The Collapse CII: Schedules And Time

19 May 20XX +1

My Dear Lucilius:

From what I can tell, I hear peeps in the back of the greenhouse so it appears that the quail may have hatched. I am still too concerned that I may somehow disturb something, so I am continuing to put out food and water and isolate them. I will check in perhaps a week. Our rain is on and off – which is precisely what the garden needs, and normal for this time of year.

Late Spring and Summer are lurching into being in a way that continues to surprise me, even thought I have lived here for some time.

The biggest difference is the amount of sunlight. We are approaching the Summer Solstice (not for another month yet of course), and our daylight is suddenly almost 14 hours. It sneaks up on one: only a few days ago (I know it was longer in fact) the sunrise was after 0700; now I find it getting light at 0430. Terribly disruptive for a sleep pattern, but terribly useful for the act of living.

In a way, I suppose (to be fair to myself) I had somewhat already adapted to such a schedule: in moving up here and being formally retired as well as having slowly curtailed my career in the last few years of our previous home, some of the constraints of the modern schedule had fallen away from me. Most of the “times” that I did keep were more for my own convenience and regularity: Waking at a certain time, eating at certain times, planning certain activities at certain times, going to bed a certain times. The days of the week became just days, punctuated by Divine Services on Sundays. Seasonality, as we have discussed before, became the norm instead of weeks or even months.

That was before, of course. Things are a bit different now.

Daylight is now a time to be up and about things, even more so than before. Part of that, of course, is tempered by the fact that things like biologic processes can only move at a certain pace: seeds only grow so quickly, fruits and vegetables only ripen so quickly, eggs only are produced so quickly, and so on. As the same time, what is driving at the back of my brain is the fact that this time will dwindle all too soon: by late September temperature and light will already start dwindling and by November, we will be in the cold and dark.

And so, it seems, one finds tasks to do.

Fortuitously, my actual property is small so it is easy enough to care for, although it is enough to keep me busy. General maintenance sweeps are even more a thing than ever, not only of the place I live but the outbuildings and my possessions. Care of garden (still early yet after planting) and greenhouse and quail and bees all takes at least some time. Regular house sweeping and dusting has also become a thing (it seems that I have visitors more often now than ever), as well as now assessing and re-assessing everything for need or trade. Ranging up and down the part of the road that is my responsibility. Fishing for meals, and making sure I vary my spots so that I do not denude the stream in front of my house.

I still make time to practice my martial arts (a sanity check as well as maintaining my skill level) and my reading, of course. And writing these missives.

Added to this – somewhat unexpectedly – is now I have a second my place where I am welcome.

I am not sure that I add anything to Pompeia Paulina and Stateira’s operation – they have lived here far longer and are much more organized in their routine. I amuse myself that I assist, mostly by moving heavy things and being an extra set of hands. If I am not as useful as I believe myself to be, they are kind enough to not say anything and redirect me.

It certainly acts to fill the day. Tempus Fugit, as they say.

Your Obedient Servant, Seneca

Old English, A Historical Background: Harold Godwinson, King of England

 Upon his accession of King of England after 05 January 1066 A.D., Harold Godwinson found himself simultaneously at the height of power and the height of risk.

As a king, he was likely the logical choice for the Anglo-Saxon nobility:  for 21 years he had served Edward the Confessor. He was a demonstrated victorious general on land and sea.  He was a skilled negotiator.  His family was one of the most powerful in England, now holding four of six earldoms.  The fact that there were no known revolts against Harold during his reign suggests that from the nobility and the common folk, all accepted the fact that the throne was not retained by the house of Wessex.

We do not know a great deal about the reign of Harold, largely because his time on the throne was brief - in fact, generally the history books I have seen dedicate almost no time to him.  We have single verified document (Writ) from his reign.  From all records, he essentially continued the policies and advisors of Edward and there was little, if any, change in his reign.  

The issues he faced largely came from outside.  In April of 1066 A.D. his brother, the former Earl Tosti, returned with a fleet supported by his brother in law, the Count of Flanders.  He was, perhaps, trying to recreate the invasion of Godwine in 1051 but met with much less successful results; the people did not rally to him and King Harold raised a fleet to harry him.  Tosti fled to his former earldom of Northumbria where, defeated again, he headed for Scotland and then for parts North.

But the invasion of Tosti was a warning sign to King Harold.  If Tosti could cross, others could as well. 

Yet there was risk.  One, as have already discussed, was that Duke William of Normandy laid claim to the throne and, whether by made ups story or actual fact, used it to force Harold to swear that he would support William as King of England.  The fact that Duke William was working to assemble an invasion force did not go by the spies of King Harold, and he took steps to raise an army, strengthen his navy, and prepare to defend against a potential Norman invasion.

Duke William's ability to conduct the invasion was less definitive than it seems in hindsight.  He had to get the support of his barons, supply a fleet, and then sail across the English Channel.  His fleet was likely made ready in mid July 1066 A.D., but contrary winds kept him on the French Coast into August and September.

The other was Harald Hardrada.

Harald Hardrada (or Harald Sigurdson, or Harald III) had led an almost exemplary Viking life to this point.  He and his half-brother, Olaf Haraldson (St. Olaf) had been defeated in 1030 A.D. in an attempt to regain the Norwegian Throne.  Olaf died; Harald went into exile, serving as a mercenary leader among the Kievan Rus (The Viking/Slavs of the East) and eventually becoming commander of the Varangian guard.  He served throughout the Empire, from the Mediterranean to the Holy Land to the Black Sea.  He returned to Norway in 1042 where he negotiated a joint rule with his nephew, Magnus the Good (Magnus had replaced Canute's son Svein as ruler of Norway). Magnus died the next year and Harald became sole king of Norway, which he ruled into 1066 A.D.  It was at this point Tosti, Earl Godwin's son and King Harold's brother, arrived in Norway and suggested to the King that he invade England.  It was a claim that Harald had been pursuing himself, as he considered himself heir to Hardecanute, the last Danish King of England.

King Harold was forced to release the bulk of his army and navy on 8 September, as they had reached the limit of the time of their required service. The fleet sailed back to London, and the army returned to their homes.

The timing could not have been worse:  on 8 September 1066 A.D., King Harald Hardrada and Earl Tosti joined forces at the mouth of the Tyne river in Northeastern England. King Harald brought 300 ships, Tosti 12.  

The re-invasion of Anglo-Saxon England had begun.

(Old English Posting Page) 

Works cited:

Brooke, Christopher:  From Alfred to Henry III 871-1272.  Norton Library:  USA,  1961.

Hollister, C. Warren:  The Making of England 55 B.C. to 1399.  D.C. Heath and Company:  United States,  1976.

Trevelyan, G.M.:  History of England Volume 1:  From the Earliest Times to the Reformation.  Anchor Books:  USA, 1953

Walker, Ian:  Harold:  The Last Anglo-Saxon King.  The History Press;  Glouster, United Kingdom, 1997

Wikipedia:  Harald Hardrada

Hammerfall 2.0: Unexpected Blessings

 One of the funny things about hiking out in the wilderness is that when you crest a peak or ridge a brief window of cell phone coverage presents itself and the build up of several text messages and phone messages sudden arrive (If you are aware of this, you can also use the opportunity to supply people with updates like "Hey, we are still alive").

Thus it was I found myself on Saturday evening when we were camping on snow a message from my coworker that my soon-to-be former employer had updated their accrued time off policy.  As of that day (12 May) no accrued time off would be paid  to any employee upon their departure.  Apparently the "Use it or lose it" policy was now a standard thing, not just a one time practice.

And yesterday, the company put out their Q1 financial statement and business report and noted at the bottom of the report that they were investigating "strategic options".  For those that may not be familiar, that is code for "sale or reverse merger", a sort of "Hail Mary" which usually precedes bankruptcy.

In other words, my "layoff" is now kind of a blessing.

It is a blessing in multiple ways. It clearly gave me the fact that I needed to investigate a new direction.  It allowed me to take my PTO (instead of now, where planning to draw down all my vacation would potential delay my start time at my new employer).  It spares me the challenges of working at a company which is is the process of dying - if you have never worked at one, it can be a very depressing environment:  people are now effectively incentivized to find a new job now and start just disappearing, there are no real projects going on but just the shut down of existing ones and hoping (vainly for the most part) for some sort of unexpected good news.

That does not really clear anything else up, of course.  I still do not have another full time position (second interview is today); on the bright side, I complete my training (on-line and in-person) at my part time job next week so at least I have something (not to underestimated in this economy, to be sure).  The job search has not improved in any real sense of the word:  rejections continue to trickle in and the positions I see listed are not, for the most part, things I can apply to with a serious sense that it will result in a position.

But it does strike me as ironic that this unexpected layoff has, in a way, prevented a far more stressful situation from manifesting in my life.

God remains in control.  It is just difficult to see sometimes when I am only looking at what has happened, not what is upcoming.

Backing From Hiking May 2023 Edition

We arrived back from our drive from our hiking location around 4 PM local time after a 3 day, 29.85 mile, 5,579' elevation gain, 18 hiking hours hike.

Our hike? A loop in the Hetch Hetchy Wilderness.

I have something like over 200 photos and videos to sort through (this might take a bit), but I offer below a hint of what we saw on hike.

Including snow.  Lots and lots of snow, about 9 miles worth of hiking.   And sleeping on it (which turned out to be much less daunting than I thought).

Enjoy the preview, and as always thank you for your patience with responses.

The Return Of The Prodigal Son: The Younger Son's Return

 "He squandered his money on a life of debauchery.  When he had spent it all, that country experienced a severe famine, and now he began to feel the pinch; so he hired himself out to one of the local inhabitants who put him on his farm to feed the pigs.  And he would have willingly filled himself with the husks the pigs were eating, but no one would let him have them.  Then he came to his senses and said, 'How many of my father's hired men have all the food they want and more, and here am I dying of hunger!  I will leave this place and go to my father and say: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you; I no longer deserve to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired men.'  So he left the place and went back to his father."

(Source)

Nouwen starts his consideration of the Younger Son's return with a consideration of Rembrandt's physical presentation of the Younger Son:

"Rembrandt leaves little doubt about his condition.  His head is shaven.  No longer the long, curly hair which Rembrandt painted himself as the proud defiant prodigal son in the brothel.  The head is that of a prisoner whose name has been replaced by a number.  When a man's hair is shaved off, whether in prison or in the army, in a hazing ritual or a concentration camp, he is robbed of one of the marks of his individuality.  The clothes Rembrandt gives him are underclothes, barely covering his emaciated body.  The father and the tall man observing the scene wear wide read cloaks, giving them status and dignity.  The kneeling son has no cloak.  The yellow,-brown, torn undergarment just covers his exhausted, worn-out body from which all strength is gone.  The soles of his feet tell the story of a long and humiliating journey.  The left foot, slipped out of its worn sandal, is scarred.  The right foot, only partially covered by a broken sandal, speaks of suffering and misery.  This is a man dispossessed of everything...except for one thing, his sword.  The only sign of dignity is the short sword hanging from his hips - the bade of his nobility.  Even in the midst of his debasement, he had clung to the truth that he was still the son of his father.  Otherwise he would have sold his valuable sword, the symbol of his sonship.  The sword was there to show me that, although he came back speaking as a beggar and an outcast, he had not forgotten he was still the son of his father.  It was this remembered and valued sonship that finally persuaded him to turn back."

How did it come to this?

The world, the Younger Son found out - as we all find out sooner or later in our own lives - has time for us as long as we have something to offer it:  "They only noticed him as long as he could be used for their purposes.  But when he had no money left to spend and no gifts left to give, he stopped existing for them" - even more so because he, as a foreigner in a foreign land, had nothing offer but the money he had - "Real loneliness comes when we have lost all sense of having things in common".  It was only when he was lost - not considered even human among those whom he lived - only then, suggest Nouwen, did he truly grasp his situation:  "He was truly lost, and it was the complete lostness than brought him to his sense".

"Whatever he had lost, be it his money, his friends, his reputation, his self-respect, his inner joy and peace - one or all - he still remained his father's child."  And so in remembering what he was and whose he was - he is still the son of his father, for all that he did to him - he decides to return home as servant.  Even in the depths of his humiliation, he has made an important discovery: "On the one hand the younger son realizes he lost the dignity of sonship, but at the same time that sense of lost dignity makes him also aware that he is indeed a son who had dignity to lose".

It is precisely at this moment, argues Nouwen, that the Younger Son has returned, even though he has not left the pigs or the foreign country.  He has hit the bedrock of his being and there are no illusions left:  "When he found himself desiring to be treated as one of the pigs, he realized he was not a pig, but a human being, the son of his father."  And now, realizing - or really remembering - that he is the son of his father, he can hear the still, soft voice of his father calling to him.  It is that knowledge of his father, and of the love that he had, that convinces him to return home even though he returns as a hired hand.

But the Younger Son must believe that there a home and father to go back to:  "There are always countless events and situations that I can single out to convince myself and others that my life is just not worth living, that I am only a burden, a problem, a source of conflict, or an exploiter of other people's time and energy.  Many people live with this dark, inner sense of themselves.  In contrast to the prodigal, they let the darkness absorb them so completely that there is no light left to turn toward and return to. They might not kill themselves physically, but spiritually they are no longer alive.  They have given up faith in their original goodness and thus also in their Father who has given them their humanity.  But when God created man and woman in his own image, he saw that 'it was very good,' and despite the dark voices, no man or woman can ever change that."

And so, the Younger Son begins his journey back.  As he wakes, he rehearses the speech he will give to his father:  

"As I read these words (the Younger Son's speech) I am keenly aware of how full my inner life is with this kind of talk.  In fact, I am seldom without some imaginary encounter in my head in which I explain myself, boast or apologize, proclaim or defend, evoke praise or pity.  It seems I am perpetually involved in long dialogues with absent partners, anticipating their questions and preparing my responses.  I am amazed by the emotional energy that goes into these inner ruminations and murmurings...The reason is clear.  Although claiming my true identity as child of God, I still live as though the God to whom I am returning demands an explanation...Belief in total, absolute forgiveness does not come readily.  My human experience tells me that forgiveness boils down to the willingness of the other to forgo revenge and to show me some measure of charity."

The Younger Son struggles to accept he has lost the dignity of a son and is a hired hand; in no way does he see his father able to offer more than that.  We as well, says Nouwen, struggle with forgiveness:

"One of the greatest challenges of the spiritual life is to receive God's forgiveness.  There is something in us that keeps us clinging to our sins and prevents us from letting God erase our past and offer us a completely new beginning.  Sometimes it even seems as though I want to prove to God that my darkness is too great to overcome.  Where God wants to restore me to the full dignity of sonship, I keep insisting that I will settle for being a hired servant.  But do I truly want to be restored to the full responsibility of the son?  Do I truly want to be so totally forgiven that a completely new way of living becomes possible?  Do I trust myself so absolutely to God's love that a new person can emerge?  Receiving forgiveness requires a total willingness to let God be God and do all the healing, restoring, and renewing.  As long as I want to do even a part of that myself, I end up with partial solutions, such as becoming a hired servant.  As a hired servant, I can still keep my distance, still revolt, reject, strike, run away, or complain about my pay. As the beloved son, I have to claim my full dignity and begin preparing myself to become the father."

Where to start?  Nouwen suggests that just as He said that we are to come to God as children, living in a second innocence not granted by birth but made by conscious choices - and following what came to be called the Beatitudes:  "How blessed are the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for uprightness, the merciful, the pure of heart, the peacemakers, and those who are persecuted in the cause of uprightness...The Beatitudes offer me the simplest route for the journey home, back into the house of my Father.  And along this route I will route I will discover the joys of the second childhood:  comfort, mercy, and an ever clearer vision of God."

Nouwen ends this section as he ended the first, that in some way the Younger Son represents what Jesus did for us:

"I am touching here the mystery that Jesus himself became the prodigal son for our sake.  He left the house of his heavenly Father, came to a foreign country, gave away all he had, and returned through his cross to his Father's home.  All of this he did, not as a rebellious son, but as the obedient son, sent out to bring home all the lost children of God.  Jesus, who told the story to those who criticized him for associating with sinners, himself lived the long and painful journey he described....Looking again at Rembrandt's Prodigal Son, I see him now in a new way.  I see him as Jesus returning to his Father and my Father, his God and my God."

We all make this journey because at some point we must.  Jesus did not because He had to, but because of His great love for us.  Even for a single one of us.

Hammerfall 2.0: Avoidable Circumstances

 One of my observations for the bulk of the companies that I have worked for is that they would make fabulous case studies for aspiring MBA's  - on ways not to do things.

Somewhat sadly, it appears I can add another company to the list.

As I mentioned yesterday, we are now into the final two weeks for those of us that have been laid off.  We are now moving into three separate stages (all predictable):

1)  The first is employees that were slated for layoff finding other jobs and leaving.  Typically, one would give sufficient notice as prescribed in the Employee Handbook to allow for the payout of PTO.  There is no PTO payout in this instance, and so individuals have used their PTO (or like me, are using it now) and there is no incentive to give anything but the briefest of notices.  Departures are now starting to mount with minimal notice:  "Thanks.  Monday (two days from now) will be my last day."  The company has managed to completely squander any residual good will.  If things are not transferred or done, there is now no chance they will ever be.

2)  The second is that employees that were retained are also putting in their notices.  No-one should blame them - the writing appears (largely) to be on the wall and that I am aware of, there have been zero incentives to retain employees.  There will always be some level of true believers in any company, but a great many people are just there for employment, career growth, and the overall work environment.  The former feels as much like a "You should be grateful for a job" as anything, and the latter two reasons are rapidly disappearing.

This puts the company in an awkward position:  they are either forced to go back to individuals they had previously laid off and ask if they would stay (but that pool dwindles with every week) or divide the work among the remaining employees, which is a motivation sapper and just as likely pushes them to look for a new position as well.

3) The third is that individuals that previous thought about the transfer of labor in abstract terms are suddenly being confronted with the unfortunate reality that that things taken care of by other people and groups is no longer continuing.  Speaking purely from my now-previous project management role, there will be no-one to set meetings, take minutes, create timelines, follow up, request and guide statements of work through to approval, and verify accrual of invoices - all things which at some level need to go on.

The result?  Meetings that were previously seen as critical have now fallen by the wayside; timelines are now developed by user groups (if at all) along figuring out statements of work.  Accruals...no idea who is following up on any of that.  But it still has to be done.

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It is shocking to me how quickly my caring meter has fallen off.  Where four months ago I was all about the project I was finishing up and closing out and what I would be doing next, I have moved to watching those projects wither away in real time.  If  I had to characterize my reaction, it is exactly how I remember breaking up to be (once upon a time, when I still dated): someone that once meant the world to you and you could not help thinking about and being with all the time is now someone with whom involvement has ended and you find yourself drifting farther and farther away until you hardly remember why you were there in the first place.

The thing that maddens me - if one can be maddened by a rapidly cooling interest - is that this seemed completely avoidable.  But I suppose that comment could be made about relationships as well:  it all seemed like it was going to go on forever, until one day it suddenly does not.

Grab Bag: Interview Update, Training, Comment Mea Culpa, Work Week, And Gone Hiking

 The team interview on Tuesday went as well as could have been anticipated.  I say that because, like most team interviews, they are asking a series of pre-defined questions.  My answers overall seemed satisfactory, my questions back to them - my standard ones of "Why are you here?" and "What one thing would you change if you could about this place currently?" were well received and had honest responses in turn.  The hiring manager interview has been moved to next Tuesday.  So we prepare and wait a bit longer.

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Training for the product job has commenced.  I started the on-line part last Saturday and have about 50% of it to complete, which will need to be completed next Saturday.  Best news?  I get paid for training. First check for the princely sum of $62.47 (pre-tax) dropped yesterday.

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Earlier this week I had to drop a comment into spam (it was clearly spam).  On a whim, I went to look - and found not only that comment, but comments from my regular commenters there as well that were not designated as spam.  You know, those usual firebrands like Ed, Becki, and STxAR.  It had even helpfully identified a number of my responses as spam.  I have restored them all, including my own - so in the event you thought you commented and it never came up, mea culpa.  I will check the spam box more often now.

Things like this give me pause about the true power of Artificial Intelligence.

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This week was effectively my last almost full week (4 days, more or less) of work.  I am fully off today through next Friday and for the bulk of the following week, pending two half days.  All e-mails are organized and sorted, all remaining responsibilities discharged, Out of Office notification typed up, with the helpful "After 29 May, this e-mail will not be monitored" added.  I have six remaining meetings, 50% which I am interested to attend just as follow up, 33% with individuals that I value for the conversation, and 17% for the remaining required meeting, which is literally the last thing I will do before I push my computer over the side and call it done.

Looking at the work calendar, it is hard to believe that 43 days ago my world was so differently focused.

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The Outdoorsman and I will be off hiking again, leaving today and returning on Sunday (so in advance, apologies for the delay in responses with the excuse of spam).  With the potential change in jobs one way or the other, I have no idea if this will constitute the last training hike before our planned hike in August.  Either way, I full intend to enjoy the experience.  After that, I will need to start doing prep work on clearing the house out to prepare to rent it.  Bittersweet all around.

Life.  Sometimes it is playing the hand you are dealt instead of hoping for a better hand.

On Theme And The Collapse

 I have been a fan of the author Steven Pressfield for many years.  I originally became acquainted with his work through the book Gates of Fire, which is a historical fictional account of the battle of Thermopylae.  It is a well written book - so well that for many years and perhaps even now, it appeared on the Marine Commandant's reading list. It is a compelling retelling, and Pressfield is a compelling story teller.  

It was not his first book - The Legend of Bagger Vance was - but since then he went on to write books in historical fiction, non-fiction, biographical, self-help, and books on writing.  He has also done some screenplays (much earlier in his career).  His website is here.

I have read (and re-read) Gates of Fire and Tides of War (historical fiction of the Peloponnesian War) and highly recommend both. But what I have come to appreciate even more about Pressfield are his books on writing and the creative process. If that sounds familiar, it might be:  I wrote on his book Turning Pro here and have quoted thoughts of his from War of Art here (from 2015; that seems like forever ago).  His books on writing - the ones I have (Do the Work, War of Art, Turning Pro) all have the sort common no-nonsense application and instruction that resonates, at least with me; I am sure the books I do not have (yet) - The Authentic Swing, The Artist's Journey, Put Your A## Where Your Heart Wants To Be - are all the same.  They also all contain a sort of biographical journey of Pressfield as he struggled - and literally, it was a struggled - to become a published author.

That said, there was one that came this week that I was looking forward to:  No-One Wants To Read Your Sh*t:  Why That Is And What You Can Do About It.  I was excited - not just because I read the reviews and they were great, but because this is something that I want to get better at.  Writers want people to read their writing.  And in theory at least, I want to get better at my craft.

The book was as promised, a combination of Pressfield's journey in authorship and as concise a description on the structure of writing and how to communicate as I have ever read (this may be my new best text on writing, outside of Ray Bradbury's Zen And The Art of Writing).  

In short - and relevant to today's topic - Pressfield states without a concept, theme, genre, climax, hero, villain, stakes, jeopardy, and knowing the end,  there is no story.  With these, there is a story - and Pressfield makes the bold statement that using this formula, one can write anything - a novel, a screenplay, a business presentation, a dissertation, or a sad story to your landlord about your rent - or, I suppose, a blog post.

(As an aside, I tried it for my interview prep this week.  Turns out he is 100% correct.)

So, TB, why the rather lengthy prologue about writing on a day when I am here for my serial update on The Collapse?

What a fantastic question (he says, unlimbering his fingers on the keyboard).

When I originally started this series, it was literally a one off short story.  As I looked at the short story, it struck me that this would be an interesting thought exercise:  what would it be like to live through, not a devastating civilizational world ending event, but one where civilization just kind of goes away?  

Although I did not call it that at the time, this is my concept, per Pressfield.  Suddenly the character began to flesh himself out almost without trying.  I knew him, knew where he lived (it is based on the actual cabin I would spend part of my Summer at every year), knew the location, knew some of what he would do - but not everything; he continued to surprise me.  

The genre is, I suppose, post apocalyptic - but that is a pretty big genre, ranging from something simple like a plague (Earth Abides) to nuclear war (Alas, Babylon, A.D. 2150, No Night Without Stars, War Day) to threats from outer space (Lucifer's Hammer, Footfall) to simple straight out governmental collapse (Patriots).  All of these vary in how they handle the writing, perspectives, situation, and details.  

(As a note, I think of all of that list my favorite is Alas, Babylon.)

The hero, of course is obvious (Seneca) as is the jeopardy (Survival).  Of the villain and the climax, I cannot fully say - but perhaps this is always the problem with a serial writing; it is sort of a journey into the unknown without a clear sight of land until one seems to have arrived.  One could say the villain is "Death" and the climax is "re-establishment of a civilized order" but that all smacks of being the slightest bit too cookie cutter for me.  I suppose we will find out together.

This series has not always been the easiest to write - longer time readers may recall that I took almost a two year break, mostly because I had felt I had written myself into a corner (I had not - this is a weak excuse.  I had allowed myself to believe I had written myself into a corner; Seneca handily walked out of it when I gave him the option).  Sometimes the postings come easily, sometimes with great difficulty.

What I have not identified - until now - is theme.

One of the things that have been commented upon about my "version" of a future is that it is not violent enough and gritty enough for an actual collapse.  The other is that sometimes the details or actions presented do not make "sense" in such a world.  To the former, I have suggested that based on Seneca's location - northerly, isolated - violence and grittiness would be unlikely (it is not really there even now).  

To the second - details and actions either not making sense or perhaps even foolish - I can state that, perhaps only now, I realize the theme of my writing.

Civilizational collapse is something that has many aspects, and something of interest to me has always been what that looked like to the individuals who lived through it. The Romans of the 400's and 500's A.D., the Romano-Britons in the 400's A.D., the later Byzantine Empire, even Scotland and Ireland of the 17th and 18th Century - all of these went through a collapse of their civilization. Some of that was economic, some of that was linguistic, some of that was cultural.  All of it was devastating, especially to cultures that were as much oral as they were written.  

When I sit down with Seneca as I do on a weekly basis, what comes to mind is not so much the actual practice of surviving in a collapsing world with details.  What comes to mind are observations and feelings about what he is seeing and enduring, of relationships back to what he has learned and making new connections with old learnings.  Surely in this he is no different from those that endured similar things; it is just that we do not have them written down.  The average Roman citizen of Gaul circa or Romano-British citizen that watched and lived through the "barbarians" rolling through their civilization must have had thoughts and feelings as well, but other than a very few pieces of literature generally written by an elite, educated class, we have very little except buried hordes of treasure and artifacts never returned for by their owners.

Are there fictional works on surviving the Apocalypse?  There are - James Wesley, Rawles' works (Patriots, Survivors, Founders) have all the detail one might need to equip themselves fully.  And if that is what is needed, I strongly suggest books such as those. I might also recommend the fiction of Friend-Of-This-Blog Eaton Rapids Joe.

 Has The Collapse generated some great commentary on what do in the event of such a happening?  It has, and so long as the discussion stays within the rules (and it has), there is no reason that will not occur.

But what is likely not to occur - and what I am not really going to worry about to the point of stressing over it - is creating such a high level of detail about such a situation.  From a practical point of view, it is far more research than I can support now.  From a desirable point of view, it is not really the point of the work.  And from Seneca's point of view, it is not really what he is concerned about.

If you have stuck with me this far, thank you. I try to avoid soliloquizing like this (or, I suppose, defending my writing style), but it was coming to the point that I almost did not want to continue on the subject matter.  If for no other reason than for my own sanity, this helps.

Seneca will undoubtedly be back next week (yes, in case you are wondering, he actually does take up a part of my consciousness.  He keeps showing up, sometimes at the most inconvenient times).

Your Obedient Servant, Toirdhealbheach Beucail

Old English, A Historical Background: Edward The Confessor And Earl Harold Godwinson

 When King Edward ascended the English throne in 1042 A.D, he was in a weak position.  His dynasty, the House of Wessex, had been out of power for the previous 26 years, superseded by Canute and his sons.  He himself came to the English throne having spent most of his life in Normandy among Normans and Norman clergymen; it is more than likely he spoke Norman French more readily that Anglo-Saxon.

Additionally, Edward commanded no inherent base of power in England; he was heavily reliant on the earls of England, Godwin Earl of Wessex among them.  It was Godwin that had brought Edward's name forward as King; it was Godwin who supplied his daughter Edith as Edward's wife.  But Godwin - and all of the earls -were also jealous of their own administrative authority within their fiefdoms; a powerful king did nothing to advance that agenda.

As Edward moved into power, he began to outlaw and dismiss men put in place by Canute and his sons and recruited Normans into his retinue as well as into some higher clergy; this was not surprising as to Edward, these men would have represented trustworthy men to the king - and an alternate power base.

In 1046 A.D. Earl Godwin's eldest son, Swein, was outlawed for kidnapping an Abbess and keeping her for a year.  Swein ended up in Denmark, but returned in 1048 A.D. only to be driven off again.  Earl Godwine continued to pressure the King for the return of his son, even after Swein had killed his own cousin (1048 A.D.).  The continued pressure of Godwin for his son's return, compounded by the appearance of control by Godwin and his sons of a fleet to protect England from German raiders and the fact that Edward's marriage with Edith was proving to be barren, provoked Edward into action.  In 1051 A.D. Godwin and his sons were outlawed, their lands taken from them, and his wife Edith was to be divorced.

Godwin and his sons fled:  Godwin to Bruges, France, Harold and his brothers to Dublin in Viking Ireland.  Both father and sons began recruiting a mercenary army.  They re-invaded in 1051 A.D., first as small piracy raids, then sailing up the Thames through London.  Edward's lack of support was revealed and he was forced to negotiate.  Godwin was restored to power and he and his family to his lands and Edith was restored to her position as queen; some of the more odious Norman bishops fled, eventually back to Normandy, taking with them Godwin's  which had been offered as hostages for their good behavior.  All was as it had been before the outlawing, with one exception: the inability of Edward to enforce his will and the power of Godwin and his sons was apparent.

Godwin did not long outlive this victory and died in 1052 A.D, as his did his eldest son (and bone of contention) Swein.  Harold Godwinson ascended to the title of Earl of Essex - at Edward's decision; Edward and Harald did not have the contentious relationship of Edward and Godwin.  The service of Harold and his family during this time, as far the records show, were what was to be expected between sovereign and earl. 

In the mid-1050's, with the issue of the childless marriage at hand, Edward came up with what was perhaps a novel idea for an heir,  A member of the royal house - an athling - remained alive:  Edward the son of Edmund Ironsides.  He had been exiled when Hardecanute had become king and had - at least to England - been lost to knowledge. It now appeared that he as located in the Kingdom of Hungary. In 1056, a retinue - seemingly including Harold Godwinson - was sent to Hungary to retrieve the future king.  It was a task that would have required great diplomatic skill as the party had to make its way across the Channel to the Holy Roman Empire, then to Hungary, then back to England.  This, the party accomplished - all to have Edward die in 1057 A.D. shortly after his arrival.

By 1062 A.D. the power of the Godwinsons' was at its height;  they controlled five of the six earldoms of England. Harold led an invasion of Wales in 1062 which successfully ended in the head of Gruffydd King of all Wales being delivered to Harold, who sent it on to King Edward.  Harold demonstrated tactical ingenuity, using a fleet to invade Wales and then drive the Welsh into the mountains, denying them the countryside (a strategy to be used successful by Edward I in his conquest of Wales).

In 1064 A.D, for reasons which now remain unclear, Earl Harold sailed to Normandy. It is unclear why he sailed to Normandy; history is largely silent and Norman sources (given following events) are highly unreliable.  It is possible the trip was simply a rescue mission to plead for his brother and cousin; it is possible he was just "blown off course".  No matter what happened, he was captured and transferred to William, Duke of Normandy.  The Duke feted Harald; they undertook a campaign together in Brittany.  Upon their return, William revealed that he wished for Harald to support his claim as King of England upon the death of Edward the Confessor.

Where could William, a man only distantly related to Edward, get such an idea?  Historians guess that one of the fleeing bishops in 1051, Robert of Jumieges, came to the King with a story of Edward's wish to make him his heir. Whether this was real or just a story spread by a bitter man who had to flee the country, William chose this opportunity to use it to his advantage.

Harold, faced with the choice of imprisonment and possible death, swore the oath in a cathedral on holy relics, an oath that was considered binding in Medieval European and Catholic eyes.  Possibly he was offered to retain his position as Earl of Wessex and marry William's daughter; he was given gifts and his nephew Hakon and released to England, burdened with an oath.

Harold returned to England, now clearly understanding that William of Normandy intended to claim the throne of England.

The last two years of Edward's reign  became complicated.  Northumbria in 1065 A.D. rose in revolt against Tosti, Earl of Northumbria and Harald's brother, due to a tax increase.  The rebels rose up, ravaging their way South until they were met by Earl Harold.  A civil war seemed possible, King Edward and Queen Edith and Earl Tosti against the thegns and men of Northumbria.  Harold came down in his negotiations on the side of the rebels and against his brother; Tosti fled to Flanders and the old laws under King Canute were restored.

But time was running out for King Edward.  His health began to fail in late 1065 and it appeared likely that he did not have much longer.  Edward Athling's son Edgar was alive, but too young to become king. As the Christmas court came into being, the King, the Queen, the bishops and archbishops, and the great nobles of the realm were present.  If Edgar was too young to be king and William was undesirable, only two other potential claimants remained.  One was with them in court and there is no doubt that Harald Godwinson lobbied all heavily on his own behalf.

On 05 January 1066 A.D., Edward the Confessor died.  As he lay dying, he transferred the kingship to Harald Godwinson.

(Author's note:  I would not have been able to provide near the detail about Earl Godwin, Earl Harold, and the Godwin sons without Ian Walker's book Harold:  The Last Anglo-Saxon King.  It focuses on this period and these people in a way other works I consulted did not.)

(Old English Posting Page)

Works cited:

Brooke, Christopher:  From Alfred to Henry III 871-1272.  Norton Library:  USA,  1961.

Hollister, C. Warren:  The Making of England 55 B.C. to 1399.  D.C. Heath and Company:  United States,  1976.

Trevelyan, G.M.:  History of England Volume 1:  From the Earliest Times to the Reformation.  Anchor Books:  USA, 1953

Walker, Ian:  Harold:  The Last Anglo-Saxon King.  The History Press;  Glouster, United Kingdom, 1997

Hammerfall 2.0: Interviews

 As you are reading this, I am either preparing, participating in, or dissecting the first of two job interviews this week.

The thought of interviewing itself is a bit daunting, not from the fact I have not done it before (I have), but the fact that I have not done in some seven years.  I suspect it is similar to dating after a long relationship breakup or the death of a spouse:  Like riding a bicycle, it is a skill that is buried somewhere deep within the subconscious.  Unlike riding a bicycle, the mores and unspoken rules have likely changed and you need to somehow understand what those changes are without appearing awkward or unknowledgeable. 

I have done my research (this is one of the things Linked Out can be good for) and know all of their backgrounds and job experiences.  My very rudimentary read is that they are all quite smart - and all much younger than I am with not nearly as much industry experience.  That matters, both for what their questions will be and what their expectations of the position will be. 

I am also fortunate in my research that I know something of what would have been my predecessor in the role and the situation that lead to them seeking a new Quality person. And, I know (thanks to the HR interview) what the plans for the company are over the next 1.5 years and some of their key expectations.

This is more information than I have had about upcoming interviews in years.

I am trying to prepare for this one far differently than I have in the past.  Partially, of course, it is because (simply) I need a job.  Partially it is because I am trying a different technique.  And partially, it is because I am trying to think about what happens after this.

The actual preparation is easy enough: Make a list of questions that are likely to be asked.  Walk through the answers.  Review the regulations (and stay awake; 21 CFR is never invigorating reading).  Have a "plan" for how I would address the 30/60/90/120/180/270/360 day milestones.  How I "measure" success.  How I would actually address some of their expectations (in a way that manages those expectations while stating what will and will not work).

I have done some of this.  I need to do more.  

The third item, though, is the one that I need to plan more for.

In point of fact, this job will not last forever either - and I hope it does not frankly; I would like to be on to other things at some point.  But I need to find a way to do this job and use this job to launch us into the next phase of life.  That involves planning as well - not only financial planning but planning of time and activities (drawing work boundaries is also part of this).  

Assume success, plan for failure - and always, always, do your best.  Ultimately that is all I can do.

(As a side note, there have been no other interviews put in place for any other position.  One or two initial phone screens, and a fair amount of e-mails saying "Thanks for applying, but...".  Of the 35 positions I have applied to thus far, I have a 45% definitive rejection rate (e.g., told no or the position reposted) and a conversion rate of 2.86% (the part time grocery store job). Also, it appears relocation packages are a thing of the past. At best, hiring bonuses may be offered as substitute.  Based on that, I have confined my search to local and remote positions only.)

On A College Graduation

 This weekend Nighean Bhan graduated from college - not the actual completion of the degree mind you, that happened in December of last year.  This was the "walking" portion of the process, where the graduate goes through and gets the public recognition for their accomplishment.

I was a little hesitant about going - this is by far the largest event I have attended in over three years and the first college graduation since 2019.  Overall it was fine - long (over three hours) and what I would consider any sort of non-related social constructs and thoughts kept to a bare minimum.  The keynote speaker's address was short, amusing, and the sort of thing one can just as easily get online in a 15 minute inspirational living value.  Other than the press of people making their way out (which set off every panic button that I possess), it was an endurable experience.

The thing that made me really think was not the ceremony, but rather the graduates.

This was an undergraduate only event, and yet there were likely 1100 individuals at this event to graduate, scattered among four or five different departments within the larger college.  I am sure there was the usual mix of students here:  the overachievers, the very devoted, the "doing it for my family", the lower achievers that met the minimum requirements, and those that staff breathed a sigh of relief as they crossed the platform (there are always a few).  All now armed with immaculate diplomas to be mounted in frames on walls or stuffed in closets to be forgotten.

Whither will the graduates go?

I do not ask this question to detract from the accomplishment - completing a college program is a big deal and a life investment of time and resources (having been through two degrees, I know as well as any).  I do ask it based on the world we live in today.

Colleges over the next month or so will be releasing college students into the economic ecosystem.  In 2020 (The most recent year I found) a little over 2,000,000 undergraduates took a degree.  Assuming that includes B.S., B.A, and A.A. that is still a lot of (mostly) young people flooding out into the world.  Some will continue on of course to graduate school (Nighean Bhan is one), but others will be moving directly into the world of work.

What world will they wander into?

One of the great complaints about the U.S. college system is that it is disconnected from the actual needs of the economy.  We pump out all kinds of degreed individuals:  English, Psychology, Science, Math, Communication, Journalism, Political Science (Those losers - I was one of them).  They arrive, some of them knowing precisely what they are going to do, others (like me) having no idea what they are going to do.

But the world is different - different than when I graduated, even different within the last ten years.  

When I graduated the global economy was just taking root; now one completes (literally) with the entire world.  Robotics had begun to automate many tasks considered "drudgery"; we are now in the very early stages of Artificial Intelligence automating many tasks considered "skilled" and "educated".   I have already considered the fact that within 10 years, likely Artificial Intelligence can do 90% of what I performed as a project manager:  create and track timelines, follow up with emails, track spending, assign invoices. Practically speaking, $1.00 when I graduated with my BA is now $0.42 - not a great trend when prices are only continuing up, not down.

I am sure they are educational as prepared as a large prestigious university can make them. But are they prepared for the world as it is today, not even the world as it was when they started college?

If anything, life teaches us that we need to play it as it lies.  Seldom (if ever) are we offered the opportunity to pick our ball up and move it on the playing field.  Sometimes, the "lay" works in our favor; other times it does not.  Either way, we have to take the next swing.

I wonder - in that sea of individuals literally bursting forth upon the world - how many truly grasp that fact.

 

The Return Of The Prodigal Son: The Prodigal Son Leaves

(Source)

The tale of the eponymous character of the parable of the Prodigal Son - the Prodigal Son - is so well known that it exists not only in Christian circles, but has been undoubtedly reworked into more than one feel-good Holiday Christmas movies:  A younger son gets tired of life at home on the farm, takes his share of the estate by making his still-living father divide it, leaves and goes out to live the "good life", runs out of money and takes a job which is beneath him.  Starving and poor, he realizes that things were better back home and decides to return home.

Nouwen quotes an author who spent years in traditional cultures of the Second and Third World what the implications would be of a son asking his father for his share of the estate while his father was still living.  The response are almost universal:  No-one would ask such a question, for to ask it would be for the son to wish the father to die.  And leaving home then becomes a double rejection, not just of his family but of his home and the values that it represents:  "Leaving home is, then, much more than a historical event bound to time and place.  It is a denial of the spiritual reality that I belong to God with every part of my being, that God holds me safe in an internal embrace, that I am indeed carved in the palms of God's hands and hidden in the shadows....Leaving home is living as though I do not yet have a home and must look far and wide for one."  Leaving home - the home of God's presence, of God's voice - is a rejection of God himself, even as God continues to speak his words of love to us:  "Jesus has made it clear to me that the same voice that he heard at the River Jordan and on Mount Tabor can also be heard by me....These words reveal my true dwelling place, my true abode, my true home."

And yet we go: 

"Yet over and over again I have left home.  I have fled the hands of blessing and run off to faraway places to search for love!  This is the great tragedy of my life and the lives of so many I meet on my journey.  Somehow I have become deaf to the voice that calls me Beloved, have left the only place where I can hear that voice, and have gone off desperately hoping that I would find somewhere else what I could no longer find at home." 

We leave, suggests Nouwen, because "...I realize that the true voice of love is a very soft and gentle voice speaking to me in the most hidden places of my being...It is a voice that can only be heard by those who allow themselves to be touched."

The world is fully of voices, says Nouwen, voices that say "Go out and prove that you are worth something".  Christians my recognized that voice in the testing of Christ in the Wilderness, where three times the Devil tempted Him to perform a miracle or worship Satan.  Christ was able to resist, but not so much us:  "I leave home every time I lose faith in the voice that calls me the Beloved and follow the voices that offer a great variety of ways to win the love I so much desire."

How do we know when we have left home and have entered that distant country?  "Anger, resentment, jealousy, desire for revenge, lust, greed, antagonisms, and rivalries are obvious signs that I have left home.  And that happens quite easily".  Easily for himself, says Nouwen; even more easily for me.

The core question we ask, says Nouwen, is whom do we belong to:  God or the World? "All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows my life is mostly a struggle; not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting in the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me."

Nouwen argues that we are frenetic in our lives and actions because at all times we continue to ask the world "Do you love me?  Do you love me?"  The world is filled with conditional love: "if" you do this, then the world will love us, although too often we do not realize that:  "The world's love is and always will be conditional."

We become addicted to the world:

"Addiction might be the best word to explain the lostness that so deeply permeates contemporary society (Ed. note:  This book was published in 1992).  Our addictions make us cling to what the world proclaims as the keys to self-fulfillment:  accumulation of wealth and power; attainment of status and admiration; lavish consumption of food and drink; and sexual gratification without distinguishing between love and lust...The addicted life can be aptly designated a life lived in "a distant country."

"I", states Nouwen, "am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found....I am constantly surprised at how I keep taking the gifts God has given me - my health, my intellectual and emotional gifts - and keep using them to impress people, receive affirmation and praise, and compete for rewards, instead of developing them for the glory of God."  The Prodigal Son is merely replaying the Original sin and Adam and Eve's definitive rejection of God's love and provision:  like them, he has chosen to seek in foreign lands the love and fulfillment he seeks on his terms, casting aside the offer of God.

To Nouwen's mind, the painting "The Return of The Prodigal Son" has the message of salvation embedded in it:  the son, have left his father's provision and taken his money and lived his life to the fullest, found himself bound the conditional love the world, the "ifs" that said with the money, he was loved.  Likewise, how often have I left my Father's provision, taken the good things He has given me and gone to a distant country where there is love and acceptance so long as I continue to spend God's provision on myself.  

The problem, of course, is that it always runs out.  Eventually the conditional "ifs" will become the definitive "no":  we will no longer measures up to what the world requires for its love and so, seemingly suddenly, we find ourselves alone in that distant country, bereft of all that we had taken out with us and bereft of the "Love" that we thought we had. 

God loves us too much to make us stay.  Nouwen suggests - and I have never heard this thought expressed before - that God even loved His Son so much that He could not keep Him in Heaven but watched as He came to earth, never withdraw His blessing or His love from His Son.   God knew what it would cost Christ even as Christ knew what it would cost Himself - but God never said "Stay here".

Instead He stood with open arms, waiting for His Son to come home - and not just alone, but bringing with Him all who had believed in Him.  The same Father stands there still, arms wide open, waiting for us as well to come to our senses in whatever distant country we find ourselves.  It is perhaps only when we have come to the end of our rope (because we are so often so foolish) that we are in a position to hear that still, small voice reminding us of The Father's love for us.

All that we seek, He says, is where we left from.  We need only come home.

A Sort Of Hammerfalll and Looking Back

 Longer time readers of this blog may recall that in 2020 I went through what I called "A Sort of Hammerfall", the result of which was a change in my career path from my then-role in Quality Assurance to my current (and now perhaps, passing) role in Project Management.  The core of that change was the review from that year, in which it was noted I had "troubling flaws".

That was the single worst review I have ever received in my life for any job. And it has haunted me to this day.

A large part of the haunting - and frankly, my reluctance to reconsider Quality positions - is the fact that at some point I would have to explain the complete change in careers and why (likely) I would be seeking a lesser position.  Or more pithily put, why I essentially got dismissed from a senior management position.

This all suddenly has relevance as the initial screen I had this past week has turned into a hiring manager and panel interview next week. I have done my research and the individuals I will be speaking with appear to be educated and intelligent people (and thanks again for the continued prayers and well wishes.  If I could continue to ask for them, I would be ever so grateful.).  So I presume some form of the question will come up.

The reality is that I have never really dealt with that review.

If you recall, my response at the time was to simply agree with my then boss, as much due to my dislike of confrontation as well as the knowledge that arguing a fait accompli is 93% of the time a complete waste of effort in that the decision is usually already made and the chances of changing it are zero.  One thing that did ensure, however, is that I never had to actually respond to the observations.

Last Sunday during my visit to a different church, the point of the sermon was that as Christ did not look back after the resurrection, so we too are not to look back.  Admittedly the Resurrection of the Son of God and my review from three years ago are on slightly different planes of importance, but the point remains the same: as any number of memes with heroic pictures will tell you, do not look back as you are not headed that way.

Over two years after that review, I created a document with just the observations - my failings - written down. This was the first time I could bring myself to even look at the document, as it is not just looking at the document: it is recalling all the feelings surrounding it and going into the meeting assuming I was to be fired and then reading that, at least in the eyes of the reviewer, I had completely failed in my job.  But I kept it instead of just dumping it - for all of everything it represented and it how it made me feel, there are parts that are true that I needed to address.

This week I finally responded to the observations.

The observations were not long or particularly well thought out. In some cases they were literally "This was not true".  In others, they were "notifications were sent" or "resources were not made available as noted".  In some, they were "agreed, and this is how my current role has addressed that".

It was not great writing, and certainly not the quality of material I try to purvey here.  Even in this exercise, it is still hard to read those words.  But at least I got something down on paper.

And, almost instantly, felt better.

This exercise does not fix a lot of things.  It does not change the events or the last three years.  I will still have to answer questions, walking an honest line between what happened and my interpretation of what happened.  And if even I disagree with a lot of what was written, I need - for my own intellectual honesty if nothing else - to be able to check each and every one of those off the "flaws I need to correct" list.

But confronting something, even after all these years, is a great place to start moving forward.

On De Consolatione Ad Marciam And Outcomes

De Consolatione Ad Marciam (To Marcia on Consolation) in Lucius Annaeus Seneca's Moral Essays (Loeb Classical Library Volume 254) was written by Seneca to Marcia (Cremutius) Cordas, a friend of the Emperor Augustus's wife Livia.  The occasion of the consolation is the death of her son Metilius, who passed away three years prior to the writing of it.  In it, he reminds Marcia of the fact that death is endemic to all men and can actually represent a release both from potential sins as well as from actual suffering.

Today's thought exercise, though, is taken from a section dealing not so much with the consolation as with the historical examples of living long enough to see: 

"Think how great a boon a timely death offers, how many have been harmed by living too long?  If Gnaeus Pompeius (Ed:  Pompey the Great), that glory and stay of the realm, had been carried off by his illness at Naples, he would have departed the unchallenged head of the Roman people.  But as it was, a very brief extension of time cast him down from his pinnacle.  He saw his legions slaughtered before his eyes, and from that battle where the first line was the senate, he saw - what a melancholy remnant! - the commander himself left alive!  He saw an Egyptian his executioner, and yielded to a slave a body that was sacrosanct to the victors, though even if he had been unharmed, he would have repented of his escape; for what were baser than that a Pompey should live by the bounty of a king!

If Marcus Cicero had fallen at the moment when he escaped the daggers of Catiline, which were aimed not less at him that at his country, if he had fallen as the saviour of the commonwealth which he had freed, if his death had followed close upon that of his daughter, even then he might have died happy.  He would not have seen swords drawn to take the lives of Roman citizens, nor assassins parceling out the goods of their victims in order that these might even be murdered at their own cost, nor the spoils of a consul put up at public auction, nor murders contracted for officially, nor brigandage and war and pillage - so many new Catilines!

If the sea had swallowed up Marcus Cato as he was returning from Cyprus and his stewardship of the royal legacy, and along with him even the money which he was bringing to defray the expense of the Civil War, would it not have been a blessing to him?  This much at least he might have taken with him then - the conviction that no one would have had the effrontery to do wrong in the presence of a Cato!  As it was, having gained the respite of a very few years, that hero, who was born no less for personal than for political freedom, was forced to flee from Caesar and submit to Pompey.

...All things human are short-lived and perishable, and fill no part at all of infinite time."

Seneca point to Marcia was that his early death spared him from suffering unimagined ills that were yet to come.  My meditation today is on a tangent to this point:  living long enough to see the consequences of our actions extend to their logical conclusion.

For many of us - most of us? - we take a multitude of actions every day.  Some of these are of no import at all, but some of them can have drastic impacts on ourselves, our loved ones, and even the society around us.  Some decision are consciously made for this very reason - that somehow we are going to make our family/home/geographical entity a better place.

We make these decisions and blithely assume that everything will work out for the best.

Sometimes, of course, we luck out and the decision goes moderately well.  Other times - well, other times we get removed from the situation or (worst case) die before we see the outcome.

Other times though, we get to live through it.

That is the tangential point of Seneca:  Pompey lived long enough to the Civil War go against him (does anyone think at the start of a war they will not win?), Cicero saw the end of the Republic that he had tried to save by executing one man only to let loose the larger scourge of Civil War, Cato lived to see how his inflexible Stoic and political beliefs contributed to the destruction of the Republic that he spent his life serving.

One can argue it is part of the human condition:  we are shorted sighted and can barely look five years out, let alone 50 or 100.  For example, 100 years ago most of the US was still rurally based, electricity was just becoming a thing, and Soviet Communism was still "a pretty good idea based on the previous inequalities and backwardness of the Tsarist regime".  

That last point, of course, looks quite different from our vantage point now.

I write this for two reasons.  One, of course, is simply to remind myself that nothing is permanent.  The fact that history (personal and "big picture"), while not predicting outcomes of things, can often guide us in how they are likely to work out in the long run is something to take wisdom from and refuge in.  Many of the things I find in my own personal life as well as the larger world, seemingly giant, can suddenly change.

The other is for those involved in making the sorts of decisions that they believe will change themselves, their situations, or the world without accounting for the long term impacts.   It is not only that the course you chart is the course you end up with - unlike travel, the actual world is far more messy and influenced by many factors beyond your control.  The other point is that often you live just long enough to see the final outcome of your changes - and sometimes, to be consumed by them.

One wonders if, looking back, Pompey, Cicero, Cato, and even Seneca himself would have chosen differently.

The Collapse CI: Planting

 17 May 20XX+1

My Dear Lucilius:

Today was gardening planting day.

To be fair, this is about 1.5 weeks ahead of typical planting season, but given the weather and the need, it is a risk that most seem to be willing to take this year.

And oh, how we planted. Not one, but two gardens this year, my own and then the garden of Pompeia Paulina. More hands make light work of course, and with four of us planting – myself, Pompeia Paulina, Stateira, and Young Xerxes, things moved a great deal quicker than in years past when I was just planting my own garden.

We pretty much planted everything: pole beans, beets, broccoli, brussel spouts, cabbage, carrots, corn, cucumbers, lettuce, onions, peas, peppers (bell and jalapeno), potatoes, spinach, squash, and tomatoes. This is a lot more than I would planted in a typical season and frankly, these were not all my seeds – some made their way from Pompeia Paulina and Stateira’s and some “magically” appeared from Xerxes. We planted the same at Pompeia Paulina and Stateira’s with some additions: kale and cauliflower, neither of which I truly like (but, I suppose, beggars cannot be choosers).

The bees continue to do well also – the weather continues to warm up sufficiently that they are making regular flights out of the hive at this point. The potentially broody quail is still barricaded away in the back of the greenhouse, but it is either this week – or nothing.

For dinner this evening I pulled out my barbecue and some of that precious charcoal. Young Xerxes brought steaks and Pompeia Paulina brought a vegetable salad and, wonder of wonders, a bottle of Old Vine Zinfandel that apparently had been saved for a special occasion. We had a meal outside in the fading sun, almost like something out of the “old days” as if the past year had not happened at all. More shortbread and after dinner coffee may or may not have also appeared.

It is odd how these moments creep up on me Lucilius: even now I can put the reality of the world on hold and find in small ways that life has a continuity to it that transcends the situation. I am sure that this is due less to events than to my perception of the situation: we have dinner as we would have a year ago, and somehow my mind carefully overlooks that there is no power and no fuel and our world has largely shrunk to what can be walked to in a day. I plant a garden as I would have last year, and my mind overlooks the fact that without this year’s crop, there may very well not be a next year.

But to dissect the situation is to somehow mar it. And, the wine and the company were delightful. Even in the darkest of circumstances Lucilius, we can still find small pleasures.

Your Obedient Servant, Seneca

Old English, A Historical Background: Normandy, Edward The Confessor, And The Earls of Essex

 To move forward in the history of Anglo-Saxon England, we have to move backwards a bit in time and a little South and East in geography.  To Normandy.

Normandy, as you might vaguely recall from your history, was a territory that belonged to the Frankish Empire and was settled by Vikings under Rollo (The viking, not Rolo the caramel filled candy).  The actual story, of course, is a bit more complicated.

(Source)

Rollo (Old Norse Hrolfer) was the leader of a group Vikings that raided not to the West and Britain but to the South the Kingdom of West Francia.  He is associated with a raid on Paris in 885 A.D. and remained apparently successfully there, having secured territory (with other Viking settlers) in the areas of the lower Seine Valley in what is now France.  In 911 A.D the King of West Francia, Charles III ("Charles the Simple") signed a treaty with Rollo, granting him the lands of the old church boundaries of Rouen in return for fealty to the Frankish King (on Charles' part, quite possibly trying to end the raids by effectively buying Rollo out).  The new territory was called Normandy from origins of the now settled peoples (Northmen).

Rollo and his now ex-Vikings were successful in their new province:  by 922 A.D. they had achieved supremacy over the other Viking settlements in the Seine valley.  Rouen, the capital, became a trading port for Scandinavia and the Viking territories, including the Danish parts of England.  The Old Norse they spoke was largely abandoned in favor of the Gallo-Roman French of its inhabitants (but with the addition of Old Norse words not otherwise present).  By 996 A.D. Normandy was French speaking, Catholic, and busily working on expanding its territory.  It also, as you may recall, continued to be associated with Viking raids in England, resulting in a treaty between Normandy and England in 991 A.D.

Familial links between the two geographies came as well.  In 1002 Æthelred Unræd King of England married the Duke of Nomandy's daughter Emma.  They had two sons, Edward (The Confessor), and Alfred.  Upon Swein Forkbeard's conquest of England in 1013, Emma and her two sons fled back to Normandy.  Edward and possible Alfred returned upon Æthelred's restoration in 1016, but then fled again upon the death of Æthelred and his son Edmund Ironsides.  Emma, as you may recall, then married King Canute and bore him Hardecanute (and a daughter, Gunhilda).  

Edward remained in exile in Normandy throughout the reign of Canute, Harald Harefoot, and Harecanute.  He and his brother attempted a return in 1036; his brother Alfred was captured by Earl Godwine of Essex and blinded, resulting directly (or indirectly) in his death.  Edward returned back to Normandy, seemingly consigned to a life of waiting.

Meanwhile, in England...

In 1009 A.D. Wulfnoth cild, a thegn of Essex, was exiled by Æthelred Unræd.  Wulfnoth had a son, Godwine, who stayed in England to try and rebuild the family's fortunes.  In this he was successful, regaining the lands of his father and expanding them.  He supported Æthelred's son Edmund Ironsides and, somehow, upon the accession of Canute in 1016 as King of England, became one of the few Anglo-Saxons to not be purged by King Canute.  In fact, he was raised to the status of an earl.  In the earl 1020's he was raised to Earl of Wessex and married Gytha, King Canute's sister in law.  He served Canute loyally during his reign and in 1035 A.D. declared Hardecanute against those that declared for Harald Harefoot. It is possible that Godwine's capture and blinding of Alfred was to gain the favor Harald Harefoot (which, apparently, it did).  When Harald died in 1040 A.D. and Hardecanute came back to power, Godwine managed to survive the power transfer (again).

In 1041 A.D. Hardecanute invited Edward back to the kingdom, possibly to share the rule and perhaps bolster his popularity with the Anglo-Saxon community.  Before this could be truly put into place Hardecanute died.  It is said that Godwine, Earl of Wessex, led the call for Edward to ascend to throne and thus, in 1042 A.D., Edward Æthelred's son, exile, became King of England.

Undoubtedly at the accession of King Edward, his children were present, among them his second son who was around 20 years old at the time.  His given name was Harold; history would know him as Harold Godwinson, the last Anglo-Saxon King of England

(Old English Posting Page)

Works cited:

Brooke, Christopher:  From Alfred to Henry III 871-1272.  Norton Library:  USA,  1961.

Hollister, C. Warren:  The Making of England 55 B.C. to 1399.  D.C. Heath and Company:  United States,  1976.

Nictolle, David:  The Normans.  Osprey Publishing:  Hong Kong, 1987.

Trevelyan, G.M.:  History of England Volume 1:  From the Earliest Times to the Reformation.  Anchor Books:  USA, 1953

Walker, Ian:  Harold:  The Last Anglo-Saxon King.  The History Press;  Glouster, United Kingdom, 1997

Wikipedia:   Edward the Confessor, Normandy, Rollo

Hammerfall 2.0: An Interview

 Yesterday, thanks to your prayers and good thoughts, I had an interview.

The interview (now to me, not surprisingly), in my old "field" of Quality Assurance.  It is a position which would not require us to relocate.  It is a position is a position with the standard sort of benefits that I would expect from a company of its size (smaller, relative start up). 

As it turns out, a coworker knows many of the people that work there, so I think their reaching out directly accelerated my process - I went from submitting my CV on Thursday to the initial interview yesterday and a follow on activity later today.

The salary is commensurate with what I had identified in the initial application, which made me feel pretty good about estimating my value.

The process - if today goes well - is a series of interviews over the next month or so, culminating in a on-site interview and presentation (I have never done an on-site presentation as part of the job interview process, so that will be new).  

They are, apparently, even willing to work with the fact that I will not have availability until the early part of July.

Do I intend to keep my part time Grocery Store Job?  Absolutely.  One thing this whole thing has reminded me of is the fact that I have become way too complacent about relying on my "job" - to be fair, even if this all goes well, I could still lose my position in a heartbeat.  Better to have something, even small to start off with now, to fall back on instead of finding myself back looking for something.  The worst case is I have something to support my hobbies.

How do I feel about "going back" to Quality Assurance?  A touch ambivalent of course - there is a lot of stress that comes with it that is I do not miss.  Still, it sounds like they have an aggressive plan and either there will be success in 1-2 years, or failure in 1-2 years.  I can live with that timeline - worst case, I need a job to last 4-6 years at this point.

In a nutshell?  Good news, better than I could have hoped for.  Prayers and happy thoughts continue to be requested.

On Attending A Different Church Service

 Yesterday, I attended a different church service.

I am a creature of habit, so the concept of doing anything out of the ordinary is both a stretch as well as slightly terrifying for me.  It is not that I mind the situation themselves so much - I have hurled objects not far distances in front of crowds and fallen out of an airplane and puffed my way up a mountain.  No, it is not the situation - it is the people.  Every time I do anything like this I am desperately concerned that I may actually have to engage someone in conversation.

For an introvert - a hard introvert, so far to the Introvert side of the scale I am almost falling off the capital "I" - this is almost, but not quite, akin to death.

Still, it was something that has been on my mind for some months now.  As I have been fairly open about here, the current church we are attending leaves me....bleh.  Not completely driven away, but not completely engaged as I should be.  So the need has certainly been there.

But church visiting?  The last time we changed churches was in the seven to ten year range.  It is has been a while.  And I am not the kind of person that cares to engage in "church shopping".  If I go somewhere else, it is because I have given some thought that it a church or denomination that I would likely pursue membership with.

And so, suddenly yesterday, the opportunity presented itself.

You cannot imagine the arguments I had with myself, first talking myself into and then out of attending.  "I will go....No, I should probably just stay home...No, get ready we are going".  I actually sat and timed the drive (it is less than 5 minutes from my house) such that the service was likely to begin just as I showed up (to avoid the need to speak to anyone).  I timed it just perfectly:  they were rolling out of the pre-service to the main service.  I slipped in to sit in the very last row.

The service itself was different - but beautiful.  It touched me in a way that I have not been touched in a service for years - I was not particularly surprised by this fact, but it did confirm that in fact what I was feeling about where we are now may be a real thing, not just my imagine.

The sermon confirmed it.

The sermon, in this case, was on the women going to the tomb to administer spices on the 3rd Day after Christ's crucifixion.  The point of the sermon - in short - was that the women went there thinking that it would be a continuation of the life as they had known it, except without Jesus.  They were wrong:  life changed for them (and the world) completely on that day.  From that day forward they were living in a new world, not looking back at an old one.  Christ was risen - but risen in a new body, not in the old one.  Everything, the pastor said, was looking forward.  There was no looking back to the ways things had been.

Looking forward instead of back.  Sort of sounded like something I have been dealing with lately.

So perhaps there were, in fact, two reasons I was reluctant to go.  The first was my usual introverted nature and my somewhat over-love of that which is known.  The other, it seems, had a slightly more theological  basis.  Someone knew that was a message I needed to hear, and overcame my inherent reluctance to get me there.