On New Budgets And Economic Paranoia

 We have now completed two full paycheck cycles with my new income and the final budget numbers are more or less in.  The Ravishing Mrs. TB and I re-reviewed categories this morning and still have some homework to do based on expenses.

To be completely honest, I cannot tell you how strangely paranoid and worried I have become about income in the last month.

For clarity, the change in my income, while reasonably significant, is still well above the "we need to eat Ramen every night for a year" scenario.  All the bills are paid.  Savings are being put aside. The pets are still being maintained in the manner to which they have become accustomed (more or less; they claim less).  The one thing that really got pushed to the side is make-up retirement savings, but that is simply due to the fact that we essentially self funded my unemployment (which we were fortunate to be able to do, but now we have catch up on savings to replenish that fund).

And yet with all of this, I still find myself looking over my economic shoulder.

Part of it is understandable, I suppose.  The layoff (Hammerfall 2.0) is still too fresh in my mind and the gap - even though it was only 5 weeks - still stings.  And I find myself looking over my shoulder at my current job as well, which to be fair is a start-up with all the promise and risk that a start-up entails. I sometimes wonder if I am inflating potential risk factors in my head when I hear of certain developments or certain conversations - am I becoming one to jump at every sound and slash of light?  Because that seems like a pretty unfortunate way to go through life.

I am fortunate - I think I am fortunate - that I actually had the foresight to acquire a part-time job (Produce (A)Isle).  Yes, I have already cut my hours somewhat (as being gone six nights a week between work and Iaijutsu proved too much ever for me), but the additional coin in my pocket and the fact we can get a discount on a whole lot of groceries still makes me feel ahead of the game - and the knowledge that once I have the job, I am already one step ahead of looking for a job that will do the same thing (also, of course, I can ask to ramp my hours up again if needed).

I think what is weighing on my mind is simply the feeling that the economic world around me is not getting better either.

I know, I know.  Long ago someone told me that all economics, like all real estate markets, are local:  if you are doing well the economy is fine, if you are not the economy is terrible (in either case, regardless of what the numbers are).  And depending on which side of the political spectrum one finds one's self on, one can always find evidence to support one side or the other.

And yet, I hold a sense that there is simply something not right with the economic world, something that is just beyond my vision.

I am old enough and experienced enough not to just set aside my feelings based on the fact that I get "feelings"  - I have learned to my peril that ignoring such things almost never works out well for me.  And we can certainly do what we can to ensure that we work to minimize our spending and maximize our ability to save and make do with what we have.

I would not say it is so much a sense of fear as it is a sense of uneasiness, of waiting for a second shoe to drop which I can sense in the darkness even though I cannot see the form of the shoe dropping itself.  

The thump is coming.  No matter how much I steel myself, I still know I will start.