Friday, September 30, 2022

The Moment Of Missing The Target

The moment comes - with almost everything - that you suddenly realize that some things are simply not going to happen.

Sometimes it comes after a short period of time.  Sometimes, it takes a while for the realization to make its way to the surface.  And sometimes, it can literally take years and hours of effort only to realize that a thing - the THING - is simply not going to happen.

The fact is, this moment always comes.  The real question is what one does right after that moment.

My reaction - my ordinary reaction - is to simply give up.  Sigh, settle my shoulders down, and somehow simply accept the fact.  

Which is probably a very human reaction.  Also, probably not a very useful one.  Which means I am trying to work on how to have a better secondary action.

I have never taken defeat well.  Why,  I am not sure.  It certainly is something I have had plenty of experience with it.  Maybe at one point I took it differently - fought back harder, tried to be more nimble and agile - but a lifetime of "Well, not this time either" can wear down at the soul.

Which is fine, of course - but frankly, I am on a clock now (We all are really; most of us never truly appreciate it until we are faced directly with our mortality) and cannot afford myself the luxury of just shrugging my shoulders and "settling" for next time.  Frankly, I may not have the time to generate a "next time", nor the energy to put a whole new structure in place.

So instead, I am trying to face those moments head on.  And adjust in flight to continue on to reach the thing.

It is hard - much harder than I imagined.  It is also not very emotionally satisfying, as most of this is an internal battle and argument with one's self:  "You can completely do this" - "Really, we have been down this path before and it did not work out well last time" - "Yes, but we are not giving up this time".
These discussion can rage, especially as I walk with Poppy The Brave around our urban neighborhood, undoubtedly getting looks in the early morning as I outright talk back and forth with myself.

There is no promise that I will do any better this time than any of the last ones.  What I can hold onto is this:  as long as I am still trying, I have not failed.  I have just found 1,000 ways not to do a thing.  And that, perhaps, is a target of sorts.

15 comments:

  1. That is a cryptic poast TB, without any context. May one inquire what has you on the ropes?

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    1. Errrrmm... for what it's worth... one of the first things they teach new marksmen is that there will always be that bad shot that gets thrown by stupidity, lack of concentration, or nerves or what have you.
      The proper mindset is that the next arrow or shot is the one that counts, and that your total fixation should be on that arrow and not the crapper you shot shot.
      I have been in shooting competitions as a younger man where if you blew one shot - it was all over. Some of the pros would pack up at that point and just drop out, and leave second and third place for guys like me to fight for. I suppose it all depends on whether you are in the game or not.

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    2. I agree, Glen! And TB is strangely quiet in his responses. Hmmm.

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    3. Apologies - Blogger was not at all cooperating this morning in my usual allocated response time - some kind of software glitch I suppose, although it seems I was not the only one with the issue.

      Glen - To your point, I am being a bit cryptic because it, for lack of a better phrase, it is just not a thing I would write about. That said, I tried to take the single and draw general lessons from it - and it if fair that I more often than not will simple give up rather than persevere.

      Your shooting example is a great example, actually. And it is funny - in some circumstances, like throwing, I can completely separate myself from the last throw and go on. But in other more personal examples, I really struggle.

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  2. My wife hates the "well, I'm not dead yet, so there is still time." I have to have that attitude, or EVERYTHING is on the table for abandonment. I don't want to give that idea room to grow.

    I just told someone that I have identified more things that don't work, than things that do. And, thinking about life, that seems to be the way of it, more often than not.

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    1. STxAR, that is not a bad way to look at it. I try never to substitute an excuse for not trying something; I will do almost anything once. It is just sometimes the things I aspire or dream of go off the rails - and for those, it is hard for me to get back on them.

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  3. Agree with Glen and then looked to the side bar
    "Deal with the truth you find, not the truth as you wish to find it."

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    1. Glasslass - It is a conundrum of my own making as I "invented" that phrase for myself (I hardly invented it I am sure; the concept has been out there for most of history). There is aspiring and trying to reach things, and the simple truth that sometimes that is simply not possible because of the way the world is or works.

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  4. I guess I'm too much of an optimist to share these feelings. Even when I would bet against myself, I rarely concede that something will never happen because... well it just might. Eventually it gets to a point where it will definitely never happen but by then I've moved on with life and forgotten about it anyway.

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    1. Ed, pessimism gives its own spin on everything. My problem as well is that I often remember the targets I could not hit than the targets I could.

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  5. Anonymous8:35 AM

    You were working on a career move a while back I recall.

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  6. Anonymous8:36 AM

    Franknbean should have been my salutation there.

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    1. I was FNB. At the time after thinking a bit more, it seems at the moment to make sense to stay where I am at the moment - at best, a year should give me a great deal of clarity.

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  7. "On a clock now". Great way to describe it. I have felt that for at least a decade now. :^/ Maybe longer...

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    1. Becki, I think the combination of my father's passing and the oldest going away has made me think of such things.

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