God’s Purposes

Or as C.S. Lewis said in Mere Christianity, "There are only two kinds of people in the end:  Those who say 'Thy will be done' and those who say 'Thy will be done'. "
 

Indicators And Informed By Who You Know

 One of the more interesting factors about becoming a Digital Recluse is the fact that one's flow of information is largely informed by  the indicators that one sees and by who one follows.  It strikes me that this is the way things used to work once upon a time before the advent of the InterWeb or even of the concept of a media:  indicators were the signs the weather and the wildlife and people and goods one was familiar with and information was exchanged with ones friends and neighbors in the vicinity.

By either metric, I get the idea that folks are none too happy out there.

On the indicator front the  economic news, from what I can see in the markets and reporting, seems to look a bit silly.  And concerning.  A Brick and Mortar game store in an age of games delivered by e-mail rises 34% in value before crashing, driven up by a whipped up InterWeb Craze.  An Oil pipeline is canceled and not surprisingly jobs are lost; no idea what those folks will do nor do I get the impression that a whole lot of individuals that said they were for "working folk" care whether or not they find other jobs.  Rent and loan repayments continue to be deferred, the elephant in the room that everyone knows will have to be dealt with some day although no-one is willing to say how.  And, of course, the continuing course of the economic woes driven by The Plague.

On the "informed by who you know" front, there is a certain tension running between the lines, a sense that something is going to happen - waiting to happen - and that it is just a matter of time before it does.  Or a complete decision to go very, very quiet.   And some of this people that on the whole, I would consider sane and thoughtful individuals.

These are only impressions of course, vague reflections of events as seen by those that I follow.  And of course depending on your sample size, it will definitely impact how your data appears - so there is not necessarily a great deal to read into it other than "interesting" (On the informed by who you know part.  The economic indicators seem a lot more solid - and alarming).

But interestingly, the other sense I get - rather an overwhelming one - is the sense of a lot of people getting their houses in order.

They are doing it quietly, on the side, not advertising it out in the big wide world (but thankfully, they do write about it and thanks to the InterWeb we can benefit from them).   In some sense just getting on with their lives, but in another getting on with them the way individuals that expect a long bad winter or a merciless summer do.

With determination.  With a quiet, grim speed.  And with a silent efficiency.

This is the sort of thing, were I in a position of power or authority, that would worry me.  It is not when people are out complaining or yelling that there is a real issue.  It is when they have gone silent but you know there are steadily busy in the background doing things - things that they are not talking about.  

Because they are no longer talking to you or the larger society.  They are working as if you did not have the ability to impact their lives.

In this case of course, it can be nothing nefarious.  Folks plant gardens or make things (candles, for example) or do home and property improvements or learn a new skill or even save money.  All quite legal and proper.  But they are not out there talking about it or advertising it on Social Media, making a production about what they have done.  They just quietly carry on doing it.

Sometimes, you can learn a lot by simply stopping and listening to what is around you instead of always training your eyes over the horizon.

Flowing Underground

I have to confess that I am feeling not a little beaten down this week.

To be fair, it has been a long week. The election.  The continuance of The Plague (yes, I am aware of the news of the potential vaccine.  No, it does not work as quickly as the media is telling you.  There are still plenty of questions).  The oncoming dread of the annual review and the outcome of it (none of which, I assume, will really work in my favor).

But added to all of this is rather troubling realization that the era of the individual is over.

Communalism is ruling the day.  We are to care about others - not in the abstract way that is sometimes used or in the specific way that we as individuals may define it but (as I have noted about before) in specific, pre-authority approved ways.  The government, the group, the collective is telling us what constitutes "responsibility" and "caring".  "We" are responsible for "Us" with no more connection or relationship than simple existence.

And more and more, the collective is telling all what to think, what to feel, how to be involved and hip and "perceived" as caring.  

To be honest, the whole thing is a little dispiriting.

It is not depression.  Depression I am familiar with, know its feeling and ways.  It is not anger - there is no burning sense of rage that is fueling anything.  There is just a great sense of the loss of any value of myself an individual with opinions and preferences, replaced with a sort of blank numbness that sighs and only sees an endless run of group mandated approvals or disapprovals.

It is, in a sense I suppose, the final "Going Galt" of the soul, the final removal of anything that will reveal success or interest or support in a system which seems to have become on the one hand highly embracing of the individual, but only in the approved formats and forms.   

It pushes me more and more to find my expression and my life here amongst my writing friends, in the quiet of my own home and mind, among the very few whom are kindred souls and in the flesh, and hopefully in some place that is not an Urban Jungle. 

Maybe I could have made a difference in the larger system.  It is unknown now and will never again be a question.  The power and torrent of myself and my individuality and preferences and tastes is pouring underground like a river which, having broken through the crust at some point, creates caves of wonders and ecosystems of magic under the surface.

Minus the water, of course, the surface will eventually bake and dry away.  But the surface dwellers never seem to notice that until too late.

Let Your Plans...

Sadly, I find myself finding the myself reaching the point of the program where I do not talk about my plans.  With anyone - except, I suppose, with all of you.

The level of communication - in general - has become such that speaking about almost anything in a public forum is akin to either waiving the proverbial red carpet in front of a bull or lighting up the last cigarette before the firing squad.  Everything is judged now against any number of criteria, some spoken and some unspoken - and, unfortunately, never the sort that I am bound to come out on the winning side of.

One should never stop planning of course - now more than ever, it matters.  The question is, how one plans and who one discusses them with.  

Sun Tzu has the answer:  Continue to plan.  Just discuss them with no-one until the time for execution has arrived.

TB Joins The Tech World

So this weekend I paid for a VPN.

A VPN, or Virtual Private Network (Truly, I have to look these things up):

"extends a private network across a public network and enables users to send and receive data across shared or public networks as if their computing devices were directly connected to the private network. Applications running across a VPN may therefore benefit from the functionality, security, and management of the private network. Encryption is a common, although not an inherent, part of a VPN connection.

VPN technology was developed to provide access to corporate applications and resources to remote or mobile users, and to branch offices. For security, the private network connection may be established using an encrypted layered tunneling protocol, and users may be required to pass various authentication methods to gain access to the VPN. In other applications, Internet users may secure their connections with a VPN to circumvent geo-restrictions and censorship or to connect to proxy servers to protect personal identity and location to stay anonymous on the Internet. Some websites, however, block access to known VPN technology to prevent the circumvention of their geo-restrictions, and many VPN providers have been developing strategies to get around these blockades." (Thanks, Wikipedia)

As I understand it, this essentially means instead of me floating around in traffic and calling from my home phone number, this helps me to essentially "call in" from an entirely different location - I can talk and interact normally, but to the larger InterWeb it appears I am actually calling in from Canada or Vietnam or Germany or wherever.

In the past I have been a great user of the "free" version of such things: so for example, I have use the free VPN function of my InterWeb browser (neither of the major players, whom I despise because they track me), free antivirus, free tracker blockers (Ghostery, which I do highly recommend), and a free optimization tool (Glarysoft, which I again recommend). Most of these have a paid alternative as well, but I have always opted out as I thought I was "safe enough".

However, given the ongoing and current state of affairs, I no longer consider that to be the case.

The software I got was from Nordic VPN and was attractive for two reasons: The first was that it came highly rated from a reliable InterWeb resource I have used in the past to assess such things, and the second was that they were running a sale (two years for the price of one - hard to argue with that).  A third selling point - once I got it - was the fact that it was incredibly easy for me, a complete novice, to set up: within 10 minutes I was safely behind the wall.

Here is an idea of what it looks like:

There I am, a happy little green dot in the middle of the US (Kansas or Nebraska, I think).

But there is a third, and slightly more concerning reason I did it: they are not based in the United States.

In reading up on them, they are surprisingly unwilling to reveal a lot about themselves. Here is their statement:

"As of 2020-06-21 we state the following:

- We have NOT received any National Security letters;
- We have NOT received any gag orders;
- We have NOT received any warrants from any government organization.

We are 100% committed to our zero-logs policy – we never log the activities of our users to ensure their ultimate privacy and security."

You may think me a bit paranoid for going to this length of action to protect myself, but to frank with you the future I see hurtling down the tracks is filled with fear and paranoia and surveillance and the writ of tyranny we see in the beginnings of "The Cancel Culture" At that time, whatever government is in power will want to know such things as where you go on the InterWeb, and whom you interact with, and what you speak of (Think I am wrong? Check into what China has already undertaken and see the future). It was for this reason I also moved the e-mail associated with the website to a server in Iceland (unseen.is, in case you are wondering).

I do not pretend to understand almost any of this. What I do understand is that an age of censorship and tyranny is rising and I need to do what I can to protect myself and be a voice of reason as long as I can. Even if that means a few more coins out of my pocket.

Cleaning Up

I had a short run through my old items on The Book of Face.

This was really prompted by a comment from Glen, something that I originally just let sit at the back of my mind but slowly worked its way to the front:  what was on there, and more importantly, what was there that could possibly become something that was an "item of interest" for some later on?  Of course, once that thought is there, there is nothing for it but to go back and look at everything.

So I quickly scanned my pictures.  Pretty much as I had thought and remembered, there is really nothing even remotely controversial there:  pictures of family, pictures of trips, pictures of my throwing and doing Iai, memes trying to inspire others.  Nothing in the least bit controversial.

Next, I looked at the other things.  I did have "notes", things that (back in the day) I had posted which were sort of "all about me" lists.  Interesting and - again - nothing particularly controversial, but I am now I am starting to view anything connected with my name as something which is potentially at risk.  So down those came.  

Going forward, of course, even less is going to show up there.  Pictures of family for birthdays and celebratory days, perhaps.  Perhaps pictures if I travel again (mostly to share with family).   But really nothing more than that any more.  

In The New Normal, exposing any information - not just opinions any more, but even likes and dislikes - leave one potentially exposed.  Better to become even more grey, even less publicly visible.  

At the rate that we are going, there will be very little that anyone is willing to discuss about themselves with people that are not extremely well vetted and well known.  Given the potential for having your life ruined for a misinterpretation, who would want to?

Going Grey: Being Just Remarkable Enough

Being unremarkable in a society of extreme individualism can be a difficult thing.  Why?  Because the individual is such the focus now that anything that does not truly stand out in a way stands out.  So the challenge, if one truly wants to go grey, is to just stand out enough to not stand out at all.

An example - not a terribly good one- is the difference of having some facial hair for men versus either having none at all (e.g. completely shaved), or having such facial hair as a beard that streams past your waist.  The mean - a beard, a moustache, clean shaven but with a head of hair - will not be remarkable.  Kojak or ZZ Top surely will be.

Part of the key here, I suspect, is to essentially create a persona, a way of appearing and acting in whatever and wherever you are, such that you never really appear to be out of the ordinary.  For example:  In my current job, we all very carefully avoid discussing anything remotely political.  Occasionally someone may make a comment and we all laugh, make a smart or sarcastic remark, and then carry on with our business.  The only thing that would stand out is if a person actually tried to have a political conversation.

Now, I am sure every person in the room has an opinion.  but what become the unspoken code is that every person does not want to be the person that starts the argument, that creates the difficulty - in other words, the person that stands out.

And so it applies to every aspect of the grey individual.  Stick out just enough so that you are camouflaged to not stick out at all

Going Grey: On Spending

One of the greatest challenges on going gray in the modern era is spending.

Essentially, we now live in an era where most of our spending - most of mine, anyway - is done via electronic cash, be it credit cards, bank cards, or electronic pay schemes such as Pay Buddy.  And if you track this spending, you have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you buy.

Think about it:  If you at all spend money on Amazonian and you check your purchase history, you will find a rather fascinating history on what you have purchased over the last years.  I say fascinating:  my history, for anyone that bothers to look, will confuse the heck out of them. But to be fair, even I have some books amongst my purchases that probably, on some list, qualify as "subversive"  (yay me).

On the one hand, there is not a great deal I can do about this - or maybe there is, but I am hardly qualified to comment on it in a meaningful way.  On the other hand, there are a few meaningful things that I can do.

1)  Pay cash:  I cannot emphasize that enough.  When I purchase certain things - ammunition, for example - I always pay cash.  When I am at the used book store, I always pay cash.  It is the only guarantee that I have that my purchases are not being tracked.

2)  Shop using unorthodox means:  By unorthodox I mean things like local online groups, thrift stores, bazaars, anything where you do not fit into a database.

3)  Barter:  I am not very good at this yet, but I recognize it as being a powerful tool.  If I exchange something with you, there are no records nor cash.  There are only things.

I think this is a difficult area to address, given our current society.  Suggestions?

On Going Grey and Being Alone

To go grey, at some level, is to be alone.

We are not only noticed and judged by who we are and appear to be to the world, but by who we keep company with out.  Hang out with people enough and their beliefs, views, and opinions will be attributed to you - whether you hold them or not.

And so everything is not only what you do, but those with whom you associate with do.

Take even this blog.  Go to  my blog list to the right and read some of them.  Follow the comments for those who comment on those blogs or comment on this one.  Rather rapidly, you can form an opinion without having read a single one of my blog entries (mind you, we treasure the blog roll.  They are there for a reason, as are the comments everyone posts.)

How does going gray fit into my own world?  For lack of a more elegant term, it is "Be a presence, but not much of one".

I have friends in "the real world" - but my comments and interactions with them are managed to a very few - a very few - with whom I am 100% open.  To all others, I am 'Hail Fellow, Well Met".  Most of interactions are electronic and virtual anyway, so my disappearing for days or weeks at a a time is very "normal".

In others words, I know a fair amount of people, but do not stick out in any way in my associations with them.

To the rest of the world, I occasionally post motivational posters and sometimes greetings.  But that is about all.

To those few (and probably on the blog as well), I am as honest and up front as I can be.  To all others, I remain a pleasant face, a supportive presence, someone who appears for a bit and then retreats back into the background chatter of life.

I am, indeed, a vibrant person as are most.  I just choose where to display it very carefully.

Going Gray: Social Media Edition

This whole "I should watch what I write and say" has me thinking deeply about the whole concept of Going Gray again.  Really overall, but especially in my social media life.

Going Gray, as you may recall, is simply the act of blending in, of being the unremarkable, of not drawing attention to yourself.  Mind you, once upon a time this may have been more difficult but now, in the age of social media and self promotion, it has actually become a great deal easier - do not draw attention to yourself online and  you are 90% of the way there.

How so?  By removing yourself from the social arena - or, in the event that you cannot change it, carefully managing your online profile (for example, many career fields almost require that you do this) - you pull yourself out of the spotlight of a great deal of the simplest method of tracking and trending.

I have not been as good about this as I should have been - even I have felt (far too often) the siren's song of public approval, of being thought well of, of being clever or attractive or unique or novel.  All of that will fade in milliseconds; whatever one posted or wrote stays up for eternity (or at least until the power final runs out).

Let us start with that premise, be as unremarkable in one's online presence as one is with the appearance of one's car or one's home:  not remarkable, not unremarkable, not memorable.  Be the 15th or 20th thing people think about - or even better, be something that no-one thinks about at all.

Again, I understand that this is contrary to everything that we have come to value as a society (on a side note, I wonder how much that really says about us).  It is all about us, all about the attention and glory on me.  I am the product.  I am the brand.

Let others become the product and the brand.  As for me, I will slowly fade into the shadows, where things are recalled, but none too clearly.

A caveat:  What if you are someone that regularly posts things?  Such a complete and total absence will itself create some form of attention.  Agreed.  So maybe completely dropping off of the InterWeb is in and of itself a form of creating memorability.  In this case, I would propose a fall off.  Maybe do not completely stop posting, but starting slowing it down. Try for even less memorable posts.  And over the intervening period of a month or so, slow the flow down until it almost stops entirely.  The algorithms will stop bringing you to the top, and within that period of time you will have merged into the background noise.

Trying To Disappear

I have to confess to you that the longer this year has gone on, the more and more I have been overcome by a desire and need to simply disappear from visibility.

It is not as if I have some amazing reason like my security has been compromised or I have been called out by someone  or wrongfully accused or anything like that. It is just that it feels more and more like the world is pushing into my business.

Between my cell phone, my e-mail at work, and various and sundry cameras spread all over, my presence is pretty much known.  Even now, Blogger can tell you precisely when I logged on to type this and when I uploaded it.  My every financial decision which is not cash based is known and even those which could be cashed based but for which the payment is in a computer system is known. 

My house, thankfully, is relatively free of this oppressive observation - except, of course, for all the cell phones herein, the streaming services which know what is being watched, and the utilities which records how much electricity is being expended to keep our summer heated house cool. 

In other words, even my retreat is effectively being watched.

I am working on small and minor ways to disappear, of course - every social media account I do not open, every cash purchase I make - all of these are very small acts of resistance against a seemingly all-encompassing foe.  But it is not really enough.

Freedom - true freedom, defined as freedom of privacy, the freedom to do something and have no-one know what was done, has almost disappeared in the world as we know it.  We are left with the few small crumbs we can eke out, the wattle barriers we throw up in hopes that the Roman juggernaut will enmesh its spears in them and so be unable to attack. 

I have added this to my list of goals over the next four years - I may not get there, but at least I can work to find ways to put space between me and the observation system.  Any thin layer of padding I can add, any mist I can conjur up, anything that pulls one stake out of my hide, is worth doing.

Free men and women value their privacy.  It is only those that value complete control that think they need to know everything about everyone.

Going Grey In An Urban Setting: The Front of The House

So the short term reality is that for a number of reasons (largely related to my current job field and schooling) we are living, and will probably continue to live for the next 3-5 years, in an urban environment.  It is certainly not ideal in some senses, but in other senses it is rather tolerable.   That said, I have two working philosophies:  one is the concept of Ichiryo Gusoku ; the other is of not standing out in the process of doing it.

So I thought - as more of an exercise to myself as much as to anyone else - to discuss the art of "going grey" in the urban environment.

Some starting facts:  We live essentially within a major urban area (although oddly enough, we are just out side of the city limits and in the county, wedged between another municipality.  We are a family of five.  We purchased our home and are approximately 3 years into the repayment period.  It has a backyard - not a huge one, but it is equipped with some areas that lend themselves to growing crops.  The surrounding neighborhood was built in the mid 1990s.  We are surrounded in the near sense by a large church, a school, some open land, apartments, and some light commercial.

The goal of going grey, of course, is to not stand out.  And this begins with the street facing side of your house.

Our neighborhood is a mix of homeowners and lessors; therefore there are really 3 types of yards:  the very well kept, the not very well kept at all, and the somewhat maintained.  The reality in any neighborhood is this:  the elaborate and well maintained as well as the not very well kept at all stand out like sore thumbs.  The one indicates (more than likely) a homeowner; the not very well indicates (more than likely) a lessor.  And you know exactly where these folks are.

I strive to fall into the third category, the somewhat maintained.  Our front yard is raked and grassed but not fully lush.  Our shrubberies and flowers are not elaborate (a fine stand of lavender out front, though).  The sides of the house are essentially just grassed in with an outdoor location for the trash cans on one side (and little else).

(A side benefit:  maintenance time is low and watering is lowered as well.  And as we live in a drouth prone area, that makes a difference in our pocket book.

I want the house to just blur into the scenery as people walk or drive by.  There should be nothing that really sticks in their mind (not like the uber-trimmed grass or the desert overgrown wasteland, anyway).

We are also fortunate (and by fortunate, I mean by design) that our house is such that the wood materials are not much in evidence.  Trim and under eaves are about all the wood.  Why does this matter?  A little maintenance will go a long way and (contrariwise) the outside will maintain for a long time without issues related to decay - again, making the house simply blend in with those around it.

The Garage:  This is an area where I need to put in more effort.  Our garage is the compilation of three moves over eleven years with not a lot of removal of items going on.  That is one of those things that sticks out whenever it is open - and something we need to correct.  Do I think we will ever reach the point of being able to park both cars inside?  That would be ideal, of course - one less thing to catch the eye as folks go by and make them curious.  Unfortunately I am not sure if that will ever come to pass (its one of those "two car" garages - if the cars both suck their sides in as are parked there) - but it is something worth trying for.

The goal is to simply make the house unremarkable.  Not sticking out in any way from the houses around it and in fact sinking into the background.  An house which, as people walk by and drive by every day, will not cause it to stick into their brain or get a bit more curious about what may or may not be there.  Ideally there will be a lot going on there - but nothing that would cause anyone prima facie to stop and enquire.