There comes a point at which one begins to not care about things.
This sort of thinking must be - especially to the young and fired up - something that confuses and angers them. Certainly, when you are young - when I was young - there was a certain sense of "not caring", of being a rebel in small ways that were meant to signal that you were in some way "against" the system (whatever the system was). But the big things, the titanic things - these we must care about.
I liken it, after thinking on it a bit, to a failing relationship.
In some form or fashion, we have all been through a failing or failed relationship. Sometimes we are the ones starting to move away, sometimes the other is the one moving away, or sometimes things are just simply dissolving. But the symptoms are all there: we talk less, we interact less, we follow up less, we eventually just exist in the same space. Sometimes are there things after that - active anger, hatred, court cases - but just as often (for our pedestrian relationships anyway), we simply exist in the same space. We may care in the big sense of "I hope nothing untoward happens", but things seem to end there.
I find this is becoming more true in my own life. Simply put, I have little if any caring for almost any large issue of the day.
"But you have to live in the world." I know.
"But these are important things." I have lived my life through "important" things, most of which were not really that important.
"But if you do not care, you are on "their" side (whomever's side that may be)." Who are "them"? Generally if you look a little deeper, there are few true virtuous individuals or organizations. Flaws in people and individuals I can accept; being told I must not ask questions and accept things as they stand, I struggle with. And, of course, the question "Are you on my side?" often goes nowhere.
One could call it not caring. One could also call it peace, or at least the peace of worrying about what one can influence, of giving attention to the things that are important to one's self (even if not terribly important to the world), of perhaps beginning to see truly what matters.
Are there important things? There are. But more and more, the world's and my definitions of those diverge.
Interesting observation TB, being told you must accept things and not ask questions, by ANY side, is something that doesn't sit well with me, especially as I have gotten older. How many "important" things can a person devote themselves to? Perhaps as you get older what is important becomes clearer.
ReplyDeleteNylon12 - We have, as a culture and society, largely lost the ability to think independently and ask questions (or - Heaven forfend - accept some of but not all of the "party line"). We have lost the ability to see nuances and choose principles above movements or individuals. The more I consider it, the more this seems indicative of a society in terminal decline.
DeleteAnd I agree with you, the older I get the more "important" things get clearer.
In my experience, ofttimes said relationships didn’t actually fail, they were merely set right. Making my adjustment was the tricky part.
ReplyDeleteThings usually grew painful when I myself, held on past the expiry.
People, places and things all seem to exert a hold of sorts on us , constantly vying for our attention and care.
I would agree that we too, have to live in this world.
The key for me is being in this world but not of it, to the degree possible.
I still care, perhaps my deeply than ever. But I care in a much different and deeper (for me) way.
The peace of mind that comes with caring differently is a welcome change from the old way of thinking.
No advice proffered here, simply sharing my personal experience.
Blessings to you on your journey.
B - Thank you for offering your thoughts.
DeleteI concur that I should in the world, but not of the world. At the same time, I find myself becoming more and more like Tolkien's Ents, who are not on anyone's side because no-one is truly on their side. And so they retreat to what they know, understand, and truly care for.
To thine own self be true...
DeleteFinding the true self. That can be the rub.
Delete"Flaws in people and individuals I can accept; being told I must not ask questions and accept things as they stand, I struggle with." I could not agree more, TB, and I am immediately put off when it is suggested I should not ask questions. The Psalms are FULL of questions and even Jesus, in one of the most mysterious Gospel verses, asked the Father why he had forsaken him. Questions are not only OK, but God gave us a model for asking them. Blessings to you this day, TB. In my view, you are asking the right questions!
ReplyDeleteThanks Bob. Honestly, there are days where there are I am wondering if I have outlived my age. Then I remind myself that I never really fit in here in the first place; the fact this is striking me now should be no surprise.
DeleteI can relate. In "Permaculture Thorns," Paul Wheaton states that people just want to hear their own opinions coming out of others' mouths. One thing that bothers me is that others demand "proof" of caring. Specifically, they demand that you care about what's important to them, i.e. their issues. It seems to pair with the general lack of respect we see nowadays, and I find these demands manipulative in their mildest form, bullying at their worst. I think you stated it better than me.
ReplyDelete"People just want to hear their own opinions coming out of others' mouths". That is it, exactly. It is as if I need another's words to validate my opinion.
DeleteYou are right (in my view) to pair "proof of caring" and "lack of respect". Respect has become based on the idea of something I give because I deign to give it to you, not that there is a basic level we owe everyone (for the Christian of course, the idea that we are all created in the image of God). And they indeed run the gamut from verbal and action oriented manipulation to bullying (on-line and in person).
You can win people's outward words and behaviour, but that comes to live in a hothouse of your own making. Let in the outside air and the carefully grown plants of your own opinions and worldview will wither.
I think in part it comes because people are incredibly insecure nowadays. Independent thought really upsets them somehow. I'm not sure how society got there, but I think too many people experience this, unfortunately.
DeleteGood point Leigh. So many people are so reliant on what other people say about their public (usually online) image that they fear to do anything that might cast aspersions on them.
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