I have to be honest that I am finding myself on the downside of engagement with my current church body.
I am sure that The Plague of 2020 has not helped anything, of course. We have not met since March of this year and the church has gone completely online. While they have made the best of it, I find that watching church via TV is hardly the sort of engaging activity that church was meant to be.
But it goes a bit deeper than that.
While we initially joined because 1) The Ravishing Mrs. TB is employed there and 2) the sermons were truly more engaging, what I have found over time is that, simply, I miss the structure of a traditional church. They hold to some elements of traditional Christianity - communion at least once a month, the Lord's prayer occasionally, the Apostle's Creed occasionally - but for the rest are what one would consider to be a modern, non-denominational church.
Not that there is anything inherently wrong with that, of course. I do enjoy more upbeat music - but what I am finding I do not enjoy is the same sort of songs (I refuse to call them hymns) which largely seem to revolve around us instead of God (And repeat themselves. Endlessly.). I do enjoy slightly more modern sermons - except that I am finding that they tend to mirror the themes that are important to the pastor, not necessarily the words that are actually present in the Bible. I enjoy the church - but I am finding that I no longer fully fit in with what the church is and where it wants to go.
But the biggest question I find myself having to answer is "Am I a better or worse Christian from my time here?" The answer, I think, is no.
And that is an answer that simply cannot be allowed to stand.
So what am I doing? Well, due to The Plague I cannot really go anywhere - but I can do a lot of online research and reading. So I am experimenting. I am thinking deeply - or trying to think deeply, anyway - about what sort of Church I need to be in based on what I know my interests and my weaknesses to be (for example, I like tradition. I like theology. A "high" church service feeds my soul and its view of God's glory in a way that an ordinary church service does not). I am trying some different personal practices to see if those engage me more fully.
It is worth a consideration as (if and when we make the transition) this is likely the last time I will do this before I die. So I want to be certain.
But all I know right now is that - sooner or later - I will have to leave where I am now to preserve my faith or see it slowly slip away under a rising sense of disengagement and dis-ease.
I’ve always considered the church and faith to be two different things, TB.
ReplyDeleteAt our church we sometimes have guest speakers... and one of the fellas just ticks me right off. He gets up there and starts badgering, accusing and screeching... I got up and left half way through one of his rants. My wife says all her friends were smirking and stifling laughter when they heard my motorcycle fire up outside when I left. I don’t care; the little fink offends me, and I don’t think his Maker would be all that impressed with him either... but whadda I know? Some of our older members think he’s great. If I know he’s speaking on a particular date, I skip and make my apologies and read and do some planned reading of my own.
Glen - Agreed that the church and faith are two separate - but interrelated - things. One can have faith, but I would argue (and I think Scripture supports this) that one cannot grow in the faith without community.
DeleteIn that sense, what church one is in makes a huge difference. In our current church, I have exactly the same experience as you do (well, except for the motorcyle part). That said, usually if there are more I like than not it is okay.
What the problem for me now is that I have reached the point that the church has become an obstacle for my growth, not an enabler. At that point, I need to think about something new.
It will truly slip away without conscious effort. When all the coals are burning bright the fire continues.... when one is separated off, it will soon dim and go out.
ReplyDeleteI am in a similar situation. But farther down the road than you I fear. I'll be praying for your direction.
Thanks STxAR. And I yours.
DeleteInteresting post. "I like theology." A bold statement. Do you listen to "Music and the Spoken Word" from Salt Lake City, Utah? That Tabernacle Choir certainly has great spiritual songs. Hope you find a church that offers you much more.
ReplyDeleteHi Ruth! Thank you for the recommendation (and stopping by)! I will certainly give it a look.
DeleteI agree with Ruth, an interesting post. I always like your analytical bent, and think it an important skill. If a church service can't lift me into the Lord's presence, then I find I'm not interested in going back. I do think the church in general is floundering right now. The Plague has been a testing ground for faith, with more challenges ahead, I think.
ReplyDeleteThank you Leigh - although the analytical bent is largely self taught (I wish I was somewhat more professionally trained).
DeleteYou make a good point: the service itself should lift us up to Heaven. Everyone being at home unable to attend church makes this doubly difficult, yet at the same time I think it accelerates issues that were already present: If you were not lifted up in the building with the service, you will definitely not be when you are at home (at least, that is my own personal experience).
Between the Plague and the general state of the world, we are indeed in a testing ground of faith. Sadly, the church has failed to mount a credible response that differentiates it from the world around it.
I have to agree with a lot of what you wrote. My church claims that as part of the faith, that abortion should be strongly condemened and that it is murder. Yet when it comes to elections, they have no problem siding with politicians who openly support abortion. Isn't that wrong ?
ReplyDeleteThe same with illegal immigration. When asking for prayers, asking for prayers for immigrants who seek a better life here does not sit right for me. I rather pray that all people who deserve assistance from God, not just illegal immigration.
Don't get me wrong - I don't blame illegal immigrants for attempting to stay here. I blame politicians who vote to help them more than Americans who need as much or more help from their government. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but it is how I feel.
Anonymous - Yes, this is the great disconnect that I see as well. People claim that that they follow what God's word says, but act in ways that does not promote it.
DeleteThat is the counter argument, of course - that the "other side" fails to embrace the aspects (read here "justice" as interpreted by the listener) that Christ proclaimed. That said, my experience has always been that they embrace the "better" parts of that, not all of it.
Politicians, sadly, have become far more interested in power and popularity than serving those that elected them (it is always the way of course, I do not know why I am surprised).
Thanks for stopping by!