"If we really believe things, we will do what it takes to make them happen. Otherwise we're just playing games." - Joel Salatin
A wonderful week away - by far, the best (or at least most relaxing) vacation I have had in many years. A good mix of activities, between seeing family, wandering around the Ranch, visiting the state's historic Gold mining areas, and driving through parts of some very old family history. For the first time in a long time, I have returned from being away refreshed and renewed.
And quietly energized.
I had my usually eclectic mix of books in my bag as I left: A History of Japan 1334-1615 by George Sansom, Holy @$%& by Gene Logsdon (a wonderful book, but I'll leave you to look up the title), The Sheer Ecstasy of Being a Lunatic Farmer by Joel Salatin, The Christian Tradition: The Spirit of Eastern Orthodoxy by Jaroslav Pelikan, and The Farmstead Creamery Advisor by Gianaclis Caldwell. I had the good fortune to get through them, and the better fortune to not have to start re-reading any of them (the greatest of all possible sins while traveling). Reading them covered my varying areas interests, nourishing that part of my soul that does not dwell in the 9-6 of my daily existence.
But perhaps the most inspiring thing of all the trip was to see what my parent's renter, Young J, has done with the Ranch. He's completed putting up fence. He's brought in cattle. When we left Sunday morning, he was out stringing more fencing.
And then, flying home yesterday, I suddenly realized I was at peace.
I am at peace, whether called to remain here in New Home or to return to Old Home.
But being at peace does not mean being at rest.
No matter what the future brings or does not bring, no matter what peace I am feeling at the current moment, the reality is that there is much to do in my own life before I am truly "at rest". For me so often, this easily gets thrust aside as I fail to see the long term for the short term, to get caught up in the "must do's" and forget those longer term dreams, the real "must do's".
But as Salatin says, unless we act on what we believe in to make it happen, we are really just playing games in our own mind.
Failure Day is coming up in a month. In a month, I should have a greater sense of what the future - my future - holds. Based on that, and the peace for any decision, I can go forward.
But I must go forward. Peace is not rest. Quiet joy is not inertia.
I am at peace - but there is still much to be done.