An Odd Dream - Church Restoration

 I am not a great "believer" in dreams.  They happen:  most of them I forget upon awakening, a very few I remember.  Even fewer of those impact me upon awakening.

It is not that I discount the potential of dreams.  Can God communicate through dreams?  Certainly.  I know people that would swear to you that He has.  Can the unconscious mind process information through our dreams in a way the conscious mind cannot?  That sounds reasonable to me, although I am conscious of the fact I do not have the background in neurology to assert that (extra points if you get the pun!).  Do I believe that dreams tap into a larger energy, a stream that moves forward and back in time, giving us visions and insights?  Well, not precisely yes - although even I have had more than one deja vu experience for which I can directly correlate to a particular dream.

So when I have the same dream twice in a night - and remember it - this is something worth taking note of.

In this case, both dreams (from Sunday night) involved the restoration of a church.

In some ways, it was a very vague dream.  It was definitely a church (as opposed to another building or a cathedral).  It was definitely a church made of stone.  It was definitely not in the United States - my sense was that it was in Europe, although why I cannot say.

But what was very clear - very clear from my impression - was that I was there to restore the church. I needed to.  That was my job.

One place I go when such dreams happen (and I actually remember them) is Dream Moods, which has various dream images and their "interpretations".  From the site, with relevant notes:

Church:  "To dream that you are inside a church suggests that you are seeking for spiritual enlightenment and guidance.  You are looking to be uplifted in some way.  Perhaps you have made some past mistakes which have set you back on your path towards your goals.  With proper support, you will get on the right track again.  Alternatively, the dream may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading.  You are re-evaluating what you want to do."

Fixing (closest thing I could find to restoring):  "To dream that you are fixing something indicates that you need to re-evaluate and rethink a situation or relationship in your life."

Stone:  "To see a stone in your dream symbolized strength,  unity, and unyielding beliefs.  Look at the shape, texture, and color of the stone for additional significance.  If the stones are rough, then it represents your quest in recognizing and developing your self-identity.  Part of this quest is to also become aware of your subconscious and hidden thoughts. To place a circle of stones around yourself (maybe a restored stone church?) suggests that you are channeling a higher energy.  You are contemplating an important decision."

Now to be fair, I have spent a lot of time recently reading up on Romano-British/Anglo-Saxon history, so the fact an old church that needs restoring shows up may not be quite as mysterious as it might seem.  My mind has been on "old things" a lot recently.  

Still, it is rare that I wake up from the same dream theme twice in one night and have a strong memory of the dream and some sense that the dream actually meant something.

Spring Cleaning 2016

This weekend we actually had a 3 day weekend.  What to do? Work in the yard as it is practically Spring!

First off, mulch.  We need lots of it here as we have hot summers.

 My mint has come up in the strangest places...

I like the dark compost.  It works well with the lavender.

 Hey - Look what survived!  Pepper Plants:

View of the pepper plant and the garlic, which has overwintered nicely:

Back part of the garden, now planted with Rye and Spring Wheat:

And here's a view of the back, mowed, weed-whacked, and debranched:

Strangely enough, this work - along with mowing and weed-whacking the rest of the yard - has me looking forward to improvements this year.  Beyond the main garden (the one with the garlic and pepper plant) and the summer bean garden (just to the left of the bushes above) I am planning on a heavy planting of lavender, hopefully in preparation for bees.

Happy Spring!

A Dream About Christ

Last night I had a dream about Christ.
I do not often have these dreams. Certainly they are not the sort of thing that I talk about regularly when I do - it strikes me that dreams (on the whole) are a badly misused medium by a great number of Christians today.  In a way I compare it to what passes for a great deal of prophecy right now:  a statement which may be heavy on biblical language but lacks the core of an actual revelation from God and is replaced with the speaker's own opinion. So I am careful to say that I did not have a dream from God - at least I can say it involved His Son.

In this dream it was right after the end of the world.  I cannot tell you what it was like because apparently that was considered completely secondary to the dream. It was just a sort of "lights out" moment and that was that.  The thing that came immediately out of it was - maybe for the first time in my life - I was actually excited about seeing Him instead of afraid.

I remember running up to Him and asking Him what I should do and He sent me off to do some looking into something.  I found it and ran back and just started babbling away excitedly at what I had discovered, with Him just sitting there smiling and nodding.  There was no sense of fear or concern about what I had done or not done, just a genuine feeling of excitement and happiness.

I want to emphasize again:  I am not stating and I do not believe this to be some kind of direct vision from God.  Certainly there is nothing to be drawn here about the end of the world or the closeness or distance of it (in all fairness, I tend to dwell on the end of civilization a great deal).   The thing I do want to focus on was that this was the dream I needed right now.

Not that this is news to anyone, but life is becoming...a bit pinched together for a lot of reasons.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the feeling that I am not doing enough of what I should be doing, or that I doing it badly.  Something like this - arguably based on Christ's acceptance of us through His death and resurrection (that is biblical enough) - can make the things that we face a little less overwhelming, if we can experience - even vicariously through something like a dream - who and what is waiting for us at the end.

I do not know that the dream was directly from God - but I do know that God controls all, and that includes what goes on in my dreams.  And in that, I think, lies the greatest comfort.

Three Dreams (or One Dream with Three Acts)

(Editor's note:  Sometimes (if I am lucky)  I remember my dreams and post them.  This is  one of those times.)

Crazy dreams last night - helped along by the fact that it felt like I was awake all night.  I do not think that I was, but I had the distinct sensation of dreaming while I could completely sense the environment around me - it was not like last week where I was consciously awake all night.

Dream  #1:  In this portion of the dream I had (apparently) finally gone to Japan but for some reason was on the island of Shikoku rather than the Honshu, the main island.  I was trying to find something - a restaurant or store, I think - and so I was driving around the neighborhood looking for a place a to park.  Driving and driving to the point that there was a line of cars behind me and I could not stop to find a place.  And then when I did and went in, it was not at all what I expected - dark and dirty and dingy and with someone there - an American - who was essentially mocking me because I would not be able to speak Japanese well enough (I have toyed with Japanese for years and one of my actual goals this year is to pass the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (Level 5, the lowest level)  the year.  As I left I remember speaking back to him in Japanese in such a way that he was surprised.

Dream #2:  I was up after a rest. I walked out and saw the scenic beauty of Shikoku and started thinking I should take pictures to post.  As I was walking I found a dead animal - I cannot remember what it was but it was small and furry and recently dead.  I picked it up for no reason I can discern except to bury it somewhere and walked on.  Soon I found another, then two dead ducks (I specifically remember them being white ducks) - all recently dead.  Suddenly, as I am walking across a meadow or parklike field with pine trees around it, I was attacked by brown and white geese (I had a geese attack incident when I was 4 years old.  I have never trusted geese since then) who kept nipping and biting at me until I had thrown all the bodies of the animals at them and run off.

Dream #3:  My sensei and class were in Japan as well (no idea why, although for myself my goal is to go to training at Katsuura next year).  We were getting ready and sensei said we would have a guest tonight.  It turned out to be my new boss from work.

He was wearing a gi and  hakama  with embroidery on them, which means that he had some passed some level of testing.  After we introduced ourselves to him (I seem to remember my introduction being very quick and half done)  we proceeded to bow in, following his example.  But he was doing it all wrong- grabbing his obi (the wide fabric belt) and wadding it up in the front to put his sword in instead of sliding the sword between the second and third layers of the wrap. I wanted to say he was doing it wrong but my sensei and everyone else was following along (rule of thumb in martial arts: do what the sensei is doing).

And then suddenly we changed location again to a manufacturing plant in my industry that was outside, almost along a park path.  My sensei had left and now and old and respected boss ("Himself") was here with me.  Again, we were walking the new boss from work.  As we were walking, Himself was watching him and listening to what he was saying - as he did, I realized that he was saying things that I had been saying as well.  We came to a very steep spiral staircase going down (still outside, mind you - made of limestone) and I told Himself "Watch your step" - and no sooner than I had said that than he fell.  By the time I had reached him, the new boss was already there, lifting him up to a sitting position.

And then I woke up to my alarm.

Dreams of Work

For the second night now I have awoken at 3 AM.  Both times they pulled me out of dreams of work related incidents - related to Monday somewhat, people of old stalking my dreams.

Why are they there?  In this case it was someone I have not seen for almost 15 years whose picture I happened to see on LinkedIn at a business not where I currently work but one in the same industry, harassing and being short with people for items for a review.  I do not remember this individual ever acting this way.  What gives?

My subconscious is, I think, trying to tell me something.  Something profound I think, something about work and what I am doing with it and my life.   Which I suppose is helpful and needed.

What can I consciously think about work right now?

1)  I am bored.  Plenty to do, of course, but a great deal of it is exactly the sort of work I was doing last year or the year before that.  The challenge is not necessarily to do better or different but to simply do more.  

How does this manifest itself?  For me, I eat - or at least snack a lot.  I tend to have problems concentrating on the task at hand.  I mentally wander.

2)  I am trivialized. A great deal of what I have to work on now feels very much like wandering off into the tall weeds doing work that is essentially invisible - and at some level, excruciating trivial.  Like tracking down workflows of individual documents to see if they need to be restarted or fixed or preparing meeting notes and meetings for items which will be slightly different but largely the same next month.

3) I do not feel like I am making progress.  Perhaps this is the most frustrating as all.  I am now entering my 13th year with the same jog title.  Seemingly my ability to advance has stalled.  And even if things change this year (hope springs eternal) does that practically mean anything?  It feels as if items 1 and 2 will still be true.

I am not even sure that that the dreams and what I am feeling about work are consciously related right now.  All I do know is that something is seemingly not right in either of them - and they seem to be crossing over.

Dreams of Glue, Cell Phone, and Plastic Parts - Follow Up

Yesterday we tried to go through my dream of earlier this week.  My counselor introduced me to something call dreammoods.com, which is a dictionary of images in dreams and what they might me.

A couple of highlights from the dream and their possible meanings:

"Key:  To see a key in your dream symbolizes opportunities, access, control, secrets, freedom, knowledge or responsibilities. You may be locking away your own inner feelings and emotions. Or you are unlocking the answer to some problem....To dream that you lose your keys signify fears of losing control of yourself or losing your position or status in life. It may also indicate unexpected changes, frustrations, and unpleasant adventures. The dream could be analogous to lost or missed opportunities. If you give your key away, then it suggests that you have given up control of some situation or responsibility. "

"Bus:  To dream that you are waiting for a bus indicates a temporary setback in achieving your personal goals. If you miss the bus, then it indicates that an aspect of your life is out of control. You need to slow down and map out a new plan."

"Telephone:  To see or hear a telephone in your dream signifies a message from your subconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues which you have been avoiding. Alternatively, the telephone represents your communication and relationship with others."

"Sign - To see a sign in your dream indicates that you need help.  You need some direction and guidance in your life. Pay attention to what the sign says and what it is pointing you to do. Perhaps the dream is highlighting "a sign of the times".

I am usual not one for dream interpretation, but these items - along with general feelings that I awoke with from the dream - made for interesting thoughts as we walked through things.

Key - The key was not directly involved in the dream except as something I was trying to spell out but could not, and questioned why I was not using actual letters to build it.  Is it a form of the key missing, something lost or control given up?

Bus - Pretty much missed the bus in the dream.  Is there an aspect of my life that is out of control?

Telephone -  Again, not directly involved in the dream except as a tool for someone else.  Is it that I am always trying to communicate for others and not myself, or that I was avoiding an issue that I need to deal with?

Sign - Road signs bent over, arrows facing towards the ground.  Have I lost direction or that my directions all simply seem to be in one direction - down?

I suppose that if you look at the general tone of things - lack of control, out of control, lack of ability to communicate or lack of communication, and loss or lack of direction, you seem to come up with a few central themes:  loss of control of where I am going and what I am doing and how I am communicating.  It would seem to support the general sense I have right now in my life of being trapped by events and circumstances with little ability to chose.

And my feelings when I woke up?  Songbird said it far more wisely than I could have:  "Seems like your subconscious is saying you let personal interests distract you so that you will deliberately 'miss the bus'...the activities you did were redundant and slow, something you chose to do out of a perception of personal necessity, which caused you to miss the important bus".

Something to mull over, at any rate.

Dream of Glue, Cell Phone, and Plastic Parts

One of the most vivid dreams I have had in a while, certainly the first one in a while I can remember.

I was at company meeting which for some reason had to occur over a weekend.  There were a number of people there I recognized - not the whole company, but enough of senior management.  The person in charge, from our legal department, was going through a presentation.  The point of it was that a project we had been working on - a project that had failed - still had to be closed out.  The meeting was to cover the list of things that needed to be written or completed to make that happen.

At that, the meeting broke up and we were walking down a residential street with door opening onto the street.  I stopped to tie my shoe at one and kicked the door frame.  It looked to me like I might have cracked it but I could not be sure.  Suddenly the door opens and the resident, an older fellow, looks out.  I had apparently accidentally knocked the door.  We briefly talk - and I say nothing about the door frame.  Maybe it was that way, I reason to myself.

We walk farther, and then I am caught by another man and his wife.  Can I make a cell phone call for them, they ask?  Certainly - but it is not a cell phone call.  Apparently they need me to take a picture - but they need me to make a picture in order to take it.  I see  a bus in the distance with all of the people from work on it, ready to go.  It will only take a few minutes, I say to myself.  So I start forming letters on a jacket they have given me with glue and small plastic things.

It is taking a long time.  My letters are not perfect, I have to ask them at least once what the phone number needs to be - all the time I can see the bus there, waiting.  I run out of letters and space, and am trying to spell the word "key" and failing.  I have the thought of why did I not just use plastic letters instead of trying to spell things out, but keep trying.  The bus is still waiting.  Finally they bring me more things to work with and I lay the jacket down - on a red Mustang cover, like the one I used to have to finish.  As I am working on it, I hear a group of people coming up.  Some of them start arguing with the people next to where we are about something I cannot understand while others are prompting me to "hurry up, hurry up, we need to go".  "Wait"  I say, "I'm almost done".  I lay the jacket out and take the picture - only to turn and see that they have driven off.

The last thing I remember is the couple thanking me and the next thing I know it is dark and I am at a place with bent over sign poles, waiting for another bus.  "Why are you here?"  the couple who I called for asks me.  "Because I missed the bus" I reply.

And then I woke up.

Work Dreams

I woke up this morning dreaming about work.

It was not the cool part of work either - it was a dream about me coming in afterwords to pull some items together for a study and then explaining the background of what I was doing to some other individuals.  There were visuals, music, even an experiment or two.

And then I woke up - only to realize that I actually still had to go to work this morning.

There is something fundamentally unfair about this.  It seems that this is one of the jokes of the mind that is just wrong.  The concept that somehow one would think about something in one's off time that one then immediately gets to get up and do is possibly one of the most depressing things I can think of.

Why not the other way?  Why can I never dream of something wonderful - and then wake up to find that I am actually going to do the wonderful thing?  Is it that I do not spend enough time thinking about it? (If that is the case, it will never happen as I scarcely spend lots of time at any point thinking about those such things.)

And maybe that is the point.  Maybe I need to spend more time thinking about better or more enjoyable things than work.  Because waking up to work after dreaming about work is hardly the way I want to spend my life.

Work Dream

I had a dream about starting a business last night. It was the strangest thing.

It was all the stranger for who was involved ( a cousin of mine whom I used to work for but haven't seen in years) and where it was (originally the old convenience store I worked in, but then a warehouse) and what it was (my current industry).

I suddenly "wake up" in my dream to find myself in what was obviously a manufacturing facility, which apparently was an extension of the convenience store I worked at in college for my cousin. The floor was not up to manufacturing requirements, but the sense was definitely that it was on its way. I went into one room, where Fear Beag was working on some piece of equipment (presumably for fermentation or milling or some such), where we talked for a few minutes about how it was going, then went out through a door which lead into a fairly large, empty warehouse.

In the warehouse were Fear Mor and An T-Saor, who were engaged in the process of assembling some sort of environmental units. I asked some random question, and An T-Saor pointed up to the back wall where he was assembling something. I left both of them working on the equipment as I walked through the rest of the facility which was essentially a shell with basic rooms.

I remember three thoughts as I woke up. The first was that whatever this was, it was a work in process and for some reason I was not entirely worried about the money. The second thought was that there was a real sense that success was here: that the four of us had found a niche in manufacturing that was small, desirable, and could be done by ourselves. The third - directly related to the second - was the sense that this was right, that this was going to succeed, and that I was enjoying myself doing something I apparently liked with people I liked.

It was a trio of delicious thoughts that followed me into waking up. Seldom - and surely not in the last 7 years - have I had such a dream about work that left me refreshed and ready to get up in the morning.

No Brakes

Yet another vivid dream...

So I am at work with my most recent set of coworkers - yet strangely, I am in the building from my first job where I entered the industry, up to and including going into the room where I started with the glasswashers, oven, and autoclaves present. My current boss is there - he hands me a stack of papers with registrations that need to submitted today while he is apparently practicing softball out the door of his office. Other coworkers as busy whisking by me on tasks, carrying papers or going to lunch, all apparently not talking to me in the pursuit of their tasks. I pass a series of office mailboxes; it looks like they have not been used in a long time ("since the layoffs" my mind says) as there are only a few pieces of mail there, including an old calender with chocolate (which naturally I try to get to).

For some reason I decide I have to leave (it's not quitting time, apparently). As I go to exit I am suddenly not in either New Home or the original location of my job but in Seattle (always Seattle in these dreams) driving down frontage roads.. As I start to drive home, I suddenly realize that I can't seem to brake my car. I look down - there's the brake pedal, it presses down and up - but when I try to engage it driving home all that happens is that I press it to the floor. I either continue to hit green lights or blast through yellow ones as I roll home.

Apparently this is concerning enough that I turn around and go to back to work - although not so concerning that once I am there, I offer to give a coworker a ride home. Again with the hills, the brakes not working. She is obviously getting a little uncomfortable because I am continuing to drive around, not necessarily the direction of home over hills and through tunnels, trying to reduce my speed. I manage to coast the car to a stop on an uphill run into a residential neighborhood and explain to her the difficulties that I'm having, that it's not that I'm some sort of sexual predator (no idea why this comes up) but that my brakes are simply not working. I point down to the floor, show her the pedal and that it is not doing anything. She thanks me, says it wasn't really a concern and that this reminds her of a phrase they were going to put on their website which she then recites (but I can't understand the language), but that she would rather go ahead and call her husband and have him come and get her. I at least offer to give her a ride to a location where I saw a police officer for safety. She says no big deal, it's not far and she can walk. She gets out of the car and I start it up again, ready to drive away.

And then I wake up. All I can remember is the thought "I have no brakes! I have no brakes!"

Three More Dreams

Three more dreams - Whatever my conscious is trying to tell me, it's getting more frantic.

Dream 1) I am with someone in an area with high mountains are rolling valleys. We have a need to get down to the bottom of the valley to a road. In order to do this, we are essentially flying down the mountainside, leaping from what appear to be hovering platforms to hovering platforms. There seems to be a time element involved, because every time I am having to evaluate "Is this the right platform? Will we crash? Where do I jump next?" always with a sense of urgency.

Dream 2) I am living in a college dorm (although apparently I'm no longer in college). I have just completed attending a meeting which apparently I was responsible for setting up. As people leave, I suddenly realize that I have someone's personal items. I'm tortured by what to do, because there are no identifying features. Do I put an ad up somewhere, risking that someone will see it? Do I just leave in the lobby, hoping they will find it? Do I hold on to it, although I'll be able to do nothing with it?

Dream 3) I am living somewhere in a house which I am renting. As I am walking out with Cedric (our cat who died last year) I suddenly realize there's a rattlesnake ahead of us. It's not interested in striking but is going along the ground somewhere. As it's close to a house, I decide something has to be done, so I head back to the house. As I get ready to go in, I realize there's a second, smaller rattlesnake on the porch next to Fergus, another one of our cats that died last year. It too is not interested in striking. I grab a basket, plop it over the snake and whip it to the side as I grab the cats and head indoors.

Five Dreams

Five vivid and odd dreams last night:

1) I chartered a plane (which I was flying) from Old Home to see Otis in The NW. I had two friends and Nighean Dhonn with me. We arrived there, drove around a bit (for some reason there were lots of hills), and then immediately returned to the airport to leave without seeing Otis. I enjoy the flying and am trying to get a cost of how much a plane is, but can't seem to get anyone to answer me.

2) We're still in The NW, and it's the same group that I flew up with. We are trying to find a restaurant to deliver a prize to. We get there and everyone is all but ignoring us, even though we are here to deliver an award. We finally convince someone of what we're here to do. They thank us, take the award, and disappear. Eventually, the owner finally comes out (as if they figure out we won't leave until we see her) to accept it. It's a quick thing, as apparently they are closing shop to go out and don't want to appear that they're leaving quickly but that they are; that sort of lingering around near the door in hopes that someone will get a clue that it's time to go and leave sensation.

3) The Ravishing Mrs. TB and I were in a taxi going to visit Otis and Buttercup in The NW. It's a van and we are sharing it with a number of other occupants, who slowly exit as we continue. Unfortunately, the driver failed to ask where we were going and I failed to provide the information. He made his last drop and asked us where we were going. When we informed him, he shrugged. "Back at the beginning?" I asked, at which he nods "yes". However, there are still more passengers so rather than return, he keeps on driving as two ladies in front of us begin to discuss the new apartments that we're driving past.

4) At my high school, a school bus is getting loaded up. Nighean Dhonn is there along with me, walking up the street towards my grandparent's house as a father and son walk by. Suddenly, the father starts pointing and talking excitedly. Here comes Nighean Dhonn down the street, driving on a riding mower. The father was agitated, shouting "pull it over, pull it over" - which she does. As later the two of us walk up the street we see the father and son looking at the mower pulled over to the side of the street.

5) We are still near the high school but it is myself and two friends (one of them is Uisdean Ruadh). It's night, but we walk up to the door to knock. We see that the lights are just turned out as if my grandfather (gone 18 years now) is apparently going to bed. We turn to go, but then the light goes on and he opens up the door. We essentially say hello, say goodbye and then he shuts the door and turns off the light.

Finis

Pursued

Another one of those nights where you wake up feeling not at all rested, chased into wakefulness by dreams that haunt you after you crawl out of bed.

Specifics - There were two or three separate dreams, one in which I was at at college attending, always have to move/be chased for reasons that were not clear to me; finding a booth that could be rented and writing on the sign up sheet essentially a manifesto about why I needed to rent it yet realizing that the writing made now sense; a recurring dream (second time) in which I am having to run from some kind of hideous evil in the shape of a initial lightening strike followed by a tendril of semi-protoplasmic ooze that one cannot let touch them but follows you around relentlessly like a small rivulet of rain, veering right then left, splitting way from itself as you double back, close doors, climb objects to get out of the way as the liquid tendril, a slight red heart at its center, balefully watches what you're doing, seeking only to touch you for a second to electrocute you.

The worst part, of course, is that you wake up in the morning feel pursued, not rested, your mind not on what lies ahead in the day but what happened during the night and "What the heck is chasing me?"

Which is, of course, the real question: What is chasing me to the point that it is pursuing me in my dreams?