A "We Are Done Here" Moment

Did you ever have a moment where you felt - deeply felt - that you were being pushed in a direction that you had no idea where it was going, or even what the direction was?  That feeling hit me about mid-day on Monday this week.

I cannot legitimately explain it.  I was reading, and suddenly something just said to me "We are done here". 

Lovely, I said to me inner voice, put down what I was reading, and proceeded to go on with my day.  Except I could not escape the feeling that a road marker had been hit, an off-ramp had suddenly been taken, and I had no idea why or where it was going.

And then - the following day - there was my mood when I woke up in the morning.  Frankly, it is was abysmal.  No idea why - it was not as if anything had happened the night before.  But simply nothing was good in the morning.  My Bible reading was flat.  My mood was sour as I made my way around the walk.  

Something - something - had changed, and apparently I was too foolish or too blockheaded to understand what it was.

For better or worse, I like to believe that I have some level of active knowledge and insight into where my moods come from. It has been a hard won knowledge:  for years I was "just angry/depressed/fill in the blank" with no idea why.  Since then I have learned to carefully track my moods back to where they came - for example, one super easy one I have discovered is dwelling too much on current events and the resulting anger/dismay/depression, which can easily set off my entire day.  But anger, guilt, even laziness - all of these I can track upstream of what the originating event was.

This, I literally have no idea.

I have never been one to question that God speaks to people (my estimate would be "He speaks a lot less than people think He does"); I cannot think of a clear time He has "spoken" to me.  That is okay of course:  if my faith relied purely on the concept that I needed to hear from God on a regular basis, it should be a very weak faith indeed.  

That said, I have the rather jarring and annoying feeling that He just did.

This feeling - this "We are done here" - is not unknown to me.  It has occurred before, only I am too often too unaware to appreciate what it actually means. I shrug it off or double down on things that are going on, not realizing or accepting that change is in the air.

It is difficult to put a timeline on such things, and to some extent even writing about it seems to feel like I am already putting a schedule on it.  These things cannot really be anticipated (at least in my experience) as to day or precise time; only that they are coming.

I have learned one thing though: The purposes of God are not thwarted and when it is time for a thing, it will happen - even if one is "dragged" kicking and screaming through the door.  And so I am trying to hold my life now with a lighter hand in expectation that something is changing - even if I do not know what it is.