Saturday, April 29, 2023

Hammerfall 2.0: Hard Stops And New Parachutes

 It is still too early to make an accurate assessment (perhaps) on my job search, although it does feel like a few trends are beginning to manifest themselves.  One is that my career in Project Management may have been a short one - yes, it is too early to formally gain an assessment in that, but those roles seem to be the ones I have most quickly heard refusals from (or nothing at all).  As the bulk of my applications to date have been for this sort of role, the apparent lack of silence is interesting.  Or as a friend noted, Project Manager is a pretty generic title and likely a lot of people are out there.  

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This week the thought struck me as I was in a dead zone of "looking for positions but nothing coming up" that in a relatively short period of time (really July as due to sundry reasons we are out a great deal of June), my days are going to look completely different.  Yes, I will in some fashion be filling them with part time work, but that still leaves a lot of day.

And so the though occurred to me:  what I did something radically different?  What if I changed my life?

Realistically, continuing to look for a job will consume a very small portion of my day.  So what if, instead of doubling down on skills (real or imagined) for this career, I looked to fill them with other things?

What would that look like?  I am not really sure as of this writing.  Some readily at hand things that come to mind:  a deep reorganization of the items I own (long overdue), more Iai practice, areas of study I have not not had the time to engage in as I might like, writing (of course)...the list is not infinite, but there are a lot of possibilities (that frankly, given what I have here in terms of resources, would cost me nothing but time).

The meaningful question to me is "Why am I not considering this more actively?"

It is funny how normalcy bias is viewed when seen in others versus seen in ourselves.  In others, it becomes clearly visible; in ourselves, perhaps we often engage in it without even trying.

The end of May is looming large in a great many ways:  end of job, end of employer related health coverage (that search is on), end of a known income amount, end of gym membership (cut due to costs; I have a smaller facility that is much cheaper but without near the equipment). 

But literally right after that in June, we have an overseas vacation coming (which was already paid for and thus, non-refundable) that I am very much looking forward to as well as the first opportunity to train with the head of my sword school in three years.

It is as if a hard - very hard - and bright line is being drawn.

I have, for the last 27 years, either been in or instinctively returned to my industry as it was known and safe.  But I wonder:  what if this perhaps not just another break in the history, but rather the end of it?  That rather than lingering in something I should move on from, God has graciously taken the liberty of  helping me exit the plane at 10,000 feet?

Intellectually I understand the concept.  Emotionally, I find myself shying away from it intensely and reaching for a parachute that is not there instead of looking to my Instructor for a different one.

22 comments:

  1. Warren Bluhm5:43 AM

    One of my favorite quotes from Ray Bradbury is "Jump and build your wings on the way down." OK, maybe you were pushed, but the same concept applies.

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    1. Warren - I did not know that was quote from Bradbury (although it makes sense from what I know of him). We used a similar saying at my job (the one I was pushed from), "Building the plane as we fly it". Hopefully it works out better for me than it did there.

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  2. Nylon125:59 AM

    Widen that horizon TB. Unless you're willing to wear black from head to toe including face mask and leave the cell phone home, a life of crime is too short with all the cameras everywhere........ :)

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    1. Nylon12, I am trying. To be fair, just yesterday the ratio for Quality to Project Management job postings that were new was 9:1 (although many of them were on-site in places I am not ready to move, at least not yet).

      I would make a terrible criminal, if for no other reason than likely I would leave clues everywhere.

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  3. I guess I'm not shocked by the lack of hiring for Project Managers. At least in the engineering field, they always seem to come from within the ranks, filled by people knowledgeable in the processes from years of experience. What started changing in my working career was the tier above them, the directors. Those use to come from the ranks of project managers but started coming from outside the company and then were the stepping stones for senior management. As one would expect, this set up much dissatisfaction among the ranks of workers and a lot of bad company wide decisions made by people not very familiar with business.

    As luck/fate/chance would have it, I may have gotten myself hooked up for a 10 to 12 day excursion in Japan next year over spring break with my oldest daughter through her school. I have flown through Japan many times but never stepped foot outside the airport so if it works out, it will be a neat experience for the two of us.

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    1. Ed - I am so excited for your trip to Japan! I am sure you will have a wonderful time! Very jealous - no word if we will have our seminar next year, but I remain hopeful.

      I suppose I am not so surprised by the lack of project manager jobs either, or at least ones I feel I can apply to. Many of the roles are now calling not only for project management experience but advanced degrees in science, something that I am not likely to get anytime (soon or ever). The hiring from within makes sense as well - although it does preclude me going to another industry. Yes, project management concepts are the same, but industry experience is invaluable.

      Too often senior management comes from other companies and does not take the time to understand how the new company works. This almost universally ends poorly.

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  4. I'm guessing the massive layoffs we're seeing now don't help anyone trying to find a job. Doing something radically different seems like a good option to explore. Just having the thought is the first step to . . . who knows???

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    1. Leigh, it does not - my boss has made the salient point that if our company had made these layoffs last Summer, likely the job search would have been easier for everyone (also, might have been laid off anyway). And with so many good people out there, companies can be selective - as well as going through their own version of considering if they really need to hire more people or save money.

      For better or worse, I am at a point in my life where I can consider certain possibilities where last time (in 2009) I could not. I am trying to start with the "let us have the thought" thing, then see where that goes...

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  5. "But I wonder: what if this perhaps not just another break in the history, but rather the end of it?"
    I had worked with my hands for almost all of my life.
    When I was laid off, my job searching continued to look for work with my hands.
    My first post lay off job was as a millwright in a steel mill. (Worst job ever)
    Six months later I quit without having another job, and on the day I turned in my two weeks notice, I got a phone call for an interview with our passenger rail system.
    I worked as a passenger rail car mechanic for a year and a quarter, and then I got a phone call offering an entry level position in Federal Law Enforcement.
    (A fellow reservist had strongly advised my putting in an application with INS.)
    I turned in my notice and after completing training, I spent fifteen years as a uniformed Fed and then retired from Homeland Security.
    In my case, the decision to change was fairly easy.
    If I changed careers, I would get my pension back, and begin my LEO career with the same sick leave and vacation accrual rates that I had when I was laid off.

    At some point in life I began thinking or realizing, that I had little control of work.
    I'm still thinking that is mostly true.

    Part of dealing with the situation is personal practice mixed with experience.
    I can be off the cuff, but I mostly want a plan, a backup plan, and at least one more fall back and vague plan.

    Another factor is that I wasn't trying to plan what I was doing for the next fifty years.

    If it was easy, you would have an answer already. It's not easy.



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    1. John - I had arrived in this entire industry accidentally and really the last 25 years has been a complete surprise. Every time I either got bored or needed a job, it is what I returned to almost instinctively as it was easy to get hired. And likely, with some effort on my part, I can find a job which will tide me over the 6 to 8 years it will take for me to find a new job.

      At the same time - like you - I am wondering now if that is really the right choice. Or if I even have a choice. After all, bills need to be paid and no matter how much we have put away, it will all start drawing down all too quickly.

      You are right, it is not easy. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

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  6. Anonymous9:43 AM

    I reread your falling out of the sky post. Mr. M was a parachutist and a computer engineer. He chose parachuting. You might make a decent ronin. Just saying....

    Don't be afraid of casting your bread widely, even outside what you think might be an easy fit. John and I share our desires for job planning, but sometimes, life throws a 200mph fastball. You just gotta roll with it.

    "There is a philosophy of thought that states that one reason we grow old and fearful is not just because our bodies find they can no longer do certain things. It is that we reach the point that we no longer put ourselves in the position to challenge ourselves, to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and make ourselves adapt to the circumstances."

    I think He has given you a push, TB. He sure pushed me into the unknown, and He has held me up and continues to do so. I trust He will do the same to you. He is Trustworthy, and underneath, are the everlasting arms.

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    1. Oddly enough, a traditional sword carrying Yojimbo (Bodyguard) job does not pay near what it used to. A shame, really..

      One thing I am conscious of - really physically at this point - is that I am starting to think about not doing things because they are challenging and I might "hurt" myself. I might, of course - but stopping something only for that reason is no reason to just stop it (versus tailing it off).

      I certainly am viewing this as a push, based on timing and a number of other things that have occurred. That said, it is certainly making less concerned about the outcome. The job is there; I just do not know where it is yet.

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  7. Anonymous11:01 AM

    I'll throw two cents in. Became a wife and a hairdresser at 18. At 30 I was no longer either. Divorce Attorney hired me as a bookkeeper of which I had no experience beyond a checkbook. Got hired away 7 years later by a real estate company and got into mortgages as a manager. No experience but we thrived and grew. Grew bored (common) and moved to Tx and ran a national mortgage underwriting division. We got bought and ended up traveling for the next 19 years selling pools of bad mortgages till 2008. Remember '08? Yeah, me too. Retired. What's all this mean? Nothing, except look outside yourself. Don't label yourself. If I had lived with my label of hairdresser I wouldn't have had the best years of my life. You live in a populous area. I'm guessing you have a master's and a love of history, literature, obscure knowledge of English history. Lots of college's big and small around looking for teachers. Cut in pay, maybe, but also maybe something you would love.

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    1. I remember '08 - or really '09, which was my first layoff (so yes, painfully well).

      Teaching - college teaching anyway - has been suggested to me before. The pay is honestly not such a big worry anymore - it would be less, but lots of things would be less at this point. My bigger concern would be that at that level, I am not going to fit any current molds.

      But point taken. I will definitely endeavor to pigeonhole myself less.

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    2. Anonymous11:32 AM

      Molds are meant to be broken.

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    3. They are. I am one of those individuals that struggles with such things.

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  8. Anonymous11:34 AM

    My brother has two college degrees. One in business management, another in teaching. The business he did not like (too many office hours). Teaching lasted much longer, but he clashed with administrators telling him how to do his job. Not happy about that, though he did enjoy the generous time off.

    What does he do now ? He is a cook for Buffalo Wild Wings. He never had problems spending time in the kitchen before and he does seem happier with the occupation. Lunch crunch is busy, but the chaos seems to be more of an adventure.

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    1. Anon - I have two degrees as well, one in Political Science (minor in International Relations) and one in East Asian studies. I seem to have used precisely neither of them in my actual work life.

      Honestly, a career change would not be the worst thing in the world. Certainly not dreading what is going one when I am "off work" or what e-mails will be waiting for me the next morning would be a welcome relief. Also, I am not nearly as interested in climbing any career ladder as I once was.

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  9. To be totally unrealistic, what are the job possibilities in Japan?
    Thinking out loud and brainstorming are great things. And He will lead you where you need to be. :)
    You all be safe and God bless.

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    1. Linda, the thought of living in a foreign land is not as shocking to me as it once was - to your point, if it is His plan, He will show me.

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  10. Glad you are considering option and I continue to wish you the best (and remember you in my prayers). Twice in the past 18-ish years, I had a period of 60-90 days without a job. The first time, with severance and cashing in stock options, I was essentially still getting paid and I came out better financially. Second time was more abrupt and didn't have those things, but was much more comfortable with a cushion. My wife's fulltime job also helped both times. But both times I spent way too much time fretting and worrying about getting back to work and I wish I had spent a little more time dreaming and thinking about other possibilities. It all worked out and I am happier in my work today than I have ever been (God has been kind), but I applaud you for having a better frame of mind than I did.

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    1. Bob, it is not something I really thought about a month ago, but frankly looking at the available opportunities (which still seem to run 9:1 in favor of Quality Assurance over Project Management), it seems like the logical course. The Project Management experience I have is useful and I can benefit from it in planning and executing on tasks, but it seems like that ship may have largely sailed.

      That said, it looks like for the moment if I can find such a position, that will likely be the plan for the next two to four years. I (at least now) fully intend to keep my part time job at the grocery store so I do not put myself in the position of being without a job in the future, and even perhaps looking to other interests than may generate some kind of income. This was an expected shock - but a shock - that I do not intend to repeat.

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