Out of Synch

Yesterday it was brought to my attention that an aspect of my life is not in synch with what it should be. It's one of those moments when, of course, you believe that you are doing everything appropriately - and then someone tells you you are not really doing it at all.

(Yes, I'm being cryptic. Live with it).

This is one of those moments which some author would cheerfully describe as an "Opportunity for Self Discovery and Improvement". I assure you, if this is an opportunity, it feels nothing of the sort.

You go through a series of stages during the discussion: first denial ("That's not really true"), then anger ("They're mischaracterizing the behavior"), then bargaining ("Well, maybe some of it is true"), then depression ("I suppose it's all true. I'm wretched and there's no hope of improving"), and finally, acceptance ("I have to deal with it, no matter what my perceptions"). The five stages of death, conveniently compressed into a two hour period.

The problem is, I don't really know what to do about it.

To fix the problem as it is being suggested is not really to fix the problem - it's to meet the prescribed formula for resolving the problem. The difficulty is that in doing so, I will simply become something that I don't really thing that I am - but maybe that itself is part of the problem. On the other hand, it cannot be ignored or pushed aside - that leads to consequences which are more severe than the initial problem itself, and there is a time limit.

Which leaves me here in this limbo of the souls, trying to figure out where the third path is in the face of only two branches.