Waiting on God

When was the last time I waited - really waited - upon God?

The thought was started yesterday by a comment made by our pastor in his sermon: "Often I have found that a 'No' from God really means 'Not yet'." That thought percolated itself throughout Sunday, into Sunday night and through a restless sleep and dreams until it was the first thing that popped into my head when the alarm went off.

When have I waited? Too often - most often - I haven't. I've been in too much of a rush, impatient to have it "now" because I'm afraid I won't have it at all, or believing that I am entitled to all that I comes into my head and seems reasonable, or simply not accepting that a "No" now means anything other than a "No" permanently.

And what has this gotten me? Except for the grace of God, not much. I can look back now from the perspective of years and see that in fact most of the need to have it now has only resulted in it either disappearing altogether or remaining in a stunted form. I write this not out of regret for the bad decisions (they can't be unmade now anyway) but simply from a sense of observing the results in my life.

I didn't want to wait to be able to afford a new house, but I got one - and ended up losing it. I didn't want to wait (have never, really) for a job situation to clearly evidence itself that it was time to move on - and have missed out on the opportunity to profit from them, as well as (eventually) having them lead to New Home. I didn't want to wait to start a business based on real facts, so I went ahead and did it - and lost a great deal of money and a friendship in the bargain.

There are other things as well - things far more personal, things that shouldn't be out on the Web. Suffice to say that these, too, bear the hallmark of a failure to wait and attendant results.

If I stop and think about it, what have I truly waited on God for? Not much, I'm afraid. There are occasions - the job that brought us to New Home, for example - but I can't think of many. And there are those situations - like a position of leadership I tried to patiently wait for - that simply were answered by "No".

So what are the takeaways here?

The first, I think, is that the past proves the present. I haven't waited, and much of the issues of my own life have been created by my inability to either wait or accept a "No" as "Not Yet". Part of this is my own perspective - thinking I must do everything and have everything now, instead of viewing life through the lens of eternity. But part of this as well is simply admitting that I have not waited.

The second is simply to start waiting upon God. Have I truly taken the time to make my concerns and dreams and desires known? That accomplished, am I then ready to simply wait upon God for His response?

The third is if I am willing to train myself to change my thinking, to realize that "No" may really mean "Not Yet". Or maybe it truly means "No". Either way, I still need to modify what and how I think and act.

The first of half of my life not waiting has not worked out as well as one might have hoped. Perhaps the perspective I need is not to try harder, but simply to wait and watch - patiently.