I finally broke down and bought packing supplies to finish up my parent's house.
If I am completely honest, the amount of packing left to do is not much: All bedrooms are now cleared of everything we want (with the exception of a pair of twin beds, the bathrooms, the formal dining room and informal dining rooms, and living room are now complete. What remains is the office, the hallway, one last sweep through the kitchen, and packing the things we have saved up in the Master Bedroom Closet.
And (gulp) the garage.
Honestly, it is really not that much remaining - and yet it has escalated in my mind to some kind of heroic task that needs to be completed when in truth 85% of it is already done. Why, I wonder, is this?
Mostly it is down to having to make the "hard" choices.
I say hard choices. The choices are hard to me, no-one else. Family pictures and family albums have been packed up if for no other reason that I do not feel I have the time or ability to sort through them at this point. The rest of the things that everyone else wanted have already been selected and put aside.
No, the issues that remain are completely of my own making.
I have gotten slightly better at it. I am more able now than before to ask myself "Do I really need to save this?" and set it aside if the answer is not an immediate "yes". Some of this simply due to a certain weariness at this point, of just wanting to finish with things and get them out of here.
As we have moved through, what remains sits out on tables and in cabinets and on shelves, isolated remnants remaining from the outgoing tide of nostalgia. The things still bear memories to me, just not enough memories to have a need to save them.
In an ideal world, I would finish up the initial work by the end of this week and then we can contact someone for an estate sale. If I can keep to task long enough to finish it - I say "keep to task" because sorting through the collections of a life by one's self can be a lonely activity and one I have to keep myself to the grindstone at to complete.
If I am honest with myself, we are now at the back end of this activity. I need to focus on how it is going to feel when I can check this off my list of things that needs to be done - and to accept that whatever happens next cannot happen until this thing is done first.
Goal = finish BEFORE Halloween. Yah, physically you're alone there winnowing down the possessions but are you?
ReplyDeleteNot fully alone Nylon12; their presences are still here. But receding as things get boxed up or leave. Which in a way, is perhaps making things easier to approach.
DeleteTB, perhaps asking if any others in your family would like to keep that item that is on the 'not sure I want to keep that'. That item may have a special relevance or connection to another and having it remain close but gone from premises may help in whittling down the items faster.
ReplyDeleteMy Brother and I have the same issue with Dad's former possessions. A ton of great hardcover books in art, American History and others. Dad was a voracious reader and kept a heckuva library. I hate to get rid of them, but other than myself, no one reads THAT much on those topics. Also a classical music fan and has many 78rpm plum red LP discs from long ago.
The "good news" is that I am the last person at this point to have to make that call - everyone else has already gone through and identified the items that they want (these are the items currently in the Master Bedroom Closet). So it is largely me getting over any lingering sense of guilt I might have and making the call.
DeleteI am sure I will go through another round of this when I "unpack" everything again, but for now I want to finish. This is a task that has taken far too long at this point, and largely that is on me - mostly my own reluctance to have to make a decision to be sure, but on me.
The other thing that grieves me a bit is the history - I/we are keeping the things that matter most to us, but there are other simply "old" things like the 78 rpm records you discuss that had value to my father. I am working to convince myself that allowing those to pass on is not the same as disrespecting his choices.
I do understand, TB. I still have a lot of things to go through. Pictures my brothers sent to me that my mother kept and of course, I still have some things of my hubby's to go through.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have the packing supplies. ;-)
You all be safe and God bless.
I am sure you do, Linda. I hope it is an easy process for you.
DeleteI have not bought moving supplies in many years; the price has gone up!
I'm pretty sure I've typed this on your page before, but for me, sorting is sort of a distillation process. I finally got everything down to a couple van loads sitting in my basement. As the winters and years went by, I reduced it to several plastic totes with lids. Right now I'm comfortable with that and I have room for those in our storage room. Eventually though, I may crack them open and distill them one more time.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure you have Ed, but it is a good reminder to me that I do not have to solve the entire problem at once. I need only start with getting it into boxes.
DeleteI've never had to pack up a house like that, so I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be. Hopefully, the remainder of it will go quickly.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, oddly enough clearing the walls and moving boxes to where they should go has turned out to be game changer. Without the items on the walls and with things boxed up, it is becoming more and more of "a house", not a house of full of nostalgia.
DeleteMy mum died in 2012 and I still have a large box of her tax returns for her last 15 years. I recently went through all of them to make sure that's all that was there and still can't bring myself to take it to be shredded. Maybe because it's the last things I have that were in her writing. Plus the lingering scent of her cigarette smoke (which I used to detest) now just makes me nostalgic.
ReplyDeleteDixie
I understand - I keep coming across lists my mother kept and I, too, am reluctant to throw them away. She had not written like that in so many years now, and her penmanship was so flawless. They are just silly lists, but they make me wistful all the same.
DeleteMy heart goes out to you, TB, as you work on this task. I don't know if 5 days later (when I'm commenting) if you are at a different spot, but even so, it can be such a hard, fatiguing process - especially for one who is trying to be thoughtful about it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Becki! I made some progress up to Thursday, then got completely derailed by P's passing. Hopefully by the end of the year we will be in a good place.
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