One of the nice things about blogging as long as I have is that one comes across many different blogs. Some of them are single stops, others become treasured stops time and time again. A handful are stops I make every morning if I see something has new has been published (fortunately for me, most of my favorite bloggers are prolific writers).
For the most part the bloggers I read the most (and to be fair, the people that comment on this blog as well) tend to live simple lives - not "simplistic lives", as some of all of you are the busiest people that I know. It is just that there is very little of the modern culture of speed, acquisition, and spending. It is how I want to live my life, even if I do so very brokenly at this point.
To say "modern society is built on an unachievable concept of success" is probably a trope at this point - but tropes exist for a reason. Currently in my life, I am living proof that you really cannot have it all (one of the mildly popular myths of this age)- or at least you cannot have it all and keep any sort of sanity in the process. I suppose it would be difficult to pin down what "success" means in the modern world, although power, wealth, the ability to live the "experiential life", and all the things are, I suspect, in the running.
I do not suppose that sort of life ever really appealed to me, but especially as I have grown older, there is almost nothing about it that is appealing. Yet even though I intellectually know this, I still struggle with it.
To be sure, just living in the modern world encourages this. I find myself slipping into the trap at my new job of "I need to work a little more to be a get things done" - add on the daily commute and suddenly I am looking at work day extending to 10 hours or more. All because I want to be "a success" at my job.
Oddly enough - or perhaps not oddly at all - the more I am removed from this environment, the less I find it that necessary. When I removed from that world, that pounding cry of "more, more, faster, faster", things take a different shape.
What if we consciously measured things by a different standard? Maybe not the standards above - number of books (this works for me, of course), number of hours of sleep, number of things we did for ourselves, time we spent with family members? What if that became the "standard of success"?
It never will on a large level, of course - those ideas have nothing to offer a system that values spending and power (mostly over others). But they can offer us something on a personal level, a stick for ourselves to measure our own personal successes.
Besides - if number of books is a measure, then I am probably one of the most successful people I know.
Happiness is a choice, just like loving your spouse. A daily choice that despite the headwinds, harsh words and losses, there is STILL A CHOICE you make.
ReplyDeleteWe are all different, God loves wonderful variety (as Morgan Freeman said in Robinhood Prince of thieves) AND thus we must seek out our own happiness.
“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.”
― Cicero
Given Cicero didn't have Grubhub or even Walmart to buy his pizza in the garden represents (to myself) food and books represent a wider world than a farmer head down hoeing his garden.
Proverbs 5:18-20
Living Bible
18 Be happy, yes, rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 Let her breasts and tender embrace[a] satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight.
A beloved soulmate is a blessing from God. Don't adulterate your relationship if you treasure peace over a brief and often painfilled thrill.
Proverbs often speaks of the blessings of a good wife and the results of marrying an angry woman.
Proverbs 19:14
Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.
Cicero and Seneca - whom I both enjoy greatly, having read several of their works - both wrote about the idea of the good life. It always struck me as an amusing take, as for both of them when they wrote, they were wealthy men and the simplicity they wrote of was not something I suspect they would have embraced to the extent they claimed they would have enjoyed it.
DeleteCertainly everyone has different ways to measure success via happiness.
I'm not sure about that. Not bragging, but I'm pretty wealthy in books!
ReplyDeleteI guess for me anyway, I never became someone who had to always spend and have things to be successful simply because I have never lived another way. My parents weren't like that and neither were my grandparents or great grandparents, at least the latter in my lifetime. But like you, I notice it all around me in the form of much much bigger houses, fancier vehicles and lots more of the latest and more expensive gadgets.
For me, money has never really been an issue. It has mostly been time that I seek. I have valued family time over everything else and strive to seek more by reducing time commitments. I don't know if the resulting happiness brings in more money or we just lucked out or perhaps some of both, but as we gain more in family time, we also gain more in wealth. My goal now is to instill upon our kids how much TIME this wealth can buy them some day in the future and not how many THINGS.
Ed, you made me laugh. It is not a competition (well, maybe it is...).
DeleteMy family lines (both sides) never had a lot of money, although my material grandparents ended up successful (as did my parents) from years of working hard and living frugally - and they were never the "bigger better" crowd. So I had a good set of examples on not spending for what you could not afford - and on the other side, what years of frugal living and investing could yield.
TB The Elder, in one of the most memorable lessons I recall from him, once told me one can have either time or money, not both. And given my interests, time is what I at least say I value more, although I too often act as if money is the thing.
I am hopeful you can inculcate this into your kids. I will say - if it is any comfort - our children seem to have learned this lesson and value time spent doing things they enjoy or with each other (still - my two oldest talk almost every day).
One of these days I have to count the books on the bookshelves, pen and paper will help......that memory! As you TB there are a few blogs to visit every day, there are many good people to learn from. ERJ is a posting machine eh?
ReplyDeleteERJ and the Gentlemen at Chant de Depart are all machines. Leigh, Kev, and Ed are not slouches either.
DeleteIt is odd, Nylon12, how often books have come up in recent days. Probably some kind of message of a blog post there.
The beauty is, you get to keep score. Me? I know where and how I lack, and get to determine how much I want to work on it, the big question: does it matter? Does it make me more virtuous (not to others, but to me)? Does it make the world better? As Marcus said, "Quit thinking about what it takes to be a good man, be one."
ReplyDeleteThat is a thought I had not completely grasped John, that we are 100% in control of the scoreboard.
Delete"Does it matter to me?" seems to be the elephant in the room I am constantly confronting.
Are wealth and success the same thing? I really like the example of being wealthy in books.
ReplyDeleteFor myself, I'm trying to see success as achieving contentment. Human nature tends to be restless and difficult to satisfy. Our wants are always changing. If I can conquer that, I will feel successful indeed.
Leigh, I suspect the point of the quote is in fact that we should ultimately determine our success, not let the world determine it for us (wealth in books sounds like a fabulous thing!).
DeleteOne of the the capitalism is woefully lacking in is teaching us contentment - not surprising, as the whole system is based on allocation of capital based on the buying and selling of goods. Living on what makes us contented is likely a long way from living on what drives the current economic system.
The older I get the more I think I want my days numbered by the people who's lives I have touched. When I was young, I wanted to be famous when I got older. Maybe since that boat has sailed, and I'm sure being older, I now think of what will seem important when I'm gone. I've lost enough loved ones to know that what is accomplished in terms of what the world would call "success" is nowhere near the top of the list of things I hope are talked about when I'm no longer here.
ReplyDeleteBecki, I think that is a fine goal. At least in this world, it probably the greatest form of "famous" most of us will achieve.
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