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Most of those that have been or become my good friends over the years are not ones that I would consciously have chosen at first. They very often seem like a set of random events in meeting among the hundreds of people that we encounter in our lives. There is something - some interest, some spark - that moves it beyond the greeting phase to the "Hey, this person seems like someone worth spending time with". That moment is often lost to the history of friendship, but there are times I can still remember it happening: the moment where The Director introduced me to Uisdean Ruadh in the Spring Semester of our freshman year of high school, the moment at work where Rainbow and I started taking a walk at lunch, the moment when The Shield Maiden moved beyond just another throwing acquaintance to a friend.
What difference those friendships make.
My friends believe in me, sometimes more than I believe in myself. My friends have listened to me rant and rave and helped me come out on the other side, if not better than at least feeling heard. They lift me up when I down, remind me of the things I have done when I can only think of the things I have failed at.
How empty my life would be without them.
And what a testimony to the fact that one person, one friend, can truly change a life.
For a period of time in my mid to late 20's, I had friends such as you describe but then life (my hammerfall) got in the way and I've really never had good friends like that ever since. I would like to think I know a lot of people in this community that would help out if asked but I don't have anybody that I just hang out with outside of meetings. I have never really been bothered by that fact but have noticed that isn't the case for many of the people I know.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, Ed.
DeleteI will say that as the years have got on, I find that is true of myself as well to some extent. A lot of it is simply that people - including myself - are busy seemingly all the time anymore. This has become even more pronounced of late for me, as I have to schedule get togethers almost a month in advance anymore.
Another thing that has changed in this arena is simply the fact that no-one just drops by or reaches out anymore, at least in person or by voice. At best it is a text or chat to see if the individual might be available - after all, we are all busy.
"no-one just drops by or reaches out anymore" -- so true! It's one of the ironies of the so-called communication age, that communication has deteriorated.
DeleteThe good friends in life....high school buddy went into the service and I stayed in town to attend university there went that friendship. Got a job with Uncle in the Big City far from home, made another good friend and when I transferred back to my home state there went that friendship....distance is a big impediment eh? Now the good friends turn out to be neighbors on the same street....go figure.
ReplyDeleteNylon12, modern friendship is an interesting paradox. I can feel closer to people that live hundreds or thousands of miles away than I can with people I see every day. Why? Is it that the separation somehow manages our "load" on each other? Is it that being so far distant, we have enough differences to make things engaging? I am not sure. But proximity, at least for me, is now not always the equivalent of friendship as it once was.
DeleteReally interesting and thought-provoking. I am blessed with an abundance of friends, and three to five who are those longtime heart friends that I would call anytime for anything, as they would for me. I say three to five because a couple of them have disappointed me -- one who owes me a fair amount of money, which is not the issue, if he would just say something about it, I'd say let's put it behind us, but he never mentions it, as if it never happened. The other has become rather painfully self-absorbed and asks very little about me and my family while going on and on about his. I have to remind myself of what a wise person once shared with me: people will always disappoint you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bob!
DeleteI do wonder - at least in my own life - if in some cases friends appear to meet the needs at hand. Decades old me has different needs than two decades old me; I wonder if my friendships reflect that?