So this weekend a rather small moment of progress was made, that passed through my consciousness at a frequency too low to register but is actually indicative that maybe something deeper is taking root.
I did not go out and buy a book.
It is a pretty innocuous item that happens around here rather frequently: I like to buy books. I like to read books too, but my instinct - not just when I am bored, but when I am frustrated as well - is to go and buy a book. I come to figure out that this is some sort of coping mechanism - a much lighter degree of shopping as a recreational activity.
I sat there and thought about it. I certainly have the cash and as I shop at used book stores. And there are certainly books I can find to read (Usually. Thanks to The Plague, that is a bit hard to come by these days - not enough people selling books due to closed stores and limited hours). And it is an easy drive.
But I kept coming back to the question "Why"?
Why was it this need - this seemingly burning, intense need - was there? Was it a real need? Or was it a want? And if a want, why did it need to be exercised.
I thought. And I thought. And I ended up staying home, reading a book or two I already had. Saved the fuel. Saved the money. Still was entertained.
It is a minor - very minor - victory on the road to learning to come terms with exercising every little whim and desire that comes up. From such small mustard seeds, trees grow.
Now I have to fight the urge to reward myself with a book...
Reminds me of Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory. he has to buy Catcher In The Rye to feel normal after something goes wrong. We all have those coping mechanisms. Mine is buying old tools, or working the shop. Both help me over the hump. And both have had to take a back seat this year to saving money... Working on projects has helped some...
ReplyDeleteSounds right to me STxAR.
DeleteOne thing I have been doing more is making a list of what I want to buy. Then, things become less of an impulse spend.
I have the same problem. My solution was to tell everyone who wants to give me a gift, to give me a gift certificate for books. That way I justify buying the books because it is a gift and must be appreciated so I can let the giver know what books I bought. The only problem is that I have to use more than the balance of the gift card to use it all up and sometimes I overshoot by the full value of the gift card.
ReplyDeleteI have enough books left to read that if I never bought another one, I could probably go ten years before I finished them all. It makes me feel immeasurably wealthy, more so than all the money in the world.
Ed, you and I suffer from the same issue - although I have become rather good at balancing my purchases to get within pennies of whatever gift card I have.
DeleteAs Erasmas said, "If I have a little money, I buy books. If I have any left over, I buy food and clothes".
Haha. Congratulations!
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should look through your library and determine what you have on self sufficiency. Then determine what you will want to know to be self sufficient at you true home.
I don't remember all I've read about your growing up on here.
I know you can make a good cheese. Do you know how to raise the goat or cow for milk?
You talked about refrigeration. What about a cold cellar in the ground? Can't do that here, the water table is like 4 feet down.
Not sure what kind of cold you need for cheese; but something to think about.
Oh, I have about 100 books on self sufficiency/live stock/preservation/skills. I am more equipped with books than most libraries.
DeleteUnfortunately livestock around here is not possibly (I do have the books on how to raise cattle though)> Refrigeration my ground does not work here because we are all built on limestone. A wine refrigerator is probably the best I could do at the moment.
Ah, but I meant your true home out West. The one you could go to now, if things worked out, because working from home could be done there, or where you are now.
DeleteStill, that sounds wonderful! You are ready and I am glad. God bless. :-)
Ah, I see. Yes, much more feasible out there. I have contemplated a cheese cave but would have to do more research as (with most things) I believe it is far more involved in life than it is in my mind.
DeleteOkay, then.... so what did you read? :-)
ReplyDelete~hobo
Hobo, I am working my way through Edgar Rice Burrough's John Carter of Mars series. Book 4, Thuvia of Ptarth.
Delete"Would that we could buy the time to read them in." My favorite line from Arthur Schopenhauer.
ReplyDeleteWhen we retired, we moved and downsized considerably. I was too rushed in packing to sort anything, it just went into bankers boxes, stacked and moved. It took over 90 boxes for my library, and my new study has shelf room for maybe 30. It's still going to be a long painful process to part with them, and most remain boxed in storage, waiting for those long winter days confined to the warm house.
Greg. that is a wonderful quote.
DeleteI am really awful at being willing to get rid of books (in fact, I have purged some only to buy them back later). At the moment there is enough shelf space for 95% of what I own and I am starting to slow down in terms of my purchases. Still, I will probably have to do the same some day.
Thanks for stopping by!