As you might imagine (even more so than ever), a great deal of my work life consists of sitting in meetings and listening/talking to people.
Which is fine, of course. The difficulty is that, well, there are actual people involved.
Some people are easy talk to and easy to work with. There are other individuals that I find...how shall I say it....challenging.
By "challenging" I do not mean that they are yelling all the time or trying to completely have their own way about things or dominate the conversation or even treat me badly. It is just that sometimes they seem to have the ability to hit me the wrong way. Repeatedly.
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Personal interactions are funny things. There is a part of us that simply reacts to people that we like and like us back. There are people that are easy to interact with because they are easy to deal with. There is never a sense of transactional interactions; you have conversations and if things need to be done or money to be exchanged or feelings need to be expressed, it happens organically.
But then there are all those other people. The people that do not like us, or at least not all the time. The people that always seem to reject what we have to say out of hand. The people who with whom almost everything feels transactional, where things to be done become favours to be called in and repayment is mentioned frequently and to the penny and actual feelings may never expressed as one worries what happens if a true feeling is given out (it feels more like offer a weak point rather than an expression).
But these, I need to remind myself often, God loves as well.
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It is easy to think kindly of those we like and care for. It is difficult think kindly of those we do not.
And yet, as someone has said (and I am badly paraphrasing), all people are essentially unknown to each other at their cores, let alone our personal interactions. People have physical issues of constant pain, people have emotional or relational issues of failing marriages or wandering children or an unexpected sickness. People are in fear of a thousand things we do not know anything about. And for almost all of these issues, unless the information is volunteered it will never be known: open confessions about such things often bear all awkwardness of crashing into a waiter at a fancy party and hearing the tray and all the plates hit the ground.
And yet, the Christian's charge is to be kind to everyone. Whether we like them or not. Whether we "gel" with them or not (or "vibe", as the kids now say). Whether they are even likeable people or not.
Because who knows. Maybe our one act of kindness is the thing that turns their day from bad to good. Perhaps it is the thought or word that sends them down a different path. Maybe it just gives them a warm feeling free of the burdens they are bearing for a short time.
After all, no kindness is ever wasted.
For me, the hardest interaction is with someone who is already thinking of their next sentence while I am responding to their first. At that point, I usually just shut down and listen at that point.
ReplyDeleteEd, I completely agree. I am also finding that, more often than not, I am that person who is already getting ready to respond. It is a poor habit I need to correct.
DeleteThe first real job I had after University was in an office in Chicago, a new supervisor arrived and took an instant dislike to a friend/co-worker. Interactions between the two became teeth-grinding and constant. Trying to be civil towards that supervisor was the best I could do......kindness didn't even exist in the brain bank back then. This Christian sure needed to evolve since. That last sentence of yours TB, showing kindness.....it's how to live your life.
ReplyDeleteNylon12 - I have also been in the position where sometimes civility was the best that I could must. And sometimes civility can be the form of kindness that we can offer.
DeleteI say that - for me, at least at this point, civility is probably the absolute lowest bar I can hit. I have to keep asking myself how Christ would react to these people, how God who sheds common grace on all sees everyone - including me, with all my faults. I still have a long way to go.
Kindness to the unkind may cause them to be kind. It might turn into the butterfly effect.
ReplyDeleteIf we knew our enemy's problems and they knew ours, we might not be enemies. Kindness is healing to our own soul. Lashing out or grumbling just leads to more of the same. It eats away at joy. Enjoy what the Lord provides and your joy will be contagious!
Anon - The longer I live, the more I become convinced of the saying that everyone is fighting a battle that we do not know about. Everyone has a history that leads up to the present day. Knowing that might change certain things, but it might at least give us the ability to be a bit more understanding to each other.
DeleteSow kindness, or sow some feeling of bitterness or resentment. The fruit will be very much different.
I think it's a sign of maturity to be even-keeled in how we deal with others. I think this is why the social rules of courtesy were developed, so that we can interact and work with others despite our feelings. Nowadays it seems feelings lead the way in determining how we deal with others. Sadly, feelings are fickle.
ReplyDeleteI've often found myself on the receiving end of instant dislike. It's discouraging because I have no clue what I did to offend a person I don't even know. Sometimes it's accompanied with, "you remind me of someone I used to know," and it always seems to be someone they had a bad experience with. I have no idea how to change this. I just try to be polite and then step away.
Leigh, completely agree that social rules of courtesy were developed to "Manage" our interactions - although to be fair, courtesy also helped from killing and fights breaking out during that. I am not arguing for a return to dueling culture, but the fact that we can treat others with no respect at all and there are no consequences creates the vicious cycle allowing more disrespect, which leads to more bad treatment, etc.
DeleteI have seldom (that I am aware of) been on the end of instant dislike, but I find it incredibly confusing to me when I do not get along well with people. I can get along with anyone; the fact that I do not connect even at a generally social level bothers me a lot: Was I offensive? Did I say or do something wrong?
Sometimes I struggle to come to terms with the fact that there are just people that I will never connect with.