Removing The Modifier

Today, I suffered a fit of almost rage at work.  Yes, I removed the modifier from my verb.  To an e-mail to a vendor.

I initially wrote "I am little bit frustrated that at the amount of time this has taken".  And then I looked at it.  And thought about it.

On the whole, I try to be very polite in my communications, especially with people outside of my company.  Yelling in the e-mail never accomplishes anything but only makes you look silly (and exists forever in the ether) and possibly like a jerk.  So I sat there and looked at it.

And realized that I was not just a little frustrated. I was frustrated.  Frustrated that it was going to take two months to schedule someone on site.  Frustrated that I had a piece of equipment I could not use (but had paid for, of course). Frustrated that timelines were going to be pushed (again).

So looked at it again. And pulled out "a little bit".  Voila.  I was just frustrated.

If you know me (or have read my writing for any period of time), you know this is the equivalent  of me either typing in capitals (which I find rude and almost always uncalled for) or actually writing !@*$*%%.  It is that severe.  I almost never raise my voice in anger and certainly never write anything in anger (hard won lesson, that).  On the whole, I try to engage in solving the problem.  But occasionally even I lose my temper.

The outcome?  The item will be dealt with in 1.5 weeks, not in 4 weeks as originally set up.

Look out world.  Who knows? I may start using adverbs...

Abstaining From Evil

"Cling to what is good; abstain from every form of evil." - 1 Thessalonians 5: 21b-22

I need to work more on abstaining from every form ("every hint", as it says elsewhere) of evil.

I have let it creep into my life in the midst of pretending that somehow I have made exchanges in other areas.  I do not watch R rated movies, for example, so a little Anime (Japanese Animation) is okay - even if the Anime turns out to be as bad as an R rated movie (yes, this is a thing). A book has important ideas so I read it, overlooking the parts of it that almost move towards soft porn and are inimical to my proclaimed values (Atlas Shrugged, in case you were wondering).

Why do I choose to believe and act this way?  Is it because I believe that truth has to be told and thus a little bad along with the good is tolerable (although in God, there is no darkness)?  Am I so desperate to entertain myself that I am willing to put up with the inappropriate because it is "not real"?  (Yet adultery in the mind is little different than adultery in reality according to Christ)

Apply that philosophy to real life: Is theft justified if the business is wealthy?  Is the affair justified if the spouse is unresponsive?  Is the gossip and malice justified towards the "deserving", even though it may be false?

In each of these situation I would say "No" - after all, those are sins.  Yet in the application in my own life, am I that rigorous in examining and applying my own morality?

The sin I am responsible for purging is my own.  The morals I am responsible for upholding are mine, not my neighbors.  No one tries to see by a dim lamp- so why do I try to live my life in that dimly lit darkness?

Ruthless Honesty For The Self

Everyone, we are told, wants honesty.  But in truth, everyone does not want ruthless honesty.  We all decry lies - even little white ones - but somehow are offended when some gives us the unvarnished truth.  We do not want to hear we are overweight,  slothful, greedy, proud, uncaring or any of the other deadly sins.  If confronted with such, we wither and immediately cast aspersions upon the other - or we, when giving the input, are somehow surprised when people ask us for "honest" feedback, and then reject it (and call us insensitive along the way).

But there is one person we should - indeed must - be ruthlessly honest with: ourselves.

I am never - not once - improved by lying to myself or pretending that things are other than they are.  I can pretend that I am not being slothful or diligent enough and making excuses for bowing to my foibles (or sins, as I should probably name them) but that does not change the nature of the fact that I am slothful or lazy or just plain sinning.  I hide my failures by turning my eyes and my words at the critical moment, turning to the right or to the left and avoiding the very thing that I probably need to be saying to myself.

Honesty works both ways, of course.  I am equally bad at taking credit when I do well - somehow achieving a result I have striven seems to feel to me too much like pride and not enough like the just rewards for effort well expended.  Do that to yourself long enough and you will kill your motivation to do anything at all.

"Anciently", said Sun Tzu, "the skillful warriors made themselves invulnerable and then awaited the enemy's moment of vulnerability."  To become invulnerable in war means to honestly assess one's weaknesses and shore them up and to honestly assess one's strengths and how they may best be used.  I would submit that those who are truly great (as opposed to those who are just "famous") all bear within them a ruthless streak of honesty.  They know themselves well and thus, know the best ways that they will succeed, the best ways they can fail, and the insidious excuses they make to release themselves from effort and encourage themselves to vice. 

Perhaps we cannot be honest with all because not all react well.  But we should at least have the ability to be able to clearly see and comment on ourselves - and the strength the accept that honesty.

On Trying A New Diet

As part of the kickoff of the New Year, we are trying a new diet.

The particular one we are following is provided by an organization called Forks Over Knives - in this case, a vegan meal plan.  It is on a trial basis:  we are doing the three month trial in which they provide weekly dinner plans and a shopping list.  You shop and cook.

I know what you are thinking:  vegan.  No, we have not gone vegan.  I am still regularly eating yogurt and cheese and eggs and may or may not even have had some breakfast bacon tacos last week.  But we decided that we were looking for something that incorporate more vegetables and less processed foods into our lives, and with diabetes and heart conditions on both sides, a little weight loss would not be inappropriate either.

Some observations after following the "program" for a week:

1)  Cooking takes a great deal longer, due to preparation time for the vegetables - all things are vegetables and start in their natural state, thus having to be cut, peeled, chopped. or otherwise processed.

2)  It makes a lot.  We have easily had enough to feed four people plus at least two leftover lunches or even an entirely second meal (in some cases, still with leftovers).

3)  Everything is pretty good.  Although I have not gone out of my way to avoid meet, I am kind of surprised how little I crave it (again, dairy and eggs - another story).

4)  Oddly enough, even though we have enough (and more so) every meal, I find myself either feeling very full or completely hungry.  Not sure what is going on.

Other physical outcomes?  Not really sure I can comment yet. My weight, at least, has remained about the same.  I am certainly less hungry more of the time and find myself eating more out of habit than out of an actual need for food.

It has at least been an interesting experiment so far - and a good reminder that change, sometimes even drastic change, can be a good thing.

God At All Times

He is the remedy for our wounds.

He is help in time of trouble.

He is the source of repair

for all those who are falling back,

and He is the source of abundance 

for those who advance.

Finally He is the means by which  human beings

have or receive whatever is good and appropriate for them.

-Bernard of Clairveaux (1090-1153), from The Way of Simplicity by Esther De Waal

A Few Words From...Miyamoto Musashi

"Crossing at a Ford

'Crossing at a ford" means, for example, crossing the sea at a strait, or crossing over a hundred miles of broad sea at a crossing place. I believe this 'crossing at a ford' occurs often in a man's lifetime.  It means setting sail even though your friends stay in harbour, knowing the route, knowing the soundness of your ship and the favour of the day.  When all the conditions are meet, and there is perhaps a favorable wind, or a tailwind, then set sail.  If the wind changes within a few miles of your destination, you must row across the remaining distance without a sail.

If you attain this spirit, it applies to everyday life.  You must always think of crossing at a ford."

- Shinmen Musashi No Kami Fujiwara No Genshin (Miyamoto Musashi, 1584-1645)

Cold War

Arguably one of the bands that most haunted my middle school and high school days was Styx. Those years were essentially the same as the rise and fall of them as top line popular band.  I enjoyed their music - but they were one of the bands that had the gift of making every song on their album good - not just the ones that headlined the album.

You may also remember them as being of the first - at least, one of the first well known bands - to try a "concept album" in which the album was, essentially, a musical.  The album in question is Kilroy Was Here (1983) in which an aging resistance singer (Kilroy) uses a robot as a disguise (Kilroy) to reach the resistance to help them rise against the evil and musically oppressive Dr. Righteous (theocratic and fascist, which of course is the only kind of government that ever oppresses people).  The album had three hit singles: Don't Let It End, High Time, and Mr. Roboto - but all nine songs had something to offer.  The album was a complete success, the corresponding tour a complete failure (and, eventually ended up breaking up the band.)  If you are looking for a nostalgic walk through mid-80's rock, you could do worse than spending a couple of hours listening.

One of the songs that was on the album but was not a hit was called Cold War.  It was sung by the young revolutionary Jonathan Chance (Tommy Shaw) and is a cry against the powers that be that revolution is coming and they should pay attention to that fact.  As I was pondering the events of the last few months, I suddenly realized:  we are in a domestic Cold War.

Oh, we are not to the point of shooting (and hopefully never will be).  But we are essentially at the point that sides are being more clearly and clearly delineated every day:  State governments resisting the Federal government, the Federal government acting against the State governments, citizens of the States starting to clamor for splitting of the states.  (If this all sounds horribly familiar, that is because it is.)

In other words, we all disagree with each other and we are reaching the point that the disagreement is showing.  A lot.

Is there an end to a domestic Cold War?  Well, there are really only four solutions:  an actual hot war (any Civil War, any era), one side completely collapsing (Soviet Union), the sides separating rather than continue to live together (Czech Republic and Slovakia, parts of the old Yugoslavia), or simply agreeing to live together through their differences (which, to some extent, is where we seem to remain today).  Do I have a sense of which wins out?  History is a fairly lousy guide here, as a seemingly random event can catalyze an entire population or lead to nothing.

We really are in a domestic Cold War.  To say otherwise is to disguise the problem and have it not be as serious as truly it is.

Cold War (Tommy Shaw)

I'm tired of your psychology

To bring me to my bended knees

And if I could only talk to you

I'm sure that I could make you see

'cause time has a way

Of bringing even mountains down, down, down

Storm clouds are coming

I suggest you head for higher ground

I say you're a thing of the past

And you ain't gonna last

No matter what you say or do

It's all caught up to you

You're duty-free, you're tax-exempt

You party with the president

And you dance the dance so naturally

Why not believe you're heaven-sent

But time has a way of bringing

Even mountains down, down, down

There's a storm cloud a-comin'

I insist you head for higher ground

You talk talk and you get so intense

That you almost make sense

And that's what scares me the most

You as the host of celebrity lies

It's prime time, baby

Can't you see in my eyes, it's a

Cold war-runnin' in the streets

Everybody you meet knows

It's going down, don't you know

Cold war-blowing in the air

Everyone everywhere says it's time

To get ready for a cold war

Don't you look now

But the skinny boy's becoming a man

You say it's the luck of the draw

And you can't have it all

And I'll die young trying to make it

Into something that ain't gonna last

You ought to reconsider

'cause I'm coming fast with a

Cold war-running in the streets

Everybody you meet

Know's it's going down, don't you know

Cold war-blood is in the air

Everyone everywhere says it's time

To get ready for a cold war-looking at me

From behind every tree

There's a scared man running from a

Cold war-don't you look now

But the skinny boy's a streetfighting man

Today's Lack Of Posting...

...is brought to you due to the courtesy of an Air Handling Unit that leaked in the ceiling at work and a temporarily gravity free refrigerator shelf that landed on the floor.

(Really.  An Air Handling Unit in the ceiling had a frozen coil - probably due to the cold we have been having - which defrosted and then exploded with water through the ceiling at work.  Fortunately, the shut off valves are 15' above the floor level and not at all easily accessible, otherwise we would have had a real issue getting the thing shut down before it leaked a lot of water onto the floor.  And then the floor drain that did not have the capacity to accept the water, which then flooded the hallway outside of the bathrooms...yes, it really was a stellar day.  The cherry on top was when I was pulling down the wet tiles and a open knife, which apparently was just sitting on one of the tiles, came point down. Bonus level:  Accepted.)

(Sadly, the refrigerator shelf was much more pedantic:  I was lifting the milk out of the shelf and lifted it into the shelf above it, which enabled a number of sauce bottles to "fly free"...on to the tile floor.  Fortunately, we only lost two - however, worcestershire sauce is not the smell you want to have in your nostrils at 2130 in the evening.)

Sigh.  We will try again tomorrow.

What If Winter Really Was Coming

One thing that our trip to California and our quite recent experience with "WINTER STORM INGA"  (should always be said in capitals - sounds more ominous) is that if civilization ever breaks down and it breaks down in winter, it will be abysmal.

We, in our modern mechanized and fueled age, take for granted that we are going to survive winter no differently than any other time of the year.  We have heat, be it gas or electric or food.  We have food - pretty much any kind of food we want - available within a fairly short period of time.  And, we have both hot and cold water, blessedly unfrozen over.  Our roads can get cleared, our power can come back up, our stores and gas stations easily get filled back up.  It is a sort of magical Winter Wonderland where most of us get to dabble in the cold or get a little inconvenienced - but that is about it.

Driving the desert in a freezing ice storm - as we did a month ago - tells a different story indeed.

Imagine (as I did) living in one of those small towns, or even in a large city and the power dies.  Everything becomes cold:  very, very cold.  If you are smart and/or fortunate, you have a wood burning fireplace and enough fuel to keep yourself.  If not, things become very cold very quickly.

Transportation, like any sort of major disaster, will break down rather quickly - but Winter has the added benefit (above the snow line) of embedding people in place thanks to snow drifts.  Now, many are cold, stuck, and do not have a way to heat themselves or cook.    And the food and fuel fairies that always seem to restock things will be a million miles away.

And water - if you have lived cold enough, you know the briskness that water just below freezing acquires.  Bathe or shower in that if you will!

No, winter without civilization quite quickly becomes a very savage and very terrible thing.  I can (all too well) only visualize what it would be like to be cold all the time, hungry almost all the time, and always having to keep active to be about keeping warm and fed.

Our ancestors were up to this sort of thing - perhaps not enjoying it, but up to it.  Most of us, not so much.

I look, somewhat in shock, at what a relatively benign ice storm does.  And then, unfortunately, imagine the possibilities...

An Eerie Sort of Quiet

Things feel quiet.  Uncomfortably quiet.

Oh, not quiet in the sense of the world.  There is plenty of news out there to be had - and if one is honest, you could make a case for the wheels coming off the bus in any number of circumstances. And a very realistic case at that.

No, what I am referring to are voices that I follow - or in some cases now, followed - on the InterWeb.  It is as if a vast blanket is smothering the InterWeb landscape.

People get busy, of course.  And let us be fair, maintaining a regular sort of writing is a difficult task, especially when (for 99% of us) it is a labor of love and not a paying endeavor.

But still, this silence - and the apparent dropping out of so many voices that I respect - troubles me.

Have I missed something?  Has the media paradigm changed so much that a blog has truly been overshadowed by a Video Blog (possible, of course) or social media?  Or (my bigger fear) is that these folks - many much more knowledeable heads than I - have foreseen something that has indicated that posting, for whatever reason, is no longer a priority - or even wise.

It feels much like a forest that is truly still, without the sound of birds of squirrels or other animals.  When it becomes this quiet, that is because something has gone terribly wrong - or is about to.

A Place Like Home

Service To Others

May my thoughts and my speech,

leisure and labor,

my acts and reflections,

my prosperity and adversity,

my life and my death,

my health and sickness, and whatsoever else is mine;

that I exist,

that I live,

that I feel,

that I understand:

let all be devoted to them,

and all be spent for them,

for whom Thou Thyself did not disdain to spend Thyself

- Aelred of Rievaulx, Abbot of Rievaulx (1110-1167)

A Few Words From...Yamaoka Tesshu

"Over a few years

let intimacy

ripen naturally - 

the number of friends will be small

but the quality will be very large."

- Yamaoka Tesshu (1836-1888)

A Pretty Darn Awesome Day

So yesterday was almost an unmitigated disaster.

Something got shipped to wrong place and had to be held and eventually reshipped.  I forgot to send something else out for testing and have to scramble to get quotes assembled and the material shipped.  One material was supposed to ship at the end of last month but the supplier lied (no other way to put it) and now it is out four to six weeks.  A starting material cannot be received until the testing is complete, which is about two weeks before it is needed.  The building management quote is completely wrong and has to be redone (more expensive, of course).  And finally, just before I left, the water system sprung (another) leak, so the system had to be shut down.

And yet in spite of all, that, my house was still intact, my pets still happy to see me, the Ravishing Mrs. TB still as beautiful as ever, Na Clann good and doing well in school, my health is good and strength better than ever, my salvation assured, my iai going well with class that night, japan in threee weeks, and our ongoing project in using food we have for eating going well.

In other words, it was a pretty darn awesome day.

Combating The Speed Of Information

Smart people follow me (I do not say that to brag but it is simply a fact reflecting more on the quality of my readers than any factors I possess).

Jeff (hereafter known as "Anonymous Jeff") sent me a great link to answer the question "What is the Internet doing to our brain?"  I commend it to your attention (Full disclosure:  it is 18 minutes long and has a least one loud, rather annoying advertisement): 

In short (for those like me that struggle watching You Tube videos) the Internet capitalizes on our inherent desire to gather information but continually floods our short term memory (which can hold 2-4 thoughts at a time) such that those thoughts cannot transfer to long term memory, which is where items go to be retained and where deep thinking and insights occur.  We have increased our visual acuity, but abandoned the ability to think deeply in the process.

(An interesting side note is that the speaker points out that the Internet companies - Facebook, Google, Amazon - capitalize on this need to constantly seek new information.  If it truly is doing harm to our ability to think, is it not fair to ask if they are really "Doing No Evil"?)

So I suppose the more important question is what can we do - really, what can I do - to combat this?

Well, we always go by the Rule of Five, right?

1) Decrease the Smart Phone Use:  I remember when I got my first piece of mobile technology - a pager, back in 1996.  I remember the fact that it was cool because you could get texts on it and news updates.  How far we have come.

Or maybe not.  Let us be honest:  a smart phone is almost compulsive for me now - and most of that use is not for communication (which is what the darn thing is supposed to be used for).  So cut it. Stop using it for non-communication purposes.  Decrease the reliance upon it for information, not increase my dependence on it.

2) Cut Back On News Sites:  I have already gone through this exercise at least twice in the last year, but I still find myself clinging to some level of being up to the minute engaged with the workings of the world - as if that was somehow going to change face of the world.  Time purge the list - much more completely this time.

3)  Focus:  If you are like me on the Internet, going to one thing almost inevitably leads to going to another.  And another.  Before long I am 15 pages deep learning about 17th Century Poland when what I was really looking up was the Yen to Dollar conversion rate.  Fight back by getting on for the information, getting the information, and getting off.

4) Read:  Yes, I know.  Reading is so 20th Century.  We do everything via videos and postings now. 

But when one reads, one is tied to the thing one is physically reading in one's hand.  I cannot just skip over to something else (well, maybe the conclusion) because I would have to put the book down and start something else.  The nature of the activity forces me to be only on that activity.

5)  Think:  This is the hardest of all.  To consciously decide rather than constantly gather new information, I am going to compile and ponder the information that I have.  Not that there is anything wrong with new information - just that I should be using the information I have more effectively.

There is a silent sixth, of course;  Use the Internet less and "old fashioned" means more.  Which, of course sounds like a Luddite response - although it strikes me that perhaps many Luddites lived perfectly happy lives with less visual acuity and more thought.

The Speed of Information

I am beginning to wonder if we have reached the tipping point for information intake in the information age.

I have found myself (coming back to work) highly stressed over something I could not put my finger on.  I did not really identify it until yesterday, when I realized that I am simply overwhelmed by information.

Let us take a hypothetical working man, age 30 or so.  Most likely when he rises in the morning, he reaches for his cell phone to check social media or e-mail or a website.  He gets ready for the day, perhaps with said cell phone in hand as he eats and washes - or maybe he opens a laptop or tablet or even has video going.

He gets in the car, which is quite possibly filled with either music or talk or a podcast.  Upon his arrival at work, he is flooded - not by conversations with coworkers but with e-mails.  E-mails asking for things, e-mails telling him things, e-mails he sends in response.  He himself may have to go to other websites for work to gather information - all at the same time he is cycling through his phone for social media, sports scores, or news.  This does not include interactions with individuals who are exchanging information with him - although strangely enough, these seem to happen less and less as requests for information and decisions are more and more on screens.

The drive home is probably similar to the drive to work: more intake of music or talk or a podcast.  Likely during the evening prior to going to bed he is on his phone or computer again, probably for personal reasons but maybe for work as well.  Finally, he sets the alarm on his phone and drifts off to sleep.

Sound crazy?  I would argue it is horribly true, in a greater or lesser extent, for most adults (at least in the U.S.).  We have arrived at the age of information only to find that we not only have all the information, we have too much information.

Imagine, if you will, telling acquaintances that you do not Facebook or Snapchat or watch TV or (horrors) do not even own a smart phone or TV.  The response you get would be as if you had come from another planet - everybody does these things because everybody needs to be plugged into the 24 hour, 365 day a year news, work, and social cycle. 

Which is where I found myself yesterday. Literally feeling overwhelmed by a tsunami of information that rolls over me like a flood.

How does one back out of such a thing?  Yes, one can do it in small doses - limit (or eliminate) electronic entertainment, cut down or out the time one spends in social media or just on-line in genera, change what one listens to driving - but even then, in an information age all things are ultimately about information.  You cannot escape the need - foisted upon us by our careers at least - of needing to be in such a current for eight or more hours a day.

I have no idea how this ends for us.  The human mind, it seems to me, is not made for the sort of constant intake of information which may or may not be actionable which we seem to be subjected to. We are creating a world of faster and faster, more and more - which ultimately leads to the sort of world that only those that think at the speed of information can navigate.

Which pretty much limits it to computers or those wired into them physically.  Maybe William Gibson's Neuromancer was only slightly ahead of it's time.

Do Not Let Others Wander Alone

Just a reminder that it is up to us to take care of us:

20 Years of Industry

This month marks my 20th year in the biopharmaceutical/medical device industry.

This is certainly not something I had imagined was possible.

If you had asked me at the beginning if I ever saw myself being here this long, I would have even questioned that I would have been in the industry at all:  I was not scientist, nor particularly trained in science beyond the practical application science in my life.  I suffered through my general education on science as a requirement, not a joy. 

I suppose, however, it is like a great many other things:  once you get started, there is a sort of gravity that continues to move you forward.  My gravity was called "salary and benefits."

Mind you, I am not displeased completely with my choice.  With perhaps the exception of technology, I cannot have done as well as I have done in any other field.  It has been a good paying field and although perhaps I cannot claim myself to be wealthy, I can claim to have had many opportunities that would not have been possible in any industry I could have accessed in my chosen degree (Political Science, of all things).

My career has also been something of a blue unicorn:  not having a science degree, I moved my way up by working at the task at hand and taking the opportunities that were offered to me.  By comparison, I believe that if I were starting out today I could not have done what I have done (there is now a specific degree - biomedical engineering - that covers a lot of what I did).

Is the industry everything I dreamed it would be?  No job is perfect, of course - occasionally I have had the privilege of working on a product that really changed someone's life; more often that not I work on products that either go nowhere or do not really have an impact.  The hours can be long and the average lifespan of a job is not necessarily great:  in 20 years I have worked for 8 companies, 6 of which have either been bought out or have simply gone out of business.  And as regular readers of this blog know, this is hardly the sort of thing that fires my blood up on a daily basis.

But fired blood is not everything, of course.  Sometimes the knowledge that I have been able to provide for my family (well) and occasionally do something that makes a difference has some value as well.

It is not always the roadswe expect that lead us to the places we originally intended to go.

Ipse Mihi

Ipse mihi meditatio,

Ipse mihi delectatio,

Ipsum propter ipsum super me quaero,

Ipso ad ipso inter me pasco,

Ipse mihi ager in quo laboro,

Ipse mihi fructus pro quo laboro,

Ipse mihi causa,

Ipse mihi effectus,

Ipse mihi principium

Ipse mihi fines sine fine,

Ipse mihi in aeternum.

He is my meditation;

He is my delight;

Him for His own sake I seek above all things;

from Himself I feed within me;

He is the field in which I labor;

He is the fruit for which I labor;

He is my cause;

He is my effect;

He is my beginning;

He is my end without end;

He is my eternity

- Isaac of Stella (circa 1100-1169), Cistercian Monk and Abbot of Stella from The Way of Simplicity:  The Cistercian Tradition by Esther De Waal

A Few Words From...Joel Salatin

     "I'm not trying to be arrogant; I'm just trying to make the point that if we are not becoming what we want to be, we must make whatever changes in our thinking and our lifestyles necessary to become who we want to be.  It's time to stop making excuses.  It's time to stop listening to naysayers and head waggers.
     "It's time to quit living on the fast track to stupidity and get to the right track of fulfillment and success." - Joel Salatin, You Can Farm

Driven

My weight training coach, who is a gem of a human being, posts thought provoking items which cause me to go into wild gyrations of introspection for hours at a time.  Today his question was:  "What drives you?"

Not motivates.  He hates that word - and I kind of get that.  Motivations are often based on things going right or external factors - I am motivated to do well to make money but if lose ability to make the money, I more than likely will lose the motivation; I motivated to eat well and exercise to lose weight but if I stop losing weight and even perhaps gaining it, I lose the motivation.

Drive is different.  Drive is something that you have to accomplish.  Drive is asking yourself the questions "What am I willing to do to accomplish this?"  and 'What am I willing to give up to accomplish this?" Drive is the thing you continue to do when all motivations have passed into the dust and there is nothing but desert ahead of you.

Somewhat interestingly, nature provides us with an actual application:  the reproductive (or sex) drive.  Look at how focused males getting in the rutting season or when females are in heat, observe the journey salmon make back to their spawning grounds (the ultimate drive of course, as they all die).  At that moment, animals will do anything - anything - to satisfy that drive.

Which is what my coach is talking about.

Which led me to a second question:  What drives me?

That question was a lot harder to answer than I had anticipated - in fact, after reading it this morning I still have not come up with a definitive answer.    Because I have a lot of things which, if I am honest, I am motivated to do.  I seem to have nothing (at least off the top of my head) that I am driven to do.

That is not to say I do not have something, or somethings, that drive me.  That is to say that I lack clarity on what they are.  I suppose the super easy way to resolve the question is to simply stop doing everything - and then see what you start doing right after that (although in my case, I do not know that this would be effective as I would probably do as many things out of the obligation or sunk costs as I would out of drive).

But it is there, somewhere, under layers and layers of years and years and accretions of "have to's" and "want to's".  Somewhere, buried deep, is the "need to".

I just have to find it.

Study Subjects 2018

One of the more valuable lessons I picked up some time ago - I am not really sure from who or where, only that the idea is not original to me - was deciding on a course of study for the coming year.

The concept is that you pick one thing - or maybe some things - that you would like to learn more about over the coming year and spend your time and energy learning about them.  It could be a completely new thing or or a series of old things you wish to know more about.  The important thing is that one makes a concentrated effort to focus on certain items.

This year's choices:

1) Icelandic Sagas:  Not really a surprise, given we are going to Iceland in in August.  I believe I have most of the sagas that are available in English, at least the major ones.  More of a re-acquaintance with old friends.

2)  Cistercian Thought:  The Cistercian Order has always fascinated me:  scholarly, labor oriented, and often silent, if I had to choose a religious order to join they would be the one (and the philosophies of living simply and providing for one's self go well with my own philosophy).  I have read smatterings of their thought but nothing on a larger order.

3) Polish Hussars:  One of the more unique and interesting warrior classes of the 16th -18th century.  Not only is it an excuse to re-read The Siege of Vienna and a biography of Jan Sobieski, it is the opportunity to learn about the history of Central Europe (often a forgotten part of US European studies).

4)  Farming:  This is always on the list.  I am always looking to learn more - not just for where I am now, but for where I might be someday.

37.5%

I did a little calculating this morning. 

Given the alloted time of vacation for this year, I have 228 days of work.  That is 62.5% of the year.  That leaves 137 days, or 37.5% of the year, when I am not working (or at least not supposed to).

When I looked at that number, I went into a certain form of shock.  137 days. That really sounds like a lot, does it not?  Certainly enough time to do everything I could (or should) want to.  And that, of course, does not include at least one or two hours 5 days a week that might be available.  I do not have a deficit of time - quite the opposite.  I have an surfeit of it.

Yes, those are not all completely free days, of course.  There are activities, and church, and vacation, and even some idle time buried there.  But even with that, that seems like an incredibly long period of time available.

So maybe there is a more meaningful question:  if I have all this time, why am I not accomplishing all things that I want to accomplish?  Surely not having the time can no longer be the excuse.

Back Again

Hello Friends.  Happy 2018.

We made it back.  We had a wonderful time overall.  4060 miles driven, 55 hours in the car coming and going.  Lots of time with family and friends.

Home was beautiful:

 And the Arizona Sunrises were amazing:

Perhaps the most exciting thing was a special surprise from Santa:

Yes, that is right friends:  We are going to Iceland in August (30 year bucket item:  Unlocked!).

Did I have any bright epiphanies?  Not necessarily, no.  Maybe clarity is the more correct word to use.  I have a little more clarity perhaps.  The Ravishing Mrs. TB and I talked - perhaps more forthrightly than we have in years - some of our more egregious failures and what maybe we would actually like to do when Na Clann have gone (not too many years in the future, really).

Overall, a grand trip.  Which brought up perhaps the last thing I realized I need to work on:  having more small real adventures.  As often as possible.  Because just trying to grit out the work environment is never going to be a good solution.

Happy New Year 2018

Greetings Friends!  And Welcome to 2018!  I suspect that while you are reading this, I am still (hopefully) in bed, having completed two long days of driving to get home and then possibly finding a friend's party to shout "Happy New Year" at, followed by coming home and going to bed.

What is planned for the New Year?  Hopefully, I am combed over my goals for the 50th time and they will be ready for publishing (more of what you have come to expect from me, I am sure).

But more importantly - and the way I should start every year - thank you.

Thank you for been a reader.  Thanks for spending at least 10 minutes of your day with me on a frequent (or infrequent) basis).

This blog is entering its 10th year as an actively maintained website (and 13th year of existence).  I believe I will surpass 3000 posts sometime this year.  A great deal of why I still do what I do (other than the fact I enjoy it) is that occasional belief that somehow my ramblings are helping someone else with their ramblings.  If they have helped you - or (to be fair) entertained you or even bothered you, thanks for sticking with me. 

(And to our friends in Russia that spike my blog about twice a month - thank you too.  You keep my numbers up.)

I am excited for this year.  We are going to do a lot of good things together - well, really me doing them, me writing about them, and you reading them.  But in a way, that means I get to do them with you.  Which makes them all the more entertaining.

The One Thing I Wish I Had Done In 2017....

What is the one thing I wish I had done in 2017 that I did not do?

That is a hard one.  I really did a great deal this year.  Competed in a number of Highland Games.  Ran two road races.  PR'ed my weights.  Got to go to California (twice).  Saw my job and job responsibilities completely expand 100 fold.

What would it be?  Honestly, I think that my relationship with God did not grow as it probably should have this year.

What would that have looked like?  Great question, to which I do not have a satisfactory answer.  I would like to think it would mean I would feel "The Presence of God" more in my life and see God actively working in my life more than I feel like I do.

Mind you, "feeling" The Presence of God is a fairly ill- defined term.  Plenty of perfectly effective and good Christians through the years have not, and yet they did His work anyway.  But I have always (perhaps secretly) looked at those that seem to have that feeling with a sort of longing.  What must that be like?  How would it feel to really know that God was right there?  (Yes, I know that He is, but it is something I almost never sense).

I do not know if there is something that I can do to make that more real.  I do not think it is the sort of thing that you can force.  But that would have been the one thing, the crowning achievement, on what was a pretty good year.

Consciously Forgetting

Consciously forgetting is one of the most difficult activities one can undertake.  An example, in this case, is instructive.

Over the last month or so, I have realized that I consciously need to let a person go.  They are not in my life at all right now and if fact have done nothing to sustain any sense of a relationship.  The thoughts have all been on my side - thoughts that follow me around in my head and appear at the least usable times.  It has reached the point that, for me, it is an energy sink.  And so, I need to consciously forget them.

It is very hard, at first.  Social media these days makes it all the harder.  I will find myself suddenly doing a search on a search engine for their name, looking them up to see what and how they are doing.  And then I will tear myself away and get back to what I was doing.

So I have to police myself.  Every time I want to look, I have to say "no" and turn away.  At the end of a day, I can say "Today, I did not go looking for X".  Tomorrow, I have to get up and do the same thing.

Do I particularly believe that I can ultimately forget them?  I doubt it, truly.  I suspect the human mind does not work that way.  But what I can do - what I am trying to do - is not make them my go to thought when I am bored or sad or bitter.

The only ghosts of those relationships that haunt my past are the ones that I continue to feed with my own energy.  And only I can ultimately make them disappear.

A Simple Secret For Success

Being More At Home

One thing I am really planning on working on this year is focusing more on being mentally and physically at home

Part of it is purely financial - with Nighean Gheal in college now and Nighean Bhean starting her senior year of high next year and college the year after and (practically speaking) the chances of a significant raise in pay being remote, the less out and about and less spending in general, the less stress will be here.

Part of it though, is a conscious decision.  There is actually quite a bit to do around here, things that (frankly) I often put off because I feel like it is boring or tedious or I would rather go do something else.  These things need to be done though - partially from a practical point of view (if nothing else, they are either repairs and/or improve the value of the home when we do see) and partially from the point of view that my home is a personal sense of pride - and when (not if, in my opinion) we move again I am going to want to treat wherever we live as carefully as I should treat this house and life now.

Practically, what does it mean?  More home projects.  More yard work and gardening.  More cheese and yogurt.  Probably less Highland Games overall.  Lots more practice of Iai.

In other words, paring down a bit the frenzy of activities I am doing and a little more focus on those things that I choose do. 

Merry Christmas 2017

Because, as always, there is a reason for the season:

"Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be a sign to you:  You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manager.

      And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:  "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill towards men!"  - Luke 2:  10-14

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given:  and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called Wonderful Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Price of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

Nollick ghennal erriu! (Merry Christmas!)

Christmas Homegoing 2017

Dear Friends,

As you are reading this I am probably just getting on the road to head back to Old Home for Christmas.

Up to a little over a month ago I had not decided to do so - but my current employer has pre-programmed time off from 21 December to 01 January.  Good and bad, of course; good in that I typically took this time off (and so it does not "cost"me), bad in that I lose a potential week somewhere else.

I took it last year and while having the time off is great, a week around the homestead in December can get a little old.  We briefly looked at flying, but flying during this period is both expensive and extremely crowded, neither of which particularly appeals to me.

The drive is a long one: 24 solid hours through some of the potential least exciting countryside in the United States - 12 hours one day to almost the precise mile, and 12 the next.  Fortunately, Nighean Bhan can drive as well now so that splits the drive up amongst three instead of two.

We will split the time equally, of course:  3 days at my parents, 3 days at my in-laws.  We will get to see everyone we need to see - and for the first time in probably 6 years, we will actually spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our family.

Not worry - I have pre-programmed postings for the week (and hopefully will have some good pictures of The Ranch in Winter upon my return).  My apologies if responses are a little slow - my ability to get to things on a timely basis when on the road is always a little suspect.

For once in a long while, it finally is true:  I will be home for Christmas.

Much Love from Your Obedient Servant,

Toirdhealbheach Beucail

My Favorite Version Of Santa

A Few Words From....Wellington Boone

"The potter sets the clay where he will. Repent of wishing to be something other than what God made you to be.  Male, female, rich, poor, black, or white; don't ever want to be anything different because God, the potter, chose how the clay was going to be formed, and  you are wonderfully and beautifully made.   You do not have the prerogative to make such wishes because it assumes you know what is better for you than your creator, the potter.  Your journey is to find out what God wants you to do with you as His clay and to realize that you are greatly valued.  God never creates objects that have no value.
      The potter can set you where He wants to set you.   He can allow circumstances to happen in your life or prevent them.  It makes no difference, you are his vessel for honor or dishonor.  Get out of your mind the thought that greatness deals with the size of a ministry.  Greatness deals with the ability that God gives you to handle trouble.  Do not reproach His nature in your assessment of what you have gone through.  Greatness does not consist in reducing others to your service, but reducing yourself to theirs." - Wellington Boone, Breaking Through

Foggy December

Christmas lights twinkle:

festive lighthouses glowing

in a sea of mist.

On Eating Better

One of the things I fully intend to work on next year is my health.  Specifically, eating.

Oh, nothing has really gone out of whack yet.  But I am definitely noticing a difference (yes kids, 50 is more than just a number).  And while my health has been stellar to this point, I would very much like to keep it that way.

Exercise plays a part, of course.  And while I have been consistently exercising, my cardio has fallen off a great deal.  That is something that needs to change.  As well, I am lifting, but have probably reached the outer limits of what I am able to do at this body mass (and I really cannot take it much higher - in fact, I could probably lose at least 15% of my weight and still be perfectly fine) - and I have little intention of damaging my joints by taking on weights that they cannot support.  Also,  I need to work desperately on flexibility. 

But what drives exercise, of course, is the fuel.

What will this look like? As usual, I am not entirely sure.  We are experimenting with a quasi-vegetarian diet (well, really after New Year's - the holiday season is a terrible time to start a new diet, just as it is a terrible time to give up desserts).  What I think the looks like is a whole lot more vegetables and vegetable protein and a whole lot less processed foods and red meat (which, to be fair, we hardly eat at all anyway). 

On top of that for me, it means reining in my Four Deadly Sins:  Alcohol, Sugar, Caffeine, and Fat.

Two of these, Alcohol and Fat, are already on their way out.  I have steadily reduced my alcohol consumption to beer and wine.  And beer is the next thing to go.  Fat has never been a great problem for me - I like cheese and butter, but that is about it.

Caffeine is the next to go.  I am working on reducing my coffee intake from three cups (one cup at home and two at work) to one at home before I go to work and supplementing with tea throughout the day.

But sugar - ah, there is the rub.  Not because it is everywhere (it really is), but because I love it so much.  This is the hardest thing to conquer - but with diabetes in my family, arguably the most important.

Do I have a goal?  Not a well defined one - nor is a weight defined one as meaningful as a health index one has.  I'll say this:  My weight out of high school was 140 lbs and I am 35 lbs about that.  Some of that is muscle, but surely not all of it.  I do not realistically think I could make it back to 140 lbs and maintain muscle mass - but something a little higher might be a worthy goal.

I am striving to be lighter, quicker, and healthier if for no other reason than I want to feel better. And sometimes that is reason enough.

R.C. Sproul.

R.C. Sproul of Ligonier Ministries went home yesterday.

I was privileged to hear him speak twice at Shepherd's Conferences.  He was a cogent speaker, one of the meaningful proponents of The Reformation and what it truly meant, and perhaps one of the greatest theologians in the U.S. of the late 20th and early 21st Century.  His radio program was Renewing Your Mind; Amazon lists 20 pages of books for which is the author or is connected with.

In this age of lazy theology and shallow thinking, his clear intellect and forceful preaching of the Word will be sorely missed.

https://www.ligonier.org

Jeremiah 45

One last thought on this issue of being confronted by God on the direction of my life and I am done:

"The word that Jeremiah the prophet spoke to Baruch the son of Neriah, when he had written these words in a book at the instruction of Jeremiah, in the fourth year of Jehoiakim the son of Josiah, king of Judah, saying, Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, to you, O Baruch:  ‘You said, “Woe is me now! For the Lord has added grief to my sorrow. I fainted in my sighing, and I find no rest.”’

 “Thus you shall say to him, ‘Thus says the Lord: “Behold, what I have built I will break down, and what I have planted I will pluck up, that is, this whole land. And do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them; for behold, I will bring adversity on all flesh,” says the Lord. “But I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go.”’” - Jeremiah 45:  1-5

On Understanding God's Will - And Not Liking It

A follow-up on yesterday's Post A Cold Splash Of Reality:

I think the most difficult - or maybe from my perspective, shocking - of yesterday's confrontation with my actual reality is the focus of where the direction came from.  I like to think that I am called to a great many things, none of the related to what I currently do.  God, apparently, feels rather strongly that I am called - at least currently - to very specifically what I do.

Therein lies the rub, of course.  I hear of people being called and people living out their calling and like to think "Hey, that is for me too!".  They may very well be living out their calling - just as I am being called to live out mine.  The difference is that my apparent calling and my desires are radically different.

This would seem to be where the moment of tension comes.  Do I follow the calling that I see God giving me - and by "follow" I mean dedicate myself to it as strongly as I would to anything that I really desired?  Or do I begrudgingly do the minimum, trying to wait God out in hopes that He suddenly changes His mind and relents - "Wow, TB. You are right and I am wrong.  I totally agree that you should be doing X."

That is the most difficult part:  to give one's self 100% to His revealed will as eagerly as I would give myself to something I would prefer a great deal more.  To make myself as careful a student and practitioner of what I do as a career as I would of being a writer on the way up or a farmer building a sustainable venture or a theologian preparing a sermon.  These, all of them, seem to have impacts and influences and meaning beyond the actions and acts themselves.  Sadly, becoming a student and practitioner of Quality is to become an expert in government regulations and nuances of applications, something which neither seems to have significant impact nor influences (Quality being like the transmission of your car:  you only miss it when it stops working).

But if I am completely, totally, bitterly, 100% honest, this seems to be what I am being told.

I am trying to adjust my schedule, my reading, my studies, and my practices around this.  To head into the storm front of a wealth of information that seems almost trivial in the great scope of things is turning out to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

There is another aspect that I am coping with as well:  the active surrender of hope.

To embrace the will of God (at least as I currently understand it) is to let go of the hope that it will all change.  Can it change?  Of course - in an instant.  But can is not the same as will.  And setting one's self always to hope for the thing that may never occur is to try and bridge a canyon that is continuing to move apart.

I will still do the things I love, of course - iai, gardening, writing (even if only here), and the 40 other things I fill my life with.  It is just that, perhaps for the first time in my life, I am admitting that those things will never be more than they are: hobbies, amateur activities that I can grow better at but only enjoy in my off hours.  My path, it appears, lies in the very direction I have been trying to escape from all this time.

A Cold Splash Of Reality

God has a funny way of  getting my attention sometimes.

Why, not even two days ago I was working on my goals for next year.  I was feeling confident.  I was feeling in charge.  I had the year mapped out with confidence and aplomb.

And then, yesterday, found out that I had dropped the wrong ball.  I kept a number of them up in the air, but not one that I needed to.  Just like that, I came crashing back down to reality.

The rather unhappy truth is that - for right now - every other plan hinges rather tremendously on my bringing in an income. Any plans I might have - no matter how glorious or high minded or exciting or even fun - pretty much fall apart instantly the moment that my income is not what it is now.  Yes, I am trying to work on the situation but yes, nothing I am looking at is even close to what I would need to keep everything going at the moment.

So I went back to my goals tonight, and "deferred"  (really axed) a bunch of them.  My career, at least the one I do right now, figures rather highly in activities for the coming year. 

It is hard.  It is as if God is pushing my focus back to the here and now, to the reality I am and the things right in front of my nose.  It makes me scared, because I cannot afford to mess this up.  And then it makes me angry, because I feel as if this is all that there is and I am being asked abandon all hope of life being other that what it has been (more or less) for the last 20+ years.

In other words, I guess I am being asked to trust and have faith.  In  a future that seems as unattainable and far away as Alpha Centauri.

On Bitcoin

So Bitcoin apparently is either the new thing or the next Tulipmania.

To be fair, I do not understand Bitcoin, or cryptocurrencies in general.  I read a bit on Blockchain today and maybe think I get that, but maybe not.  I read up on Cryptocurrencies as well - sadly, again not getting it.

I am not overly concerned about it, of course - I went through my "get rich quick" phase 13 years ago and after missing out on the real estate boom (and bust), have pretty much relegated myself to the world of save and invest - not just in stocks and bonds, mind you.  Land and the ability to provide food have value as well.

I understand the attraction, of course:  skyrocketing value, non-governmental control (a big plus for me), and the ability to "earn" (apparently) on your own (e.g. "mining").  And apparently it is becoming a thing because more and more businesses are accepting them, which suggests that it is a trend to stay.

In moments like these, I always bear in mind Warren Buffet's advice:  "Do not invest in anything you do not understand".  Which sounds pedestrian, I know.  But I would rather be pedestrian and keep my smaller gains than be cool and lose larger ones.  I tried that, once. 

Never again.

Snow!

So we had a rare event in our clime - not anything to compare to Reverend Paul in Alaska or Rain and Kymber in Canada, but snow none the less!

My garden fence is not a great protection from the elements:

Rain, I have two lemons.  Let us see if they make it.

The backyard has a blanket of sorts:

And the lavender is covered:

My Christmas lights have actual snow!  

Two days ago it was 80 F and I was wondering how my dry my grass was.  Not an issue now:

Snow and tree trunk:

It will all melt by tomorrow of course, and for us freezing and ice is the real danger.  Still, it is nice to get a little bit of a White Christmas.

Keeping Work About Work

So one thing the recent run of news headlines and social events has me thinking about is how I act at work.

I would argue I am hardly inappropriate - although to be fair, I probably have not been as well behaved as I should have been (we can always do better).  But I fear we are rapidly approaching the day where almost anything can be construed in an unfortunate manner.

So to wit, how should anyone - male or female - now act at work?

I do not know that I have all the answers.  I do have some suggestions though.

1)  Interactions at work need to be about work:  Limit your talk to work related items.  Personal things, such as perhaps what you did this weekend or even how your child is doing, might be okay - but I would not recommend it.  Even those innocuous sorts of conversations may eventually lead to something else.  If only work is being discussed, you never have to remember what else you talked about.

(One potential question here is what, if any, personal effects one should have in the workplace.   This is another thing I have been evolving my thinking on.  Over time, I am dropping down the number of personal items I have at work.  I anticipate having virtually nothing of a personal nature in the not too distant future).

2)  When at work, work: Do not talk.  Do not socialize.  Work.

3) Any sort of physical contact, of course, is right out:  Arguably, shaking hands upon meeting someone for the first time (and upon their leaving) will probably remain a business norm (although I wonder if the Asian custom of bowing comes into vogue.  No risk of contact at all).  Beyond that, I cannot think of reason - beyond, say, someone choking - that such a thing would be necessary.


4)  Discussions need to be in the open:  Ideally, have meetings with a glass window or door so that you are visible at all times.  If in a group meeting where this is not possible, say as little as possible.  Taking notes is not a bad idea either.

5)  Do not take work outside of work:  There is a high risk that happy hours and parties - really, anything involving alcohol and coworkers - ends uncomfortably or badly.  Friends and family are for weekends and evenings and holidays, coworkers are for work.  (I suppose one question arising out of this would be if you can have friends that start as work acquaintances and grow out of that.  20 years of industry experience tells me no.  In this day and age, work friendships seem to revolve a great deal more around proximity than truly shared interests.  Sure, you may continue to connect through social media or business organizations and wish each other Happy Birthday when prompted by Facenovel.  But it is the rare person I talk to two years after leaving a job, let alone fifteen.).

Looking at the list, you might come to believe that what I am proposing is a sort of monastic, silent worker that speaks as minimally as possible and creates a workplace that is somewhat joyless and soulless.  I do not know that that is quite what I am thinking of - after all, even in the most serious of environments there is some level of "fun" involved.  But I think, at least for myself, I am going to end up becoming a lot more like this.  For two reasons:

1)  It is just more efficient and accomplishes more work.

2)  It eliminates any potential weakness for future accusations (never create a weakness for an enemy).

I am sure that for whomever implements such protocols as these (or for some event things more drastic), questions will inevitably arise about why I am acting this way or if I even have a personal life and family..   My response - the only logical response - has to be "I keep my work life and my personal life completely separate".

The Little Drummer Boy

I have always loved the song "The Little Drummer Boy".

Yes, I understand it is completely extra-biblical and we have not a shred of evidence for it and yes, I know that the Christmas celebration went on for hundreds of years without it.  I still love it.

I love it on two levels.  On one level, it is a very good message, not just about the birth of Christ (always a very god message) but also about the power of giving what one has.  On the other level, I love the song as written: it has a very distinctive beat, one that is instantly recognizable.

When driving home a few days ago, I suddenly heard a version I had not heard before.  It took me a bit of searching to find it turns - turns out it is For King and Country's live version.  I enjoyed it so much, I thought I would share.


Please click below:

Be Stronger

Sometimes I ask myself why I am in this time, when I so often feel like I have little power to change the world or even fix myself:

Protecting The Garden (Sort Of)

So yesterday I realized that our backyard is filled with little sticks which Poppy has been pulling down and chewing.  Which is all fine and dandy - after all, I don't miss a few oak sticks.  Then I realized that my pepper plant had also become dog fodder.  I needed a solution:

It is not a perfect solution, of course.  My option where either the flexible plastic fencing (pictured here) or the wire fencing (not pictured here), which was a great deal less flexible   I am willing to take a chance that it will be inconvenient enough not to go through.

Pictured are the garlic and leeks and spinach/lettuce, whose little lives I am trying preserve:

I am not sure how it will work this year, but maybe (when Poppy calms down a bit with age) it will work better. I can say that for the sake of convenience and ease of use, it is hands down more convenient than wire.

On Christmas Lights

There is something absolutely joyful about Christmas lights.

I am not really sure what it is - after all, they are just colored bits of plastic (or clear) encasing a light.  Some blink, some shimmer, some slowly glow and then disappear, and some simply just sit there.  They come in big and small, fat and thin, brilliant and subdued.

So why do I find them so magical?

Part of it, I truly believe, is the fact they simple are different kinds of lights.  I spend my life underneath fluorescents or "soft" lighting:  almost always yellow or white, of one intensity.   Christmas lights are variety and splendor.  I can sit and read and work under the colors of the rainbow.

Some of it, perhaps, is also the fact that (generally) Christmas lights are always, well, associated with Christmas.  And other fun things.  It is not like anyone ever said "I am having the worst day ever.  Let me put up Christmas lights."  Nope, they only go up for festive, happy occasions.

And finally, perhaps, Christmas lights - especially not at Christmas - are way to show independence in a world of uniformity.  Christmas lights in odd places - nooks for reading or coffee bars or even inside in the 11 months of the year that are not Christmas - make us stop and look, make us wonder - indeed, perhaps make us look at our own lives and wonder why we do not have a little more whimsy in them.

With all of their bright and shining joy, why would this not be the most wonderful time of the year?