Purpose II: Husband

Welcome to our continuing series of "Let's Make a New Life", based on Craft the Life You Want: Creating a Blueprint for Your Future at artofmanliness.com. Today's exercise, based on prioritization of roles, is to define a purpose for each role.

Today's role: Husband.

Well, here's one that's never been open to any kind of cliche or over (or under) use. How many times throughout history - throughout my own life - have someone made a commitment to being a better spouse.

And what does being a better spouse mean, precisely? That's part of the challenge. It means different things to different people. Some view being a better spouse as providing more, or spending more time doing things with the family, or giving individuals more time to do things on their own, or just being sure to walk the dog every day. So in the end, part of being a better husband (or wife) depends as much on the other individual and how they feel their needs are being met as well as how we feel that we can meet that requirement.

So armed with that seemingly large mishmash of pastels, what do I want people - my wife - to say about me after I die?:

"He was a good man and a good husband who provided for me and his family and made us feel loved."

Wow, even more cliched that I had anticipated.

Well, maybe, maybe not. If I could just do that - provided for my family, make them feel loved - I would have done a lot more than what those simple words indicate - both because I suspect there are many who would say "I"ll take that" and because just because the concept is simple, it doesn't mean it's simplistic. In fact, there is an argument that providing and loving can be some of the most difficult, exhausting work to be done in any marriage.

If you don't think so, try providing for and loving your wife (and your children) in a situation that at best is not enjoyable to you or at worst is life threatening (not that I'm there, of course), and see how "simplistic" it is.