(Helpfully, God keeps providing me with these "gentle" reminders of humility in my Social Media feed. Almost as if He was trying to help me along with my inner work.)
One big step I am reminded of (again, this week - God giving opportunities to practice and all) is simply working to keep my mouth shut.
For me, one way my pride manifests itself in is in my reactions to suggestions I do not like or projects I have no interest in. My initial reaction when this came up years ago was when a then current boss said I essentially needed to completely redo a part of my work. I gave reasons why I thought it did not need to be done and even got to the point of saying "No". I was corrected that he, in fact, was my boss and that in fact I would be doing the work again.
That lesson stuck with me and I became a great deal less verbal in my disagreement - which, in light of my career, was probably a good thing. What it was replaced with was much less of a direct disagreement and much more of a sort of slow roll where 1) I silently listened and then groused about it outside of the presence of those people or 2) slow rolled things until they did not get done.
(I am not proud of this of course, but there it is).
Perhaps not surprisingly, this worked no better. Word travels in the oddest of ways and flies back to the very people you do not want to hear it, and some people are terribly patient about seeing something through to its conclusion, to the point of making sure there are daily check-ins and updates until the thing is finished.
It works that way in other places too. How many times have I confidently professed an answer that was clearly not based on facts? How many times have I "known better" than people who actually knew better? How many times have I put myself forward when really I should have stepped back?
Now, I am much likely to just sit and listen and then do things to the best of my ability. to speak only if I truly know and have real information or simply step back instead of stepping forward - although not nearly where I should be. It certainly does not make the doing of the things any easier or necessarily make the doing of the thing any more pleasant, but "easier" or "more pleasant" may not be the point. And staying silent and behind is no way to attract attention to one's self.
I need to simply learn the lessons I should have remember from long ago: be quiet if you do not know, do the work you are asked to do without grumbling or complaining, and be content to not be in the front of the line. Because if I fail to continue to practice them, the reminders will continue to come - in ways I will not enjoy.
Such a thoughtful reflection on humility and growth. It’s powerful to recognize our own pride and work through it. Wishing you continued strength on your journey! You’re invited to read my blog posts whenever you’d like!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the kind words Melody!
DeleteAh......the journey of self-discovery and finding those sharp points that Ego provides. Well, at least that initial "No" and slow roll of disagreement didn't result in immediate firings TB. I've learned to try be very careful of expressing what I "know" especially on Social Media.
ReplyDeleteSadly Nylon12, the journey of self discovery has to go no farther than one step before I run into "an opportunity to improve myself".
DeleteThe biggest things I remember about that first no was how absolutely offended and rebellious I felt after that. To be fair, the manager never held it against me.
I've long felt that humility is a thorny subject, though perhaps not for the "usual" reasons (if there is such a thing). The constant specter of "Oh dear, I don't think I really know what I'm [doing/talking about]" is hauntingly familiar, though the few who are capable of enduring my prattle on subjects I ostensibly know about cite my constant stressing of "I *think* [this]" or "It *should be* [that]" as a sign of self-awareness that maybe I'm just as lost as they are on some of it.
ReplyDeleteAny time I reflect on the subject, I'm reminded of a picture on my computer from Jim Lanctot's Virtue Continuum; I don't recall where I found it, and only just now discovered it pertains to a faith-based subject (I thought to use it for writing reference at the time). I always find myself asking, at what point does Humility warp into Self-Degradation? There's no hard requirement, no set-in-stone guidepost to warn one that they've strayed too far from the path, not due to a lack, but a surfeit. When, exactly, is it not a sin (against the divine or one's self) to think, "Well, no, I do know what I'm doing here," without over-correcting one way or the other? When is "I know" not an arrogant declaration or cringing denouncement, but a confident acknowledgement?
I could just be displaying my contrarianism, of course. Perhaps it's a matter of confidence; I know I lack that often enough, and I'd wager it's something you've encountered before from some of the entries on this blog, and oh look, those crows are being adorable, how did they get so fat, I'd best shut my mouth now, don't mind me...
P_P - The line between humility and self-deprecation (or self-degradation - they both work), at least for me, is not as thin as I like to think, at least for myself. Part of that is simply having the ability to recognize what I "know" and what I think I know, based on opinions or half remembered facts. Often I veer to the latter when really, I should preface my comments with "I think I remember..." or "In my recollection..." or something like that.
DeleteI can use self-deprecation almost exclusively on myself - which, to a point I think you are making, is almost as bad. I do not really notice this about myself, but I am realizing that when I see a similar thing in others, it bothers me. Operating from the principle that "What offends us in others is an issue we struggle with", I am thinking about the times I self-deprecate when I should not (largely, this is around my work). People like an expert at work when they go for an opinion, not "well, I kind of sort of think..."
For me, self-deprecation is a way of deflecting both praise as well as making the situation more comfortable: if I can mock myself, people telling me I am off base or wrong seems less risky to speak up about.
I have found whenever (and I mean every time) I get full of myself I get brought down a notch.
ReplyDeleteIt is not just the being taken down a notch that is so bothersome, it is the bouncing of the rubble on me after the event to underline the point.
DeleteSome lessons just seem to be ongoing. Or it least it seems that they always need practice. I find humility to be one of those.
ReplyDelete