What we laugh at - really, mock - goes away.
It probably never goes away publicly, of course. It is not like there was a 6 PM Newscast with "Breaking Story: Honor disappears" or "Caring takes a holiday".
No, it is mostly noticed in its absence. People remember that once upon a time there was such a thing, but now that thing is not really present - and no-one knows why it disappeared.
Take my writing last week on the very basic respect and common courtesy afforded me as an employee on Produce (A)Isle. I am not going out a limb to say that courtesy and respect are no longer a part of most businesses - but then again, we have mocked way the practice of addressing people with common respect or local patterns of speech and are left with human interactions stripped of the social lubricant of courtesy.
The art and science of how we get things - food, cars, plumbing - is mocked as "old school technology" or "lower level economics" or "things the uneducated do" - and over time everything costs more due to scarcity,is of a worse quality than it used to be, and one can never get someone to come out and look at something for repair.
Religion is mocked - and over time, the irreligious society appears, driven by human passions and intellectual justifications for actions, the end always justifying the means.
Honor is mocked - and over time society is genuinely surprised when no-one keeps their word or tells the truth or does what they say they are going to do.
None of things have truly disappeared - they have effectively gone underground, practiced by those who value such things. It becomes a sort of vast secret society, the aquifer sinking beneath the land which rapidly becomes a desert - until such a time as the aquifer can be tapped and used and appreciated for the resource it is, not just the thing to be taken advantage of.
Society mocks, and then is surprised when it is forced to live in the world it has created.
I think all those things like courtesy, respect and honor are still here but like most things, are moving targets. For example, Back in the 18th century, it was honorable to settle disputes with duels. These days, not so much. These days, it is respectful for me to attend a funeral of my neighbor though it is a hundred mile round trip drive. In the 18th century, one probably never even heard about the death yet if you lived 50 miles away. The list could go on and on.
ReplyDeleteI think "we" feel as if they are lost because the target has moved on beyond our comprehension. Saying "word" is giving respect by my kid's generation while I still shake hands. By the time my grandkids are adults, assuming I'm still here, I can't imagine the ways they will provide courtesy, respect and honor but I have no doubt that they will still be present in one form or another.
Societal mores do change with the times, Ed, but I sometimes wonder if we think things are changing when in fact they are simply disappearing.
DeleteAnother thought, having just come back from a completely different society, is the fact that for some things to be recognized, they need to be shared by all aspects of society. To use the example given, "word" would mean nothing to my parents and means little to me (other than knowing it), and I think means little to my own children except they know the concept. We run the risk of dividing society even more when every aspect of our interactions becomes governed by the very specific circumstances and identification of our situation and not a shared set of values.
Welcome back!
DeleteI guess I don't worry about the risk of dividing society when for all of history, it has always been divided. Germans vs Jews, free vs slave, white vs. Indian, Catholic vs. Protestant, Roman vs. Jews, Neanderthal vs human, etc. I guess the real question is how many divided pieces is too much if ever? I'm of the opinion that the world will never share the same set of values nor should we. If we were to do so, we could never change, for the better or worse.
Thanks Ed!
DeleteI am not thinking so much of dividing ourselves that way as in dividing ourselves beyond a way that we can commonly communicate such things. If the only outcome is very specific methods of communicating that are not shared not only between groups but generations, then effectively we have atomized our society to the point that it makes holding it together functionally rather difficult.
One thing even an atheist can get from the Bible is the fact that human nature has NEVER changed. What's changed is what's TOLERATED by SOCIETY. Not long ago, stealing someone's horse was a "hanging" offense. These days, stealing someone's CAR may or may not even get the thief jail time. Remember those signs that said "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone?" When was the last time you saw one of those? These days, the business owner is either too greedy, too desperate, or too constrained by law to put one of those up.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about these things having gone underground. Call my town "Mayberry." It was a small farm town in the 70's, with a population of around 7000. Then it was "discovered." The city folks came and brought the city with them. Now the population is at around 90,000. My wife and I do a lot of "yard sailing." I can tell someone who is "Old Mayberry" from someone who's "New Mayberry" within seconds of talking to them. They don't need to tell me they've lived there for several decades. I can tell by their courtesy, their demeanor, and their honesty.
Will these qualities ever re-emerge? Probably so, but it won't happen until things have pretty much completely disintegrated... It'll only be then that people will realize why honor was so important in the first place...
Pete, it is remarkable to me that ancient philosophers make the same kinds of observations, but the Bible - because it is a religious text - is sometimes ignored in this manner. Why? Not because the truth is any less, but because (at least in my opinion) it represents a divine view (something beyond ourselves) versus just people like us making those observations.
DeleteMy hometown is much like your Mayberry when I go back. It has not reached quite that population growth, but there is definitely an element of individuals that are from elsewhere. I suppose in its case the threshold for owning a home there is now so expensive that only the natives and "people of a certain financial level " are able to make it there. But it definitely has a different feel.
I do think that it will take something rather severe for these sorts of things to be commonly sought after and reverenced again.
"we have mocked way the practice of addressing people with common respect or local patterns of speech and are left with human interactions stripped of the social lubricant of courtesy." You put that so well, TB.
ReplyDeleteHere is a situation that came to mind when reading that sentence: Anymore, when saying "Thank you" to someone, it has become common to hear "No Problem" as a response. Many times I find this jarring and so completely missing the point that I have sometimes actually wished I hadn't said thank you at all. Once, online, I mentioned this (possibly in a thread of "pet peeves", I don't remember), I was mocked, and basically labeled irrelevant. One or two people agreed with me, but we were so few, I decided I just needed to accept that there is no returning to the niceties of "You're welcome", or "my pleasure", or seriously... just about anything other than "No problem".
Now, I can see how there are some situations where "No problem" is appropriate (e.g., someone interrupts your work to ask about or for something) - of course, "No problem" fits that. And can even sound generous. But most of the time when I hear it, it just feels like it misses the mark by a mile as a response to "Thank you."
I don't know when the change happened, but it seemed to happen overnight, in my circles about 10 years ago. At first, I started noticing young people saying it, but at this point, it seems people of all ages use the expression - again, I'm talking when something else would sound so much more polite - to my ears, anyway.
Becki, that is a really good thought. I was not conscious of it until you wrote it, but that is an excellent example.
Delete"No problem" would, to my thinking, indicate that I am in the superior position of the relationship. It was "no problem" for me to stop what I was doing (important as that was) and help you. "You are welcome" removes me and my importance from the situation: You are in the superior position as the questioner and I am supporting you. Maybe I am reading too much into the response, but it does represent a change in how I as the responder view the situation.
I think the change has been going on much longer - "No problem" or its more hip counter part "No prob" have been around for years now. It also makes me think there should be a response of "Problem", but one never hears that.