Inner and Outer Attention

As I had the luxury of letting thoughts roll and percolate through my brain this week, I came to the realization that I am too often a person of appearance, not of substance.

The genesis of this thought was a sermon three weeks ago by a guest pastor to our church, one which serves our local university base. He made the point that the current college generation is one which offers "zebra kisses" - their own way of showing affection or desiring attention, which is often mistaken by those to whom it is offered as something other than what it is.

As this sermon followed me home and around as I went on my vacation, I went one step further. It's not just that zebra kisses are misunderstood, it's the nature of what those are intended to communicate - and with whom.

I believe we have allowed the need for significance and self esteem within our own society to become so pervasive, so overpowering, that we have created a culture where being seen and recognized - however that occurs - is the most important thing on anyone's agenda. Everyone's opinion must be heard, everyone must be noticed.

I am a man of occasional flair. I do things occasionally which draw attention to myself. But why am I drawing this attention to myself? Is it because I am truly different? Or is it because I need the attention and the visual cues are the only way for me to get it.

I compare myself in this sense to a young lady of my acquaintance who dresses and acts differently - but this difference is simply an outflow of who she is, not an affected mannerism chosen to get the attention of others.

There is attention which comes from who you are, and attention that comes from how you appear. Attention coming from who you are is far more difficult to engage. It means that one has to be a person of accomplishment, of character, of being something beyond merely the outward manifestation of the unusual or noticeable.

In a sense, attention from how you appear is merely the shortcut on the road to accomplishment, something easily engaged in but having little substance and little staying power. My concern is that this sort of thing is fleeting, but often the consequences ride along with us for life. It also creates something of an addiction: the desire for attention becomes stronger, so even more noticeable behavior or appearance must be engaged in to continue to maintain the interest.

I'm not against flamboyance. I'm not against the unusual. I'm not against the noticeable. What I am against is it becomes the only reality of our souls; instead of flowing out of us, it defines us from the outside in.

As I have said, recognition from accomplishment is far more difficult. It's also much less likely of a guarantee of immediate notice: a tattoo sprawled up my arm and around my neck is almost always noticeable, while the quiet accomplishment of a task and the resulting expertise is much less so. However, a history of quiet accomplishment will eventually lead somewhere; the tattoo will fade.

Will I still wear my kilt or kimono on random occasions? Absolutely. But I will seek to become someone from whom such behavior flows as a part of who they are, not the total of who they are; the notice which comes from being competent and skilled, not the notice that comes from merely appearing.