"If parsnips could talk or write, they could provide us with a formula for how to attain life everlasting in the garden, if not elsewhere. In an interview, Mr. Parsnip would have plenty of advice, honed by centuries of survival.
"First, cultivate an independent kind of ornery reliability that will draw admiration from everyone, except maybe politicians and church authorities who want their subjects to stand before them with bowed heads in abject dependence. Learn how to survive in winter in frozen ground, or for you humans, how to survive economic recession in comfort. We parsnips not only know how to endure frozen soil, but how to taste better because of it. Then make sure your seed will drop and sprout of its own accord if necessary to guarantee something close to perpetual life.
Second, develop a distinctive personality like we parsnips do, with a taste only appreciated by the few rather than by the many. You want to appeal to the discerning minority, not the herd-like majority, which is always susceptible to the moneychangers. If you are too desirable a plant, the gene manipulators will bioengineer you into oblivion.
Third, don't try to look too pretty in public. Everybody is dressing up fancy these days, so if you follow suit (no pun intended), you'll just be ignored. Or worse, you will be asked to head up a fund-raiser. If you look sort of bony, weathered, and wrinkled, like us parsnips, some master chef will get interested and make you famous."
- "The Parsnip Way To Everlasting Life", Gene Everlasting
If Mr. Logsdon thinks everyone is dressing up fancy these days, he has never shopped at Walmart.
ReplyDeleteHAR HAR HAR!!!
DeleteFor the record, I hate all vegetables equally... ;)
Ed, this was written in the heady days of 2013 - maybe we dressed better back then?
DeleteGlen, Parsnips strike me a great deal like my opinion of turnips: enough salt and butter makes anything taste good.
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