One of the reasons that I have been making an effort to go home more this is year is the fact that my mother's dementia has been getting worse. I do not know that I have fully (or maybe even ever) discussed it, but it has been ongoing for several years now. It now seems to have been accelerating even over the last 6 months I have been going back - to the point that she does not always remember me as her son (but does remember I am a relative) and is not sure that the home they have lived in for over 20 years is her home.
We were also notified that not one, but two of my aunts - one of my father's side, one on my mother's side - are both in the hospital with Covid. In one case (my father's sister) it seems that there may be light at the end of the tunnel; for the other case (my mother's sister) it seems rather bleak.
(A note: My material aunt went from feeling okay to having her heart stop in the ambulance on the way to the hospital in three - count them, three - days. Currently she has known serious brain damage and pneumonia. They can maybe cure the second, but not the first.)
Add to this a weekend search over the InterWeb to see if there were any sane voices about the the current state of the world in general, and found the answer was, pretty much, no. What is not covered in frenetic anxiety is covered in disgust for the opposing view, and what is not covered in disgust for the opposing view is covered in a sort of intellectual disdain for people who are "too stupid" to see the truth. In short, we all seem to hate each other and see the worst in each other. To somehow believe this is going to magically "change" next year is ridiculous.
To be clear, it is not depression. And it is not, I suppose, really hopelessness. There is not a lack of nor loss of hope involved in this. It is more the acceptance of the fact that things, frankly, are bad right now. And, given what what I can see, not really on a track to get better in the near future.
But, perhaps, not a completely unexpected end to the year.
My condolences for our relatives health problems. Many of us develop problems which will eventually take our lives.
ReplyDeleteDad's death was quick - a heart attack in the backyard. Due to lack of oxygen reaching his brain for at least half an hour, the doctor told us even if he recovered, his brain was severely damaged. We chose a dignified exit - we know he would not have wanted to linger like that. I still miss him a lot. I was lucky to have not only known him at home but at work as well.
Mom's death was far more gradual so we had time to adjust to thought of her leaving. She was really brave until the end, her faith in God was a plan was put in place. It was a relief for her and us when she passed - she was ready to go.
Anonymous - thanks for sharing and your condolences. We have been fortunate that largely in my maternal family, my parents' generation has been with us to this point. That makes the thing a bit more hard to take.
DeleteMy maternal grandparents were much the same: my grandmother ended up having a stroke she could not recover from and remained with us for a year, effectively in a coma. My grandfather passed away one night from a heart attack, about a month before his birthday when he would have had to take driver's license test which, we all suspect, he would have failed (with all that would come with that).
You have a realistic understanding of the various situations that understandably leaves you in a less than optimistic mood.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - I appreciate the thought that I am not completely misreading things. My mother is, perhaps somewhat obviously, a long running known issue. My aunts developed as the week went on. Frankly, the final thing that really took the wind out of my sails was doing a little surfing on the InterWeb to look for some alternate opinions from individuals I assumed (yes yes, I know about assumptions) would be rational thinkers. The amount of disdain and sheer, unbounded hate leaves me very cold about the future indeed.
DeleteI am deeply sorry to hear about your Mom, TB...
ReplyDeleteThanks Glen. It is something I have probably not written about as I should have, perhaps for no other reasons than it is either too painful or I just want to pretend the thing is not so. That is a bit foolish on my part.
DeleteIt’s not foolish at all; and you are not a foolish man.
DeleteThanks Glen.
DeleteOh my, that is potentially worrisome news about your family. I'm so sorry to hear, especially about your mom. What a blessing that you are able to go visit as often as you can.
ReplyDeleteI read yesterday that the sane voices are quietly being removed from the internet as false information. Considering how things have been going, I guess we shouldn't be surprised at that. It's hard to be optimistic about any of it, but as long as I remember where my True Hope lies, I find I can still have peace in the midst of the storm.
Thank you Leigh. My mother, while not the hardest, is not as concerning as my maternal aunt. The progression of the disease was astounding and, barring a miracle, there are few good outcomes.
DeleteI have been contemplating the fact of people falling away off the InterWeb (it will probably become its own post at this point) and while not surprising, it is discouraging. Even more discouraging is the number of people that seem to think banning any opinion which does not conform to a narrow band of acceptability is fine. Once gone, these things historically come back except after a great and terrible struggle.
My sympathies for everything going on in your life right now. It is never easy to deal with those things, especially when they are grouped together.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest fears in life has been to witness the gradual mental decline of somebody I love. I've been fortunate thus far in my life and haven't had to live those fears. My maternal grandmother is showing signs of it, especially when stressed, but she is 90 and I'm hoping that her time is shorter than the progression of the disease. For now, I can live with her telling me the same stories over and over and over as long as she knows who I am and where she is.
Thanks Ed.
DeleteI think for many, as you say, the hope is that the progression is beat out by other factors. Sadly - at least statistically - I do not know this is always the case. It certainly has not been with my mother, and with others that have suffered from similar conditions. It is one of the exquisite tortures of dementia: it keeps the body intact while destroying the mind until both finally fail together.
Like you, I can live with where we are now, and discuss who her grandchildren and their ages 5 times in 30 minutes. She still knows who she is and who my father is and on site, who most of her family is. She does remember me as well, although noted above not always specifically who I am but that I am related.
All of that said, I remain grateful. Hers at least is a kindly and peaceful decline. I have heard and read of much less happier accounts.
Dang, TB. Praying for you bud. I'll be sitting over here...
ReplyDeleteMuch appreciated STxAR. It was certainly not the week I had hoped for.
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