Sunday, May 01, 2022

A Visit With TB The Elder and Mom: Late April Edition

 I have been somewhat remiss in relating April's visit with TB The Elder and Mom.

For the first visit, it was myself and my oldest, Nighean Gheal, who had come out early with me prior to the Social Outing.  It was the best visit we have had in a long time, and maybe ever to this date.

TB The Elder definitely (from everything I could see) knew who Nighean Gheal was: his eyes lighted up, he was able to speak some sentences that were clear and understandable.  He was very engaged in our 30 minute visit.  He even showed some interest when I told him what the cost of gas was in New Home, which is a subject we always used to discuss every week on the phone.  Mom, was a little more quiet than usual and - as seems more usual lately - had to be reminded who we were in relation to her, but still was engaged.

We saw them about a week later, all of us:  Myself, The Ravishing Mrs. TB, Nigheah Gheal, Nighean Bhan, and Nighean Dhonn.  My mom was seemingly more responsive while TB The Elder was not (although his nights and the restlessness thereof seem to have a lot to do with it).  That said, we still talked through everything that was going on in the Nigheanan's lives and even The Ravishing Mrs. TB (they all do amazing and interesting things; I am pretty bland).  For everyone except Nighean Gheal, it had been almost a year since they had seen them.

My father's health seems to be declining more visibly:  for the first visit he was in a wheelchair (not the first time that has occurred during our visits) and for the second visit - although they were able to help him out walking to sit in the chair - it took two nursing assistants and even then he looked very strained and unsteady.  This was not the case even six months ago.  My mother seems about the same as she was when we moved her a little over a year ago, except the memory holes are larger and larger.

There is not much else we can do at this point, other than continue to visit and support.  Part of me hates that this is the answer; there should be a better response than that.  That said, I also have to remind myself that there really are no better options and the only thing we can do is visit and attempt to manage their legacy as they would have wanted it managed.

Which is not a really satisfying answer, but seems to be all that is readily at hand.


14 comments:

  1. I don't reckon there can ever be a truly satisfying answer to situations like this. We all seem to face them. But I sincerely believe that in years to come, there will be a sense of comfort in knowing that you and your family were faithful in your ministry to them. There are no worse regrets than lamenting, "if only I'd ..." Then too, the comfort of knowing when you see them on the other side, there will be wholeness and joy. That's the most precious comfort of all.

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  2. Good that you're visiting, those memories will last all the rest of your lives TB. Thanks for this update on your parents. May God bless of you.

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  3. My heart goes out to you TB. And the clan TB. May God comfort you all.

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  4. Anonymous9:26 AM

    All you can do at this point is continue to visit and try to connect with your parents. You are being good example to your children.

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  5. Leigh - The one thing I want to be able to say - if I were to be asked - is that we done all that we could and had no regrets. Even if they will not know, I will.

    And yes, there is a great deal to look forward to.

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  6. Thank you Nylon12. On the whole, even with the way things are now, they are still very good memories.

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  7. Thank you STxAR. This is not the situation we imagined, but it the hand we have dealt. It is not ours to deal the hand, only to play the hand we have.

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  8. Anonymous - I had a good example. When my maternal grandmother had a stroke and was in a coma the last year of her life, my mother drove down every night to see her for a year, taking my grandfather with her. And then later, when she passed, my mother changed the school she was teaching in so she could stop by and see my grandfather every day. We are only doing that which we have seen modeled - which is hopefully the model for others in turn.

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  9. God bless you all, TB.

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  10. There really isn't a good answer. Life is funnel-shaped. At the beginning, there are wide opportunities to make changes, but as days go by the funnel narrows until there simply aren't many things any human can do. It's not helpful, but it's true.

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  11. John - You are completely right of course. And one of the greatest struggles I have as I grow older is understanding where the funnel has changed from soft plastic to hard plastic and where there is still flex. I still have hope of my great-granny, who lived to 99 and was quite together right up to that point. Repainted her living room at 94.

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  12. It's a very sad thing to see loved ones declining, I'm sorry for you and your family TB. Wonderful of you to continue the visits. You just never know how much it means to a person.

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  13. Rain, it has been said before but is probably worth repeating: This not the emergency we were preparing for. I am confident the visits still help, although it is hard to always see the impact. Once in a while, we are fortunate.

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