit that I have been having my own struggles with being post-50.  My knee is giving me some problems, which seem tied to my thigh muscle.  Actually, both of my knees are grumping at me now for some reason.  And there is this lovely twinge in my back that has never been there before.

And yes, I feel overweight and certainly have diabetes in my family.  Thanks for the reminder, friend Glen (Do try the bebimbop.  You will love it).

It is a good reminder that I need to start changing things and how I do them.

My knees, I truly believe, are in large part due to an increase in my weight - I have put on about 10 lbs and some amount of it is muscle, but some is fat is well, or at least I have not lost the side handles that are attached.  No idea on the back, but who knows?  Maybe related as well.

So like Glen, I am going to have to change my diet and my lifestyle.

No clear ideas yet, just a sense that I need to do it.  After all, with care and management I still have probably 30 good years left in me (or like my great grandmother, another 47).  Time to get busy.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Trying To Disappear

I have to confess to you that the longer this year has gone on, the more and more I have been overcome by a desire and need to simply disappear from visibility.

It is not as if I have some amazing reason like my security has been compromised or I have been called out by someone  or wrongfully accused or anything like that. It is just that it feels more and more like the world is pushing into my business.

Between my cell phone, my e-mail at work, and various and sundry cameras spread all over, my presence is pretty much known.  Even now, Blogger can tell you precisely when I logged on to type this and when I uploaded it.  My every financial decision which is not cash based is known and even those which could be cashed based but for which the payment is in a computer system is known. 

My house, thankfully, is relatively free of this oppressive observation - except, of course, for all the cell phones herein, the streaming services which know what is being watched, and the utilities which records how much electricity is being expended to keep our summer heated house cool. 

In other words, even my retreat is effectively being watched.

I am working on small and minor ways to disappear, of course - every social media account I do not open, every cash purchase I make - all of these are very small acts of resistance against a seemingly all-encompassing foe.  But it is not really enough.

Freedom - true freedom, defined as freedom of privacy, the freedom to do something and have no-one know what was done, has almost disappeared in the world as we know it.  We are left with the few small crumbs we can eke out, the wattle barriers we throw up in hopes that the Roman juggernaut will enmesh its spears in them and so be unable to attack. 

I have added this to my list of goals over the next four years - I may not get there, but at least I can work to find ways to put space between me and the observation system.  Any thin layer of padding I can add, any mist I can conjur up, anything that pulls one stake out of my hide, is worth doing.

Free men and women value their privacy.  It is only those that value complete control that think they need to know everything about everyone.

Monday, July 22, 2019

Parts Are Parts

This weekend, I finally sorted out my parts tool box.



Anyone that has ever owned a home has one of these.  It is a collection of the various pieces and parts that either are needed to do a specific task or come with something as an assembly item or you have to buy a quantity of to get the part that you want.

Digging through it was a walk through history. Here were the slides I needed to extract my radio in 1996 and "upgrade" to CD that I never needed again along with the wire connectors in the handy 500 pack.  Here also was The Tomb of The IKEA Parts, the ones that are extra but you never really are sure you should get rid of just in case you need them.  Nails in the gross and wood screws of various sizes from various projects, from 1/4" nails to roofing nails and many different lengths of screws for the times you "thought" you had the right length but did not.  Light bulbs and fuses for cars long sold.  The radiator tightener you bought as a stop gap for the car you ended up having the radiator replaced on.  Locks with keys and locks with no keys and a combination lock from your wife's high school days that no-one remembers the combination of.

Parts and pieces; pieces and parts.

I sorted through them, trying my best to take a stern "Are you really going to use that?  Really?"  approach - at which I only gave mediocre performance as I know only too well how six months from now I will need that one screw length and I do not want to risk throwing it away in the event I do need it and then have to buy a gross (to be clear, I have very many of those indeed.  No danger of running out).  I ended up throwing away a few things and re-organizing the rest.

The tool box, at least, now closes.

As with my parts box, so my life.  Too many bits and pieces held on to in the event I might someday "need" them for some undefined purpose.  I reorganize and reorganize but, like my parts, eventually I just have to start getting rid of something.

After all, my life, like my tool box, should have the lid be able to completely close.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

A Few Words From...John Calvin


“For until men recognize that they owe everything to God, that they are nourished by His fatherly care, that He is the Author of their every good, that they should seek nothing beyond Him – they will never yield Him willing service. Nay, unless they establish their complete happiness in Him, they will never give themselves truly and sincerely to Him.”


(HT:  Survivalblog.com)

Thursday, July 18, 2019

The Collapse XXIV: Books


14 August 20XX

My Dear Lucilius:

The strangest thought hit me this afternoon: I may never buy another book again.

Do not misunderstand. It is not that I will never read another book again: my rather large library (and some of my wife's) made its way here with me and now happily lines the walls of my home. In a real sense, I do not have a library but live in one.

But if things are trending as they seem to be, I may never buy another one. Because who will make and sell them? And even if they were made and sold, where would I buy them?

I remember the transition over my life, from ordering books from book sales to small local bookstores to larger chains to national chain and then online and finally used bookstores. And now the circle may be completing.

But I am at least fortunate in that I collect books. We are but a hair's breath away from losing almost all art and culture of the last 3000 years.

Extreme, you say? Think, my friend: we have spent the last 30 plus years putting everything into the digital realm. Books? For many, they now live only on small consoles or their computers which must have power. Movies? I have a few in physical form that I can see from where I write you, but for the most part these too are now all electronic or “streamed”. They need a player as well. Music? My previous comments holds true there as well: many have some CDs or maybe their predecessors, but for most their music is totally found on the InterWeb.

But the last 30 years is troubling in another way too: we have been making our culture completely electronically and on-line. We have been making it to be interacted with and viewed online. What happens when there is not more online?

I write “we” - in point of fact, I have made nothing on-line for entertainment. And rather happily, I can entertain myself (as I know you can as well). So for those such as ourselves, the inability to access anything simply means one less thing to take away from the time we have to do so many other things.

But for millions – billions, if you count the rest of the world – their ability to entertain themselves, to learn, to express themselves is tied up in a media which may very well disappear in the blink of an eye. What will there be of their entertainment and creative impulses then? How will they amuse themselves then? Suddenly discover modes and methods of entertainment effectively banished from their worlds for years, or maybe forever?

It saddens me, Lucilius, that with our great technological achievements and all we have done, that the works of the civilizations of the Greeks and Romans, Egyptians and Aztecs, will outstrip us yet.

Your Obedient Servant, Seneca

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Flying and Driving

I have to admit to you that the thought of flying to go anywhere becomes less and less attractive.

For international travel (and thus, my trips to Japan as long as I can manage them), there is no substitute, of course.  But for domestic travel (which I care to do less and less anyway), I have to admit that I am almost of the opinion that I would rather drive.

Sure, some of it is the airport experience:  anymore they are crowded, expensive, and awkward to get into.  If you are lucky, you can have someone drop you off; if you are less lucky, you are left to your own devices to park far away, thus ensuring you will add another 30 minutes to your time to get home.

To be fair, driving takes more time.  It is, on the whole, probably more expensive (as one has to stay overnight along the way).  More time, more money - something many of us do not have a great deal of.

But going along with the idea of "Being Where You Are", driving seems to me to be the more complete experience.

When I have driven through a region, I have seen it - perhaps even only once, but I have a picture in my head.  I can still see the places that we drove when I was growing up when we went on vacation; I can see clearly the places I drove to in Iceland.

For airplanes, we see very little.  We hop from airport to airport and then (mostly) from metropolis to metropolis, with no sense at all of any of the land in between except for what we saw from the plane window.  Like our entertainment, like our food, like almost everything now, we have come associate anything that does not immediate meet the need or get us to the point as something which is wasteful in nature.

To some extent (until they ban it), I am sure that I will always have to take planes to get places.  But I sure as heck am going to try out driving more where I can.  It may not be faster, but it will sure be more enjoyable.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

39 Again

So The Ravishing Mrs. TB turned 39 this weekend (for the 12th time).

She is off with Na Clann on another adventure (alas, after my last absence from work I am very reluctant to take some more time off so soon) - it is what she wanted as part of her birthday and (frankly) missing hordes of people in the hot Florida sun is something that I can happily do without.

It strikes me as odd, if I think about it.  We passed our 26th wedding anniversary this year.  I have known her for 27 years.  At this point, that is longer than all but my family and a handful of friends.  i do not suppose you ever know how certain relationships will work out, unless you try them. 

We are reaching that point in our marriage where our responsibilities are slightly dropping off:  the oldest will be off soon for her 3rd year college, the middle for her 1st, and the youngest to start high school.  It is not quite the empty nest syndrome, but it certainly a predecessor to it for both of us. In a (mere) four years, we will pretty much be on our own.

I am not sure how ready we are for that.

But for now, we do not have to be.  All we have to do is celebrate 39 (again).

Monday, July 15, 2019

The Movie Tangerines

If you have Netflix, I might recommend a movie to you:



It is called Tangerines, a 2013 Estonian-Georgian film.  Set in 1992-1993 Abkhazia War, it focuses on a carpenter, Ivo, and his farmer friend, Margus, Estonians who have stayed behind after most of their friends and family have fled back to Estonia.  Margus has stayed in hopes of harvesting his tangerine crop, and Ivo is building the crates to hold them.

During the movie, two more characters are introduced:  Ahmed, a Chechen mercenary who is wounded and helped by Ivo, and Nika, a Georgian who is wounded in the same incident and rescued by Ivo.  Both men are cared for in separate rooms in the same home and both hold a passionate hatred for each other.

The movie becomes an interaction between the crops (Will they get harvested? Will Margus and Ivo be able to leave) and the hostility of Ahmed and Nika.

I cannot tell more without revealing the movie; that said, I would strongly recommend you see it if you have the chance.  It asks questions about culture and land and war and reconciliation, but to my mind asks the most poignant and real of all:  what do you do as an "outsider" that has lived somewhere for multiple generations to the point that this place feels like home and then war breaks out - how does one abandon a life one has known literally their whole life?

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Praise



May the three springs praise you,
Two higher than the wind and one above the earth,
May darkness and life praise you,
May the cedar and sweet fruit-trees praise you...

May the birds and the bees praise you,
May the stubble and grass praise you,
Aaron and Moses praised you,
May male and female praise you,
May the seven days and stars praise you,
May the lower and upper air praise you,
May the books and letters praise you.

- 10th-11th Century Middle Welsh Prayer, Celtic Devotions, Calvin Miller

Thursday, July 11, 2019

The Collapse XXIII: High Dudgeon Summer


10 August 20XX

My Dear Lucilius:

We are in the high dudgeon days of summer now: heat punctuated by thunderstorms. My garden is grateful for the rain of course, but it does make it a bit dicey to go out and do anything during a given day.

Not that I let this halt my activities, of course. I have re-organized everything to the point that I have nothing to re-organize. I have pulled everything off of its shelf and dusted it. When I have had a clear afternoon, I have examined the bee hives and thoroughly weeded the garden.

The items that I ordered on the InterWeb – at least some of the first batch – have started to arrive. They, too, are being carefully filed away. I think perhaps two more week cycles of mail and there will be nothing else coming.

And still, I have time left over.

I have spent more of it lately perusing the InterWeb – not so much for more things to order, as I have reached my current limit in the event that this is only a test drive for the real emergency and I have to continue to exist in the modern economy, as to review what people are saying out there in the great big world.

In short, people are uncertain and afraid.

The government is not helping this, of course. Their press releases are as vague and reassuring as you would expect any government's to be: they are “closely monitoring” the situation and urge people to remain calm. To the contrary, people are not: rumors of shortages and bank holidays are almost minute by minute occurrences in the chat rooms and mail lists of the InterWeb where the government does not seem to reach.

I do find it somewhat eerie that a great deal of what I can see of international news reflects the experience here: were I in France or Russia or Australia, I see much of the same fear and government response/non-response. People are afraid. They hear rumors of famine and peril and the inability to feed themselves and the governments of the world do little – if anything – to resolve that fear. As if they simply wish it to go away by ignoring it.

Not surprisingly, the “Survivalist/Economic Ruin” groups on line are oscillating between a “This is it!” mentality and patting themselves on the back for having seen this coming. I am not sure of whether or not “this” is it; what is saddening and (frankly) deeply disturbing is to see the number of people taking what I can only interpret as glee in the current mental anguish and potential actual anguish of their fellow citizens.

It is one thing to be prepared for any eventuality. It is another to take pleasure in the actual suffering of others. As Nieztche said, “Whoever fights monsters should see to it in the process that one does not become a monster.”

Your Obedient Servant, Seneca

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Changing My Workspace

I have changed up my major workspace.

For years, I have been trying to do everything in two locations.  One is my desk, located in my bedroom - before our move it was located in our master bedroom closet and was the office that I have never managed to have.  The other, at least for the last six years, has been the large overstuffed purple chair in the living room.

It makes sense, correct?  In one location (the chair) I did all my early morning work; in the other (my desk) I did my writing and other items.  But the problem has presented itself that I have not been making the progress in anything that I was hoping for. 

So, I changed where I am working.

The Ravishing Mrs. TB has a craft table in the living room which (at this point) is intermittently used, but has an amazing desk lamp.  So I have relocated there.

It means changes, of course.  My items, be they for reading or writing, are now stored out there.  Anything that I was doing at my desk, I have to "truck" (I use the word loosely) out in the living room to use.

But it seems to be working.  Why?

1)  Simply put, a change of scenery.  I am not used to being out there, so I am not immediately lapsing back into my old habits.

2)  No computer.  This is the biggest change - by leaving the computer behind and only having what I need, I am forcing myself to stay on task.  The results, even after a few days, have been remarkable.

3)  The change in location and lack of distractions has meant I am more able to focus on what I am doing.  For me, I really can have no distractions to the task that I am trying to accomplish - the less, the better.  Thus, I can focus fully on what I am doing because I have nothing else to focus on.

I will see where I sit in a month.  But so far, I am quite happy with the results.

Tuesday, July 09, 2019

On Special Occasions



The older I get, the more this is true.

Our society does not work that way, however.  Special occasions are, well "special".  Totally disconnected from our day to day existence.  Once upon a time "Sunday best" used to be a phrase - partially, of course, because in an agricultural society "Sunday Best" does not translate to Monday through Saturday, but also partially because work was not a special occasion.

Interestingly, ancient warrior cultures, such as the Samurai and Native Americans, had it more right.

For the samurai, it was important to look your best at each and every moment, because you never really knew that you would have the next moment - and were you to pass away, it was considered a courtesy to you slayer to be as well dressed up as possible.

"A warrior preparing himself for battle presents his most splendid appearance.  That is, he gets himself ready to die.  The idea of full dress in preparation for a battle does not come from a belief that it will add to the fighting ability.  The preparation is for death, in case that should the result of the conflict.  Every Indian wants to look his best when he goes to meet the Great Spirit." - Wooden Leg, Cheyenne

In reality, there are no special occasions.  There is only life and death, and I have a pretty good sense that (from a purely physical view) there is no special occasion celebrated by a corpse.  Act and live accordingly

Monday, July 08, 2019

Find A Tribe?



This has been making the InterWeb Rounds.

On the one hand, I find a great deal of truth in it.  If you have not been out in any kind of social milieu in, say, the last ten years, you would be quite surprised to find how to true this is.  At least in my own experience, most place where people gather - be they career, religious, professional, or even just enjoyable - are exactly like this.   People keep to "safe", non-controversial topics (although this are dwindling more and more as we speak) or topics with very limited boundaries:  what you did this weekend, how is your family doing, what about the weather.  In this sense the InterWeb has been a great tool in helping folks to find their "tribe", be it intellectual, social, or even activity based.

On the other hand, this is an alarming trend.

To read the conquest of any territory, especially in the ancient world, is to read the story of how a united people were victorious against "tribes", whether you call them families or clans or petty kingdoms.  The great empires of old - Persia, Rome, Charlemagne, even Great Britain - succeeded because they fought as one while the tribes fought individually - and as individual units, they had their own interests which could be managed, purchased, or exploited.  Sometimes a major leader might bring together several tribes, whether successfully (Arminus at the Teutoberger Wald in 9 A.D, where German tribes destroyed a Roman task force and stopped Roman expansion north of the Rhine) or unsuccessfully (the Jacobite Rebellion, 1688-1746, where the entire Scottish structure was completely undone) - but these ultimately represented only temporary victories at best or, even worse, the leader becoming the Empire which he had overthrown (Alexander the Great, for example).

If I were an enemy, this is precisely what I would want.  Spread dissension, spread discord, spread a weakening of shared ties instead of a strengthening of them, and suddenly your opponent is either ripe for the taking or will dissolve into a series of internal conflicts - maybe civil war if you are lucky - leaving you as the victor having expended no effort at all.

Perhaps I am overthinking this issue a bit, because I definitely find myself in the position of having to be small, be quiet, and be gray.  But surely it is not without noting that no social construct can ultimately survive its own atomization?

Sunday, July 07, 2019

The Crown Of The King

The crown of the King is around thy head,
The diadem of the Son is around thy brow,
The might of the Spirit is in thy breast,
Thou shalt go forth and come homeward safe.

- Carmina Gadelica from Calvin Miller's Celtic Devotions

Thursday, July 04, 2019

Happy Independence Day 2019!


When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

 We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained, and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the  conditions of new appropriations of lands.

He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.

He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:

For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing taxes on us without our consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:

For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:

For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:

For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:

For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.



He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.



New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Source: The Pennsylvania Packet, July 8, 1776


Wednesday, July 03, 2019

Dreams Die

Dreams die.
Wax melting off feathered wings,
collapsing shaft at a mine of riches,
the hand that can no longer act.

Dreams fall.
Plunging into the river of life
bones tumbling,
particles drifting downward.

Buried beneath the weight of life,
do they become fossilized remnants
like the Thunder Lizards of Old,
to inspire and amaze?
Or simply the detritus of being,
dissolving,
leaving nothing but rot
in their wake?

Monday, July 01, 2019

On Expecting Failure

I have discovered that I have a propensity to expect failure.

Mind you, this is not in and of itself a terrible thing.  Being willing to fail means that I have been able to try a wide number of activities.  Because doing anything new is, almost by default, admitting that you are going to fail - perhaps a great deal - before you succeed.

But there is also a down side to the propensity to expect failure - at some point, you begin to expect that everything will fail.  That is not a very helpful attitude when you trying to succeed at something, not very helpful at all.

So this is something I need to work at turning around.  Oddly enough, I think it largely comes down to personal pride and personal responsibility.

Personal Pride?  At some level, one has to start to want to not be known as the person who "fails" all the time.  One should, at least some of the time, want to be known as someone who succeeds at things, both for the personal benefit as as well as the fact that one can get things done.  If one gets things done, one can do other, more complex things.  Thus, I need to take some level of personal pride in being successful.

The other is personal responsibility - that is, that I am invested in what I am doing and the outcome of it.  That at some level, I need to make it happen because I am doing it and there is no-one else to make sure that it will succeed, and that in succeeding it will be good work.  And the work reflects me.

Maybe two other points:

1)  I seldom imagine what success will look like. What it feels like.  What it will be like after I do it.  I need to do that more.

2)  I need to, when appropriate, also get reminders of those successes.  For me, it tends to be redoing my swords at this point.  That is fine - but when I do and I look at the sword (or other item), it reminds me of the effort that went into it.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Lord of All Nature

"For every material and every element and nature that is to be seen in the world was brought together in the body in which Christ rose from the dead." - Sean O Duinn

Saturday, June 29, 2019

The Waters of The West River

If your eyes see,
And ears hear,
Not a doubt you'll cherish - 
How naturally the rain drips
From the eaves!

The spring is come, softly blows the wind,
The peaches and apricots are in full bloom.
The dews are thick in the autumnal nights,
The leaves fall from the paulownia tree.

The flowers, the maple leaves in autumn,
And the wintry snows covering the field all white - 
How beautiful they are each in its way!
I for my attachments still did not go beyond
the sensuous (for I know now what Reality is).

Inside the sacred fence before which I bow
There must be a pond filled with clear water;
As my mind-moon becomes bright
I see shadow reflected in the water.

Wherever and whenever the mind is found
attached to anything,
Make haste to detach yourself from it.
When you tarry for any length of time
It will turn again into your old home town.

Abandon all the arts
You have learned
In swordsmanship,
And in one gulp
Drink up all the waters of the West River.

I thought all the time
I was learning how to win;
But I realize now:
To win is no more, 
No less, than to lose.

In the well not dug,
In the water not filling it,
A shadow is reflected;
And a man with now form, no shadow
Is drawing water from the well.

A man with no form, no shadow,
Turns into a rice pounder
when he pounds rice.

- From Bujutsu Sosho, Collected Works on Swordsmanship (1925)

Thursday, June 27, 2019

Downpour

Always threatening,
summer winds move laden clouds:
burst of sudden rain.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

The Need To Do Good

A moment of clarity in the midst of training.

Monday night, after the last formal class had ended and we had all had dinner and I was getting in the car to drive home, I had a brief thought about work (still two days away) and everything that undoubtedly had to be done.  I sighed a little bit inside, and thought "I wish I was doing more good."

And then it hit me:  I lost the feeling of doing good.

Ask anyone in my line of work that has been in it for a while, and at some point in the conversation they will tell you they are in the field because they believe that they are doing good.  It is not only my industry, of course:  lots of people in lots of industries want to feel that they are doing good, that they are making a contribution to the betterment of something, be it society or the environment or the lives of rabbits.

But my job is really not that at all anymore.

My job is making sure that projects meet time lines.  That things get built and moved and published and hooked up on schedule.  That things moves forward.  But no sense of doing good any more.

A bit of a pipe dream, perhaps?  After all, many people do not do not jobs that result in "good".  Lots of folks simply do things that enable things to occur, like selling or delivery or cooking.  This is correct, of course - but it is certainly not true for me.

When doing good (for me, anyway) is eclipsed by making sure things are moving forward, the long hours and days begin to take a toll - after all, there will always be something else that needs to be done or a time line that needs to be hit.  It becomes a never end pursuit of destination that one will never quite reach.

I am not sure what to do with this epiphany.  All I do know is that one of two things needs to happen.  Either I need to rediscover how I am doing good where I am - or I need to be doing it or something else somewhere else.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Your New Life II

Back in March I posted this:

Turns out it is part of a larger quote, still very useful:


Monday, June 24, 2019

Of Iai Training And Background Noise

Over the past four days - including this day - my dojo has been training with the head of my sword school.

Training with Soke is a rare opportunity, as I am sure that it is with the head of anything.  We have worked very hard during these training sessions, harder than I can remember working outside of training in Japan.  Which is good, of course.

The difficulty is that the rest of my life keeps hanging in the back of my mind.

This is the weight I cannot escape from at this point of the program, the fact that work is still there (and everything I am not doing while I am training) and all of the other bits which, although perhaps not as time sensitive, still need attention.  Even though I am "on vacation", I am not, really.

Part of this - I think - points back to this idea of having a life consistent with one's values, interests and goals (yes, I realize that a life as a swordsman is a singularly impractical one - hang with me for a minute).  And perhaps while none of us can completely get there, what we can do is make an effort to close the gap wherever we can.   At least try and do less of things that are wildly removed from the things that are supposed to be doing.

(Yes, I know, that implies one knows what one is to be doing.  I am working on that.)

Which really points back to essentialism and conscious living, I think. That does make for a nice, unified package.

If only I can figure out what that really means for me.

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Conscious And Unconscious Living: Making A Path Forward

So I have established that, for myself, unconscious living is something I have been doing and conscious living is something I need to be doing.  The question is, how do I get from here to there?

Five steps, I think:

1)  Focus:  Focus on one activity at a time, preferably the activity currently being engaged in - if not, either stop and do the other activity or make a note of what the thought is and continue on with the first.

2)  Stop Multi-tasking:  There is not a great deal to say here, other than it does not lead to more actual accomplishment.  And for me, I am very bad at it.  Simply admit that you will get less done, but it will be of a better quality.

3)  Do No Activity That Also Allows You To Do An Unconscious Activity:  Simply put, this means that if I am doing something, it should not be something that allows me to do two things.  For example, watching TV tends to lead me to eat excessively - so I should not do that. Whereas, for example, mowing the lawn is all about mowing and nothing else.

4)  Train The Mind:  The mind can be trained to be brought back to task when it starts to wander.  This is related to Point 1 above, but is different in the fact that it not an activity as much as it training.  Let one thought rest at a time in the mind, then move on to the next.

5)  Do It The Hard Way:  There is a correlation between effort and consciousness.  The harder a thing is, the more engaged the mind and body is in the activity.  For example, it takes me almost no time and effort to just put up a social media post, whereas to express the same thing in a blog post is more intensive because I have to write out an entire article - so I am more in the moment.  Let us not be silly, of course: I may not build my own house when I can have someone else do it - but I can be more wise and engaged in how I choose to do the activities that I do.

Socrates is credited with saying "The unexamined life is not worth living".  If we extend that to "The unconscious life is not worth living", it might change how we view every activity that we are doing.

Friday, June 21, 2019

Conscious And Unconscious Living: What Is Conscious Living?

Yesterday I posited the concept of Conscious and Unconscious Living - and that, in at least a number of situations, I seem to be going about life unconsciously.  That said, what might Conscious Living look like?

Conscious Living: I have examples, which may define the concept.

Working out:  When I work out with weights, I am very conscious of everything that I am doing.  Why?  Because the weights are heavy and the risk for injury is substantial if one is not paying attention.  To that end, I am constantly paying attention:  to the weight, how it is being lifted and how it is being placed when I am resting, and to my body - how do my muscles feel, do I feel anything untoward or starting to give?  I am completely, utterly in the moment of what I am doing.

Iaijutsu training:  When we are in training, one is constantly aware - not only of the kata being practiced but also of one's sword placement and body placement.  One also has to be aware of one's fellow students, both to prevent injury and (as a more senior student) to observe to see if anything varies significantly.  One also aware of the placement of one's training sword - not just out in front, but the entire movement of the sword around the body, to the back, to the side.  In paired drills this becomes even more intense, especially at higher speeds:  one pays attention to doing the technique correctly and paying attention to one's partner to preserve space and distance.

Now if you ask me to define the concept from examples, I would stumble a bit.  What I would probably end on is that Conscious Living is the practice of being 100% engaged in the activity of the moment to the point that all other thoughts and activities fade from one's mind.  One is focused on the activity at hand.

That requires a high level of concentration, of course.  And that is something that modern society makes very hard to maintain.

Think about a simple example:  Once upon a time, purchasing something meant walking or driving to a location, selecting the item, purchasing the item, and then driving back home.  Now, I can do everything with the click of a button from home.  The activity is no longer a process in which I have to fully engage; instead, I can merely look, click and continue to do a second activity at the same time.

Or entertainment.  Once upon a time I had to plan a schedule around watching a show or (even more exciting) travel to a movie theater.  Now, I can watch whatever I want when I want to watch it - and do something else while I am watching it.  There is no focus, no engagement - just me deciding and then un-deciding to do something.

I compare this with my training for the last two years in Japan.  In this case, I have to travel a long way - and effectively cut myself off from the outside world.  While I am there, we are on a schedule:  we wake up at a certain time, train at certain times, eat at certain times, shower at a certain time - and all collapse in bed at certain time (that, at least is "unscheduled").  Part of what makes the experience possible is being completely engage in what I am doing - but part of it as well is that the conscious choices I would have to make are pulled from me.  I have consciously chosen to move certain decisions to the side - and thus, I can live consciously in the rest of the moment.

But if Living Consciously is desirable (and I would argue it is) but hard to do in modern society (I would argue it also is), then how do we accomplish it?

Thursday, June 20, 2019

Conscious And Unconscious Living

I woke up this morning with an epiphany.  These do not happen quite as often as I would like, so I always try to pay attention.  This time, it was as clear as a bell:

You are living unconsciously.

The genesis of this whole concept has been twofold.  On the more intellectual side, I have been reading Zen and Japanese Culture by Daisetz Suzuki, slowly wending my way now through Zen and Swordsmanship (obviously of interest) and how the swordsman is always presented with the most blunt of situations, life and death.

On the less intellectual side, it is me watching movies.

Not that there is anything wrong per se with me watching movies - but what I have found over the last few times is that if I am watching movies, I tend to eat - and drink a lot.  Without really thinking about eating and drinking.  It has happened enough over the last three or four weeks that it caused me to finally start thinking about it.

Why do I (over) eat or (over drink) when I am watching movies?  In theory I am engaged in some activity (assuming that I like the movie), so it is not that.  But I eat and drink?  I am doing it unconsciously, to fill the time or my boredom.  Or really just because I am not paying attention to what I am actually doing.

Suddenly, it clicked.

To live unconsciously is to live in a very real way, without questioning anything.  It can look like a lot of different things, at least in my own experience:  a daily schedule which over time turns into a daily rut you never question; doing things and yet doing other things along with them without thinking about what you are doing or why; even multi-tasking in which some things are done along with other things that are not done well because we have to do everything together and thus some things get done without thinking in order to get done.

Living unconsciously suddenly because a way that I lived through every day.  Without thought really, just doing something - or multiple somethings - and then doing something else.

The question became, what is Conscious Living?

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Inazuma

Flashes of  white light
illumine the evening's clouds:
my blade in darkness.



[Inazuma (稲妻, Lighting) is a technique in our sword school.]

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Getting Rid Of More Things

We are starting to go through a giant purge in our house.

Na Clann started it.  The youngest two first, with a end of school year purge of clothing.  Then the oldest got home after 9 months overseas and she started going through her room and cleaning as well.  Suddenly, our house seems to be filled with bags of things ready to go for donation.

I have to confess that I am not immune to this need to move stuff out.  I have a rather large bag of clothing to go out as well.  And do you know what?  I still have as many clothes to wear as I ever had.

This has made me begin to look around and think about other things in my life, which seem to fall into four categories:

1)  Things I use regularly
2)  Things that have sentimental value
3)  Things that I use occasionally but are useful to have when you need them
4)  Things that I hold onto which I do not seem to use regularly, have no sentimental value, but are simply there.

Oddly enough, category 2 - items that have sentimental value - often seem the hardest to get rid of.  It is easy enough to get rid of a shirt I no longer wear; it is much more difficult to get rid a shirt I no longer wear that was given to me by someone I care about.  So I split the difference and try to work around those things.

I am not sure, for myself, what drives me into these waves of getting rid of things.  It seems to be driven by factors outside of need to purge myself, factors of what is going on my life in other places:  lost friendships, a general need to remove myself more and more from life's flow (and thus, the stuff that makes up life's flow), a general need to fall back from the tyranny of things.  So I will go through the urging and purging again, circle the wagons after, and then consider once again what I have - and why I have it.

Monday, June 17, 2019

Social Media Recovery

I am coming to realize what an addiction I had to social media.

I have come to the conclusion - through  a couple of different venues - that my time on The Book of Face is limited.  And so, I have been constricting my time spent on it even more. What has resulted is this incredible feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Loneliness?  Isolation?  Those thoughts seem ridiculous to me- after all, I am in my mid-fifties and have been around a great deal longer than social media.  The thought that this should be so is someone surprising to me.  But as God is my witness, this is exactly how I feel.

Which is odd - after all, it is not as if I was more "connected" when I was using The Book of Face on a daily or sometimes hourly basis.  Sure, I got to see what people were doing and feel as if they were involved in my life when they "approved" my posts.  But that was not it at all, if for no other reason that - when  you are not there - no-one really seems to notice.

The first reaction is, of course, the reaction of any addict:  I need to log back in.  But that really does not solve anything - in fact, not only does it extend your current addiction but you are additionally hit with the fact that your absence was really not noticed by a lot of people.  So I fight it, and try and find something else to do.  The road to recovery, I trow, will be long.

There is a second aspect to this though, and one that I find more alarming.  I am old enough to remember a time before social media and thus can imagine a time where my life is not run by it.  What to all of those who are younger and only see life through the lens of social media?  What will they do if they are "removed" because of some reason or the entire system simply crashes.

For me, it is an inconvenience and something to work through.  For them, it may be something they never recover from.

Sunday, June 16, 2019

On Not Enough Problem Solving

I realized this week that I do not really do enough problem solving.

Oh, do not get me wrong.  I do problem solve.  All day.  It really seems to be the key component of my job these days:  What do you think about this?  What should we do about that?  What is your opinion on...?

But really, it is all different versions of the same problem.

The thought occurred to me this weekend while I was taking one of my semi-regular jaunts down memory lane to role playing games (hang with me, there is a point).  Role Playing games - if you have never done one - also involved a great deal of problem solving.  Of a different kind, of course - after all, deciding whether to throw a lightning bolt or fireball in a small space is a little different from real life, as is an Old World technology item which, if improperly used, will blow your character up - but still mental problem solving.

There are plenty of other problem solving things, of course - crosswords, Sudoku, even repairing items or building things.  And all use a slightly different part of the brain.

My problem, I fear, is that I am now only essentially solving one set of problems with my brain - and ignoring all the others.  Or worse, not solving enough problems at all.

What am I going to do?  Not sure, really - it is not like I can start doing crosswords or role playing full time.  But it is something to least give a little thought on.

After all, if problem solving makes you smarter and more facile (and maybe helps with your brain), why should I not be doing everything I can to do more of it?

Saturday, June 15, 2019

On Developing The Inner Man

I spend a great deal of time developing the outer man, and very little time developing the inner man.

On a good week, I have 3 hours of work outs, 2 hours of Iai class, 3 hours of Iai training/practice, and 3 hours or so of aerobic - 11 hours a week.  At the same time, I maybe have 1 hour total of prayer, thinking, and reading the Scriptures.

It is not surprising at all, as I look at that, that the inner man is so greatly confused and impotent.

I need to change it.

How?  It is going to require time:  time spent in prayer, Scripture reading, meditation, thought, and writing.  It means that time will have to pulled from somewhere else for sure.  But it is an investment that I have to make.

How does one go about creating a personal development plan for internal development and character?

I have a plan (I think):

First, one needs to make a commitment.
Second, one needs to decide what it is that one wants or needs to develop.
Third, one needs to define the tools one needs to accomplish this:  books, facilities, classes, etc.
Fourth, one needs to define a specific time for this to occur.
Fifth, one must do it.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Continued Media Withdrawal

The withdrawal from social media - and really most media in general - continues apace.

I have allowed myself again to start participating in the greater review of "media" post Lent.  What I have found - on the whole - is exactly what I left in the beginning:  there are twists and unexpected turns, but on the whole my lack of follow up has not translated into being able to stop anything or even prepare for it more than I am doing now.

The aggregator sites are really no better:  in fact, having been away and then re-visiting them again, I find them even more snarky, condescending, and doom-ish than ever.  It is interesting and informative to read about potential large disruptive events; it becomes less so when ever day seems to involve "The Big One" which, when it fails to happen, is suddenly passed on to the next event.  Think of it as the media equivalent of date setters for the pre-tribulational rapture.

I mention condescending - it had not struck me so blatantly before, but such aggregator sites and their articles are very much "look -down-your-nose" at anyone who does not see things there way (I believe the technical term used is "Idiots").  Which is fine to write and have your opinion on - but if your goal is to convert people to your way of thinking, not a terribly clever marketing plan.

Social media suffers from the same sorts of things for me:  either controversial, snarky, or just plain boring.  ("I finished cooking dinner today.")  Again, there is very little original thought or concepts being shared.   Really more of a time waster (my friend K over at Saturated in Seattle has actually gone to the extent of completely deactivating her account to save her free time and help her to use it better).

(I will say here that Instagram seems to be the one thing bucking this trend for me.  Just the posting of pictures and short movies sort of makes all of this impossible.  And it is a great way to keep up with my children.)

Blogs, of course - as I have written - are the one great exception here, and one that I am actually working on expanding my list of regularly visiting. 

But on the whole - no, social and InterWeb media continues to have less and less to offer me.  I simply assume the worst is going to happen and act accordingly. 

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Connections

After writing "Too Many Friends" and then thinking about it before I re-wrote it and posted it, I realized that there was one very important aspect that I have failed to cover:  the blog.  The blog is everything that a social media site is not.

A blog is something that an individual authors and caretakes.  It is something that someone has to seek out intentionally - via an actual search or even just a click through - instead of something that is force fed when an individual logs on.

A blog is also something that someone has to take the time to respond to - not just with a click and "thumbs up" sign or a small comment but an actual response to an actual posting.  A sharing of opinions can take place between the author and the readers or even between the readers and the reader - but these are interactions, not 10 second dashed out responses.

A blog is something that author actively participates in the maintenance of, even if it is only once a week or once a month.  Everything that appears in any blog has been hand selected by the author, not merely moved from one other feed to their own.  In some actual way, it is the expression of the blogger in question.

A final thing:  a blog can become a mechanism of friendship.  We proudly have a cast of tens here (instead of the much overused "cast of thousands") that frequently or infrequently post.  Through these posts - really your posts, no third person needed - I get to see a little bit into the soul of the commenter (you).  The exchanges are often short - a post, and a response - but even in these short comments over the years, I have come to know more about some of you than of the many I know on social media where I know is the activities they do and the pictures they post. 

As always of course, thank you - thank you for your readership, thank you for comments, thank you for your patronage (not that there are any bills we are paying here of course - but if there were, you would be doing it).  Most importantly, thank you for being the InterWeb Social Media counterrevolution. 

We are few, but we are mighty.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Too Many "Friends"

One of the great attractions of social media is that you can have hundreds of acquaintances - called "friends", "followers", or just plan "virtual people I know but have never met."  Suddenly you are meeting people all across the world.  It feels, well, connected.

Except that, sadly, you are not.

For any of these services, the more people you have, the more you flow through their radar and the more they flow through yours  Suddenly, your last act is not an act that people see and react to but one of fifty that just runs together in their feed of the moment.  All of these stories become nothing more than a background tide of information, flowing and ebbing across the brief moments that people engage with it.

It is not these people are "ignoring" you (probably not, but there is always a small group that does) as they are just overwhelmed by the amount of information that is coming through - and unless you have been marked as "important", you are likely to get lost as background noise.

Suddenly, those hundreds of connections are completely meaningless as they are not really connections or "friends" but rather statistics.  And you have simply become one more of them.

No wonder so many people feel so disconnected and alone in this age when we are more connected than ever.  We have become not people and relationships, but bytes of information scrolling across a screen and we nothing more than a value, a number to be either bragged about or forgotten about but seldom engaged.

Monday, June 10, 2019

The Collapse: A Perspective.

So this past week, I had the opportunity to try a very small portion of the protagonist of The Collapse.  All the family was gone on vacation and so I spent a week living by myself.

It was not completely the same, of course. I have a much larger house and I had to go work during the week.   But other than that - in terms of contact, media, etc. - I was very much similar to our hero.

Some things that I found out:

1)  Meals when you are on your own often become very short term events, as the intent is to eat, not to eat and socialize.  They become a great deal simpler as well: more than one meal was a peanut butter and honey sandwich.

2)  It is very easy to spend non-work time not speaking to anyone except the animals.  And they make pretty good conversationalists.

3)  One can live pretty cheaply when one is on one's own.  There is little enough that you want or need outside of necessities by yourself.

4)  Just like I have found in my normal life, schedules make life very livable.  It also ensures that the important things get done.

And...5)  I do not do very well when The Ravishing Mrs. TB is gone.  Not well at all.

It was a good experiment.  I hope to continue to analyze the experience.

Sunday, June 09, 2019

C.S. Lewis On Forgiveness

"I find that when I think I am asking God to forgive me I am often in reality asking him not to forgive me but to excuse me."

Saturday, June 08, 2019

Sweet Potatoes!

Sorry for the delay this morning - I was out planting sweet potatoes.

These are all thanks to Sow True Seed.  Three varieties:  White Bonita, Beureguard, and Covington




They come in slips (I did not know that before I looked into it a bit):



Planted, about 3 inches deep and 12 inches apart:


I have never grown these before, so anything is a win!

Thursday, June 06, 2019

Oh, The Places Your Blog Will Go

Back hidden away under the magic "Stats" button in Blogger is a statistic of where your blog is viewed in the world.  It is kind of interesting to see:

This is by the week:


No real surprises, I guess - except for Germany?  I have a following in Germany?

The all time is even more fun:


Who knew I was a thing in the United Arab Emirates?  And more importantly, where is this "Unknown Region" that keeps coming up:  Malawi?  Mars?  Another dimension?  The information seems a bit...unclear.

I had a lot of hopes back when I started this blog, most of which have never been realized.  It does comfort me though that perhaps in some aspect, my blog is doing something, somewhere, that I had never envisioned.

Wednesday, June 05, 2019

A Little Overwhelmed

I will confess it to you - after all, you are all among my closest friends at this point, or at least the one's I really do talk to every day - that I have reached the point that I feel badly overwhelmed by my job.

You reach a moment where you feel like, no matter what you do, you are constantly doing the wrong thing and considerably behind the eight ball.  You try and plug a hole over here, something else happens over there. Decisions which were made - and in theory everyone subscribed to months ago - are suddenly something that no-one seems to remember agreeing to.  

Simply put, you feel like you have suddenly reached a point where the position has greatly over-reached you and that you are simply not competent for it.  If you were completely honest, you would admit that you go to work daily feeling like this may be the day that you get let go.

Yeah.  It feels like that.

I keep thinking what would be something that would turn around this situation, that would somehow make me feel empowered and on course again.  The issue is that I have yet to come up with something.  No matter what sense of progress I make, I always feel the backward pull of the outgoing tide.

Just for fun, I keep going over our "Break In Case Of Glass" budget.  Not that I think anything could happen - but I would rather know my options in the event that they do.  It is not the only thing I can do, but oddly enough, it sure feels the one I am making the most progress in.

Tuesday, June 04, 2019

On Changing The Shopping Of Books

Sadly, my regular visits to my local used bookstore chain are probably ending.  I have gotten myself into a quandary:  I go almost weekly, yet scarcely do I find anything that I really want to buy.

Really, it is my own fault.  My interests have become rather specialized over the years.  In some cases it was these trips to the bookstore that started me down this path - Isocrates, for example, or Procopius' History of Justin's Wars - but those were one-off purchases.  When I went back, I can never seen to find the additional works that I need to fill out the collection or series.

Along with this, there seem to be a lot of the same books there now.  The survival and agrarian shelves have grown mightily since I started going there, but let us be honest:  how many books on chickens do I really need?  (Not as many as are published, it seems.)  Some authors have virtually every book they ever published for sale (if you are a fan of R.A. Salvatore and his Drow stories from Forgotten Realms, you are set), while others (mostly the ones I grew up with in the 70's and 80's) only appear periodically at best.

What does this mean?  Basically, my options are to keep rolling the dice (unreliable at best) or simply admit that most of the books I want from now on in are going to have to come from online sources.

I am not a fan of paying the shipping,mind you.  $3.99 a pop makes even the cheapest book close to $5.00.  But I am also not a fan of continuing to waste my time idly wandering through aisles of books, never really finding the ones that I want.  It is inefficient - and I have better things to do with my time.

I will still wander in from time to time, of course - there is never something as exciting to me as a used book store.  But I will wander a lot less and find my surprise factor all the greater when something comes into view.


Monday, June 03, 2019

On The Death Of InterWeb Friendships

The falling away of InterWeb friendships is a very odd thing.

In most real life friendships, the falling away is something that one can see coming:  arguments, less frequent conversations, even downright nastiness.  But looking back, one can track a trajectory, an inflection point where one says "Yes, that is where things started to fall apart."

InterWeb friendships are not like that.  As there is (typically) no in-person interaction, there is really no way to "say" when an inflection point is reached.  Certainly, one might look to a time when contact became less frequent - but to be fair, the nature of the InterWeb is such that infrequent is often times the way the friendships work.  It just occurs: one day, you are suddenly no longer in contact with the person.  Perhaps there is an explanation or perhaps you only realize it days or weeks later when you are suddenly made aware you have not heard from the person in some time.

Oddly enough, one of the most noticeable issues from this is simply the sudden lack of routine that develops.  I suspect for many, contacts with InterWeb friends becomes an activity like any other:  most likely I will answer at this time because Y will also respond.  Or, we get used to checking to see if someone responded to our communication.  All that is gone, of course:  the responses will not be there no matter how often one goes and checks.  It is as if, in the old days, a friend moved and you kept calling their phone only to never get it answered.

What does this argue?  I am not sure.  I am certainly questioning such friendships right now as they can disappear without warning (which kind of defeats the purpose of a friendship).  It certainly is teaching me that sometimes how I use my time is not based on how people actually respond but rather the degree and the speed to which I believe they should respond.  And - like my media fast during Lent - I find it creating space in my life, space with silence that nothing seems to fill up.

We have reached the age where friendships come in to being without an explosion of emotion and end in a quiet fluttering away of electrons, never to return.  Our words, like our feelings, disappear into the great void like a program being executed.

Sunday, June 02, 2019

The Church

"When viewed from the perspective of eternity, the most critical need of the hour may well be that the Church should be brought back from her long Babylonian captivity and the name of God be glorified in her as of old.  Yet we must not think that of the Church as an anonymous body, a mystical religious abstraction.  We Christians are the Church and whatever we do is what the Church is doing.  The matter, therefore, is for each of us a personal one.  Any forward step in the Church must begin with the individual."

- A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge Of The Holy

Saturday, June 01, 2019

A Few Words From...H. Beam Piper

"It had been the dissatisfied, of course, the discontented, the dreamers, who had led the vanguard of man's exploration into space following the discovery of the hyperspace drive.  They had gone from Terra cherishing the things that had been dumped into the dust bin of history, carrying with them pictures of ways of life that had passed away, or that had never really been.  Then, in their new life, on new planets, they had set to work making those dreams and those pictures live.

And many times, they had come close to succeeding."

"Keep a government poor and weak and it's your servant; let it get rich and powerful and it's your master."

- Lone Star Planet (originally A Planet For Texans) - [This book comes highly recommended (by me). You can find it under the title Four-Day Planet/Lone Star Planet at your local major InterWeb Book Seller.]