The Return (From Vacation)

There is nothing more crushing than returning from a vacation to work.

It is not just that a vacation represents time away from work,   It is not that for some glorious period of time one is free from the constant background visual symbol of new e-mails arriving bearing undoubtedly more work to accomplish and the inevitable meeting requests that wander in through the days, the texting equivalent of "Hey?  Have a minute?".  It is not that one is freed - for a brief time perhaps - from the droning beat that is a "Things To Do" list or timelines.  

It is that, for one brief instant, one is free from the reality of work.

Coming back, there is usual a brief period - sometimes it lasts of all of a day or two, but usually much less - where one feels like one is truly rested and on top of the world, that the vacation "did the trick" that it was supposed to do of rejuvenating and recharging.  One is ready to take on the world - or at least the challenges of it.

And then, the e-mails start rolling in.  And the meeting requests.  And the things that you thought had been resolved before you left but - lucky you! - turns out that they were not, or at least not as neatly as one thought.  Within 4 hours, the tone of your voice has lowered to the dull sound of the defeated and is matched by the slow sound of typing as your fingers drag across the keyboard as if the keys themselves had the power to drain the life from you, one keystroke at a time.

Happy Feeling gone indeed.

I am not sure what creates this dichotomy.  Is it the fact that I have greater hopes for my time away than what it can deliver?  Is it that I somehow harbor illusions about my job that returning to it strips away?  Is it that I try to choose to believe that somehow this "job" (5+ years) as well as "this" career field (20+ years) is "temporary-until-I-find-my-true-calling" when it is the thing that I have been and will be committed to for years yet?

I wish I knew better.  Because to be completely honest, having the feeling of being away stripped away within hours of returning almost feels the same as not having gone anywhere at all.

Of Using A Cryptocurrency

 One of the changes I made last year was moving to the Brave Browser.

I believe I had used Ghostery's version before then (and no complaints there inherently; I still use their browser on my cell phone).  I despise anything Microsoft with the heat of a 1000 suns (if it is not on the work computer, I do not use it) and Google - outside of this particular platform that they have purchased - is not something I would countenance.

Beyond the usual promises by Brave - no tracking, anonymity, etc. etc. - was the fact that they pay you to read their advertisements.

(To be clear, I am not an InterWeb or Computer fellow and I am sure that many smart people would tell me not to use this - or any other - browser except perhaps something like Tor.  Acknowledged that all browsers carry some risk; I do have a VPN in place which I believe to be helpful [beyond the VPN which Brave says they have].  Also - personal opinion - Tor feels klugy and slow to me when I use it.)

Their ads are paid out in (you guessed it) a cryptocurrency, in this case called "BAT" (Basic Attention Token).  You get a notification in your lower window about different things, click through, and a fractional amount of BAT is added to your account.  Once a month, they "pay out" into an account.

The ads themselves run the gamut from cryptocurrency companies (no surprise there) to insurance to loans to products advertised on Amazon - maybe not first line sorts of companies, but certainly a bit more reputable and perhaps less fly by night than some of the things I see on Duolingo (to be fair, I do not suppose I care what the companies are, only that they pay).

I know what you are thinking:  more made up money.  What can you do with a BAT, other than watch it fly around and catch mosquitoes (Thank you folks, I am here until Thursday.  Tip your servers well...)?  

As it turns out, you can turn it into books.

They have some kind of arrangement with a network that offers gift cards.  So for the first time in December, I took my BAT and bought a $25.00 gift card for The Borg, which I immediately turned into books.

A couple of firsts are involved there.  It was the first time I have actually used crypto to "buy" something.  And it was the first time I had converted crypto to an actual physical thing.

Now to be fair, clicking ads on a browser are not going to make one fabulous wealthy.  And the fact is that it is crypto, which makes it very susceptible to the fluctuations of the market.  Since I exercised my first purchase, I have had the same amount of crypto in my "wallet" for the last 3 weeks.  Over that time, it has gone from almost enough to buy another gift card to not nearly enough to buy one (which is aggravating in the extreme when one has book that one is ready to purchase but is waiting for that gift card to buy it...).

But fact is I was going to be on the InterWeb anyway.  And if I am there, whatever browser I am on is going to want me to view ads.  No problem with me getting paid to view them than being a forced captive to do so.

And frankly, being able to buy a new book is a pretty good way to get my attention.

On A Good Night's Sleep

 Two nights ago I had that most rarest of events:  A complete, undisrupted, 8 hours of sleep.

I literally cannot remember the last time this happened.

I am not quite sure when my sleep pattern became so fantastically disrupted.  My initial thought is to blame it on having children, because once you have a child you become so sensitized to the slightest noise that might indicate an issue.   Unfortunately, at least in my case, even after the children are able to sleep through the night, you are still subject to "night noise alerts" - dogs, cats, wind outside, etc.

And yes, it is also true that as one gets older, one tends to "get up" more at night to visit the restroom, at least if one is male.  I would think that is a problem that I would be aware of and control, but I have not always been as good about that as I should be (my best story is not remembering when I was training in Japan that the miso soup I had with dinner ever night - because it was delicious - also contributes to one's total liquid intake...).

But that does not explain that for more nights than not, I do not get a great deal of sleep. Sometimes it is waking up multiple times at night.  Sometimes it is the great wake up at 0200 or 0300 where my mind will not go back to sleep for two hours, no matter what I do.  Sometimes it is the feeling that I am up so much that I never feel like I slept at all (although I know that I did, because I know what being completely without sleep is like as well).

So when something like eight uninterrupted hours happens, I immediately pay attention.  And wonder what led up to it.

I was feeling a bit run down, so I had a bit of an atypical evening:  after the minimum needs for my activities were done, I essentially just read for a couple hours.  Took a long soak in a hot bath with epsom salts.  Drank a cup of tea (visits to the restroom at night not withstanding).  Went to bed before The Ravishing Mrs. TB at 2210 with earplugs and night guard in place (yes, I both grind my teeth and know that if I can tune sounds out, I have a chance of going back to sleep).

But none of this is especially remarkable.  There were no "sleep aides" taken,  no sorts of mystical incantations spoken, no super soft sheets or extra firm mattresses.  Nothing out of the ordinary.

I wish it was.  I would love to be able to get this kind of sleep every night.  A lack of good sleep has plagued me for years now and the concept of being well rested every day - just not occasionally - is a siren's song of The Promised Land.

That said, I do probably need to start paying more attention to my sleep pattern and how I can get better sleep - after all, outside of diet and exercise, it remains one of the things that remains greatly in my control.

What do you do for a good night's sleep? And not just every once in a while, but repeatedly?

On The Annual Revising Of The Schedule

 Inevitably one of the things I tool with at the beginning of each year is my daily and weekly schedule.

The reality - played out for me over years and years of experience, mostly bad - is that I do best with a schedule.  If I have set things scheduled at set times, I am more likely to do them.  If I do not, even the best intentions will not get me to address them.

A simple one is the weight training.  I do best when I have three times - ideally the same time - scheduled for my weight training.  Once upon a time is was Monday/Wednesday/Friday evenings until Iaijutsu class was moved.  My choices remained going at lunch - which on the whole is more ideal although I need to get over the guilt of being away from my computer for an hour - or going Tuesday/Thursday and Friday/Saturday evenings.  Perhaps not surprisingly, if I go Tuesday and Thursdays, often as not Friday becomes Saturday or even Sunday (and that work out is Deadlift Day, which I actually like).  I am back to trying lunches again - but lunch every day of the week (it is a 5-10 minute drive each way to the gym, so I easily have 40 minutes to work out, which should be more than enough time).  

Or writing.  I write best, it seems, when I write in the mornings post my early morning routine of Bible reading, prayer, journaling, calisthenics, short crossword of the day, Old English, and walking Poppy. If I try to do it in the evenings, it is a hit and miss not only of terms of if I do it, but in terms of the quality of the work (also, it gives me the bulk of the day to come back and edit, something which I struggle with).  The ideas may come earlier during the day - I spend a great deal of my time walking Poppy muttering to myself - but I just wwrite better in the morning.

And so on.  Iaijustsu class happens two nights and one morning a week, the rabbits need my help every Sunday after church and cleaning up after my own mob.  Everything can have its place and still leave time in the week for blocks of free time on most days.

The biggest challenge is the other daily items I need to do to get better - Japanese and Harp, gardening.  I still struggle to find a regular time that works; after work (but prior to dinner) is the regular time that I have for this activity.  It is not ideal, mostly because coming off of work I would like some time to decompress - I am working on finding a solution.

The other big challenge that I face this year is making time to practice writing more (it is on the list).  The recommendation from Alan Watt of The 90 Day Novel is two hours a day.  Where that time is coming from at the moment, I have no clue.  It is okay though - it is still early in the year.

The thing that all of this necessitates is a pretty firm schedule with specific times for rising, going to bed, working, and the allocation of the regular times.  This is always my challenge (as it has been this year as well).  Every year I seem to get about 1% better at it.

Barring something significant like death or retirement, I grasp that this is ultimately a short term arrangement.  But if I am honest, it somewhat embitters me that so much of my productive time is actually invested in work, something I never quite feel all that productive in.

Ah well.  Until then, I have plenty to keep me busy - and plenty of schedule to continue to tweak.

On A Sparrow And People

 During the earlier aforementioned Cold Snap, The Ravishing Mrs. TB came in from chasing Poppy The Brave around the backyard.  "There is a bird on the ground outside she found" she said.

I got my shoes on and went outside, pushing Poppy back in the house.  The morning was bracing and sunny 23 F/-5 C before wind chill (14 F/-10 C) and thanks to our recent bout of sunny good weather, the grass was full and hard to see anything other than grass and leaves.  Finally The Ravishing Mrs. TB knocked on the window and started directing me via hand signals to where I was supposed to go.

There is was.  A little sparrow on the ground, breathing heavily.

Of course I brought it inside and put it into box with food and water in the garage.

There is no sensible reason for this of course; most wildlife that is injured and lets one pick it up is going to die.  But there I am out there, making sure that birds and small rodents are somehow out of the sun/wind/heat/cold in their last moments.

Occasionally I "win", of course - I have found turtles crossing the road that I have been able to move to a stream or pond and the stunned bird from hitting the glass that comes to and flies away, or the squirrel that Poppy almost gets (but not quite) and makes it out.  But most of the time, it ends the way the natural world ends - as it did this time:  The bird got out of the box and into the garage (so it could fly, which was a good thing).  I captured it (imagining trying to explain how there was a bird loose in the garage) and relocated into different container with food and water; it expired sometime after that.

I buried it around the house, which has become a sort of animal graveyard with the number of pets and other animals that have been interred here:  beyond our own rabbits and guinea pigs and quail, there are squirrels and rabbits and mice and birds and the cat I found during the time A could not be found and I thought the cat on the side of road was him.

I was pondering all of this as I was - again - digging a grave on the side of the house - and found myself asking the question "Why do I care so much more about animals than I do about people?"

I say "caring about people" in the most fundamental sense, as Scripture in this case is both clear on both sides of the issue.  On the one hand, the prophets, Christ, and the apostles were pretty clear on the fact that part of charity was indeed caring for the poor (clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, etc.).  At the same time, there is also an expectation from the prophets, Christ, and the apostles that everyone - or at least every Christian, so perhaps that is a difference - is responsible in so much as they are able, to provide for their own food, clothing, and shelter.

This is not meant to be a mediation on homelessness, its causes, or its resolutions - which are far beyond the scope of this thought exercise. It is meant to be a mediation on how I reflect differently on the care of animals and people that suddenly cross my path in need.

If I consider it deeply, what I find is that - at least in my own mind - the animals simply have no-one else:  no-one else to make sure that in some way they do not die completely alone or uncared for, that their last moments are at least peaceful as much as possible.  They can do nothing other than be.

People have a choice, I tell myself (although in some ways due to circumstances, "choice" is perhaps not the best word - mental illness and addiction are real things).  But even their choice does not change what the commands of Scripture are to me; ultimately I will be judged on what I did with the Word of God, not what others did.

Or perhaps it is simply that caring for animal in its last moments or afterwards is a short term commitment: I am not contributing to a longer term solution, but neither am I potentially enabling behavior that needs not to be enabled.   I am doing what needs to be done in the moment.

I finished burying the bird and went back to go about my day, resolving nothing in my mind at all other than noting what seemed to be a rather large discrepancy in how I viewed two sets of beings, one related to me by species and one related to me not at all.  

I wonder - and here I am on shaky ground perhaps - if "caring" for one group versus the other is really just another form of spiritual gift?  Yes, we are all commanded to be charitable, but we are also all commanded to pray and fast and evangelize; some of us have the heart and gift and others of us just stumble through our prayers and give where we can.  But if there is a  real heart for prayer or charity, could there not also be a heart for the natural world around us and those that live in it?

Francis of Assisi, it is said, preached to the birds.  That I am aware of, no-one considered him uncharitable to men or beasts.

(St. Francis Preaching to the Birds; Master of Saint Francis circa 1250-1280 A.D.)

Of Winter Wind And Power Assumptions

 Over the last week, as with a great swath of the United States, we saw our temperature rise and and then plummet to Winter-like conditions (not surprising, it being early January and all).  For us here in New Home, it is one of least most pleasant times of the year (excepting, of course, Summer, that other least most pleasant time of the year).

Sitting as I am, listening to both the heater running inside and the wind blowing outside, it does bring to my mind how utterly dependent we are on climate control technology for comfort, if not actual living.

Our heat here is (thankfully) natural gas as is our stove, so at least if we lose power we have some level of ability to cook - but obviously not blow heat.  And I would say our house, for its time of construction, is pretty well insulated although probably not up to modern standards - the question of adding more has been on my mind for a while, but depending on when (and I suppose if) we move, I question how much money we want to put into the house.

Were the power to go out - as it has in the past - things would eventually get very cold or hot indeed.  Both have happened in the past, as have minor inconveniences like the air conditioning unit failing due to age.  But all of those have been relatively minor events.

But we are fortunate.  What happens when there is a long interruption in power in urban areas?

We have seen such things in the recent past in areas that are not really built to endure such things - the Great Freeze of Texas 2021 comes to mind, where power is lost for days at a time in a period of bitter cold.  Modern urban construction is not created for this for residential living (nor, frankly, in commercial buildings either), and with so many residential buildings and most especially apartment buildings, you are 100% reliant on the provided power (more and more electric).  Once the temperature starts dropping, thermal mass is not your friend (the same problem in reverse for losing power in the summer, especially in climates where it does not cool down at night:  do I stay roasting in my 85 degree apartment, or open the windows for the 85 degree outer air?).

The reality is that our urban construction, like so many other aspects of modern life, are built on the underlying assumption of a ready supply of energy (mostly electric) that will overcome for the deficiencies of climate, and the availability of modern materials (along with the technologies to manufacture them and the personnel to install them) that allow energy saving features to be maximized.  Take away one or both of those factors, and suddenly the urban environment becomes a lot less inviting, speaking as someone who has had to working in a relatively modern commercial building when the heating or cooling fails inconveniently and there is no other source of heat except huddled around portable heaters or no cooling at all as the windows cannot be opened for some kind of cooler air.

It makes me think of my ancestors who lived in the area of The Ranch but higher up in the mountains.  The summers there can still get up to 90 or 100 F, and the winters can drop down into the low 20's with snow.  They, in the house that they had built on their land (it stood for almost 100 years before burning in a fire) had no electricity for most if not all of that period, only the physical construction and some kind of fireplace and cooking stove for heat.  Likely the house was not insulated and had single pane windows.  

How, I am sure the modern world wonders, did they survive.

As most people have throughout history I assume, by adapting to the cold and heat as necessary, dressing more warmly or to cool as needed, finding ways to generate body heat (in the case of my ancestors, hard outside labor will do that for you).  And of course, at some level simply being hot or cold and dealing with it.

I do not know that I have some great thought as I ponder all of this, only the simple observation that we continue to build a world based on certain assumptions, and layer on top of it concentrating more and more of the population into places where they are dependent on those assumptions.  What happens, I wonder, when those assumptions begin to fail?

The Middle Of Some Other Story

 One of the more interesting developments I have noted about myself as the years roll on is my increasing reluctance and indeed silence in the area of giving other people advice.

It was not always this way: raised on a steady diet of heroic fiction and having the ideals of Knight Errantry, it seemed like correct thing to do was to offer advice as well as assistance. And even as I continued on in life, the thought of "advising" seemed to make even more sense:  life experience, "short cuts" on learning how not do to things, etc.  

The rather remarkable thing I found was that I was apparently quite terrible at offering advice.  

This should not have surprised me all that much, I suppose:  my only other mode of advising, which was dating relationships, was also terrible. I had a record of something like - 2 in terms of giving solid dating advice, up to and including encouraging relationships that ended up in divorce.  Or sadness.  Pretty much in terms of dating and relationship wisdom, I had none.  Other than, perhaps "Silence is golden". 

My success at offering advice was not much better.  But what I had failed to appreciate was the fact that, really, I am simply coming in midway on everyone else's story.

The reality is that every one of us is in the midst of our own life's story.  That is a stunning thought when I consider it for a moment:  every day, something like 7 billion people are writing their biographies.  Most of us only see bits and pieces of those biographies based on our own interactions with them.  It is like seeing a two minute section of a two hour movie and somehow believing we understand the plot (Maybe we get lucky - like that two minute part being the destruction of the Death Star.  Most of the time, not so much).  

In some of those stories - the ones we are most involved in, like perhaps our spouses or children or family or best friends - we play the role of supporting character, someone who is not necessarily critical to the main story but very important.  In most of them, we have much less of a role:  we are "Red Shirt Security Guard #5" or "Villager with a cantaloupe".  We would react with surprise if, in a book or a movie, these characters suddenly pulled the protagonist over to their side of the street and started mapping things out for them in a way that only a major character would - in fact, we would likely consider it poor writing.

But what it does mean - and perhaps I have just realized this - is just because we are minor characters in the life stories of others does not mean we do not have advice to give or a role to play.  It more becomes a question of how we play that role.

In a great many books I have read - less movies, but only because I watch less movies - there is often a minor character that sticks out in our minds and we remember, perhaps long after we have forgotten the main plot or other characters, because something they said or did made a change to the trajectory of the main character or story.  It was not only what they said, it was that they said it at precisely the moment the character needed to hear it or acted just when the action needed to occur to change the outcome.  Their influence ultimately transcended their actual stature in the story itself.

It all comes down to timing, of course - not the character's timing, but the timing of the author or writer who is making the story.  The main character is ready to listen or act, the minor character says the words or takes the action - and suddenly, everything is different.

When the disciple is ready, it is said, the master will appear.  Or in this case, the advice will show up.

I do not worry nearly so much about the need to contribute advice or experience to someone else's life - I mean, I do still consider it an important thing and in many ways a repayment to all those who have done the same for me - but it is no longer a thing I actively seek out.  In my understanding, it is God as the ultimate writer of everyone's biography that sets those appointments. It is my job to simply be ready with the words or the actions when the situation truly presents itself, not when I perceive it "needs" to be done.

I do not know that I give much advice that way.  That said, when it happens people seem to benefit in ways I could not have foreseen when I was "forcing" the situation.  Perhaps it is coming to understand that the totality of most lives cannot be compressed into the short period of time we have with most people.  Or perhaps simply being humble enough to learn that I am only a minor character, not the main star, in everyone else's life but my own.

I suppose in that sense, "Red Shirt Security Guard #5"  has a certain ring to it.

The Forty-Five 2022 Edition: A Primer

 Greetings and welcome to 2022!

Last year at this time I published an introduction to The Forty-Five as (at that time) the numbers were going up.  Well, the numbers went up even more (again, assuming I am not the focus of Russian and Ukraine monitoring, as my geographic "Where people are viewing you from" chart suggests) and now literally tens of people have stopped by (a kind thank you to all who have linked the blog).  So another round of "Who we are and what we do" seems in order.

So welcome to The Forty-Five (again)!

I am your amiable host, Toirdhealbheach Beucail ("Toridhealbheach" is a version of my name in Old Irish Gaelic; "Beucail" means "booming or roaring", as in the sound of a cannon. If you ever met me in person, you would find I have only two volumes:  silent and "ON").  I have been camped out here on this corner of the InterWeb, writing about this and that for what will now be my 17th year and somewhat over 4000 posts of varying value and worth (in other words, one gets what one pays for, and we do not charge, so...).

A very brief history: I grew up in a small town somewhere deep within the bowels of Baja Canada, the same town my parents and my mother's parents had grown up in - not quite the "Small Town" of John Cougar Mellencamp, but close enough. I went away to college for two degrees that have nothing to do with what I ended up actually doing, then came back home and lived in and around that area (referred to here as "Old Home") until 13 years ago, when due to a layoff we had to move (to the uncreatively named) "New Home".    Due to an unexpected health issue with both of my parents (see here, Moving TB The Elder And Mom), I now spend about one third of the year at Old Home, and the other time scheming to get back there permanently to The Ranch (see below).

I have a variety of interests.  I am a practitioner of Iaijutsu, a Japanese martial art which is (somewhat crudely but correctly) defined as the "quick draw" of sword techniques (my style has existed since the 16th century).  I make cheese and other dairy foods.  I train with weights.   I garden.  I write (perhaps somewhat obviously). I throw in Highland Games (or at least have, not so much in the last two years).  I have blackmithed a bit (and would like to do more).  I study languages, both current as well as the dead ones.  I read voraciously - primarily history and theology, but also philosophy, agricultural books and "old style" (say pre-1985) science fiction and fantasy.  I travel (not always willingly).

And I will try almost anything once.

Dramatis Personae:

        - The Ravishing Mrs. TB:  To whom I have been married for over 25 years now and who actually makes sure the trains run on time and things get done.

     - Nighean Gheal: Number one daughter, currently a college graduate awaiting starting her full time job in summer.

    - Nighaen Bhan: Number Two daughter, currently a Junior in college. Hopefully getting out this year.

     - Nighean Dhonn: Number Three daughter, currently a Junior in high school.

     - The Director:  One of my two best friends from High School and still currently one of my best friends.  Lives in Old Home and has more than a small theatrical bent (far more creative than I).

    - Uisdean Ruadh: The other of my two best friends from High School and still currently one of my best friends.  Also lives in Old Home.  Deeply Catholic, loves traditional Catholicism, planes, and history.  

  - The Berserker:  My weight training coach.  I have trained with him for 6+ years now.  I live in fear of his weekly training regimes, although they have been very successful.

- The Shield Maiden:  A friend I met throw Highland Games 9 years ago?  10 years ago?  I do not keep track of such things now.  She lives much farther away than she used to (almost Alta Canada but not quite).  We chat via the InterWeb every day.

Important Places:

- Old Home:  Where I grew up and lived up to 13 years ago.  A combination of the small town I actually grew up in (which is how I use the phrase now) as well as the larger areas there which we lived in before moving to New Home. 

- New Home:  Where I currently live. An urban area also buried in Baja Canada.  A place I am trying to actively get out of.

- The Ranch:  The Ranch is the property my parents own and live on in <insert yet another undisclosed location here>.  It is approximately 90 acres of land in the mountains which has been our extended family for over 60 years.  You will see plenty of pictures from here.  This is where I am ultimately trying to get back to.

What do we do here?

Like most budding bloggers, when I started this blog I had great visions of this being a mighty bulwark of discussion and thought that would be a beacon of light (and, coincidentally, would let me write full time). It only took about 10 years to realize that neither of these things were going to happen.

What I did find - and what I still believe in - is that blogging represents the Social Internet (not a phrase that I came up with, but one I love): the ability of people to read, think, and discuss things on the InterWeb (as opposed to Social Media, which I detest).  What has come about, over the years, is the importance to me is creating a place where we can discuss subjects - some deep, some completely shallow - in a way that hopefully encourages thought and helps to build connections in a society which values neither thought nor connections except of the most shallow kind (otherwise known as Social Media).

What you find here most days (I hesitate to say "every day", although that has been the case for the last two years now) is a combination of personal on-line journal, thoughts or concepts that have run through my mind, book reviews, occasional fiction, things that are just "going on" in my life, ruminations, and the occasional meme.  It is a smorgasbord of my existence (there are literally times I sit down to write with no idea what will be written, and no-one is more surprised than I am when it shows up).

Important Pages:

Ichiryo Gusoku Philosophy:  My overall guiding policy on my philosophy is here.

Ichiryo Gusoku Goals:  My overall goals are here (to be fair, these are always in a bit of flux).

The Collapse:  A rather long running fiction series (in a series of letters) about a man watching society slowly collapse is here.

Moving TB The Elder And Mom:  As mentioned, my parents suffered a series of health reversals in 2021.  This page pulls together the experience in hopes that others that have or will have the same issues will benefit.

What are the rules?

There are only four.

1)  Be kind in your comments:  In all my years of writing here, I have had to not publish only a handful of comments because, frankly, they were mean.  You can certainly poke holes in my theories or my writing or the responses of others.  I just ask you do it kindly.  Everyone you are responding is going through something.

2)  No profanity:  My mother was an elementary school teacher and a lovely Christian woman, so comment as if you were speaking directly to her.  Any profanity will simply not make itself a visible comment, no matter how relevant or good the comment is.

3)  We do not argue current politics:  Politics as it is practiced currently is simply an exercise in "It is your fault!  No, yours!" followed by vulgarity and crudeness.  Political Science (the practice of forming political societies and their functioning) is far more useful to actually reach a solution.

4)  We do not argue religion:  I state up front I am Christian (useful background for some of what I write) and will happily discuss my own trials and travails and thoughts.  What we do not debate is the nature of religion or different religions.  Again, see the previous comments on kindness.

Thanks!

Reading anything is an investment; taking the time to comment is more so.  Thanks so much for taking the time to spend a few moments of your precious time (a commodity which we cannot make more of) with me.

Thank You, 2021 Edition

 Dear Friends:

In what has become a custom here, I would like to take this - the last day of the year - to thank you, my readers.

Blogs - for the 99.99% of us that write them - are ultimately a labor of love (or something we are driven to do) and while in theory would exist if there was no-one reading them, it is difficult to say that most would continue to write; in point of fact all writers wish to be be read.  Without readers, things eventually become an exercise in journaling or randomly throwing things against the wall to see what sticks.

So thank you.

- Thank you to everyone that takes the time to read - even if you never comment - as time is the currency of Life, and you are spending some of it with me.

- Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment, which are almost always thoughtful and thought provoking.  And almost inevitably kind.

- Thank you to everyone who has taken it upon themselves to link this blog in their own blogroll.  One takes a chance when one recommends something, and I am grateful you have given me that trust.

Were I the sort of fellow that actually thought about or worried about numbers (I do not), I would be extremely excited and grateful as the view numbers have gone up significantly this year (as in years past, one again hopes that this is not due to attracting the attention of the Russian GRU, based on locations seen from).  I am hopeful that the numbers reflect more people that, in some way or form, are deriving benefit from my writing.

What will 2022 look like?  A lot like 2021 of course, which is to say I simply have no idea.  Likely there will be one or two trips (Mt. Whitney for sure, and hopefully to Japan!), some level of introspection, more trips to The Ranch (and updates on TB The Elder and Mom), Iaijustu, rabbits/cat/dog/guinea pigs, gardening, and anything else randomly that catches my interest.

But that is in the future.  In the present, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I have some of the best, most thoughtful readers on the planet.

Your (Most) Obedient Servant, Toirdhealbheach Beucail

2021: The Year In Review

One of the things I try to do at the end of each year is review my progress on goals I identified at the beginning of the year to see what, if any, progress I made.

Let us just say that on the whole, this year was a drastic wash.

The thing that was not foreseen (or at least, not as much as it became) was having to work to settle my parents into a retirement home, followed by my father's strokes and the saga that became relocating both of them until we able to bring them back together in July 2021 (for those that are new, Moving TB The Elder and Mom has the details).  Fortunately for me, the Plague of 2020 worked in my favor and I was able to be out there more than I would have been able to be the previous year - but even with that, being gone one week out of every four (and in one case, an entire month) changes how one accomplishes their goals.

The Plague of 2020, while not unforeseen in the sense it was there, was unforeseen in that it impacted me for good and ill.  For good, it cemented the fact that my job has become a full time remote one (confirmed at Christmas by my boss, who said there is no discussion of any of our group coming in at all now).  This is a huge savings of time, money, and stress (Introverts of the world, unite!).  For ill, it meant that traveling to Japan for training in 2021 (or in 2022) did not happen, nor could a seminar for Iaijutsu take place here.  Here is to hoping 2023 will allow it.

That said, I would also say that 2021 was the Year of the Unexpected Adventure.

In January, I pretty much had nowhere I was planning to go.  By the end of the year - besides traveling back to Old Home and the Ranch 12 times (including effectively a one month visit in February) I had been to see my Weight Training coach The Beserker (a three state/12 hour drive), hiked the Grand Canyon(something I never anticipated trying to do), and been to Costa Rica (somewhere I never intended to go).  When I add all that time up, that is something like 30% of the time I was not here in Old Home.  That might explain why I got less done than I had intended.

So lots of things did not done - I did not quite find a different church or get my financial house in order to the extent I would have liked (but more than I thought I would) or testing for certification in Iaijutsu or take the JPLT N4 Japanese test or get stronger (well, maybe a little stronger) or anything else I had on the list.  My garden did okay and I did hit my "make 12 dairy products", although most of mine remain yogurt.

One really interesting - and unexpected note - was that after 50+ years, I finally stopped chewing my nails.  Yes, they sometimes got down (and occasionally do still get down) very low, but they were never to the point of being completely gone.  That is a win, hands down.

We had new pets join our ranks (M and P the Guinea Pigs and P the Rabbit) and continued to enjoy the presence of Poppy the Brave, A the Cat, I-bun the Rabbit, and Joy the Rabbit.  I was also reminded - when I traveled - how much I have come to miss them when I am not around them.  Pets fill my life in a way nothing else does.

Our immediate family remained in good health:  The Ravishing Mrs. TB went hither and yon (she enjoys travel far more than I do), Nighean Gheal graduated from college and came home, Nighean Bhan continued in college, and Nighan Dhonn entered the latter half of high school.

On the whole then, although I accomplished not very much of what I intended, I accomplished a great deal.  Or as the poet has written, "I got nothing that I asked for, but everything that I needed".

Am I looking forward to 2022?  I will have a list of goals for that year as well, although tempered by my experiences this year.  Perhaps the safest thing to state is that all goals - and indeed, all life - will be subject to change without notice.

TB The Elder And Mom: A December Update

 I have been remiss in updating on my parents - partially because of travel and partially because of seeing them during the travel.

It is colder where they live now, cold enough that being outside would be a bit of a challenge and due to the timing of the Grand Canyon Hike and having to come back to New Home, I forewent seeing them in November.  However, December came soon enough and my sister was able to go with me.  Also for the second visit, my brother-in-law came so we had yet another voice.

For both visits that bookended my trip (typically I fly out on Saturday and return on Saturday), we were able to sit inside, which has not happened in the 6 months or so they have been there.  The second time, we had to wear masks, which was a bit of inconvenience but did not seem to impede our communication.

For both visits, we were able to speak little with TB The Elder.  Apparently he has been having rough bouts of insomnia at night and so has been sleeping during the day.  The first visit, they brought him out but within 5 minutes he was asleep in his chair; for the second, they suggested (and we agreed) that we just leave him sleeping in a recliner.

My mother, however, was awake and able to interact.  She did recognize me both times as someone she knew (although again, I quickly intersperse "your son" before she struggles too much).  We chatted a bit about my trip and I showed her some pictures of Costa Rica - mostly animals, since those are easy to relate to.  We talked about The Ravishing Mrs. TB and Na Clann and how they were almost all done with school.  

After that, conversation lagged a bit, so my sister and I (and my brother in law for the second one) just started talking.   This is something we have learned to do if there is too much of a lull; my mother does not seem to mind but just listens in.  I suppose in some ways we are not talking "to" her, but she is present for the conversation and, in some way, involved.  

This is how the visits have run for the last few times: a short conversation, then we just start talking about life.  I am not sure that my mother or my father really "understand", but perhaps at some level it is at least helpful in terms of another set of voices to listen to.

Before we left, we did speak with the owner and asked how my mother is doing.  Okay, she said - she needs more help and encouragement with eating (my father, apparently, eats everything without question).  Also, about two months ago they had asked my sister to start getting essentially adult "onesies" - they look like very fashionable sweat suits but zip up in the back to prevent them from taking them off.  Originally this was because my mom tended to take her clothes off in the middle of the night; now it seems it is also related to taking her clothes off wherever she is and "using the facilities". 

None of this is heartening of course, just as it is not surprising.  There are no happy endings at this point; the curtain will fall, we just do not know when.

But that is as it is.  For now - given these limitations - they seem to be doing well.  They are certainly well cared for (and we are incredibly blessed that they are together and that we found this location, so close to my sister's house).  And while I have every reason to believe that neither of them fully remember the last time that we visited, I take comfort in the fact that when we visit, we still seem to get a response.

Perhaps we cannot fend off the darkness, but we can still provide a candle.

Costa Rica: A Retrospective

 Thanks for taking the time to come along with us to Costa Rica.  I hope you enjoyed the trip.  We certainly did.

As it customary for my Iai training, it is expected at the end of every session that I provide an overview with what I learned during the experience.  This was a more difficult trip than most due to the fact for me at least, this seemed like  a much different "vacation" than what I have been used to.  None the less, an assignment is an assignment.  I was able to come up with three:

1)  There Are No Problems, Only Situations

(Monte Verde)

This was a saying that our guide gave as a typical "Costa Rican" attitude.  Problems, he said, are unsolvable and only allow people to sit around and complain.  Situations can be talked through until resolved.

I like this.  The amount of "problems" in my life are much less than the amount of "situations".

2)  There Is Great Joy In Simplicity

(Sugar Cane)

As I had mentioned, the national dish of Costa Rica is cansado, rice and beans which are served at every meal.  I had this several times for all different meals - and it was delicious.  There was a lot that was not present in Costa Rica - but a simple life, surrounded by such a beautiful landscape, is not a bad thing.

3)  The Small Town World Still Exists

(Mt. Arenal)

Once outside of San Jose, most of the towns were drove through were much smaller regional centers.  Driving through them, I was reminded of small towns I knew when I was growing up:  completely functional small towns with all the stores one would expect in a small town - not just one or two grocery stores and an mega-super store, but small shops with all kinds of goods.  For me, it was a nice step back time - small town America still exists in the world, just not really in America anymore.

Costa Rica: Drive, Capitol

 Some views from our hotel room in Monte Verde before leaving:

On the drive back, we stopped to see both the area the cloud forest is in as well as where the land was cleared away for cattle:

This is as close to the Pacific Ocean or a beach as we got:

In the afternoon after arrival, we took a walking tour of San Jose:

The National Theater of San Jose is a building that would fit into any European Capitol:

We also toured the National Museum, which included both clay artifacts as well as gold artifacts:

Squid thing that reminded me of Cthulu:

Our last dinner.  The soup was pumpkin and incredibly good:

Tiramisu!  It was delicious!

Video:  The clouds blowing in over the mountains at morning.

Costa Rica: Coffee

 As one of our outings in Costa Rica, we went to the Cafe Monteverde, a sustainably grown and managed coffee company.  Founded in 1989 by a group of coffee growing families with several generations of growing experience, they now operate the plantation as a sustainability model as well a coffee growing operation.

But first, of course, we start with lunch!  All of the items below for lunch and the dessert (cooked pumpkin with caramelized sugar cane sap) was all produced on site.

Corona, the coffee farm dog.  Because all coffee farms need a dog.

Coffee, as you likely know, consists of two varieties:  Coffea Arabica and Coffea "Robusta".  Arabica is often considered to be the more desirable plant.

These are coffee seedlings from coffee beans. They will grow here for about a year.

After which, they are transplanted to the ground where they will grow for up to five years before being moved.

Once mature, they can live and produce from 15 to 30 years.

Part of the operation is working on sustainable methodologies for growing.  Here are ongoing practices of "fermenting" fertilizer, along with the ingredients and their open air composting (next two pictures).

The actual bean itself grows directly on the plant, starting green and ending red.  The season in Costa Rica runs from the End of November to April/May.

Green bean and fully ripe bean:

Coffee here is handpicked into baskets as it has been done for 100 years or more.  Pickers are paid by the basket (interesting fact:  Pickers are mostly from Nicaragua, as are a great many other agricultural operations.  Pickers here are paid $2.00 a basket; they would make $0.70 a basked in Nicaragua).

The Supervisor.  Because you always need a supervisor:

After picking, the outer layer of bean is dehusked.  Below is a small scale unit that is hand operated; the farm has a much larger industrial version down the mountain.

Here at Cafe Monteverde, coffee is then dried three ways:  the first is with two layers of husk/skin removed, the second with one layer removed, and third with the beans unhusked.

The final step is, of course, roasting.

Two small roasters are on site (again, there are larger units in another location).  Fun fact:  The difference between a light and dark roast are within the last five minutes of the roasting process.  When asked how a master roaster knows when a batch is ready, the answer was a combination of experience, smell, and just "knowing".  (Another fun fact:  Starbucks tastes burnt for a reason.  To cover up substandard or mixed lots of beans, they will just give the darkest roast possible, which equalizes out the flavor).

We tasted a total of five coffees: all three drying processes, and two other roasts.  Sadly (much like my wine abilities), I could not taste the difference.

Some shots from around the farm:

This was a high point of our trip for me as I like coffee and I believe in the sort of sustainable agriculture being practiced here.  They ship world wide, so they are worth visiting on the InterWeb if you drink coffee:  Cafe Monteverde