TB The Elder is gone.
He slipped away from us last night. My brother in law The Outdoorsman called in a voice I have only heard him use two times before, and only upon death. We know nothing at this point, other than what the home told us: he just stopped breathing.
I was headed out to Old Home this weekend on Thursday anyway, so in that sense I was already on my way. It will just not be the visit I expected it to be.
Nighean Bhan said it best: It was not a surprise, but a shock none the less.
I am sure that I will have more to say on the matter at some point - as I write this, it has been less than two hours since I was notified.
In a lot of ways, he was perhaps not the reason this blog continued to be written, but he was a reason to sustain it because in writing it, I wrote of my life to him in a way I was not otherwise able to share with him. In that sense, he continues to live through the writings here.
I do not have great deal to offer at the moment, so in lieu of something more deep or personal, I can only offer Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Mayhap my father has touched The Happy Isles of Heaven. Certainly his soul is now free of a body that would no longer co-operate with him the way he would have wanted.
Ulysses
It little profits that an idle king,
By this hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and fee, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy'd
Greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vext the dim sea. I am
become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much
have I seen and known—cities of men
And manners, climates,
councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honored of them
all,—
And drunk delight of battle with my peers,
Far on
the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have
met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that
untraveled world whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I
move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust
unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were
life! Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to
me
Little remains; but every hour is saved
From that
eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and
vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And
this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a
sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.
This is my
son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the scepter and the
isle,
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfill
This labor,
by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and through soft
degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most
blameless is he, centered in the sphere
Of common duties, decent
not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet
adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his
work, I mine.
There lies the
port; the vessel puffs her sail;
There gloom the dark, broad
seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and
thought with me,
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The
thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free
foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honor and
his toil.
Death closes all; but something ere the end,
Some
work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that
strove with gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the
rocks;
The long day wanes; the slow moon climbs; the deep
Moans
round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to
seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order
smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail
beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until
I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may
be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles,
whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We
are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and
heaven, that which we are, we are,
One equal temper of heroic
hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To
strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Oh TB, even unexpected, it's still profoundly sad news. I'm so sorry to hear it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Leigh. To be honest, this was the call I think we had expected to get and how things were supposed to end, not the last 1.5 years. That said, everything happens for a reason, although I fairly sure this time the reason for us, not him.
DeleteI am grateful that for the first time since at leas 2015, he no longer has to worry about my mother or face the his mind and body not being the way he needed them to be. My father of 2019 would not have liked the last year.
Our condolences for you and your family. Losing the 1st parent when unexpected was particularly tough on me. Dad passed away from a heart attack in his back yard in 1997, Mom passed away in 2018. Her passing was expected, pulmonary fibrosis being particularly cruel.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you, your family and friends. That poem was a nice tribute for your Dad.
Thank you very much. This was in some ways anticipated. but it comes as a shock none the less. It is odd to me to think I will go back this Friday only to never see him again.
DeleteI am especially sorry for your mother. I worked at a company that had an IPF product and am well aware of the devastating disease that it is.
My most sincere condolences to you and your family TB. He is at peace now.
ReplyDeleteThank you Nylon12. He was the last of his generation, so the circle is again unbroken.
DeleteWe are sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteAs you said, "....It was not a surprise, but a shock none the less."
Thank you John. I do not suppose one is ever ready.
DeleteHow’s your mom and Sis holding up TB?
ReplyDeleteI have not specifically talked with my sister yet except by text, although I am sure I will today. I am not sure about my mother, although we are not always sure how much she knows it is him.
Delete(Sorry. Tried to write in the past tense there. Did not work.)
IIt is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
ReplyDeleteEcclesiastes 7:2
Though I’m only associated with your blog as of late I pray ffor you and your loved ones as you pass through this time. I that verse speaks such Truth To me TB.
Franknbean
Thank you FnB. It is a stark reminder of the swiftness of life and its end for all of us. I am grateful for the fact that at least for him, he is himself again and with his family.
DeleteCondolences TB. Somewhere, I hear the pipes playing a lament.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarge. He had ultimately asked to be interred at a national cemetery not terribly far from Old Home, so while we may not get pipes, we will definitely get a bugle.
DeleteMy condolences on your profound loss. As we Catholics tend to say at such news, may he rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ed. To be honest, it is a profound loss for which I am just on the edges of still. To be honest, I am sure he is resting in peace, finally.
DeleteMay God's own comfort be yours during this time, TB. I will lift a glass to his memory tonight. He was a faithful steward. Thank you for introducing him to me.
ReplyDeleteThank you STxAR. It is a pity the two of you could not meet here, but hopefully someday. You would have had a lot to talk about.
DeleteCondolences, TB. Sounds so very similar to my mom in May.
ReplyDeleteSafe trip. God's comfort and blessings to you all.
Thank you Linda.
DeleteMy condolences.
ReplyDeleteMy own father has been gone 13 years and nearly every day I tell him I love him and miss him dearly.
Thank you Annie. He will very much be missed.
DeleteSo sad that this time has come but yes, he is in a better place now. I, somewhat lapsed Catholic that I am, believe that our guardian angels are in fact our loved ones who have died and gone on before us and now look down and watch over us. Now your father is up there too.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I have nothing but the belief that my father is now reunited with his family as well and gets to revel, as it were, both in that reunion and how things are going here in a way he could not before.
DeleteI am so sorry for your loss TB. May he rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Jess.
DeleteI mourn with you, TB...
ReplyDeleteThank you Pete. There is a void that will never quite been filled again.
DeleteI am so sorry, TB.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tewshooz.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYou and your family have my deepest sympathies.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much sbrgirl.
DeleteMy deepest sympathies, TB, from a regular reader, but very occasional commentor.
ReplyDeleteDJBH
DJBH - Thank very much, and for honoring my blog by reading it.
DeleteMay God's grace, and all the good memories, comfort you and sustain you. Blessings to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Bob. We are fortunate in that we have many, many years of good memories to look back on.
DeleteI am deeply saddened to read this news. My deepest sympathies to you and your family TB.
ReplyDeleteKA
Thank you very much KA. They are much appreciated.
DeleteSorry for your loss TB. No words really comfort but I found these to ring true. "Life has a beginning, a middle and an end."
ReplyDeletePraying for you and yours as you grieve.
Thank you Polimath. In one sense it is very true. We knew this day was coming and to the greatest extent possible, I suppose we were prepared. But perhaps you can never really prepare.
DeleteMy condolences to you and your family, TB. You and yours are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Becki.
DeleteJust read this. So sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. He has very much left a hole in my life.
Delete