What steals the call of action from one's life?
By 14:00 yesterday, any benefits or any sense of refreshment I had from my vacation had been stripped away, replaced by the dull combination of duty, fear and dispiritedness that had marked me before I left. Any sense of making progress, any sense of doing more, any hint of that greater beyond was wiped away.
How can this be? I came back from vacation motivated and ready; within 48 hours, life is just as I left it.
Is it circumstances? Yes, partially. Like it or not, our environment has a distinct impact on what we believe and feel to be possible. Landing somewhere which debilitates one's sense of action, of possibility, makes action feel superfluous and imitative a joke.
But surely this cannot be explained by circumstances alone? Plenty of individuals throughout history have overcome their circumstances through action.
If that is the case, then surely inside of me there resides some flaw, some character trait that persuades me against action, or robs me of hope and the ability to even begin. What is this flaw? I really (really, really) wish I knew what this flaw was. It has dogged my steps from childhood, throughout my schooling, throughout my career to where I am today.
To begin, one needs to believe that action will create results, that there is an end and goal which is possible, no matter how difficult. Without such confidence one is left with a series of false starts that lead at best to failure, at worst to nowhere.
Where does one find such confidence?