The Ravishing Mrs. TB and I returned to Old Home and the Ranch this past weekend. The point of the visit - besides touching bases with family - was to start the process of selecting what we would like to keep.
As it turns out, my sister and her family have already been through and identified what they wanted, so we had a free hand in considering items. The other fact was that my sister has found a company that does estate-style sales. The suggestion was to corral things that we wanted to keep into a central area (the master bedroom closeout, as it turns out) and mark the furniture to relocate down to the barn.
This was a day I had long dreaded.
It was made infinitely easier by the presence of The Ravishing Mrs. TB. "Let us start here" she said, and picked out the Master Bedroom. Slowly we picked through things - keeping a few, throwing the obvious trash away, and leaving the rest in place. "Put the books in a box" she suggested, and I did - four rather large boxes of them (I am going to have to redistribute that load). Any time I seemed to have a question about choosing something, the response was "Put it in the closet, and we can sort it out later".
Hers was a calming presence.
As we went through items, I tried to make a sincere effort to only choose those things that either 1) Had real value, ancestral or historical; or 2) Had personal value to me. Some of them were knick knacks to be sure, but some of them are actually things I remember from my home growing up or I know the history of. As it stands now, most of the master bedroom, the kitchen, the dining room and formal dining room, and one of the two bedrooms are done. The bathrooms are already effectively completed. We just need to make a sweep of the office, one bedroom, the general nooks and crannies, and identify the furniture we would like to keep.
As we went through the exercise, I suddenly realized that for The Ravishing Mrs. TB, this was as much about clearing the house out for her to have a "clean slate" for when we move back (whenever that is). She can make the house "ours" in a way that it could not be ours right now, given everything that is currently there. I am somewhat surprised this thought had not occurred to me before now.
We do not have a solid timeline yet, but at this moment the goal feels like having everything cleared out of the house and any all repairs made by the end of August or end of September. That will change my visits as well, of course - likely making them into 2.5 day affairs.
Times change.
The most surprising thing about all of this is now that we are doing the sorting, it is less difficult than I anticipated - much less. A lot of that is likely due to the presence of The Ravishing Mrs. TB, but a lot of it as well is simply giving myself the grace to say that it is okay - not now does not mean not ever. And I am far too weak to carry the burden of all of this stuff with me.
I need only carry that which matters.
Those were good lessons taught above on how to 'sort out the wheat from the chaff'. Your wife is wise beyond words !
ReplyDeleteDad had sorted out his books by cutting the boxes so that only the book spine was exposed for reading the titles. The book's fore edge was protected at the back so that the book could not be opened without drawing it out. About an inch and a half was left at bottom so that tilting would not allow contents to slide out. Magazines likewise were inserted with these boxes, with year published labeled with Marks-A-Lot pen.
Onward.
That sounds like a brilliant way to sort books! Even after going through and letting go of many of them, I still have four boxes of books I am keeping from my parents (as if I needed more).
DeleteTime passing can add clarity to sentimental value of stuff TB, good show on The Ravishing Mrs. TB decision making. Once again anticipation adds a bit of stress to an upcoming process, now it's mostly accomplished.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to have, Nylon12. And the words of wisdom "If you think you will want it, keep it" were helpful as well, as they took the pressure off of having to make a decision.
DeleteWhile we ended up getting less far than we had hoped, we will be going back in three weeks with our two younger ones so they can have one last pass at the items as well. By then, I think we will be mostly done.
It's always interesting to me that the anticipation of a decision or action often seems worse than the doing of it.
ReplyDeleteFrom a woman's perspective, the sorting and cleaning out is an important step between seeing and respecting the home as belonging to someone else, and working toward seeing and feeling it as my own. I don't know about others, but it would take me some time to think about and visualize my in-laws house as truly my own. The freedom to explore possibilities doesn't really exist until the slate is clean, so to speak. Until what made the home someone else's is no longer there. Only then could I start thinking about changing things like colors, carpets, windows, kitchen cabinets, how to use the rooms, or rearranging the spaces. Good for you for seeing that, TB. This is an important step for you both, the beginning of a transition.
Leigh, I build things up to take far more time in my mind than they actually do - to the point that it can be crippling to me to start things (it never takes that long in practice).
DeleteThat is a good insight (thank you for sharing). We are partially trapped by the fact the fact that we have many memories in that house. The conversion to "our house" will likely take the sort of process you describe.
It was also a good exercise in seeing what we had here and what we will need to start sorting as well - for example, we are keeping more furniture there than I anticipated because "why would move our cheaper furniture when we have better?"
I carted home way too much stuff from the farmhouse, mostly due to time constraints, but as the months have gone by since, I’ve gradually been able to sift through it and condensed it down to a manageable level for me. Someday my kids will likely sift it even further. My great great grandfather’s things have been sifted through by enough generations, they not fit in an old cigar box. Such is the natural order of things.
ReplyDeleteEd, that seems to be our approach as well. The Ravishing Mrs. TB said "Put it aside if you think you will want it and we can decide later". As she accurately pointed out, many of these things really only mean something to me at this point; my children will likely get rid of them as they have no attachment to them.
DeleteYou don't need me to tell you how lucky you are to have your spouse there to help and guide you. God had a great idea with marriage, didn't he?!
ReplyDeleteVery happy for you, TB. That is something that I am finding hard to do right now, though I have whittled a sliver here and there.
ReplyDeleteYou all be safe and God bless.