On Emptying One's Self

One of the tenets of my martial art - and, I suppose, most traditional martial arts - is the concept of practicing and passing the art down as taught.

Over time in training (over 17 years for me now), one picks up slight habits and quirks, ways of doing the techniques which are not the technique as it is demonstrated by the soke, the ultimate arbitrator of the style.  They can be incredibly subtle things - for me recently, how I have my body weight balanced, the resetting of my hand as I perform preparation for chiburi and noto ("blood throw" and sheathing), how I grasp my blade and do not hold it down at a 90 degree angle.  But over time, these things cause me to veer from kihon (the true form).

Over time - as my soke and my sensei  have pointed out in the past (and as recently as last week) - one continues to veer from the path and develops one's own style, not the style that one is training in.  

The point is that the martial art is not the possession of the student.  It is not something to be adapted per se  (although it can be for physical issues) or made unique or individualized.  It is to be practiced and in turn handed down by us to the next generation as it was given to us.

"Empty yourself" was the counsel I was given.  "Remove you from the equation and practice the art."

I was walking the morning after when I realized the same was true about my Christian walk.

Christianity, at its core, is a long walk of us giving up ourselves - our sinful, flawed selves - for that of God.  Through our relationship with the living Christ, we are (in theory if not practice) supposed to "empty ourselves" of everything that is not of God and allow Him to fill us with Himself (which - perhaps differently from my martial art - will manifest itself in unique ways). 

What this requires, of course, is us saying "No" to ourselves and "Yes" to Christ.  Which sounds incredibly easy in concept, but is very difficult in practice?

Why difficult? Correcting a hand grip or a stance can be done with time and practice and involves no great sense of personal loss in correcting the behavior. But letting go of anger or pride or lust or possessiveness, especially when they seem justifiable?  It can feel like we are totally destroying ourselves with no guarantee of success or succor. 

But ultimately, that is what Christ and God are asking.  I am sure if I had the courage to ask, the answer I would hear would be the same:  "It is not your salvation or even your religion, but Mine.  Preserve it as it is passed on to you, understanding I may allow great latitude - or none at all.  Either way, Come and Follow Me.

Emptying myself of my bad habits for the sake of my style seems doable; emptying myself for the sake of The Kingdom seems endlessly challenging.

A Year Of Haiku (XLI): Orange And Grey

Is this still Autumn,

or is Winter arriving:

Foggy falling leaves.

2025 Cambodia And Vietnam: Sampan Ride

 Another local activity we got to participate in was a sampan ride.

A sampan is a simple, flat bottom boat that once upon a time was ubiquitous in Asia and is still used in rural southeast Asia.  They can be as large as what we in the West would consider a "boat", or small. In this case, it was enough to hold four passengers and our pilot/rower.

In a moment of delight, I was allowed to sit up front.  The experience was magical: the quiet of the island, the almost lack of human noise except for the moving of the water.  This may have been one of my best experiences on the trip.

2025 Cambodia And Vietnam: Coconut Candy Factory

One of our stops on Coconut island was at a small coconut candy factory - really a home based business.

The raw material:

The coconuts are split, then the meat is removed:

Removing the coconut milk from the meat:

Then simmered over a fire:

And cut/pressed into strips for drying.  For the record, it was delicious.

Bonus round!  Inside of a jack fruit:

I was so happy to see beehives!

The husks are used for fuel for the rendering process.

Transactionalism

 One of the things that I have come late to in life is the understanding of a concept that I call "Transactionalism".  My understanding of it in a clear way (I suspect it was always there) was brought about due to a relationship at work.

There was a particular co-worker with whom I had what I would call a "not very good" relationship in that they never seemed to engage on almost anything.  At first I took this as a failure on my part - after all, I really work hard to make sure I have a good relationship with almost the entire world - and so I felt initially rebuffed by this. I doubled down on my attempts of engagement, only to find that the situation did not improve at all.  

And then I noticed something: when this person needed or wanted something, they always engaged.  And then went away again.

It was at that moment - or rather after a series of those moments and by observing their interactions with other people - I realized that this person interacted only when they needed a particular thing.  When granted (or denied), they disappeared.

This, I suddenly realized, was Transactionalism.

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Transactionalism (IPA:  transactionalism):  Interacting with another individual for a specific purpose only (TB Definition)

If I think about it, the idea of Transactionalism is not something that should surprise me. It is something I do multiple times a day in life.  I greet people when I am entering the gym or in a checkout line.  Maybe we exchange a short "How are you doing"? or comment about the weather, but that is about as far as it goes.  We then carry on about our lives.

That said, the more the interaction matters, the more I tend to want to have more of a relationship.

We have been helped endlessly in New Home and at The Ranch with relationships that could have been argued to be transactional - service providers, renters - but were much, much more because of the relationship that surrounded the transaction.  We got advice, suggestions, even things we were not charged for because of the transaction.

My assumption - perhaps wrong - is that the more time one spends in contact with a group of people, the less transactional those relationships will become.  At some point, at least in my experience, human contact and relationship takes over the "we are in the same space every day and see each other every day).  Maybe that is not with everyone - there are almost 200 people at my particular site of course - but there has often been this sort of shared involvement because of purpose or time spent, if nothing else.

But, apparently, that is not always true.

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Understanding this about my colleague made things clearer and easier to manage in my mind.

The relationship for them is and never will be about a relationship beyond work: it is purely designed around "Can I get the thing from you that I need?"   If they are seemingly engaged, it is not because there has been a sudden thaw in the relationship:  I am needed for something.  Likewise if I am not acknowledged for long periods of time, it is not because I have done anything wrong or become odious:  I am not needed for something.

To someone who - in spite of introverted leanings - very much prefers at least some level of relationship with everyone no matter what is involved, this is a foreign concept to me.  But one I have come to accept - after all, I cannot control anyone but myself.

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It strikes me that Transactionalism makes for a very lonely world devoid of human interaction beyond the most basic of levels - but perhaps, given where we seem to be so often as a society, this is precisely the reason why we find ourselves where we are.  Because when everything becomes a transaction, when so many of our transactions now are with automated items like ATMs and websites and self-checkouts, when all of our interactions are based purely and completely on our own benefit, we may in the end reap a great many rewards of efficiency and finance.  But I wonder if we lose the emotional side, the side that makes interactions a thing worth having.

In the end, perhaps, the things that makes us human.

A Year Of Kindness (XLI): A Little Kindness Today

 

(Source)

When it comes right down to it, we have no control over how our actions become the memories of others - as the saying goes, you can choose your actions but you cannot choose the consequences of your actions.  

Usually we assume that to be in the negative sense - in other words, my actions may have impacts or ramifications that are negative in ways that I cannot anticipate.  But the reverse can and should be equally true as well, that my actions may have impacts or ramifications that are positive in ways that I cannot anticipate.

With that in mind, the call to be kind becomes even more important.  After all, if our actions can have positive outcomes, who knows how our actions of kindness will be remembered for good or make an impact we can never foresee in the life of another?  

And perhaps that is one of the big reveals of Heaven, to see what impacts our kindnesses had - the big ones but just as much the little ones we never thought about.  So in that sense the more we are kind, the more shots on goal we are getting for those revelatory moments.

No kindness, after all, is ever wasted.

October 2026 Grab Bag

 The full force of Autumn leaning into Winter has arrived in New Home 2.0.

I would date it to this past Sunday upon my return (although apparently Saturday was the same):  cloudy, raining, with temperatures in the 50's F/10's C during the day and 40's F/single digit C during the night.  

I drove by The Allotment this week to check on things.  The buckwheat, my last remaining "Summer" crop, has definitely felt the change in weather.  I have one more harvest of seeds there (probably sometime today as you are reading this) and then The Allotment is formally done.

With the change of time this coming Sunday, we will spend our mornings and evenings in darkness.

Welcome, Winter.

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During our visit for my Aunt's funeral, we saw The Cowboy and his wife.  Their precise words were "Your mom and dad would have really liked the people at The Ranch now."

Apparently they are taking as good a care of the property as my father did, and even invited The Cowboy to plant his garden there again this past year.  They did let me know they repainted the living room (no surprise there; pink was always a bit of an unusual colour even for my father).

Although I continue to be surprised by the lack of regret I have for changing the course of my life and letting The Ranch pass on, it is good to know that the people there seem to love it as much as my parents did.  

Another sign that the decision was the correct one.

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The Ravishing Mrs. TB  and I have had some tentative further discussions about Retirement.

Although at least 3 years away, we still have to start making some decisions and plans about it now, or at least trending down that path.  One of the biggest remains, of course, where we will live.  We have talked a bit about moving back to New Home:  it is not my fondest choice for the weather and seasons, but financially it makes a lot of sense as 1) We outright own a home; and 2) There are no state taxes there.

It matters thinking about it now because no matter where we go, likely it will involve a move.  Which means saving for it - I have no intention of moving anything myself at this point and hopefully, this (wherever it ends up being) will be our last relocation.

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I am becoming mildly concerned about my own personal economy in the years leading up to retirement.

One, of course, is simply the cost of everything right now.  In a short sentence, it is definitely noticeable and definitely impacting our bottom line - even more so now that we are changing our thinking to "very fixed income".  The Ravishing Mrs. TB is already combing through our lives and our budget to find places that we can economize more.

I am also having low level concerns about my work.

Frankly, it is not a great time for my company.  Sure,  in terms of our stock price, it is as high as it has ever been.  But there are subtle signs:  spending on a great many things has been completely halted or pushed to next year and we are already discussing year end ratings with some expectations of the bell curve for ratings (e.g. you have to have a certain percentage on the low end).  

It is the sort of subsonic rumblings that one feels rather than hears before the earthquake arrives.

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We are 5 weeks into our Curling Season.  

Our "Record" is 1-4 (although they do not really keep league standings).  We have managed to at least score every game, which is nice - although to be fair, most games are what would be considered "blowouts" in terms of score (to the point the opposing team stops keeping track).

That said, we continue to improve slowly.  

Curling is a subtle sport which involves the ice, the stone, how one launches off the hack (the small rubber starting block) and the sweeping.  There are as many variables as any outdoor sport.

One of the nice things we heard this last week was from one of our "coaches" from our introduction class in March who said we are showing a lot of improvement.  I do not know that I believe it - but we will be back out on the ice next Monday to try again.