A Visit With Mom - November 2022

 While it appears I have not updated here my visits with my mother since July of this year, they have been going on.

The visits post-July remain much as they ever have.  There is a routine to them almost now:  I call ahead around 1030 on a Sunday or the following Saturday (depending on flight times) to get there after 11 AM, which is post lunch for them.  I punch myself in through the gate and open to door to get someone's attention.  They will respond - they know I am coming and a number of the "regular" aides recognize me - and I will go out and pull a chair into the shade or sun, depending on the weather, and wait.  

They will help Mom on out and get her into the chair, let us know to have a nice visit and "take all the time you need", and leave us to our conversations.

Sometimes it is just myself and sometimes my sister meets me there.  We will comment on the weather, what holiday is coming up, and then I will start to run down the list of family events.  I have to remind myself to give context - names and relationships to me and her make more sense than just names.  She listens, nods, expresses surprise when things like how close someone is to graduation is and things like that.  After a while the conversation lags a bit - even with a monthly visit, we are done in about 20 minutes.  Sometimes my sister and I will just start talking about something tangential and Mom will just sit and listen.

She is still herself, however.  She is always happy to see us, even if she seems to have no idea who we are.  And she will not ever say she is uncomfortable: for example, last month was a bit coolish and while she did not say she was cold, she did say "Why do we not go inside?" - which was her way of saying she was cold.  We laughed, told her it was fine - we were on our way out anyway.

This month's visit (this last Friday) saw a sunny but cold November morning and so the owners very kindly offered to let us visit inside.  I sat across from Mom as they helped her into her chair and put a blanket over her lap. 

As she settled in I talked with R the owner of the facility.  Mom's hair was much shorter; apparently she had been playing with it a great deal. Other than that, her health was fine and she was eating well (they take such good care of her there).   With that, she left us to talk,

I asked Mom how she was doing and she said fine.  Then she looked at me and said "You look like and sound like my son.  I think he is around here somewhere".

This is the first time she has indicated she remembered me - at least - at all in a long time.

I laughed, told her "he must be an outstanding fellow then", and carried on with the update.  She responded as she always did as I shared that Thanksgiving was coming up, what the grandchildren were up to, and that I was taking some time off and a trip soon.  The conversation moved right along with pictures on my phone until, about the usual length of time, it was done.

I said goodbye as I helped her up and the caregiver came and assisted her back to the main living area.  On my way out, R let me know that Mom had developed the trait of walking around a lot, which was new - but there is another woman, also with Alzheimer's, who does the same thing, so they walked around together.   It was a new behavior.  

I got back in the truck and teared up.  It is one thing to visit someone you loved and they have no memory of you at all.  It is another to suddenly find they remember you, even if it is not the you right in front of them.