Earlier this week, I posted that all of last week I was in A Grand Funk (Linda pointed out that when she the post, she immediately thought of Grand Funk Railroad, which of course I did too as soon as I posted the title. Hopefully some of you now have an ear worm. You are welcome.).
Kelly (Thanks Kelly!) thought it might be useful and interesting to give to some context to how I was working through this. As I seldom get listener requests here, I am bound to follow them.
So this week I spent thinking and paying attention.
The nature of my Funk seems to be related, oddly enough, to actually working out the things that I want to do in my life.
Why The Funk? Because making the decision, and then realizing that in large part that the major portions of my life seem to be a thousand miles away from that decision, creates an intolerable situation.
The direction that my life seems to be trending in - perhaps more fair to say the reason I want it to trend in - is at odds with where my life seems to be headed at the moment. It is a form of cognitive dissonance, I suppose, trying to life two things as the same time and realizing that one cannot do it.
As a reminder these were the goals I decided on:
1) Theosis (Greek) or Sanctification (Latin-based) is a goal.
20 Significant reading and comprehension of Japanese is a goal.
3) Certification (Menkyo) in Iaijutsu is a goal.
4) Ichiryo Gusoku is a goal.
5) Financial Independence is a goal.
To be completely honest, my life feels a million miles away from all of these.
The Funk, I believe, is the honest realization of the difference between these two realities: On the one hand, my current life which is consumed (a great deal, anyway) by a job that does not really capture any of this; on the other hand, a series of aspirational goals which (let us be frank) have a minimal sense of actually being able to support one's self (Financial Independence excluded, of course). In case most have not been informed, martial arts is a terrible way to make a living, and managing one's life in agriculture falls slightly behind it.
What to do? I have no full idea, really; they seem very diametrically opposed in my current state - yes, I could do both, but not well. One set will always suffer until one can focus fully, I suppose.
The comfort - the only comfort I have at this moment in this respect - is that God knows the whole of this, and if it His will, then all of a sudden goals 1-5 will become a reality. As I have thought a great deal about these and even prayed over them and (truth be told) feel that this are imprinted on my soul, I cannot but hope that in point of fact that in God's good time, they will work out.
The Funk, I suppose, comes from the in-between waiting.
The only one I know anything at all about is goal number 5. In my view, it would seem that if you focus and accomplish number 5, you would then have the time to achieve the other four goals.
ReplyDeleteOur minds think alike, Ed. That is where I ended up yesterday morning in my journal as well. The difficulty, of course, is that this seems the least achievable of them at the moment.
DeleteSince we started with music, what comes to mind is the song "One of God's Greatest Gifts (is Unanswered Prayers).
ReplyDeleteGod is always teaching me patience..
There are different sorts of financial stability. It seems home ranch could give you self-sufficiency which is a type of financial stability. And perhaps give you goal 4 as well.
I do understand your frustration though, TB. Be safe and God bless.
Linda, Me too. I think I must be a (very) slow learner.
DeleteThere are different sorts of stability, and it is a concept that I am working with. I have run some budgets on what it would take to live there and it is actually not terrible, as it would be paid off. One could get a simpler job and still be relatively wealthy.
Again, it is a matter of timing. Two years at least until anything could fully happen.
Thanks, and blessings to you as well.
Thank you for following up!
ReplyDeleteI think goal-setting is good as long as you're not setting yourself up for failure. (which is often the case with NY resolutions, something I gave up making years ago)
I've often said in recent years that "life hasn't turned out like I expected it to". One of my goals (!) has been to see this in a positive way, rather than negatively, as I'm wont to do. In keeping with your conclusion, I'm trusting that God knows where my life (and those of my loved ones) needs to go. I'm trying to make a better effort of discerning His will for me in my present situation, and how I can use it to serve and glorify Him. More easily said than done.
Kelly, I am regular setter of goals, most of which I have never achieved. This has made me look into how I set them and if I am being too "aspirational" (my nice way of saying I want to much).
DeleteThese goals I had listed, I feel at a place that is different from just "wanting". To quote C.S. Lewis, If I have a desire, it is because there is something that would fill that desire. I just need to patient enough until that thing comes.
I think most of us have fallen into the "grand funk" at some point when our goals in life are seemingly out of reach. But you are not a singularity. Is your wife a part of any of these goals? Are her goals anywhere in line with yours? What are her top five goals. Do the two of you have 5 top goals as a pair? Sometime we get so focused our bellybuttons that we forget that everyone has one.
ReplyDeleteMargi
Margi - Thanks for confirming I am not alone.
DeleteThe Ravishing Mrs. TB is, to a certain point - Iai and Japanese are not something that she does. She very much likes to travel, more so than I do, and as long as I can help to enable that, we are good (I certainly do not feel like I have to go just because she is going).
One decision we did come to is that we would like to move back to Old Home, albeit that is at least two years away. That would enable living at The Ranch, which would enable the sort of self sufficiency envisioned in Ichiryo Gusoku.
But you are correct. I can get too focused on me.
Thank you for stopping by!
The destination should not be the goal. The journey is what gives pleasure and reward. You do not have to master everything... only enjoy it the best you can when you can. This is where the term Renaissance Man comes from - a broad interest of intellectual pursuits.
ReplyDeletePlease take it from me; if you strive to achieve financial independence first, you will be too old to enjoy what it brings. Many a man has died wealthy and unhappy. Take time to pursue them all and don't worry about perfection.
Stuart - In many ways I would consider myself an aspiring Renaissance Man. My interests far outstrip my time to do them, and recently when I made a list of things that I am interested in and have the materials to do, the list was over 50 items.
DeleteYour warning is one that echoes in my own head as well and I have stated more that once in general, and to The Ravishing Mrs. TB: Working to the point that I could maximize Social Security just to spend the (statistically speaking) last 10 years of my life doing what I want to do is foolishness. So I do try to do something of things I want now instead of waiting. And, of course, accept the fact that financial independence has a number of definitions, not just "your current life now".
Thanks for stopping by!
I think you're asking the right questions. And you know who has the answers. As you said, in God's good time.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bob. It is helpful to know this is not all in my head. And, as you say, Whom to ask about it.
DeleteNumber 5 = Financial independence..... this will give you Numbers 1-4.
ReplyDeleteThis, then, is what you need to ask God for, and I know that you will ask humbly. Beware, though, that what you ask for will require of you unexpected changes in your life. Be brave, accept these changes with good heart, knowing that things will work out alright in the end.
I have needed to write and do God's work in a certain way. It has been a source of deep regret that I have never been able to do this. With my heart operation I thought I was finished, and that I had to let this passion in me fade into oblivion. This made me distraught, until I recognised that through all of my life challenges I was being prepared for the task of doing that work. Bless you, and keep in faith that you are also being prepared. Keep writing, keep listening to your intuition as to what to write. You will win Number 5, and thereby will come the time to work with Numbers 1-4. All you need is to be patient.
Thank you Vera.
DeleteThere is a quote I have - I need to revisit it - that says something along the lines of "In order to have your new life, you will have to let go of your old one." This is part of my struggle, as there are parts that I seem to want to keep.
Agreed that the great struggle is being patient and yet attentive to the still, small voice. Being prepared, as you say.
My greatest struggle is precisely your last line: patience (or lack thereof).