Good Friday 2025

I am not really sure if it is "okay" to have a favorite hymn for Good Friday as it is such a somber day.  But were I to, this is one of the best.

Go To Dark Gethsemane  

Go to dark Gethsemane,

You who feel the tempter's pow'r;

Your Redeemer's conflict see;

Watch with Him one bitter hour;

Turn not from His griefs away;

Learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

Follow to the judgment hall;

View the Lord of life arraigned;

O the worm-wood and the gall!

O the pangs His soul sustained!

Shun not suff'ring, shame, or loss;

Learn of Him to bear the cross.

Calv'ry's mournful mountain climb

There' adoring at His feet,

Mark the miracle of time,

God's own sacrifice complete:

"It is finished!" Hear the cry;

Learn of Jesus Christ to die.

Early hasten to the tomb

Where they laid his breathless clay;

All is solitude and gloom;

Who hath taken Him away?

Christ is ris'n! He meets our eyes:

Savior, teach us so to rise.

- James Montgomery (1771-1854), 1825

Deny Yourself, Take Up Your Cross, And Follow Me

I received a great deal to think about during my Iaijutsu training last month in Japan - not just on my technique, but about Life.

Yes, about Life in general as well but specifically about my life.  No, I cannot talk about a lot of it (what happens in the dojo stays in the dojo).

The short version is that I tend to be far more focused on myself and my advancement (whatever that actually means) instead of adapting myself to, preserving, and furthering the art.

This in turn sent me down a whole series of considerations and pathways, mostly dealing with myself and my focus on me, the outcome of which was I listed a set of things I needed to change in my thinking:

1)  "I am the author of my life" versus "God is the author of my life."

2)  "I am the saviour of my life (via my own efforts)" versus "Christ is the saviour of my life".

3)  "I am the hero in the life of others" versus "I am a servant in the life of others".

If it is not apparent, I was confronted in a very meaningful way at that time.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I found myself in a different church than I had been attending for reasons I was not sure of, other than I needed to go there.  Upon entering the space, I wanted - really needed - to hear something from God.  It seemed a little presumptuous of me to say "God, reveal Yourself" as He is already there.  Instead, I fell back on a phrase that was used by the Desert Fathers of the 4th-6th centuries A.D. when they visited one a teacher or someone they considered holy:  "Give me a word".

Just like that, the words came back "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me".

It is stunning enough when you finding something in God's word that speaks to you, personally, in that moment; it is even more so when you "hear" (I can use no other word, although there was no sound) something that is a definitive answer to a question that was asked.

As I drove home that day, I realized that set of words sounded familiar, and not just because I knew the passage where they came from.  Sure enough, there embedded in my notes from training and my deep reflections where the above statements had been written down, was the phrase "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me".

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The verse is one that appears in the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke).  I quote the verse from Luke here, as it has the most clarity to me:

"Then He (Jesus) said to them all, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.  For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?'" - Luke 9:  23-25, NKJV  (also in Matthew 16:28-17:9 and Mark 8:34-28)

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And so, I find myself wrestling with the concept of denying myself.

What does that fully mean?  I am struggling with this.  There are certainly very base level practices, practiced by ascetics and Christians throughout the ages:  levels of fasting and other physical practices meant to tame the body - and prayer, always prayer.  Giving in the form of charity, of course: C.S. Lewis noted that if our charities did not somehow pinch not just our luxuries but our basics, we likely are not charitable enough. And a litany of everyday practices meant to get our eyes off ourselves:  humbling of ourselves in the service of others, for example (humility was a matter of consideration this year for more than one reason, apparently).

Still, I struggle. Simple denial of something like food for fasting seems painfully basic and off the mark, for example - although I am pretty sure there is also a simple part of me that does not want to do even that.  But those sorts of physical restrictions, though likely beneficial, do not seem to be the core of what was asked of me.

Do I think something like what has become a fast of sorts from social media and indeed any media is part of it?  I do, although this seems of secondary or even tertiary import except that it pushes me towards having more time and silence in my life.

And so, I continue to fumble my way forward in the dark.

But this one thing I know:  Not once, but twice this year the very specific command "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me" has come to the direct forefront of my conscious thought.  Surely this is for a reason.

The question is, how well am I doing that very thing.

Losing Our Religion For Lesser Things

 "The Christian faith does offer moral order, political and social action to help the weak and oppressed, and therapeutic comfort for broken individuals.  But if a church or denomination offers only moralism, politics, and social activism, or emotionally exciting therapeutic uplift disconnected from deep prayer, sacrificial commitment, and authentic change of life, it is useless.  It is worse than useless, because it convinces the world that Christianity is counterfeit." - Rod Dreher, Living in Wonder

As has been mentioned recently in another post, I am in the process of largely "giving up" on the bulk of social media for two reasons.  The secondary and therefore less meaningful reason (for this post) is that it simply does not add anything meaningful to my life, is a good way to burn valuable time in a low value way, and represents the "Shallow Work" that Cal Newport rails against in his book Deep Work.  

The more primary reason, of course, is politics.

(I know, I know - "TB" I hear you say, "you never discuss politics here."  And today would be no different.  Stick with me.)

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For almost two months now I have been putting "pause" on anyone that posts anything about the current political situation and travails of the U.S. current day - and to be consistent (outside of any personal beliefs I may have) I have been applying it to both sides of the aisle.  Yes, it probably means I am missing actual non-political interesting topics (although see reason "two" above for winding down my time), but it has also cut down on my day to day stress/anger/anxiety level.

But what I find most...concerning...about all of this is the fact that people are becoming - at least in my mind and in practice - identified almost completely with their political beliefs.

Instead of, for some of them, their professed religious beliefs.

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A great danger for us as humans, it seems, is our ability to have a thing or small group of things dominate our lives and thinking.  I suspect this is one of many reasons why God, starting in Exodus and really continuing throughout the rest of Scripture, commands us "I am the LORD thy God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, the house of bondage.  Thou shalt have no other gods before me."  He knew that we as species had the ability to focus, but also that we were prone to focus on anything else but Him (And yes, hat tip to the King James Version.  Still the most fun version to read in my opinion.).

But not us - especially not us in the modern world.  We have very much become a "God and..." sort of people.

I suspect that people like Francis Shaeffer would attribute this to the idea that through the history of the late Medieval period and into the Enlightenment, Western Christianity divorced God first from the material world, then from the physical world, and then as a finally as the operating principle for Christians (Shaeffer does a much better job of all of this; the man really was a modern prophet in the sense of seeing 60 years ago where we would be today.  If you have not read him, his book Escape from Reason explains how modern society got here in 93 short paperback pages.).  

What modern Christianity has been left with is too often the idea that we can be "God and" something.  God and our beliefs become a something that are either bolted on to our daily life or are something that are of equal and equivalent importance.

And it is that "equal and equivalent" that has forced my social media hand.

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The danger is this:  when we as Christians let something else become how we define ourselves, we can do injury to the message of Christ and God.  When our words, our actions, and our interests come to be dominated by something else other than Him, when all we ever talk about is anything and everything but Him, or worst case we simply somehow fail to acknowledge in any of our practices or words that we are His - we are no longer messengers and servants of Christ, those of whom Isaiah said "How beautiful on the mountain are those that bring good news..." (Isaiah 57:2) and who Paul quoted in Romans 10:15 as bringing the Gospel of Peace.  

Our words and our thoughts behind them matter, especially if we call ourselves Christians.   But just as we become what we think about and speak about most of the time, so people come to understand us per what we speak about and our thoughts (and the intent behind them) most of the time.

An example:  If you were to ask anyone at my current place of employment about me, they could tell you that 1) I like rabbits; and 2) I am a student of Iaijutsu,  It is what I talk about.  It is what I express I do with my free time.  It is what I will happily speak on when given the opportunity.

Rabbits and swordsmanship are pretty neutral or even unique topics to be known for.  Politics, a bit more divisive.

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Why, then, am I so concerned about how people post politically that I would pause them?

It is not the people that are agnostic or even atheist that of primary concern (other than the principle, of course) as much as it those that are professing Christians who come to post only and almost completely about "current events".  They have, to my mind, sold out the thing of Greatest value - Christ's sacrifice and message of salvation - for lesser things.  

To those that agree with them, they will be evidence of the rightness of their ideas.  But to those that are politically opposed to them, they have or will have cut off their means to communicate the Gospel through words and actions - because they have put up a barrier to any sort of initial conversation or even the viewing of actions; all will be viewed through the lens of their political messaging.

After all, why would I talk to someone about something personal and intimate and potentially even impactful on the sensitive areas of my life like religion when it has been clearly demonstrated what they do and do not believe about their political opponents?

Perhaps there are individuals that can bridge such a narrow gap. Sadly, I am not one of them.

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Of all of the characters that fill out the New Testament, we really only know of one - Simon the Zealot - who political leanings were - and I emphasize the past tense here - known.  After his call by Christ, we never hear of any of his (or anyone else's) political leaning again, certainly in the post-Resurrection New Testament.

When we lose our religion and more importantly our witness for anything, even politics, we have made a deal which leaves us the poorer and the world with one less witness - perhaps the only witness to some person that, without us, might have not seen the Gospel lived out in a way that makes it credible.

And that, simply, is an explanation I do not want to have to make at the Judgement Seat.

A Year Of Humility (I): Introduction

One of the things that God put on my heart and mind near the end of the year was humility - specifically, that it was something that I needed to work on more.  My solution to these sorts of things - like most things, actually - is to write about them.

The goal is to write 52 posts (one year's worth) on humility or some aspect of it.  I have been freely "borrowing" memes from the Church Fathers that deal with it and will continue to do so, not just because it is good to be reminded of our history but the fact that Christians have talked about humility for almost 2000 years.  Their thoughts are likely far better starting points than mine could likely be.

Writing should always serve a particular point.  My point in doing this exercise is to work on my own humility by finding references to it and unpacking what it actually means to exercise it. (And also - to be completely fair - I do better when I treat something as a research project.)

It is not a popular virtue of course; it never has been.  The humility of Christ and his followers were one of the more disorienting things about them in the Greco-Roman world (but we will get to that).  And the risk, of course, is that by writing about it one becomes quite the opposite of being humble (which is not really the point, of course).

On the other hand, if we never think on it, speak of it, or write about it, we will never move on to practicing it. And, as Macarius the Great writes above, who would not want a life of peace, tranquility, and happiness?

Do Right, The Rest Lies With God

Re-reading a history of The Crusades of the Middle Ages, I was struck by the great and often vast chasm between what Christians say that they believe and what they actually sometimes do.

The Crusades in what is now Egypt, Lebanon, Israel, and Syria were a combination of many factors coming together including Byzantine need for troops, commercial hunger for markets, a sincere faith and belief that heresy needed to be combatted, and some element of an outlet for channeling elements eager for war to other lands (instead of next door).  The City of Christ was in the hands of the Infidel (said the apologists); how could that be allowed to stand - ignoring, of course, the fact that it had been that way for 450 years or so prior to the First Crusade (A.D. 1099 - 1100) and even in the time of Christ Himself had been controlled by a foreign power, Rome.

And so, the Crusades of the East (not to be confused with the Crusades of The Reconquista of Spain or against the Balts in Prussia), 200 years of what essentially became a thin layer of Western Christian civilization (the Eastern Orthodox had been there all along, of course) punctuated with war an occasional bloodbaths (in the taking of Jerusalem during the First Crusade, the slaughter was so immense of Muslims  that "...when Raymond of Aguliers later that day went to visit the Temple area he had to pick his way through corpses and and blood that reached up to his knees." - A History of the Crusades Vol.1, p. 287. Steven Runciman).  

It is easy to look back on such things and realize that if spreading Christianity was the goal, perhaps that was not the way to do it (although arguably that was not the only point of The Crusades if you look into them. There was a lot of land and power and politics involved).  It is harder to look at ourselves and realize we can have the same tendencies.

For myself, how often in the past have I thought to do something "for God", when I was either pushing my own agenda in His Name or seeking to succeed on my terms in such a way that I took moral or ethical shortcuts (it is more than I care to admit, honestly).

That is where Lewis' comment hits the hardest. Our job is not to succeed - a great temptation in a society and culture where success, especially measured in the world's terms - but rather to do right, to be a credit to God and to His message and His morality. 

Should we work hard?  Of course.  Should we put our best foot forward? Absolutely.  But we should never confuse our goal as that of first and foremost being successful.  Our first goal is to be God's representatives on earth.  "God's work God's way", as the saying runs.

The rest, as they say, is up to Him.

 

Humble Yourself

(Helpfully, God keeps providing me with these "gentle" reminders of humility in my Social Media feed.  Almost as if He was trying to help me along with my inner work.)

One big step I am reminded of (again, this week - God giving opportunities to practice and all) is simply working  to keep my mouth shut.

For me, one way my pride manifests itself in is in my reactions to suggestions I do not like or projects I have no interest in.  My initial reaction when this came up years ago was when a then current boss said I essentially needed to completely redo a part of my work. I gave reasons why I thought it did not need to be done and even got to the point of saying "No".  I was corrected that he, in fact, was my boss and that in fact I would be doing the work again.

That lesson stuck with me and I became a great deal less verbal in my disagreement - which, in light of my career, was probably a good thing. What it was replaced with was much less of a direct disagreement and much more of a sort of slow roll where 1) I silently listened and then groused about it outside of the presence of those people or 2) slow rolled things until they did not get done.

(I am not proud of this of course, but there it is).

Perhaps not surprisingly, this worked no better. Word travels in the oddest of ways and flies back to the very people you do not want to hear it, and some people are terribly patient about seeing something through to its conclusion, to the point of making sure there are daily check-ins and updates until the thing is finished.

It works that way in other places too.  How many times have I confidently professed an answer that was clearly not based on facts?  How many times have I "known better" than people who actually knew better?  How many times have I put myself forward when really I should have stepped back?

Now, I am much likely to just sit and listen and then do things to the best of my ability. to speak only if I truly know and have real information or simply step back instead of stepping forward - although not nearly where I should be.  It certainly does not make the doing of the things any easier or necessarily make the doing of the thing any more pleasant, but "easier" or "more pleasant" may not be the point.  And staying silent and behind is no way to attract attention to one's self.

I need to simply learn the lessons I should have remember from long ago:  be quiet if you do not know, do the work you are asked to do without grumbling or complaining, and be content to not be in the front of the line.  Because if I fail to continue to practice them, the reminders will continue to come - in ways I will not enjoy.

On Humility

As I have often noted before, the best way to have God answer a prayer is to pray one that you really do not want Him to answer.

As I have been pondering things to work on in the coming year, one of the things I have failed to incorporate in years past is working on a virtue - I can make any sort of amount of plans for other things, but virtues like love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, self control - those sorts of things from 1 Peter - have always somehow escaped my notice.  That is probably intentional on my part:  who wants to seriously work on "patience" in a world where the perception is often if you do not do it, no-one will?

At any rate, the thing that came to my mind for next year was humility.  It is something I very much struggle with, being very much about myself and thinking about myself in almost every situation first and foremost.  I may have tentatively - tentatively, mind you - reached out in prayer maybe mentioning it was something I needed.

The response, like most of the things that God really wants to do in my life, came almost immediately.

We recently had a new employee join my department at work.  I say "New"; in point of fact they have far more experience than I do in the company and had just left about two years ago to take a new position.  The individual is deeply experienced and genuinely seems to be a good person.

What surprised me - in meetings, in conversation, even in just listening to other conversations - is how threatened I feel.

Threatened?  Ridiculous for someone that has been here less than a month.  But there I am, my internal dander up.  I was even a bit of a naysayer at some suggestions in meetings, until I replayed it in my mind and realized how petty it seemed and sounded and looked.

Why am I threatened?  If I am truly honest to myself, it is because I am more concerned about my perceived position at the job and future opportunities than I am about realizing we have another resource to help, one with a lot of experience in the very systems we are trying to improve.

How very Junior High of me. 

Humility - in this case - would neither think specifically of the future of my own work or career in this case. It would be not only to be welcoming, but encouraging of other ideas and projects that move things forward, even if in the process my own position (real or imagined) is eclipsed.

And then, I play this idea out into every relationship that I am involved in and realize it is going to be a very, very long year indeed.

At least, perhaps as Isaac the Syrian suggests, I can be at rest.

Directing Toward The Good

The teachers and mentors I had - the best ones - never dragged me towards my better self.  Sure, they may have had to get my attention first (easy enough to do with a people pleaser; just suggest you are not pleasing them) - but once they did, they lead by example of being a better person and encouraging me to be a better person based on their example.  And that I can remember, after that initial shock to get my attention, they never again became cross or angry.

Leading by example is always the higher road.

Offense And Silence

A very classic audit technique which regulatory auditors will use to great effect is simply sitting in silence. Silence is a thing that Americans abhor; we are used to our entire days being filled with one sort of noise or another.  We cannot stand silence, especially in the presence of another person.  Auditors know this; they will use this technique anticipating that the other individual will seek to fill the silence with some sort of conversation rather than just sit quietly.  It is at times like these in reactionary situations that things which were not anticipated to get blurted out get blurted out.

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There are a lot of times I speak when I should not (something I am working on),   But one thing I have learned over the years is to be able to hold my tongue when someone is offensive.

This lesson has been painfully learned by years of responding immediately, which usually leads to arguments that are never resolved or in the most extreme of cases, relationships that can never truly be made whole.  Being silent in such circumstances costs me nothing - oh, I suppose a hurt to my pride or opinion, but these are things that are fleeting in the scope of things.  But what it does do - and perhaps this is what Paisos is getting at - is that over time, those comments seem to trail off and end.  I cannot fully tell you why - perhaps embarrassment, perhaps losing interest at a lack of response, perhaps even a rethinking of how the thing said actually sounded.

Arguments that are one sided at the beginning never start.  And scarcely have I regretted the response to an offensive that I never gave.

Never Lose Hope

 

God Never Abandons Us

 

Fix Yourself

Nothing Is Easier

 

One of the greatest potential places of impact the modern Christian can have is in the modeling of their own behavior.

In an era of cultural disarray and "Christianity" being a great deal of what seems to suit the practitioner, the practice of the biblically based Christian can truly stand out as unique and novel.  A note here: when I say "biblically based" I mean "the teachings of God and Christ as in the Bible"; worth noting because too often we fall one side of the full teaching or the other.

The real difficulty is in practicing what we preach - or in this case, teach.  In this, I often miss the mark.

For me, at least at this point in my life, the mark is not so much external behavior (although that is still a problem from time to time); it is mostly internal.  Those sections in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 where Christ points to the internal practices instead of the external - hate of our brother in our heart, lust in our mind - speak out to me more and more.  And since the internal influences the external, it in fact does make a great deal of difference in my practices. 

Or Galatians 5, where Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self control - you can find those in any modern non-religious text today about how to be a better person.  How good am I at practicing those (Looking at you, self control).

People have said it far more eloquently than I, but we are in an era where just by being a Christian by practicing Christ-likeness, we can be a witness without words.  Would that I was better at this.

Never Lose Hope

 

If You Knew How Quickly People Would Forget

 

I fear our modern world, with its constant need to be relevant, seen, and paid attention to, will have a great struggle in the years to come when they in turn fall victim to those behind them who will become the new "influencers" and "trend setters".  Ultimately we will all be forgotten except by God, at least in this world:  the sooner we know that, the sooner we can order our life appropriately.

To that end, were I given the choice (not that I have ever been) of being famous and young or famous and old, I would choose famous and old.  It is one thing to enter a level of recognition in the latter years of your life; it is another to have been famous and then suddenly be no more than any other ordinary system.  Few that have lived that route ever seem to have been able to make the transition.

(Also, another prayer request [it apparently is that kind of year]:  I got word last night from The Ravishing Mrs. TB that my father in law, The Master Sergeant, has gone back into the hospital and given his condition, the decision has been to move him to hospice.  He may have up to two weeks as this involves the discontinuation of dialysis.  Any prayers or good thoughts would be greatly appreciated for my in-laws.)

Other People's Sins

 

What I See Around The World

 

Everywhere

 

Anger

I have fought a long and rearguard action against anger.

I come by anger honestly in that sense:  my father, especially when he was younger, had a temper - which in due time I inherited. I never had it quite to his extent, for whatever reason - either my mother's direct influence or simply less to be angry about.  My temper was always there of course, ready to flair at a moment's notice - not with physical violence (never that; the one fight I have every been involved in was in the fourth grade; it ended when I hurled my skateboard at my opponents and fled the scene).

I say "my father's anger"; having come to understand him more over the years I have come to understand some of the root of that anger:  an older brother tragically killed by a drunk driver and  his oldest brother took care of his youngest siblings and my grandfather took care of my grandfather; my father was effectively on his own to deal with the loss of his closest in age sibling likely did not assist his own father, who was apparently the classic drinking and swearing man before his conversion to Christ and the Baptist Church.

The last argument my father and I ever had was well over 25 years ago; I think I have told the story, but a small accident that I was unwilling to tell him about blossomed into a shouting match.  He said I never told him anything. I retorted back he never reacted well when I had bad news.  I stormed out down to the park at the end of the street; he came down and found me and apologized.  Never after that day did we have a fight; in fact on more than one occasion if he seemed angry, he apologized for it later.

(Turns out I did write about it here.)

My last argument was, perhaps appropriately enough, with one of my own children.  It was over an issue which impacted none of us directly but she was passionate and then I became passionate. It ended with me raising my voice and effectively shutting down the argument.  That never happened again, but we - and I mean all of us now - never discussed things like politics or religion after that.   

I "won", but effectively I lost.

(It is fine now of course, and in the intervening years we have enjoyed many conversations and adventures all together.  But some subjects are not spoken of and likely will never be again.)

Never in all my years have I been convinced of a thing by the anger of another.  Likely never in my years have I convinced another by my anger.  It can feel good, in that sense, to be enthused and excited about a subject, to feel the passion of "the righteous cause". Sometimes we even point to the idea of "righteous anger".  I suspect, in God's economy, a lot less of us have the benefit of righteousness in our anger than we care to believe.

There is a last thing, of course:  to the quote above, I think it is fair to say that never once have I felt God's presence in my anger.  It has been as if He packed up and left the minute my temper raised and only returned when, alone and exhausted, I see the destruction that my anger has wrought.

Anger, like arrows, can never be recalled once loosed.  They can only be painfully dug out of the flesh of those to whom it was directed against.

On Answers To Prayer: Church Selection

 You may recall that last week in a general end of August update, I requested prayers/good thoughts on selecting a church.  Part of that is due to timing:  my major trips are at an end for the rest of the year and frankly, it is a gap that now I have no reason not to fill.  

To put it bluntly:  Well, that was quick.

The two churches I was considering were very different Christian traditions, but both within the larger pale of orthodoxy (small "o" there). I had been to both.  I knew something about both of traditions.  And I had asked God, even yesterday morning, to give me guidance.

When the sermon for the morning is spot on to your situation and you, it tends to be a pretty big sign.

Beyond just the sermon - which was a very relevant one to everyone, I suppose - was that moment that I realized that the larger intent of the message had been meant for me.  And my decision, which is now effectively made.

There is a certain reticence and reluctance, at least for me, when something like this happens.  The sort of thing that says "Is God really speaking to me?  Me?:"

The response, of course, is simply "Well, you did ask of course.  Why are you surprised when you get one?"