As mentioned on Saturday past, I have spent the last few days gathered for one of the happy sorts of family events - a wedding. The venue was beautiful, the bride was gorgeous and the groom (The Brit from our hikes) handsome, and likely we all had a little more to eat and drink than likely we wanted or at least needed. And, we have now married in to a whole new wing of the family across The Pond.
Given the past two years we have had, a celebration was not out of order.
It occurred to me as I was packing up Saturday night that this might function as the last "family reunion" was have for a while, if maybe in some cases for ever.
For our little nuclear family of course, we are essentially splitting up next month: Nighean Gheal to South Korea, Nighean Bhan and Nighean Dhonn in New Home for college, and The Ravishing Mrs. TB and myself in New Home 2.0. But it does not stop there - my niece and her new husband are in graduate school in a new state, my nephew and his fiancé are in Southern New Home, and my sister and The Outdoorsman still in Old Home. My Aunt and Uncle (my mother's surviving sibling) are in their mid to late 80's. Their sons, my cousins, are relatively close to them (and The Ranch) in Old Home but we never get together as much as we should due to that thing called "life". My other cousin - the youngest of the bunch in his early 40's - is busy with his wife and new son and while in Old Home, is about two hours away by car.
We are stretching farther and farther away and have less and less points of contact and less reasons to travel the distances to come together. Weddings probably for the next few years (both possibly and hopefully) and possibly funerals (sadly, but likely) are the realistic points of contact at this point. But just getting together? Seldom if ever will that happen again.
Yes, I know, social media. Our families are not really one for social media in that sense of the word (and if we are, Instagram, which is largely picture driven, is our thing). And it is truly not as if anyone calls anymore - in general, calling seems almost like an inconvenience to the receiver without first checking to see if they are available (the call before the call, as it were).
I am not really sure how to feel about all of it. One part of me calls it inevitable, as it undoubtedly is: in an age of easy relocation and travel, the ability to "go" is pretty pronounced - and if the recent past has shown me anything, it is that pulling up one's roots and starting over is as difficult as it is disruptive. Which means repeated moves, especially back to particular places, is likely rare.
The other part of me is sad about it of course. In a real sense, this very well could be the ending of an era the way 2020 was the end of an era in our family for a last Christmas with TB The Elder and Mom at The Ranch.
We cannot force time back of course, just as we cannot make it stop. At best we can simple recognize and savor those moments and treasure them for what they are: the last faint notes of a concerto that is lost in time except to our memories.
As the years pass everyone's feet are on different paths and those paths keeping diverging further and further apart......(sigh).
ReplyDeleteIt is, Nylon12. It seems like a feature of modern life now, not a bug. The best I can do is to try to do everything in my power to keep people in contact.
DeleteOne of the things that most strikes me from my genealogy hobby is how close extended families stayed back in the day. Of course some struck out for the wilds of the west which is how I ended up where I am but in between those jumps west were generations of extended families growing up in close proximity to each other. Coming from a small family that has been spread out over half the country for two decades now, I can't imagine how exciting that must have been to frequently run into cousins and nieces/nephews.
ReplyDeleteEd, that is the way it was even within my own life time with my grandparents generation, especially on my maternal Grandmother's side. And even with the encroachment of the mobility era in the 70's and 80's, my parents' generation seemed to manage to at least sty in contact. It is now much more spotty at best. I try to stay in contact with my sister and cousins; I think my children and their cousins really only touch base through social media on the InterWeb.
DeleteI am one of the two youngest in my entire extended family (my deceased brother, a year younger than me) was the youngest of all the cousins on both my mother's and father's side (and by 6 years or more). My last living grandparent (gmother) died when I was four, so there was never that "glue" in my experience. All of my aunts and uncles have been gone for at least 20 years... All of that, I'm sure has contributed toward me not feeling a great pull toward keeping bonds with extended family. Actually, it would require making bonds, as I never really bonded with my older cousins. I don't have any memories at all of spending time with cousins - though my older sisters would. I imagine I might enjoy a cousin's reunion, but I do think they would all feel like strangers to me. I'm not interested in making it happen.
ReplyDeleteMy husband, on the other hand, who is the eldest cousin on his mother's side, and right in the middle (age-wise) of the cousins on his father's side, has felt a great interest in keeping the cousin bonds alive. Fortunately, most of them are wonderful and easy to spend time with, so I enjoy when we connect - though it is rare anymore.
Anyway... this has me wondering how much the concept of family closeness/connectedness has truly changed over the years, and how much is simply the perspective one has based on their age-rank in the family, and their childhood memories and connections.
To be clear... we visited our aunts and uncles homes fairly often when I was a child (at least once or twice a year), but I was too young to have been considered a playmate to any of my older cousins. I remember sitting around listening to the women and men talk, meandering around a lot just looking for something to do. I imagine my brother must have done the same. Maybe we played together - that, I don't remember. At the time, I didn't mind it (I didn't know any better), but it was not a cousin-bonding time.
DeleteBecki, on of my parents' side of the family, there was a clear cutoff between the cousins of what were effectively one generation and the cousins of the other. On my mother's side, it was a pretty compact group (6 of us total). It was much larger on my father's side, but we only really saw one of his brothers and their family regularly.
DeleteI think that my mother's family felt closer because her mother and her mother's sisters made quite an effort to keep bonds going, which at least trickled down to their children (and hopefully, at least in our family, their grandchildren and great grandchildren). I do get the idea that my children will stay close; I have no idea if that will extend to their second cousins.
My family and his family are spread all over the country. The oldest son and his wife live in England.
ReplyDeleteWith the loss of the farmhouse in 2020, the gathering place of his family reunions is gone.
Congratulations to the newlyweds!
You all be safe and God bless.
Thank you Linda! It was a lovely wedding.
DeleteThe reunions of my mother's side were at The Ranch, and she had them as long as her aunts (her mother's sisters) were alive and for a few years after. That falls to me, I suppose, if I get up there; I do not know that I will have near the attendance she did.
My family has never held reunions. You either visited or didn't.
DeleteHis side would hold them, roughly, every 8 years, if I remember right. Maybe it's something to do with Louisiana, but everyone here seems to be "into tracing family". His side have traced their roots all the way back to whatever city it is in France that they came from.
Many of them are sons and daughters of the American Revolution. If I remember right, at least one came over in the founding of the colonies and apparently there was a real Captain Morgan who figures in there somewhere, too.
With the loss of the farmhouse, a place the majority of them had been to at some point, Ken and I decided back then it would be up to someone else to do the honors.
No one did, so I think it was just put to rest.
Perhaps you should do the same, TB. If there is family you feel particularly close to, just visit them. Otherwise, memories may be a better option.
You all be safe and God bless.
Linda, likely at this point it will be my cousins and my children and hopefully my niece and nephew. To your point, if someone else will not pick up the mantle it is obvious not that important to them. Which is somewhat sad to me, but that is the way of the world now.
Delete