I have been feeling a sense of disquietude over the last week or so.
It is somewhat hard to really say why. I cannot really point to one event, although there have been a lot of changes in the last two weeks: the death of my aunt, the death of a long-time volunteer at the Rabbit Shelter I volunteered at in New Home, the settling of The Ranch, the fact we now well into a month of interim-management with no sign that it is ending soon (this, at least, was expected), perhaps even a natal day that pushes the next world all that much closer.
But that is change. And I have experienced change before without this unique sense of....something I cannot fully express.
I could say "The World" - but my understanding of the world at the moment is pretty dim at the moment. Most of that is by conscious choice - those that I see focusing on the world seem incredibly unhappy and angry most of the time, no matter what their chosen side. Maybe I am reacting to their inherent rage, instinctively knowing that no matter what happens in the future, they will ultimately be no happier.
Perhaps there is some element of "the job" as well - my site is in a state of transition from one stage (early stage manufacturing) to another stage (regular manufacturing) and with that transition comes a change in the work environment as well. I have been through this process more than once and know it well: a great deal of the spontaneity and "personal feel" of the work environment disappears, to be replaced by more regular business processes made to enable regular work. It has to happen, but the spirit of a place always changes, usually for the worse. Work is more a task and less about the personal aspect.
Maybe this will all pass. I hope so: Spring is coming strong and there is a lot that needs doing. But I cannot shake this last little bit of Winter in my soul.
I read you sir, five by five. I have longed harboured some winter in my soul - I counteract it with the joy of my bride of 45 years, our children, a granddaughter. Most things pass, and those that do not, will not make us stronger - heck, they may push us into ICU with unwanted tubes in uncomfortable places - but, yeah, c'est la vie.
ReplyDeleteWe can't win, we can't break even, and we have to die to get out of the game, but while we live, we can love, fight, dance and occasionally over-eat and -drink.
I wish you and yours well, sir. We are all spectators of the coming seasons. We shall pass the days.
Anon - "Most things pass, and those that do not, will not make us stronger - heck, they may push us into ICU with unwanted tubes in uncomfortable places - but, yeah, c'est la vie." Heh heh, thank you for early morning laugh.
DeletePerhaps I am simply not accepting the truth that you present, that this is simply what life is and that sense of disquietude is part of it.
A well wish back to you and yours as well. Like or not, we will pass the seasons until we enter an Endless Spring (or Summer, if that is a preferred season).
Read the Psalms and seek things you are grateful for and show your gratitude to the Lord and people you love. 🙏
ReplyDeleteAnon - As it turns out, this has been something I have been doing this very week!
DeleteKeep going, TB, this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anon. There is no choice but to carry forward.
DeleteYour disquietude reminds me of a song I came across, titled “Hibernate” by the band Venice (aka The Pine Mountain Logs). I’ll include a You Tube link of the band playing it on a talk show. The video is about 10 minutes long, giving a bit of history on the band and their “famous” extended family, but you can fast forward to the 6:58 minute mark to directly hear the song. You seem to be about 9 years younger than me but you may have some knowledge of the Lennon Sisters from the old Lawrence Welk show. This band is essential the Lennon brothers, made up of the younger brothers/cousins of the sisters.
ReplyDeletehttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gnPR3foeHuc&ra=m
AnonJ - Thank you for the link; I will definitely give it a listen/watch later.
DeleteI do in fact know of the Lennon Sisters. Lawrence Welk was a staple on Sunday nights in my childhood.
Blogger is not doing a very good job of updating blog lists lately. It had me wondering if your blogging schedule had changed.
ReplyDeleteYou've had some pretty finalized events happen recently and the work situation is a rather large uncertainty. Thankfully, you know the source of spiritual stability.
Leigh, I made the very same comment over on Sarge's blog yesterday (and I see that it has not updated yet here as well). Sigh. I hope it is just a passing phase and not a sign that Blogger will become abandoned.
DeleteI like your phrase "finalized events". That really does cover it. And even though I have a good job (and I really do), the uncertainty of the world is weighing on me as well.
I cannot imagine what people without spiritual stability are doing.
I too must be having problems with blog update notifications.
ReplyDeleteThe older I get, the more I am willing to just dwell in the past and let the next generations deal with the present and future.
Ed, it does make me understand why TB The Elder spent so much time collecting old things: they were simpler, they were good memories, and he understood them. How much I am becoming like him.
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