Neither Sin Nor Stupidity

 

On the whole, much of my life I have been more stupid than smart.

Part of that comes from being someone that has learned to be a people pleaser. One either tries to please people through entertainment or adventurous wildness (sometimes known as bad decisions) or follow along when bad decisions were being made.

I would love to say that this is a "thing that I gave up when I was young", but that would be a lie.  Maybe I made less stupid decisions as I got older, but they did not really stop as they should how.  

They have now, perhaps, finally slowed to a trickle.

Swap in the word "Sin" there for "Stupid", and often times you would not be off the mark.

And yet.

And yet, neither my sin nor my stupidity keeps God from loving me.

If it is true of me, it is true of anyone.

The Idols We Build For Ourselves

 This past week in the sermon, our pastor was speaking to a thought in James 1:  5-8:  

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him.  But let him as in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  For that person must not supposed that a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways, will receive anything from the Lord." (RSV)

The idea of doubt in these passages (from my pastor) in the Greek is nota lack of confidence, but a dividing of ourselves - in this case between God and the world.  When we "doubt" in the Greek, we are splitting our loyalty and commitment - thus when James speaks of asking in faith, it is that we are asking God to help us in how we serve and understand Him, not in worshipping the world.  

When we are double-minded, we ask God to help us worship something else.  And He is repelled by it.

How, my pastor suggested, do we overcome this kind of disloyalty.  By smashing the idol, the thing that we are worshipping instead.  He suggested asking the question:  "Where do I find value, comfort, and power?  Whatever that is, that is the idol."

I sat for a long time Sunday with that thought.  To be honest, I am still sitting with it.

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If I allow myself to ponder the idea of where I find value, comfort and power (outside of God) I find two sets of things, small and large.

The small ones are sorts of things that likely qualify as sins:  greed, lust, gluttony, laziness.  The sorts of things that have bedeviled me to the point that I scarcely think about them as idols - "It is a feature, not a bug" I say to myself as I confront my sin for the thousandth time.

It is not, of course.  It is a sin that needs to be dealt with.  But those are small idols; there are bigger ones.

My biggest:  The image of how I want to be perceived in life.

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In going through this round of the small group I am leading, I was able to go back and revisit my testimony (as much as it is one).  What became more clear as I edited it was how much I invest in images that I believe will make me feel competent, capable, successful, and beloved in the eyes of others.

Every persona or image I have sought to invest my life in - hopeless romantic, performer, Christian leader, entrepreneur, author, Christian leader (Round two), business executive, now wise leader - each and every one of these, at its core, is the elevation of me and my own life.  

Every time one of these personas failed me, I smoothly transitioned to another without missing a beat.  Every time, those thoughts and visions of "This is it.  This is who I am.  This is the way to me being seen as all the things I want (and believe) I should be seen as." influenced how I acted and interacted with others, and ultimately with God.

It is not that any of those things is necessarily bad.  But I sought to find my value, comfort, and power in them instead of God.  Therein lies the rub.

---

I have tried, over the course of this week, to begin smashing that great idol:  confessing that it is an idol, finding those things in my life that enable those thoughts and removing them, working to abandon in small ways (bigger ones later) the behaviours and thoughts that enable them.

I asked God about what I was to do instead on my morning walks.  He spoke to me clearly in those questions:  Humble yourself.  Become a servant.  Be about My business and see what I will do in your life.

Honest to goodness, it feels like dying.  But perhaps this is the lesson that I need to be reminded of:  the true dying to self and rising up, filled no longer with myself but with Christ and Him crucified.

Easter 2026

The Resurrection - Piero della Francesca, 1467-1468 

(Source)

Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men.

But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.”

So they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word.

And as they went to tell His disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, “Rejoice!” So they came and held Him by the feet and worshiped Him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell My brethren to go to Galilee, and there they will see Me.”

- Matthew 28: 1-10, NKJV

Good Friday 2026

 I posted this last year on Good Friday; it seems timely (and timeless) again.

Go To Dark Gethsemane  

Go to dark Gethsemane,

You who feel the tempter's pow'r;

Your Redeemer's conflict see;

Watch with Him one bitter hour;

Turn not from His griefs away;

Learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

Follow to the judgment hall;

View the Lord of life arraigned;

O the worm-wood and the gall!

O the pangs His soul sustained!

Shun not suff'ring, shame, or loss;

Learn of Him to bear the cross.

Calv'ry's mournful mountain climb

There' adoring at His feet,

Mark the miracle of time,

God's own sacrifice complete:

"It is finished!" Hear the cry;

Learn of Jesus Christ to die.

Early hasten to the tomb

Where they laid his breathless clay;

All is solitude and gloom;

Who hath taken Him away?

Christ is ris'n! He meets our eyes:

Savior, teach us so to rise.

- James Montgomery (1771-1854), 1825

Another In The Fire

"Another In The Fire" has been performed from time to time at our current church.  It is upbeat enough, and I do like the lyrics.  But sometimes I am really struck by something that has always been there but I seem to have never heard before.

In the midst of this song comes the bridge:

"And I can see the light in the darkness

As the darkness bows to Him

I can hear the roar in the heavens

As the space between wears thin

I can feel the ground shake beneath us

As the prison walls cave in

Nothing stands between us

Nothing stands between us"

I do not know what struck me about it the words.  Maybe it was the image - Darkness bowing to Jesus, space wearing thin between the heavens, the ground shaking as the prison walls cave in.  I cannot tell you what appealed to me, but it touched me deeply.

Run time:  8:27.

Lyrics (Note:  These may slightly differ from the lyrics in the video; I cannot find a lyric set for this live version):

VERSE 1:
There’s a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone

CHORUS 1:
There was another in the fire
Standing next to me
There was another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
Of how I’ve been set free
There is a cross that bears the burden
Where another died for me

TAG:
There is another in the fire

VERSE 2:
All my debt left for dead beneath the waters
I’m no longer a slave to my sin anymore
And should I fall in the space between
What remains of me and this reckoning
Either way I won’t bow
To the things of this world
And I know I will never be alone

CHORUS 2:
There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There is another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free
There is a grave that holds no body
And now that power lives in me

BRIDGE:
And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

VERSE 3:
There is no other name
But the Name that is Jesus
He who was and still is
And will be through it all
So come what may in the space between
All the things unseen and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone

CHORUS 3:
There’ll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There’ll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You’ve been to me
I’ll count the joy come every battle
‘Cause I know that’s where You’ll be  

Jonah And The Age Of Rage

 Yesterday my pastor preached a banger of a sermon that left me thinking long after the sermon ended.

The sermon - one part of two or possibly three - dealt with the book of Jonah. It is a short book in the Old Testament and is likely one of Biblical stories that almost everyone has heard of, even if not a believer:  A guy getting swallowed by a large sea animal (whale or fish, your mileage may vary) will stick in anyone's mind.

The first chapter of Jonah appears at first glance to be pretty clear cut:  Jonah, a prophet of God in the Northern kingdom of Samaria in the mid-8th Century B.C., is commanded by God to go preach a message of judgement and repentance to the kingdom of Assyria.  Jonah has no desire to do so (we will get to that in a minute) and so flees West in precisely the opposite direction.  A storm comes up and, through a drawing of lots, the crew discovers that Jonah is the reason for the storm.  He is thrown overboard and swallowed by aforementioned fish/whale, where is composes a song to God (more on that later too).  At the end of Chapter 2, he is spit back up on land after three days to get back on track.

---

My pastor, at the opening of his sermon, proposed two questions and asked "Which one bothers your more?: 

1) Why do bad things happen to good people?

2)  Why do good things happen to bad people?"

For him, he suggested - and for many - the second question is harder one.  We as Christians can walk through the fact of God's sovereignty at difficult times of our lives ("All things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" - Romans 8:28).  What is far more difficult is when good things happen to bad people, to vile people, to the worst of sinners.  "God makes the sun to shine the rain to fall on the just and the unjust" said Christ in Matthew 5 - but I wonder if I believe too often that God does so grudgingly.

Jonah's sin, my pastor suggested, was that he was so frightened of God's compassion that he fled God's mission.  He disliked - indeed hated, as we find out later - the Assyrians, and would rather not preach to them lest they receive God's mercy.

To be fair, from a human standpoint the Assyrian Empire was cruel and treated all of its enemies cruelly (and would, in fact, eventually conquer the Kingdom of Samaria).  So - humanly speaking - his reaction was understandable.  Why risk offering such terrible people the mercy of God?

Because there was a risk they might get His mercy.

We are no different that Jonah, was the analysis.  In Matthew 5:44 Christ commands His followers "Love your enemies and prayer for those who persecute you".  Christ, he suggested, does not call us to hate or even to indifference towards them.  He calls us to pray for them, to shape our hearts in mercy towards everyone.

Jonah, as the story goes, turns out to be a narcissist:

-  He will not carry out God's commands to the Assyrians because he does not like them (in fact, hates them). 

- He does not concern himself with the crew during the storm, in which they are working hard to keep the ship afloat and praying to their own gods while he is taking a nap and not praying at all.  

- The crew, during the course of the story, come to realize that Yahweh, the covenantal name used by the Israelites, is the one true God (they offer a sacrifice to Him at the end of Chapter 1); Jonah haphazardly mentions he serves that God during his trip but that is about it.  

- Even at the end of Chapter 1 when the casting of lots reveals Jonah is the cause of the storm, Jonah does not suggest returning to Joppa so he can continue his mission (it is interesting to theorize what would have happened if he did:  would the storm also have ended immediately?), but would rather be thrown into the ocean and, for all he knew, die rather than run the risk of good things happening to his enemies.

Once he is swallowed, he composes a song to God (Chapter 2).  In it, depending on your translation, Jonah uses the words "I, me, my" 16 times in 9 verses:

-  He cries out to God because of affliction - which would not have occurred if Jonah had followed God's command.  

- He says that God cast him into the deep - God did not; he got there in an interest to be sacrificed rather than follow God's command.  

- In verses 8-9 he notes "Those who regard worthless idols forsake their own mercy, but I will sacrifice to You" - but in point of fact, the pagan sailors found God and sacrificed to Him.  

- Jonah could not even be bothered to pray.  "I will pay what I have vowed", says Jonah in the latter half of verse 9 - but he had vowed, if anything, to refuse the command of God to go to Nineveh.

Jonah ends up being spit out to start over again, but nowhere in his prayer to God does he talk about actually doing what God commanded.

---

I have often lamented here what I have termed "The Age Of Rage", a sense that I have almost everyone is angry at everyone and everything all the time.  It seems to me that too often, people assume the worst of others.  It is not even that things can be discussed in reason; things cannot be discussed at all.  Nothing can simply exist anymore:  everything has to serve a cause, and woe be to those on the wrong side.

Understandable from a human perspective.  As Christ says in Matthew 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy."  For many people - for me, too often - they would stop reading right there - after all, it makes complete sense.  Like those who like you, hate those who hate you.

Understandable from a human perspective.  But we miss that second part too often in verse 44: "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

If all we ever do is live in hatred of others, it cannot but impact our own hearts.

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As always, I write this to convict myself.

One of the best (although accidental) decisions I made during the last election cycle was to set the rule that if anyone posted anything political in nature, I would simply hide them from my feed.  That extended to "both sides" as it were.  Over time, my feed has become mostly politically and "modern issues" free, for which I am grateful.

But I am still in this climate.  I still hear the words that people launch at one another, the emotion that comes to dominate every aspect of their lives until everything is a life or death moment.  We are all involved in a great war - not the Spiritual War the Bible speaks of so often (yes, I know, we are involved in that of course), but a great social and political war which is always on and in which we must always choose a side.

I look at that.  I am tempted to love some and hate others.  And then I look at the commands of Christ.

Does Paul command the Thessalonians to avoid even the appearance of evil?  Yes.  Does Christ command his followers to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves?  Also yes.  But I struggle to find the command that I must think poorly of, let alone be at war, with everyone with whom I may disagree about anything.  

Marinate a piece of meat in a marinade long enough and it will come to take on the flavour of the marinade.  Marinate your heart in anger and hate long enough and no matter how often or much you proclaim your Christian beliefs, the anger and hate will come through.

Forgive them, said Jesus as they nailed Him to the Cross, for they know not what they do.  Earlier he had told his disciples that the servant was not above the master, that if they hated Him they would hate His followers.

In an Age Of Rage, I as a Christian should - indeed, must - be different.  As my Master was.

Something Lent

 The season of Lent is almost upon us (see what I did there?).

Lent has always occupied an odd corner of my existence.  As a family growing up Episcopalian and then Lutheran, Lent was not something we ever talked a great deal about or did anything for.  It was mostly a church related activity:  the hangings changed, the altar cloths changed, the service excluded certain portions.   I knew of Shrove Tuesday (because we always went to the pancake breakfast) and Ash Wednesday (which we occasionally went to).  It was only later in high school and after college that more of Lent came into view, fueled partially by my friendship with Uisdean Ruadh (a very strong Catholic) and partially by reading more about the history of Lent.

There have been years when I "gave up" certain things for Lent (sugar is the one that regularly made its appearance, although other things have appeared from time to time, like social media or some activity).  There have also been times when I tried to "add" something as a practice - here prayer or reading a particular work.

Interestingly, I do not know that either version particularly changed or improved my Lenten experience.

One of the better ones I remember is reading John Chapters 13-19 weekly.  There are seven chapters (which, conveniently, fit into a week's worth of reading) and it covers from the Last Supper to the Crucifixion of Christ.  It certainly fit well into the somber tone of Lent, reading of Christ's last hours.

I have not fully decided what I am doing this year for Lent - likely a combination of giving some things up and doing some other things.  What is not certain in either category, other than it has to be something that is a noticeable change to my life.

A general question:  How do you observe Lent?

Good Gifts

Occasionally a sermon is so good that it smacks you right in the fact.

Such was the sermon at my church a couple of weeks ago on prayer, using the text of Psalm 27.  The psalm, written by David, is divided into two sections.  The first, verses 1-6, is a backward looking song of testimony, where David is remembering what God has done in his life.  The second, versus 7-14, is a song of requesting help ("Panic", as our pastor put it).

The key to the Psalm was found in verses 4 and 8.

Verse 4:

"One thing I have asked of the LORD,
that I will see after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the LORD,
and to inquire in His temple."

Verse 8:   

" Thou has said 'Seek ye my face.'
My heart says to Thee,
'Thy face, LORD, do I seek."

The key to all of this is found in the phrase "The beauty of LORD" - the Hebrew for "beauty" not being that of  "attractive" but rather of "favor, the kindheartedness of God, the good intentions of God", "friendliness".   Thus, we seek the Lord not for his appearance, but for His favor, his kindness (not as if that has not come recently), His good intentions.

The rub?  We need to do this first, before we start making our list of prayer requests.

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Many - and by many, I include myself here - treat God as a sort of vending machine, a genie as it were:   we lob our asks into the air, pray fervently, and then wait, hoping that God comes through exactly as we have asked.  And then, of course, we come to worship those things that God has granted us, rather than the God who gave them to us.

If we do not get those things we pray for, we come to mistrust God.  I mean, sure, I can ask for some selfish things - we all do, do we not? - but things like health and intact families and rewarding careers and meaningful relationships, those are all good things, right?  If God does not answer prayers, how is He even really interested in "good" things?

That is not prayer at all.  As said by my pastor, Prayer is entrusting ourselves to God, not praying to have Him do our will.  

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We get the process and order reversed.  As said by my pastor, Prayer is entrusting ourselves to God, not praying to have Him do our will.   And we entrust ourselves to God by first seeking Him, and then asking about our things.

Here is the funny thing:  David recognizes that God is good, that God has all those things - favor, kindheartedness, good intentions, even friendliness - towards us. It just may be that we do not recognize them as such because we are looking for the other things, the things we want.

The challenge from our pastor for a week was to start our morning prayer with these words:  "Father, help me to see the good gifts You have for me."  And then, after we have seen those good gifts, to ask about other things.

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One of the things that I am coming to understand as I get older is that a great many of the things we ask for - even if they are good things - never come to pass in our lives, at least not to the degree we desire.  As I think through the requests of myself and my close friends, over the years we have asked for strong marriages, intact and close families, rewarding careers that used our talents and were engaging, perhaps living in a particular location and in a particular manner.  Of maybe being truly serviceable or reaching fame via the arts or writing, of making a significant impact.

I do not wonder if - looking back at least for myself - that had these things come to pass, I would have worshipped them and myself as the person who brought them to pass.

Instead, God has given us - and me - other things.  Maybe things that are not those things, but things that are truly good and are in His will for our lives.  Things that hopefully advance the Kingdom, even though we do not always see it as such.

It has been revelatory to ask, every morning, "Father, help me to see the good gifts You have for me", and then see what actually comes to mind.

Our Deepest Vocation

(Source)

The week or so since I posted Deeply Troubled has not been a particularly promising one.  It has become, if anything, rather worse - so much worse, in fact, that I have elected to give up almost all forms of news and social media, both for my own sanity as well to maintain a consistency of commitment that I have given to others:  If I truly am not going to discuss and follow the news, then I need to avoid surreptitiously doing it on the side - if they will honour my ask, I too need to honor my own commitment.

On the bright side, my stress level has dropped, my phone battery lasts longer, and I am not doing all the nervous ticks that I do on the side when I am stressed.

That does not change the fact, however, that I need to model something different.

I am aware that "modeling" may not seem like the greatest need.  And yet, every day I become even more convinced that one of the major issues we face is that there remains a dearth of people - on all sides of the issue - that can model the sort of behaviour that we wish to see in the world.

As a Christian, of course, I can reasonably only be expected to reflect the Christian experience.  And that is where the above quote from Henri Nouwen comes in.

Every Christian has, in some way, caught glimpses of God.  Some of them are equivalent of towering thunderheads and majestic sunsets, others as quiet and innocuous as rainfall or a bumble bee on a flower.  But all, in some way, have seen these glimpses.

The world desperately needs this glimpses.

I am fortunate, if that is the world to use:  I have a confidence that at times is completely unexplainable to someone who does not believe - not all the time of course, and usually a very restrained confidence (I cannot shake who I am at my core). And part of that is fueled by those glimpses of God that I have had and, in turn, can live out in my life.

I have been the beneficiary of God's love in the love and kindness of others.  I have been the beneficiary of God's goodness in the fact I have always had a roof over my head and food on my table.  I have been the beneficiary of God's grace through the forgiveness of others.

I have been given so much.  It is my job to share it with the world as best I can.

That is not just my job, I would argue.  It is the job of every Christian.  It is what the world desperately needs at this moment, more than any of the other things that are filling the news at the moment.

No matter what else is going on, the world still needs God.  To the extent that Christians, each in their own way, reveal those glimpses of Him to the world, we fulfill the deepest calling of every Christian:  To make God known.

Good Friday 2025

I am not really sure if it is "okay" to have a favorite hymn for Good Friday as it is such a somber day.  But were I to, this is one of the best.

Go To Dark Gethsemane  

Go to dark Gethsemane,

You who feel the tempter's pow'r;

Your Redeemer's conflict see;

Watch with Him one bitter hour;

Turn not from His griefs away;

Learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

Follow to the judgment hall;

View the Lord of life arraigned;

O the worm-wood and the gall!

O the pangs His soul sustained!

Shun not suff'ring, shame, or loss;

Learn of Him to bear the cross.

Calv'ry's mournful mountain climb

There' adoring at His feet,

Mark the miracle of time,

God's own sacrifice complete:

"It is finished!" Hear the cry;

Learn of Jesus Christ to die.

Early hasten to the tomb

Where they laid his breathless clay;

All is solitude and gloom;

Who hath taken Him away?

Christ is ris'n! He meets our eyes:

Savior, teach us so to rise.

- James Montgomery (1771-1854), 1825

Deny Yourself, Take Up Your Cross, And Follow Me

I received a great deal to think about during my Iaijutsu training last month in Japan - not just on my technique, but about Life.

Yes, about Life in general as well but specifically about my life.  No, I cannot talk about a lot of it (what happens in the dojo stays in the dojo).

The short version is that I tend to be far more focused on myself and my advancement (whatever that actually means) instead of adapting myself to, preserving, and furthering the art.

This in turn sent me down a whole series of considerations and pathways, mostly dealing with myself and my focus on me, the outcome of which was I listed a set of things I needed to change in my thinking:

1)  "I am the author of my life" versus "God is the author of my life."

2)  "I am the saviour of my life (via my own efforts)" versus "Christ is the saviour of my life".

3)  "I am the hero in the life of others" versus "I am a servant in the life of others".

If it is not apparent, I was confronted in a very meaningful way at that time.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I found myself in a different church than I had been attending for reasons I was not sure of, other than I needed to go there.  Upon entering the space, I wanted - really needed - to hear something from God.  It seemed a little presumptuous of me to say "God, reveal Yourself" as He is already there.  Instead, I fell back on a phrase that was used by the Desert Fathers of the 4th-6th centuries A.D. when they visited one a teacher or someone they considered holy:  "Give me a word".

Just like that, the words came back "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me".

It is stunning enough when you finding something in God's word that speaks to you, personally, in that moment; it is even more so when you "hear" (I can use no other word, although there was no sound) something that is a definitive answer to a question that was asked.

As I drove home that day, I realized that set of words sounded familiar, and not just because I knew the passage where they came from.  Sure enough, there embedded in my notes from training and my deep reflections where the above statements had been written down, was the phrase "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me".

---

The verse is one that appears in the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke).  I quote the verse from Luke here, as it has the most clarity to me:

"Then He (Jesus) said to them all, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.  For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?'" - Luke 9:  23-25, NKJV  (also in Matthew 16:28-17:9 and Mark 8:34-28)

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And so, I find myself wrestling with the concept of denying myself.

What does that fully mean?  I am struggling with this.  There are certainly very base level practices, practiced by ascetics and Christians throughout the ages:  levels of fasting and other physical practices meant to tame the body - and prayer, always prayer.  Giving in the form of charity, of course: C.S. Lewis noted that if our charities did not somehow pinch not just our luxuries but our basics, we likely are not charitable enough. And a litany of everyday practices meant to get our eyes off ourselves:  humbling of ourselves in the service of others, for example (humility was a matter of consideration this year for more than one reason, apparently).

Still, I struggle. Simple denial of something like food for fasting seems painfully basic and off the mark, for example - although I am pretty sure there is also a simple part of me that does not want to do even that.  But those sorts of physical restrictions, though likely beneficial, do not seem to be the core of what was asked of me.

Do I think something like what has become a fast of sorts from social media and indeed any media is part of it?  I do, although this seems of secondary or even tertiary import except that it pushes me towards having more time and silence in my life.

And so, I continue to fumble my way forward in the dark.

But this one thing I know:  Not once, but twice this year the very specific command "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me" has come to the direct forefront of my conscious thought.  Surely this is for a reason.

The question is, how well am I doing that very thing.

Losing Our Religion For Lesser Things

 "The Christian faith does offer moral order, political and social action to help the weak and oppressed, and therapeutic comfort for broken individuals.  But if a church or denomination offers only moralism, politics, and social activism, or emotionally exciting therapeutic uplift disconnected from deep prayer, sacrificial commitment, and authentic change of life, it is useless.  It is worse than useless, because it convinces the world that Christianity is counterfeit." - Rod Dreher, Living in Wonder

As has been mentioned recently in another post, I am in the process of largely "giving up" on the bulk of social media for two reasons.  The secondary and therefore less meaningful reason (for this post) is that it simply does not add anything meaningful to my life, is a good way to burn valuable time in a low value way, and represents the "Shallow Work" that Cal Newport rails against in his book Deep Work.  

The more primary reason, of course, is politics.

(I know, I know - "TB" I hear you say, "you never discuss politics here."  And today would be no different.  Stick with me.)

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For almost two months now I have been putting "pause" on anyone that posts anything about the current political situation and travails of the U.S. current day - and to be consistent (outside of any personal beliefs I may have) I have been applying it to both sides of the aisle.  Yes, it probably means I am missing actual non-political interesting topics (although see reason "two" above for winding down my time), but it has also cut down on my day to day stress/anger/anxiety level.

But what I find most...concerning...about all of this is the fact that people are becoming - at least in my mind and in practice - identified almost completely with their political beliefs.

Instead of, for some of them, their professed religious beliefs.

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A great danger for us as humans, it seems, is our ability to have a thing or small group of things dominate our lives and thinking.  I suspect this is one of many reasons why God, starting in Exodus and really continuing throughout the rest of Scripture, commands us "I am the LORD thy God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, the house of bondage.  Thou shalt have no other gods before me."  He knew that we as species had the ability to focus, but also that we were prone to focus on anything else but Him (And yes, hat tip to the King James Version.  Still the most fun version to read in my opinion.).

But not us - especially not us in the modern world.  We have very much become a "God and..." sort of people.

I suspect that people like Francis Shaeffer would attribute this to the idea that through the history of the late Medieval period and into the Enlightenment, Western Christianity divorced God first from the material world, then from the physical world, and then as a finally as the operating principle for Christians (Shaeffer does a much better job of all of this; the man really was a modern prophet in the sense of seeing 60 years ago where we would be today.  If you have not read him, his book Escape from Reason explains how modern society got here in 93 short paperback pages.).  

What modern Christianity has been left with is too often the idea that we can be "God and" something.  God and our beliefs become a something that are either bolted on to our daily life or are something that are of equal and equivalent importance.

And it is that "equal and equivalent" that has forced my social media hand.

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The danger is this:  when we as Christians let something else become how we define ourselves, we can do injury to the message of Christ and God.  When our words, our actions, and our interests come to be dominated by something else other than Him, when all we ever talk about is anything and everything but Him, or worst case we simply somehow fail to acknowledge in any of our practices or words that we are His - we are no longer messengers and servants of Christ, those of whom Isaiah said "How beautiful on the mountain are those that bring good news..." (Isaiah 57:2) and who Paul quoted in Romans 10:15 as bringing the Gospel of Peace.  

Our words and our thoughts behind them matter, especially if we call ourselves Christians.   But just as we become what we think about and speak about most of the time, so people come to understand us per what we speak about and our thoughts (and the intent behind them) most of the time.

An example:  If you were to ask anyone at my current place of employment about me, they could tell you that 1) I like rabbits; and 2) I am a student of Iaijutsu,  It is what I talk about.  It is what I express I do with my free time.  It is what I will happily speak on when given the opportunity.

Rabbits and swordsmanship are pretty neutral or even unique topics to be known for.  Politics, a bit more divisive.

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Why, then, am I so concerned about how people post politically that I would pause them?

It is not the people that are agnostic or even atheist that of primary concern (other than the principle, of course) as much as it those that are professing Christians who come to post only and almost completely about "current events".  They have, to my mind, sold out the thing of Greatest value - Christ's sacrifice and message of salvation - for lesser things.  

To those that agree with them, they will be evidence of the rightness of their ideas.  But to those that are politically opposed to them, they have or will have cut off their means to communicate the Gospel through words and actions - because they have put up a barrier to any sort of initial conversation or even the viewing of actions; all will be viewed through the lens of their political messaging.

After all, why would I talk to someone about something personal and intimate and potentially even impactful on the sensitive areas of my life like religion when it has been clearly demonstrated what they do and do not believe about their political opponents?

Perhaps there are individuals that can bridge such a narrow gap. Sadly, I am not one of them.

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Of all of the characters that fill out the New Testament, we really only know of one - Simon the Zealot - who political leanings were - and I emphasize the past tense here - known.  After his call by Christ, we never hear of any of his (or anyone else's) political leaning again, certainly in the post-Resurrection New Testament.

When we lose our religion and more importantly our witness for anything, even politics, we have made a deal which leaves us the poorer and the world with one less witness - perhaps the only witness to some person that, without us, might have not seen the Gospel lived out in a way that makes it credible.

And that, simply, is an explanation I do not want to have to make at the Judgement Seat.

A Year Of Humility (I): Introduction

One of the things that God put on my heart and mind near the end of the year was humility - specifically, that it was something that I needed to work on more.  My solution to these sorts of things - like most things, actually - is to write about them.

The goal is to write 52 posts (one year's worth) on humility or some aspect of it.  I have been freely "borrowing" memes from the Church Fathers that deal with it and will continue to do so, not just because it is good to be reminded of our history but the fact that Christians have talked about humility for almost 2000 years.  Their thoughts are likely far better starting points than mine could likely be.

Writing should always serve a particular point.  My point in doing this exercise is to work on my own humility by finding references to it and unpacking what it actually means to exercise it. (And also - to be completely fair - I do better when I treat something as a research project.)

It is not a popular virtue of course; it never has been.  The humility of Christ and his followers were one of the more disorienting things about them in the Greco-Roman world (but we will get to that).  And the risk, of course, is that by writing about it one becomes quite the opposite of being humble (which is not really the point, of course).

On the other hand, if we never think on it, speak of it, or write about it, we will never move on to practicing it. And, as Macarius the Great writes above, who would not want a life of peace, tranquility, and happiness?

Do Right, The Rest Lies With God

Re-reading a history of The Crusades of the Middle Ages, I was struck by the great and often vast chasm between what Christians say that they believe and what they actually sometimes do.

The Crusades in what is now Egypt, Lebanon, Israel, and Syria were a combination of many factors coming together including Byzantine need for troops, commercial hunger for markets, a sincere faith and belief that heresy needed to be combatted, and some element of an outlet for channeling elements eager for war to other lands (instead of next door).  The City of Christ was in the hands of the Infidel (said the apologists); how could that be allowed to stand - ignoring, of course, the fact that it had been that way for 450 years or so prior to the First Crusade (A.D. 1099 - 1100) and even in the time of Christ Himself had been controlled by a foreign power, Rome.

And so, the Crusades of the East (not to be confused with the Crusades of The Reconquista of Spain or against the Balts in Prussia), 200 years of what essentially became a thin layer of Western Christian civilization (the Eastern Orthodox had been there all along, of course) punctuated with war an occasional bloodbaths (in the taking of Jerusalem during the First Crusade, the slaughter was so immense of Muslims  that "...when Raymond of Aguliers later that day went to visit the Temple area he had to pick his way through corpses and and blood that reached up to his knees." - A History of the Crusades Vol.1, p. 287. Steven Runciman).  

It is easy to look back on such things and realize that if spreading Christianity was the goal, perhaps that was not the way to do it (although arguably that was not the only point of The Crusades if you look into them. There was a lot of land and power and politics involved).  It is harder to look at ourselves and realize we can have the same tendencies.

For myself, how often in the past have I thought to do something "for God", when I was either pushing my own agenda in His Name or seeking to succeed on my terms in such a way that I took moral or ethical shortcuts (it is more than I care to admit, honestly).

That is where Lewis' comment hits the hardest. Our job is not to succeed - a great temptation in a society and culture where success, especially measured in the world's terms - but rather to do right, to be a credit to God and to His message and His morality. 

Should we work hard?  Of course.  Should we put our best foot forward? Absolutely.  But we should never confuse our goal as that of first and foremost being successful.  Our first goal is to be God's representatives on earth.  "God's work God's way", as the saying runs.

The rest, as they say, is up to Him.

 

Humble Yourself

(Helpfully, God keeps providing me with these "gentle" reminders of humility in my Social Media feed.  Almost as if He was trying to help me along with my inner work.)

One big step I am reminded of (again, this week - God giving opportunities to practice and all) is simply working  to keep my mouth shut.

For me, one way my pride manifests itself in is in my reactions to suggestions I do not like or projects I have no interest in.  My initial reaction when this came up years ago was when a then current boss said I essentially needed to completely redo a part of my work. I gave reasons why I thought it did not need to be done and even got to the point of saying "No".  I was corrected that he, in fact, was my boss and that in fact I would be doing the work again.

That lesson stuck with me and I became a great deal less verbal in my disagreement - which, in light of my career, was probably a good thing. What it was replaced with was much less of a direct disagreement and much more of a sort of slow roll where 1) I silently listened and then groused about it outside of the presence of those people or 2) slow rolled things until they did not get done.

(I am not proud of this of course, but there it is).

Perhaps not surprisingly, this worked no better. Word travels in the oddest of ways and flies back to the very people you do not want to hear it, and some people are terribly patient about seeing something through to its conclusion, to the point of making sure there are daily check-ins and updates until the thing is finished.

It works that way in other places too.  How many times have I confidently professed an answer that was clearly not based on facts?  How many times have I "known better" than people who actually knew better?  How many times have I put myself forward when really I should have stepped back?

Now, I am much likely to just sit and listen and then do things to the best of my ability. to speak only if I truly know and have real information or simply step back instead of stepping forward - although not nearly where I should be.  It certainly does not make the doing of the things any easier or necessarily make the doing of the thing any more pleasant, but "easier" or "more pleasant" may not be the point.  And staying silent and behind is no way to attract attention to one's self.

I need to simply learn the lessons I should have remember from long ago:  be quiet if you do not know, do the work you are asked to do without grumbling or complaining, and be content to not be in the front of the line.  Because if I fail to continue to practice them, the reminders will continue to come - in ways I will not enjoy.

On Humility

As I have often noted before, the best way to have God answer a prayer is to pray one that you really do not want Him to answer.

As I have been pondering things to work on in the coming year, one of the things I have failed to incorporate in years past is working on a virtue - I can make any sort of amount of plans for other things, but virtues like love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, self control - those sorts of things from 1 Peter - have always somehow escaped my notice.  That is probably intentional on my part:  who wants to seriously work on "patience" in a world where the perception is often if you do not do it, no-one will?

At any rate, the thing that came to my mind for next year was humility.  It is something I very much struggle with, being very much about myself and thinking about myself in almost every situation first and foremost.  I may have tentatively - tentatively, mind you - reached out in prayer maybe mentioning it was something I needed.

The response, like most of the things that God really wants to do in my life, came almost immediately.

We recently had a new employee join my department at work.  I say "New"; in point of fact they have far more experience than I do in the company and had just left about two years ago to take a new position.  The individual is deeply experienced and genuinely seems to be a good person.

What surprised me - in meetings, in conversation, even in just listening to other conversations - is how threatened I feel.

Threatened?  Ridiculous for someone that has been here less than a month.  But there I am, my internal dander up.  I was even a bit of a naysayer at some suggestions in meetings, until I replayed it in my mind and realized how petty it seemed and sounded and looked.

Why am I threatened?  If I am truly honest to myself, it is because I am more concerned about my perceived position at the job and future opportunities than I am about realizing we have another resource to help, one with a lot of experience in the very systems we are trying to improve.

How very Junior High of me. 

Humility - in this case - would neither think specifically of the future of my own work or career in this case. It would be not only to be welcoming, but encouraging of other ideas and projects that move things forward, even if in the process my own position (real or imagined) is eclipsed.

And then, I play this idea out into every relationship that I am involved in and realize it is going to be a very, very long year indeed.

At least, perhaps as Isaac the Syrian suggests, I can be at rest.

Directing Toward The Good

The teachers and mentors I had - the best ones - never dragged me towards my better self.  Sure, they may have had to get my attention first (easy enough to do with a people pleaser; just suggest you are not pleasing them) - but once they did, they lead by example of being a better person and encouraging me to be a better person based on their example.  And that I can remember, after that initial shock to get my attention, they never again became cross or angry.

Leading by example is always the higher road.

Offense And Silence

A very classic audit technique which regulatory auditors will use to great effect is simply sitting in silence. Silence is a thing that Americans abhor; we are used to our entire days being filled with one sort of noise or another.  We cannot stand silence, especially in the presence of another person.  Auditors know this; they will use this technique anticipating that the other individual will seek to fill the silence with some sort of conversation rather than just sit quietly.  It is at times like these in reactionary situations that things which were not anticipated to get blurted out get blurted out.

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There are a lot of times I speak when I should not (something I am working on),   But one thing I have learned over the years is to be able to hold my tongue when someone is offensive.

This lesson has been painfully learned by years of responding immediately, which usually leads to arguments that are never resolved or in the most extreme of cases, relationships that can never truly be made whole.  Being silent in such circumstances costs me nothing - oh, I suppose a hurt to my pride or opinion, but these are things that are fleeting in the scope of things.  But what it does do - and perhaps this is what Paisos is getting at - is that over time, those comments seem to trail off and end.  I cannot fully tell you why - perhaps embarrassment, perhaps losing interest at a lack of response, perhaps even a rethinking of how the thing said actually sounded.

Arguments that are one sided at the beginning never start.  And scarcely have I regretted the response to an offensive that I never gave.

Never Lose Hope

 

God Never Abandons Us