An epiphany this weekend. I suddenly realized, at the core, what I - and I think everyone else - wants in their heart of hearts.
They want to be wanted.
Ah, wanted, you may say. Isn't that really a synonym for desired, for loved? Can't you use them interchangeably?
I used to think so. I don't think so anymore.
Wanting to be wanted, at the core of our being, is the naked and humble admission that someone wants us for us, not what we can do for them. It is the deire side for agape love, that love of God that loves the individual for what they are, not for what they can do for them or how they react to that love.
Oftentimes that desire to be wanted turns into other things, making decisions or taking actions to make the other person (and could be anywhere: coworker, lover, friend, relative) continue to want us. We do things that we would not normally do, sometimes even taking risks we would never otherwise do - all for the sake of continuing to be wanted.
Why? Because being somewhere - a job, a friendship, a relationship, an organization - where you are not wanted is the most painful thing in the world. There is nothing worse than realizing that you are being tolerated or even that you are present merely as a functioning part, that you could be replaced at anytime and never really be missed.
But to feel wanted - to know you are somewhere because you make an impact, that you are in a friendship or relationship because the person really wants you, and lets them know that they want you - is the most empowering thing in the world.
Ultimately, this wanting is only fulfilled in our relationship with God. I can scarcely imagine the intensity that God wants us with - the intensity that Scripture says He wants to love us, wants us to be with Him, wants us to become like Him. If we could only grasp, in some small way, how strong His wanting is, what a difference in our lives it would make.
But maybe that's what these other wantings are for: to helps us realize that what is true of our desire for relationships with others is ultimately true of our relationship with God.
Are you letting those in your life know how much they are wanted?
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