On The Nature Of My Life And Getting Straightened Out

(I cannot specifically attest the existence of the Ascetic Gabriel but Karoulia, as it turns out, is a skete (a small collection of monks of the Orthodox tradition that live in isolation as part of a larger monastery on Mt. Athos in Greece) and really does exist.  More here.

I realized last week (on a Wednesday at around 1630 if that is relevant) that I am on a journey I did not anticipate.  I faintly saw it around 1200 that day but it did not click into place until later.  

The path picks up (I think) sometime around the time of my move when I found myself in many ways very much on my own.  Perhaps it was because of the relative silence or perhaps because of being isolated, I asked God for guidance on a great many things - not only the direction of my life but my very nature.

Important safety tip:  as with praying for patience, these turn out to be the sort of prayers God delights to answer.  But as with patience, perhaps not in the way we anticipated or wanted.  In my case, it has a been a great deal of confrontation about who I am in my core and how much I reflect Christ and His Gospel.

I have been reading a combination of short biographies of lesser known Orthodox monks and clergy, quotes from Columba of Iona, and the Stoic philosopher Epictetus.  What has come through is the following:

1)  I am not nearly as humble as I should be.

2)  I am not nearly as kind as I should be.

3)  I am not nearly as Christlike as I should be.

4)  I am not nearly working as hard on my sinful nature as I should be.

That was a lot of "shoulds" for a Wednesday evening.

The thing that was "impressed" on me (no - there was no visitation or thunder and lightening) was simply the fact that now more than ever - here in this time and this place - Christ wants His witnesses.  Not just witnesses that mention they go to church as part of their regular schedule (although that is super Scriptural and very important) but those who are actual Christlike.

What does that mean?  Two things, I think.  The first is simply that follow the commands of Christ and the apostles.  Those are pretty well laid out in the New Testament (not that we necessarily like them, but they are there).  The second is that we live specifically to the situation where we are truly Christ's representatives, perhaps His only ones.

We all live and work in different places.  We are in different social situations.  In that sense I do not wonder (and am more and more convinced) that application of Christlikeness will be different for each of us - we are tailor-made, as it were, for those situations and those others in our lives.

What is it for me?  I do not fully know but some things that have come to mind are humility, kindness, willingness to serve and be a "soldier on the line" as it were (this is far more difficult than I had anticipated with a change in position and role). 

(Also, just be a better servant as a husband in general.  But I suspect for the married this is always a thing.)

The thing that cemented all this?  The quote above.

C.S. Lewis said it more politely but not any less fervently:

"But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not.  It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him". (Mere Christianity)

I asked the question and God gave the answer.  It is up to me to get on with the tasks at hand.  Or He will happily do it for me - more directly perhaps but also I suspect with more discomfort to myself.