Thursday, December 28, 2017

Consciously Forgetting

Consciously forgetting is one of the most difficult activities one can undertake.  An example, in this case, is instructive.

Over the last month or so, I have realized that I consciously need to let a person go.  They are not in my life at all right now and if fact have done nothing to sustain any sense of a relationship.  The thoughts have all been on my side - thoughts that follow me around in my head and appear at the least usable times.  It has reached the point that, for me, it is an energy sink.  And so, I need to consciously forget them.

It is very hard, at first.  Social media these days makes it all the harder.  I will find myself suddenly doing a search on a search engine for their name, looking them up to see what and how they are doing.  And then I will tear myself away and get back to what I was doing.

So I have to police myself.  Every time I want to look, I have to say "no" and turn away.  At the end of a day, I can say "Today, I did not go looking for X".  Tomorrow, I have to get up and do the same thing.

Do I particularly believe that I can ultimately forget them?  I doubt it, truly.  I suspect the human mind does not work that way.  But what I can do - what I am trying to do - is not make them my go to thought when I am bored or sad or bitter.

The only ghosts of those relationships that haunt my past are the ones that I continue to feed with my own energy.  And only I can ultimately make them disappear.


  1. I had to do exactly that with my daughter, TB. It's exactly as you said, you have to FORCE yourself to let go...and it hurts. The only way to deal with it too is the way you are doing it. There's no shortcuts, no easy outs. Two things that might make it a little easier to take though:

    - it's happened (and is happening) to better men than us. We are not alone.
    - it's not about you - it's about them.

    The good news is there's nothing wrong with YOU. You SHOULD be grieving and hurting and all that. If you didn't it would mean ya weren't put together right!

    Errr... that was supposed to be supportive. Sorry man, it's all I have.

  2. Thanks Glen. How you describe it is exactly how it is - it is literally a one day at a time experience.

    I guess for me (maybe a difference) is that it is about me too - at least in the sense that the one holding me here is me, not the other person.

    Thanks for the support - which as I know all too well sometimes comes out at something else indeed.

  3. Thanks Linda! It is sort of like practicing mindfulness: one day at a time.


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