April 2026 Ranch Visit: Curtain Call

 

This was the last visit to The Ranch as it has been for all of my life.

I say "visit"; it was much more of a series of tasks that needed to be completed.

The Ravishing Mrs. TB is down visiting her family again, so she picked me up from the airport.  We made a quick stop at my sister's to pick up the truck, then headed up to see my Aunt and Uncle before the movers got there.

There was a little time, so I took one last stroll through the house.  It is basically a shell of memories now, a series of rooms that are empty of belongings and furniture and hold nothing now but memories, memories that will soon be pushed out by new memories of others.

How often over the past years, especially the last six, did I sit in the office and idly gaze out the window throughout the seasons as I worked remotely?  How often did we visit as a family before we moved to New Home, and how often did we still visit afterwards when the visits were less frequent but equally heartfelt? How often did I see, in the evening, my mother reading on the couch with the lamp on and TB The Elder next to the fireplace, sleeping?

All gone now, except in the twilight recesses of our minds.

---

My sister called me earlier in the week - the last contingencies have fallen off, and the buyers wondered if we would be willing to accelerate the sale.  We said of course - with the move of things especially and the departure of Uisdean Ruadh, there is nothing left holding it up.  This coming Thursday will now be the final closure date.

---

The moving crew showed up by 1130;  the truck loading took less than an hour with the more fragile items distributed among the cars The Ravishing Mrs. TB, my sister and I had brought.  They were quick about there business and headed off down the road; we more slowly closed the barn door and locked the barn for the last time.

And like that, it was time to go and get things placed into the storage unit and effectively leave all of this - not once and for all (not yet), but leave as anything other than visitors in the future.

---

In 2021, I drove my father out from the house to his new living arrangements.  There was a moment - after we had to go back to get his room key and then come back down the road again - where he had a look on his face, a look that said he was aware of the fact that this was the last time he would be seeing The Ranch, a place that he had been coming to for over 60 years and a place he had lived for the last 20.

I had anticipated this moments for months, but nothing still prepared me for that last drive of a mile where effectively everything receded into the background for the last time. Like my father, I realize that even if I did come back, it would only ever be as a visitor.  The property that had been his heart and my anticipation for years has passed beyond our reach.

---

After everything was settled and the movers had left, the three of us - The Ravishing Mrs. TB, my sister, and myself - went out to an early dinner before I had to fly back. 

On the one hand, there remained a great deal of sadness in my heart - no matter how I consider it, this is the ending to a very long chapter in my life in a way that was not anticipated and in some ways, seems terribly abrupt.  There was a time that I thought I knew my future; now I know almost nothing about it.

But then I remind myself of the other side, of years of going back and forth, of calls of things breaking and me having to find a fix remotely, of worries about what was happening when I was not there and what I would come back to upon my monthly visit.  All of that passes away as well; being able to concentrate more fully on New Home 2.0 and what our own next steps are, now that we are effectively child-free and entering a new era of life is not something to dismissed.

I had one future that I thought I knew; now I have another one that I had not anticipated.  

A Year Of Kindness (XIV): Thinking Kindly Of Others

As you might imagine (even more so than ever), a great deal of my work life consists of sitting in meetings and listening/talking to people.

Which is fine, of course.  The difficulty is that, well, there are actual people involved.

Some people are easy talk to and easy to work with.  There are other individuals that I find...how shall I say it....challenging. 

By "challenging" I do not mean that they are yelling all the time or trying to completely have their own way about things or dominate the conversation or even treat me badly. It is just that sometimes they seem to have the ability to hit me the wrong way.  Repeatedly. 

---

Personal interactions are funny things.  There is a part of us that simply reacts to people that we like and like us back.  There are people that are easy to interact with because they are easy to deal with. There is never a sense of transactional interactions; you have conversations and if things need to be done or money to be exchanged or feelings need to be expressed, it happens organically.

But then there are all those other people.  The people that do not like us, or at least not all the time.  The people that always seem to reject what we have to say out of hand.  The people who with whom almost everything feels transactional, where things to be done become favours to be called in and repayment is mentioned frequently and to the penny and actual feelings may never expressed as one worries what happens if a true feeling is given out (it feels more like offer a weak point rather than an expression).

But these, I need to remind myself often, God loves as well.

---

It is easy to think kindly of those we like and care for. It is difficult think kindly of those we do not.

And yet, as someone has said (and I am badly paraphrasing), all people are essentially unknown to each other at their cores, let alone our personal interactions. People have physical issues of constant pain, people have emotional or relational issues of failing marriages or wandering children or an unexpected sickness.  People are in fear of a thousand things we do not know anything about.  And for almost all of these issues, unless the information is volunteered it will never be known:  open confessions about such things often bear all awkwardness of crashing into a waiter at a fancy party and hearing the tray and all the plates hit the ground.

And yet, the Christian's charge is to be kind to everyone.  Whether we like them or not.  Whether we "gel" with them or not (or "vibe", as the kids now say).  Whether they are even likeable people or not.

Because who knows.  Maybe our one act of kindness is the thing that turns their day from bad to good. Perhaps it is the thought or word that sends them down a different path.  Maybe it just gives them a warm feeling free of the burdens they are bearing for a short time.

After all, no kindness is ever wasted.

Make Sure To Live

 

(Source)

Last week, as I sat in one particular meeting (I sit in many now), I felt my frustration starting to rise.

Part of was simply the proposal itself (something which in theory we as a department have authority over), part of it was whom was suggesting it.  But I sat there and slowly stewed on the matter, letting it impact my drive home and watching it follow me into the evening.

Here is the funny thing: Had I died last Thursday night, my last thought would have been on something that literally has no impact on anything but a very narrow set of activities that may last (at the most) three months.

I would like to say that I am better about this than that moment, but if I am honest, I am not.  I let people get under my skin.  I can easily get annoyed.  I will stew on something rather than let it go.

Not remembering that I could die at any minute and that would be the last thought on my mind.

When driving home from Curling practice on Sunday, I was reminded of a quote from Martin Luther that goes something like  "We cannot prevent the birds from flying over our heads, but we can prevent them from making a nest there" - the idea being that (for Luther) we cannot prevent sin from being around us, but we can work to keep ourselves from falling into those sins.  In a like manner, I cannot always prevent the small, the mendacious, the annoying, the mediocre, the slightly frustrating from coming into my life.  I can, however, make sure that I do not dwell on such things.  

So make sure to get out and see the flowers and sun.  Interact with friends.  Do the things that bring you joy.  Pet a rabbit or a cat.  Bring goodness and kindness into the world.  Make sure, as the quote suggests, to live.  Guard your thoughts so that even if you cannot fully get away from those things that bother you, you can put them in their proper place and leave them where them belong.

After all, in an instant all can all end. And I, at least, should hate my last thought or word to be something that made me angry or cross.

Device Hoarding

 In an attempt to stay at least mildly "hip", I follow one or two Tube Of You "podcasters" (given the origin of the term podcast, it seems a little odd to me that a video is a podcast, but here we are) that deal in the sorts of Nerd Culture that I enjoy keeping a pulse on, even if I do not really participate:  Role Playing Games (now apparently "Tabletop Gaming"), video games, entertainment, the occasional tech discussion.  While it is mostly a reflection of current events in the space, it is often an interesting view of the social beliefs and systems that underlying those developments.  

It was during one of these discussions that I heard the term "Device Hoarder".

A Device Hoarder, it was mentioned, is someone that simply fails to upgrade their devices on a regular basis.  In the particular context of the discussion, it was with the recent price increases of game consoles to $1,000 or more and the not surprising fact that many gamers are choosing to either keep their old systems or are actively seeking out old systems.

I assumed it was a rather specific term in the industry but decided to do a bit of reading.  Turns out Device Hoarding is considered a real thing.

---

There are two versions of Device Hoarders.  The first is the Device Hoarding where individuals just keep purchasing new electronics but never get rid of (or "recycle", however that works) their old devices.  Per at least one article, 88% of Americans as of 2024 had devices worth up to $67.8 Billion stashed away (No note in the article if that was calculated on original value or current estimated value).

The second version is Device Hoarding where individuals and businesses do not upgrade their electronic devices on a frequent - say annual - basis.  There are those that have associated a loss of productivity with this failure to upgrade to take advantage of upgrades in technology, about 0.3% per annum. 

Thus, apparently, Device Hoarders have accomplished that most rare of events, creating multiple issues simply by not upgrading and not turning over those items that they upgraded.

---

Cleverly of course, this sort of "waste" is presented as having multiple impacts.:

- New technologies - Internet speed, better software - are held back, resulting in productivity losses.

- Unrecycled electronics are not returned to the market, where they can either be recycled or resold (to be noted, likely below the original purchase price or for free).

- Unrecycled electronics are not recycled, thus creating waste.

- Electronics manufacturers are denied the regular income of profits that comes from regular updates of electronics (e.g., Consumers are not consuming quickly enough).

---

Am I a Device Hoarder?  Yes, yes I am.

My computer is 12 years old at this point with a now-unavailable operating system (Windows 10) and a a plugged in keyboard as the computer keyboard has a row that does not work.  My cell phone (Computer In My Pocket) is two years (a miracle for me, although the camera is arguably a great benefit).  Our other in-home electronics - television, Roku device, CD/VCR player - are of various ages, but none of which are younger than 6 years.

I am, indeed, apparently part of the problem.

And yet...

And yet, my lack of new technology has not hindered me.  My computer is really only used for the InterWeb and for personal work, mainly word processing and spreadsheets (and the very occasional game).  My phone gets more use as a camera or communication device via text than it ever does as a phone.  Our television/DVD and VCR/Roku player gets a handful of hours of use a week.  The "loss" of productivity is unnoticeable to me - if I can no longer use a function or get a thing, I simply move on with an alternate.

Plus, of course, given the prices of everything, the idea of regularly repurchasing electronics (or really, anything) just because it is "out of date" is ridiculous.  For example, even figuring low on the computer side, I save between $600 and $1,000 every year I do not upgrade.  

I have enough.  I do not need more.

---

Interestingly, the articles I read never suggested any of the benefits of Device Hoarding.  The cynical side of me finds this to be a terribly one-sided view of the affair.

But perhaps understandable.  Often times if there is not a crisis, it is quite acceptable to create one.

A Year Of Haiku (XIII): Frosted Greens

 

Ice covered grasses

attentively stand, waiting

for the warmth of Spring

2026 Japan: Hasedera (IV)

 Around the main temple area:

One can continue up along the hillside to a rather fine view of Kamakura:

This is a mani-guruma.  Sutras, or Buddhist Scriptures, are kept inside them the main cylinder, or rinzo.  One can turn the cylinder and get the the same merit as reading the Scriptures.

2026 Japan: Hasedera (III)

 Hasedera is built on the side of a hill, so we have been climbing from the base of the hill to the main temple complex.

Buddhist graves:

The main temple.  The statue is inside - sadly, no pictures allowed:

A view from the temple level of Kamakura Bay:

Anatomy Of A Sleep Study

 Over the past 4-5 years, my sleep pattern has become something this side of awful.  I have no problem falling asleep thankfully, having trained myself that caffeine after 0900 and more than a single serving of alcohol is enough to destroy my sleep for the night.  What is not so great is the fact that I inevitably wake up after 4 to 5 hours of sleep and, if I do not manage to fall asleep in the following minute or so, am essentially up for 2 hours, finally drifting in and out until my alarm goes off at 0500.

I did an "at home" sleep study in December (oxygen monitor for the finger that bit like a moray eel and a heart electrode), but it was "inconclusive".  At best, it noted I had less than five "events" per hour, which puts me outside the need for intervention like a CPAP.  However, the home tests are not considered best practice (they only catch the major cases) and so I was scheduled for an in-hospital sleep study.

The process itself is an adventure:  a call in January got me an appointment at the end of March. Once or twice I received a call about an opening that day, hardly the sort of thing I can rearrange my schedule to meet.  And so, the days counted down until the scheduled date.

---

My initial arrival at the hospital was fraught with annoyance:  I parked in front of what I thought was the right building, then second guessed myself and moved to the next parking structure (both thankfully empty, it being Sunday and all).  My second guess turned out to be the wrong one, and so I dutifully trudged back up to the correct entrance - only to find that entrance was closed for evening.  So, back to the original entrance I walked.  Apparently I have the ability to see into the future, although it manifests itself in odd ways.

It is weird being in a hospital in off hours. The kind nurse at the desk directed me down a long hallway devoid of people at the relatively early hour of 1930, my footsteps sounding hollow in the long linoleum hallway.  A right turn past the in-hospital Starbucks (closed at night), one mis-guess at the correct floor on the elevators, and I was at the Sleep Center:  a small waiting room of non-descript beige, apparently the favourite colour of this hospital designer.

With five minutes of my arrival, I was assigned to a room (3) and a nurse ("J"), a pleasant young man likely in his 30's.  We went through a short questionnaire, he asked me to change into my pajamas, and then he would "wire me up".

The room itself - another study in beige - was decent and clean; I have certainly slept in hotel rooms that were less pleasant.  The bed as I sat on it was firm enough of a mattress that it would not be a problem, the sheets and thin bedcover the ubiquitous beige.  A closet for items, a sink for washing, and a door to a large-ish bathroom (also in beige) with a toilet and shower completed my abode for the night.

I changed into my pajamas and, as requested, ran two leads with electrodes down each of my pants legs.  In a few moments J was back, and we began the wiring in process.

This was my first experience at having this kind of monitoring and I found it fascinating.  Gel and attachments secured all of the electrodes to my legs (for restless leg monitoring).  Two "belts" around my torso for breathing.  Then, my head was measured and a series of electrodes attached on my face, the back of my ears, my neck, and on and about my head.  By the end, I appeared as Frankenstein's monster, all of my electrodes wired into a small box (seen above) that I could carry around with me.  The final wiring, J assured me, would take place when I was ready to go to sleep.

The last hour before sleep was spent reading (Ecclesiastical History Of The English People by Bede), journaling, and fielding a phone call from Uisdean Ruadh about a plumbing issue (13 more days as a landlord, I mutter to myself).  At 2050, J appeared for the final attachments, an oxygen monitor for the finger (a reasonable grasp, unlike the moray eel I had in December) and throat monitor for sound.  He "plugged me in", and I was ready to start.

---

The actual starting process itself is interesting.  It is programmed, as it probably must be so that they have a "start" and an "end".

The room itself is recorded with video and audio, including an infrared camera (sadly, one does not get a copy of the recording).  Lying in the dark, you go through a series of motions:  eyes open without blinking, eyes shut, eyes moving up and down three times, eyes moving left and right three times, the moving of each foot, breathing through the nose and then the mouth, taking a deep breach and moving your abdomen in and out quickly.  With that - after a last minute band change around my torso to replace a malfunctioning band - I was ready to start.

---

As to the sleep, it was...well, normal.  Likely 4-5 hours, then awake, then in and out until around 0400 or so.  My rule of thumb at home is that I stay in bed until my rising time to combat the encroachment of anything like Sundowner's syndrome - but there was the sense I needed to use the bathroom.  Not usually a problem, except in this case I would have to have J come in and unplug me.  I waited until around 0430, then called it.  

He had to check to see if he had enough data.  As he did, he had me go through the same set of exercises to end the session and them came in to strip me of my wires, which took considerably less time than the assembly of them.

As he pulled them off, we had a brief chat - obviously as a nurse, he cannot make a diagnosis (and having had friends that were radiologists and hearing their stories about seeing X-rays with clear indications of cancer but being unable to tell the patients that, I respect that), but he did have some feedback: Yes, I am a confirmed back sleeper.  No, I did not initially seem to have the sorts of events that might require a CPAP.  

We briefly discussed the results and when they would available and he left me with a form to fill out.  Within 10 minutes I was changed and out the door.

The hospital, if anything, was even more deserted than when I arrived.  As I passed the Starbucks, someone was already there, getting ready for the morning at hand.

---

Walking out of the hospital with my now-apparently genius location of my car, I looked up and saw the full moon, softly faded like a mellow cheese in the morning clouds, looking all the world like a Autumn Moon instead of the pre-Spring moon that I was anticipating.  I stood there for a moment, watching it and regretting the fact that for all of the miracles of the modern Computer In My Pocket, I still cannot take real pictures of the moon as I would like.

Sighing, I headed back towards the car.  A The Cat and J The Rabbit were all waiting at home patiently for me to arrive, and there was a coffee and a shower with my name on it.

Easter 2026

The Resurrection - Piero della Francesca, 1467-1468 

(Source)

Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men.

But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.”

So they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word.

And as they went to tell His disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, “Rejoice!” So they came and held Him by the feet and worshiped Him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell My brethren to go to Galilee, and there they will see Me.”

- Matthew 28: 1-10, NKJV

Silent Saturday 2026: Pictures From A Japanese Garden

 On Silent Saturday, it seems enough to post pictures from the local Japanese garden.

Good Friday 2026

 I posted this last year on Good Friday; it seems timely (and timeless) again.

Go To Dark Gethsemane  

Go to dark Gethsemane,

You who feel the tempter's pow'r;

Your Redeemer's conflict see;

Watch with Him one bitter hour;

Turn not from His griefs away;

Learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

Follow to the judgment hall;

View the Lord of life arraigned;

O the worm-wood and the gall!

O the pangs His soul sustained!

Shun not suff'ring, shame, or loss;

Learn of Him to bear the cross.

Calv'ry's mournful mountain climb

There' adoring at His feet,

Mark the miracle of time,

God's own sacrifice complete:

"It is finished!" Hear the cry;

Learn of Jesus Christ to die.

Early hasten to the tomb

Where they laid his breathless clay;

All is solitude and gloom;

Who hath taken Him away?

Christ is ris'n! He meets our eyes:

Savior, teach us so to rise.

- James Montgomery (1771-1854), 1825

A Year Of Haiku (XII): Sakura

 

Sakura hails

the incipience of Spring:

weather says "Not yet".

(Sakura (桜) is the Japanese word for cherry blossom)