Yesterday, I attended a different church service.
I am a creature of habit, so the concept of doing anything out of the ordinary is both a stretch as well as slightly terrifying for me. It is not that I mind the situation themselves so much - I have hurled objects not far distances in front of crowds and fallen out of an airplane and puffed my way up a mountain. No, it is not the situation - it is the people. Every time I do anything like this I am desperately concerned that I may actually have to engage someone in conversation.
For an introvert - a hard introvert, so far to the Introvert side of the scale I am almost falling off the capital "I" - this is almost, but not quite, akin to death.
Still, it was something that has been on my mind for some months now. As I have been fairly open about here, the current church we are attending leaves me....bleh. Not completely driven away, but not completely engaged as I should be. So the need has certainly been there.
But church visiting? The last time we changed churches was in the seven to ten year range. It is has been a while. And I am not the kind of person that cares to engage in "church shopping". If I go somewhere else, it is because I have given some thought that it a church or denomination that I would likely pursue membership with.
And so, suddenly yesterday, the opportunity presented itself.
You cannot imagine the arguments I had with myself, first talking myself into and then out of attending. "I will go....No, I should probably just stay home...No, get ready we are going". I actually sat and timed the drive (it is less than 5 minutes from my house) such that the service was likely to begin just as I showed up (to avoid the need to speak to anyone). I timed it just perfectly: they were rolling out of the pre-service to the main service. I slipped in to sit in the very last row.
The service itself was different - but beautiful. It touched me in a way that I have not been touched in a service for years - I was not particularly surprised by this fact, but it did confirm that in fact what I was feeling about where we are now may be a real thing, not just my imagine.
The sermon confirmed it.
The sermon, in this case, was on the women going to the tomb to administer spices on the 3rd Day after Christ's crucifixion. The point of the sermon - in short - was that the women went there thinking that it would be a continuation of the life as they had known it, except without Jesus. They were wrong: life changed for them (and the world) completely on that day. From that day forward they were living in a new world, not looking back at an old one. Christ was risen - but risen in a new body, not in the old one. Everything, the pastor said, was looking forward. There was no looking back to the ways things had been.
Looking forward instead of back. Sort of sounded like something I have been dealing with lately.
So perhaps there were, in fact, two reasons I was reluctant to go. The first was my usual introverted nature and my somewhat over-love of that which is known. The other, it seems, had a slightly more theological basis. Someone knew that was a message I needed to hear, and overcame my inherent reluctance to get me there.
So would you have the same trepidations in meeting someone whom you've known for a long time via blogging? Not saying I'm heading your way to surprise you but just curious if it is just an engagement of any sorts kind of thing or a just meeting a absolute stranger kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I consider myself an introvert too, I usually can turn up the charm for brief periods when out in public and act extroverted.
Looking back, I have changed churches a number of time but only because my physical location was changing. I like the comfort of knowing the same people that sit around me. Priests come and go so a bad one generally is only a seven year commitment.
Ed, it is a fair question.
DeleteI am what I have come to understand as an Extroverted Introvert. If you saw me in a public situation, you would be surprised that I consider myself an introvert. I, like you, can be charming, witty, engaging to the point that people think I am exactly like that at home. I am not, as The Ravishing Mrs. TB will tell people. Part of it is simply over time I have had to learn this as part of my job. Part of it is because at some level I am an entertainer, and making people laugh is usually not at all a problem.
That said, that is once I am in the situation. I will go out of my way to avoid the situation if I can.
Would I meet someone I knew via blogging? Yes, I would. I have, once. It was a lovely breakfast engagement - but to be fair, it someone I had been interacting with (initially through the blog and then through e-mail) for some months prior to the actual meeting. Turns out we had just as much fun and in common in person as we did through electronic media. (And honestly, I am more likely to head your way at some point; a great number of The Ravishing Mrs. TB's family still reside in the greater part of your location).
Changing churches for me has been much more about the situation and the direction of the church, and probably about my own spiritual needs at the time. For Protestants at least pastors seem to rotate out less so if there is a "bad" one, likely you will not outlast them unless they take a ministry somewhere else.
As my Grandmother was apt to say, "Nothing is by chance".
ReplyDeleteSounds like a solid message, now it's your turn to apply the lessons.
You're in my prayers.
I quite firmly agree with that Michael, as well as the fact that there was actually a fair amount of resistance mentally to me going at all. Which suggests I really needed to hear the message.
DeleteI appreciate the prayers very much.
Similar to you, I hate being in the limelight. Even during office meetings, I often feel myself blush when I am called on to speak.
ReplyDeletePublic speaking ? Omigosh no, I hate that too. I lose my train of thought quickly. A social animal I am not.
That sounded like a great sermon. Maybe God is attempting to give you some advice on near future.
I am okay if it is something I am prepared for - but extemporaneous speaking or "being called on" makes me very nervous indeed.
DeleteIt was a very good sermon, and something I am more than reasonably sure God was trying to speak to me through
Very thoughtful post, TB. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you all.
Thank you Linda!
DeleteWe like to church hop sometimes. Yesterday we went to a Pentecostal church. Not totally opposite from Baptist so.....
ReplyDeleteIt was pretty cool. They definitely like to get down in the spirit. I'll admit they had me juiced up too. It was a fun day. Met some new folks and all that good stuff.
You never know what you will get from church. It's up to you to recieve the message.
It can be interesting practice and does help us - me at least - to see my own current practices in a different light. And also to look at what matters in terms of my own religious experience.
DeleteAs you summed up, someone(?!) knew you needed a jolt to change things up church-wise, maybe job-wise, eh? Best of luck TB.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, Nylon12. It is almost as if there was some Supreme Being masterminding all of the events or something....
Delete“Nothing is by chance”, Michael’s statement above. I like that.
ReplyDeleteFor me church membership is largely about sound biblical / Christian theology in communion with the members therein.
I’ve always been in a denomination which fosters.
A change in church membership “may” be part of the change process that was thrust upon you at this point of your life. But, be mindful that your souls Salvation not be compromised by an unsound theological belief or practice.
Franknbean
FnB - That is my understanding of church membership for me as well, and sound biblical doctrine is always of critical importance.
DeleteAs those that have read here for a while know, a change in churches has been something I have been thinking about for some time now. Be assured I am putting it through my typically orthodoxy screen.
That is too cool. A change of pace AND a Word for the day. What a great gift. How did the visit go after the sermon? Did you run away or stay and talk? Sometimes, such a direct thing requires a quiet place to think and cogitate. Other times, the spirit is so encouraged, you bubble over and share with those around you.
ReplyDeleteEd and I have changed for the same reasons. Except for this town. I've been here twenty four years now. I've been to four churches, two as a member. Two as a fairly reliable visitor. Mornings are hard for me. Something about the lung issues broke my 0500 wake up and crow to welcome the new day. I can make the evening service if I pace myself during the day.
Heh heh. So I actually bolted early but came home and watched the rest of the service on line - turns out they did not make anyone introduce themselves at the end of the service but invited them to coffee afterwards, so that is something I think I can manage next time.
DeleteWe have been members of two churches in the 14 years we have lived here. I get that mornings are hard - they are harder for me too now, and I do not have near the physical issues you do. I am giving consideration to services which also might occur more "during the week" as well.
I'd say the sermon was wonderfully providential, considering the thoughts you shared in your last hammerfall post. Exciting, but scary too.
ReplyDeleteI also have to add that as a fellow extreme introvert, I applaud your bravery in visiting a new church! I've always found that grace follows obedience (though we wish it was the other way around).
It was, Leigh. That moment when you realize "Wow, that is directed (indirectly of course) at me!". And you sit there in unbelief that such a thing is happening.
DeleteI appreciate the applause, although I assure you there was nothing noble about me getting there - who else times things to where talking to other people is virtually impossible?
"Extroverted Introvert." I'm going to use that in the future.
ReplyDeleteI was weirdly introverted. I know now that I suffered from anxiety, and the weird part was that I have always loved public speaking.
Unless you are answering questions, public speaking isn't really a conversation, and most public speaking isn't off the cuff.
The biggest change in me was when I took a job as an Immigration Inspector for INS.
That job required me to speak to total strangers all day long, day after day.
Each conversation started with, "Hello! How are you today?"
Yes I was trained at the Academy, but I shortly learned that I was good at it, and before long it became a habit.
My family, and my wife both have said that I'm not the same person I was before I took the INS job, and I wonder sometimes if it is simply method acting, choosing which of my multiple personalities that I need to be, or an actual rewiring of my personality.
Church. Our longtime church had been losing membership for years and years, and it closed during Covid. We were married in that church and it held a lot of good memories.
We have not yet decided to look for another church.
Sometimes we are in a rut, and a wiser person than me described it this way.
"A rut is a grave with the ends kicked out."
For me, it took an external force of being laid off to leave the rut I was in.
But it wasn't fun at all, and it was highly stressful.
John - I wish I had learned this term earlier; it only seems to have come to my attention a few years ago - but completely describes how I am. It is therefore not a mystery why I was a drama and band nerd in high school and college.
DeleteIt is interesting that you mention the idea of method acting or adopting a persona. It is something that I have become conscious of as well and, to be honest, something I sometimes actively do. In fact, I have probably become far more conscious of it in later years than I have been before and in some cases, it is a skill that I actively cultivate now - to your point, perhaps an active rewiring of the personality.
The church change is still exploratory at this stage and, honestly, ultimately may just involve myself for now. But it was enough of a good experience that I am willing to try again.
I have heard that definition of a rut before and it rings true. I suspect that God often resorts to external forces when the lesser hints He provides are completely ignored - but yes, no fun and highly stressful.