So, just for the public record, I am going to a counseling session tomorrow.
I have been to counseling before so I am well aware of the benefits (and risks, of course. Nothing is 100%). This is the outcome of a discussion with The Ravishing Mrs. TB the last Sunday.
It might strike you as odd for someone who seems to like to write as much as I do, but I am not the best one on one conversationalist. Talking is, well, hard (To quote Walk The Moon's album of the same name). And I have to do more of it than I would like, given my job. So when I am home, I am less talkative than probably I would be otherwise. Not helpful in a marriage, in case you are keeping track.
Additionally, I have found that this whole job change has shattered my confidence a great deal more than I would have anticipated. True, I find myself in this awkward zone of still doing a job I no longer officially have and being responsible in a way that I should not be. But even more fundamentally, it has shaken my confidence about being able to do this line of work at all - the term "fundamental flaws and failures" from my review just keeps ringing through my head. As I told The Ravishing Mrs. TB, there is nothing like that to really stick in your head to the point that you have no self confidence in your ability to do anything.
The other thing - in general - is that I am just out of sorts. About a lot of things, I suppose - although the job situation does not help. About being in an industry for 20 odd years that was never really the thing you wanted to do, but the thing you had to do - and now it turns out you may not do it all that well. The fact that I am living in an urban environment, precisely the least happy place for me. Maybe a dash of being in my mid-50's and, frankly, not seeing a lot of hope for the world in general (being stuck inside in an urban environment does not help this either).
Anyway, The Ravishing Mrs. TB suggested maybe I think about going. So today (when you are reading this), I will go.
All is well at least on the counselor front - it is someone I have known for years (and trust) through our church, so no concerns there. And I have done this often enough that I know how it works.
Not sure that anything significant will come out of it. But I do feel like I need a level of deeper insight into what is causing me to feel this way. Because it feels like I am constantly on pause. Which is a terrible way to feel in life.
You were doing fine until the place you work was sold to someone else, right?
ReplyDeleteTherefore I am pretty sure the fault lies with them.
Oh, I understand what you are going through, though. I have the same problem. Don't do well talking to people. Don't like talking on the phone, either, really.
I hope your meeting and day are productive and treat you well, TB.
God bless you all.
We were not sold Linda, we just entered a partnership which has consumed all of our time and energy.
DeleteGood to know the problem is not isolated. I am finding talking on the phone via computer an acceptable alternative though.
It went very well indeed.
Anonymous - Message received, thank you very much for looking out for me. Duly noted and I have revised.
ReplyDelete"It might strike you as odd for someone who seems to like to write as much as I do, but I am not the best one on one conversationalist. Talking is, well, hard." Doesn't sound odd to me at all! Sounds like you have a safe and encouraging way to do whatever talking needs to be done. Glad it went well!
ReplyDeleteThank you Leigh! It did go really well - of course, I actually know the counselor outside of this as a friend so that helps immensely.
DeleteYou don’t need counselling TB. I can tell that right over the internet. It’s not you - I can tell that right over the internet too. Cripes, you weren’t in that job long enough to fail, were you? It takes at least a year to learn a new job. It takes at least two to make a manager and often more.
ReplyDeleteCrap like this spins me right up - you don’t have “flaws and failures”, you have weaknesses like anyone else. You address them by mentoring, training and repetition. I suppose the idiots that told you that are perfect themselves? I’ve seen this so many times before. Good men get burnt out and then get frustrated and quit, or they get fired. Not only is it unfair to the victim, the other employees see it and get demoralized too. It takes time to develop people and marketing skills. It takes more time to develop management and executive skills. For frick sakes, these corporate sea gulls make my trigger finger itch.
The world is upside down right now TB. Men like us are no longer needed or wanted in the workplace. I’d recommend giving up the idea of a career... and focusing on important stuff like the wife, the garden and the rabbits. And don’t get down on yourself.
There, you have been counselled. That’ll be 5 cents please.
No cheques!!!
Glen - If you can believe it, I have been there over 3.5 years (it will be four years in August). I think all I can say about the job per se is that that last year we have seen incredible growth - and growth in my industry is not a linear thing but rather an exponential thing.
DeleteFair enough - and I have a different view of my review, but to be fair to my manager everything that was listed was, from his point of view, true. But the thing that, at least from my point of view, that was unexpected was the fact that this transition is taking a while. That is where the demoralization begins to come in - I feel constrained as there is no sense in building things that will be replaced and I really do not have any effective power beyond that of moral suasion.
The longer term option is a concern for me Glen, but I would say it is as much in specialization as it is in anything else - I came into this industry without a formal education in it; now there are degrees. If I were where I was almost 25 years ago, I would not have gotten a job in it. In that sense, perhaps the enforced career change is something that will offer me opportunities to focus on the things you have listed here - in fact, oddly enough the fact that I am so badly misaligned with my job in terms of interests and passions was noted!
Thanks for the advice, Dr. Your nickel is in the can on the desk...
Sorry, TB. I don’t know what’s going on and I shouldn’t have shot my mouth off as if I knew more than I did.
ReplyDeleteI just hate seeing you demoralized is all. I have my own problems with morale these days...
We are all good Glen! No worries. The demoralization will pass - what I need to do is get moving in a new direction, which I am trying to do. This lingering lame duck place does not help anything.
Delete