Friday, February 26, 2021

Update And A Request

Update:  I went to see both my mother and my father today.

Seeing my mother has come to be a relatively easy task.  She no longer asks about when she is going home.  Speaking with my sister, she may have even made a friend with another woman who came in about the same time she did.  She still does not seem to remember many activities (I know she is playing bingo), but she is doing them.  When I came to see her today, she had just finished dinner and was having dessert (lemon cake with glaze icing).  She tried to offer it to through the window screen - Thanks Mom, it looks good but I cannot have some right now.  Soon.

My father was more difficult.

They had taken his wristbands off and the elbow pads too, which appeared to covered the scratches from his fall (they were rather alarming, even in their healing).  The first thing he mentioned to me was the fact he did not have any money - in his words, he was "flat a$$ed broke" and could I bring him some?  I pointed out that he did not really need money, but he was insistent that he did (fortunately, my sister was bringing him some clothes later.  He had told her the same thing.  She had five $1 bills in the bag of clothes and let the nurse know why they were in there and to make sure he got them).

His conversation is still very disjointed. I tried to get him to tell me about what he did today but because either he could not hear me over the phone or did not understand the question, I got no sense of of it.  He started to tell me something which I thought might be related to what he did, but then it seemed to veer off as it did yesterday:  he knew of whom and where he was speaking but I had no idea  After about 20 minutes, the nurse came in with dinner.  She looked as me as if to ask if I needed more time but I motioned her in.  I told my father I loved him and to be sure he ate everything.

Physically, he looked a little bit stronger.  Mentally and spiritually, he seems a long way from himself.  It breaks me heart - as I tried to explain to someone, it is as if someone had broken his spirit in two.  I wonder if - or when - he will recover it.

Request:  So we have hit our first insurance issue.

The insurance company sent a letter to my sister saying that they would only cover 25%, not 100%, of my mother's stay.  Why?  Because the place she is staying does not have an RN on staff 24 hours a day.

This is more than a little frustrating because she had called - prior to committing to moving my mother in - and told them the location to find out if it was acceptable per the terms of the policy.  They did not return the call, so my sister assumed it was approved and moved forward.  Now this.

We can move my mother if we have to, but obviously it would be better if we did not.  I think that doing this twice in a short period of time would be detrimental to her well being.

My sister received a phone message this evening. Apparently the matter has been submitted for a appeal.  Not sure why.

So this is my request.  It is a pretty specific one.  If you are a praying person, could you specifically pray that a waiver is granted and my mother can stay where she is with 100% coverage?  If you are good-thought-thinking person, could you do the same?

I seldom pray for very specific items but this one is kind of special.  I will certainly relate what happens.

Post Script:  I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received throughout this.  People that post here, and in some cases people that have contacted me on the side (in both cases, people whose attention I never would think I merit).  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  

People have asked me how I am managing all this with what seems like a relatively pleasant demeanor.  God, I tell them.  And writing.  And the support I find here.  Thank you.

Your Obedient Servant, Toirdhealbheach Beucail


  1. Of course, you and your family have my prayers. Gladly.

    Our care system has become so complicated that it seems a struggle no matter which way one turns. I understand the need for insurance, but lament that as a society, we are so dependent on it. I wish there was another way.

    One lesson I've gleaned from your experience is do nothing without approval from the insurance company. In writing!

    I'm glad your mother's case is under review. That, in itself, sounds hopeful.

    1. Thanks Leigh.

      It is frustrating, although I think much of it is embedded in the nature of humans and systems. No-one wants to be responsible for making a mistake, so everyone clearly delineates their boundaries - and things fall between those boundaries. I had a discussion with a friend in which she suggested Universal Health Care could resolve the issue. Not so, I suggested back: The problem is the nature of bureaucracies and human nature. Everyone is given competing priorities and heaven help you if you work on the wrong priority - which may be someone else's priority, but does not help you advance yours. We really need to fix the system to fix the problem

  2. Prayers from my family to yours.

    In my mom's case, I think we appealed at least three different things to the insurance company and each time we were successful. I think when you appeal, you go to a higher level where reasoning is allowed. I hope this is true in your mom's case.

    1. Thank you Ed.

      That is my hope as well. It is the way it works out here in the real world too, if for no reason that individuals at a lower level do not have the ability to make exceptions and use reasoning in the way those at an upper level do.

  3. On it. And a bit of chiding. The Word says you have not because you ask not. So be specific. Read the parable of the woman that warted a judge into doing what she needed done. Jesus says pray like that.

    May God grant you insight through this, and show His mighty hand in your parents care. I'll be praying until you advise otherwise.

    1. Thank you StxAR. And, yes, chiding deserved. I struggle with prayer.

  4. Gosh TB what a situation...Your mother and her stay will be in my prayers and in my energy and thoughts. Let's hope that appeal goes through...I won't start about my feelings regarding insurance companies, but let's just say your dad's expression regarding how broke he was was nothing compared to what I'd say about those companies. My home insurance just went up $30 a month because and I quote "Our company has been flooded with claims, therefore it will be reflected in your increase." I MADE NO CLAIMS!!! Highway robbery I tells ya. :/

    I'm so glad you enjoyed my Toshiro! I knew from your profile that you like Samurai movies and I knew you'd likely be the only blog friend I have that would recognize that drawing! That end scene in Throne of Blood was disturbingly amazing for me to watch...and the witch in the woods was spooky, as was the lady who played his wife...she was so creepy! But as a lover of MacBeth, I thought it was brilliant. I also love Yojimbo, and you may know that Sergeo Leone remade that into A Fist Full of Dollars (the first of the Good/Bad/Ugly movies). Hell In The Pacific was another Toshiro fave with Lee Marvin. Alex just downloaded "High and Low" where he plays a company executive dealing with a kidnapping, I'm looking forward to seeing it, but with my attention span, I have to be in the mood to "read" my movies with subtitles! Even though they sound horrid, I almost prefer dubbed movies, it's easier for me to follow the plots!

    Wishing you and your family and parents well!

    1. Rain, we have had the same issues with our own home insurance. Every time something bad happens anywhere in the state, I just assume it will go up. Trust me, ours will be going up this year as well.

      I feel pretty darn special that you knew I would be the only that would recognize the drawing and the movie. I very much love Yojimbo as well - if you have not seen it, Sanjuro is similar, although it is slightly different at the end. The characters are delightful.

      I have also come to find that I want subtitles on everything I watch. It just makes it easier.

      Thank you very much for the prayers and good wishes!

    2. I have seen Sanjuro and yes, the characters ARE delightful! Those who don't know this style of movie are definitely missing out! :)

    3. I was discussing with Uisdean Ruadh and An Aisteoir at dinner last week (my two long time friends from high school) and we are in agreement that you can take a samurai story and drop it into any milieu - Western, Space, Post Apocalyptic - and it will work.

    4. Totally agree! Especially the Westerns for me! :)

  5. Prayers continue, sir. Please keep us updated. :)

  6. They did not return the call, so my sister assumed it was approved and moved forward.

    The people who work for the insurance company are not your friends, nor your advocates. Your well-being does not appear anywhere on their list of priorities. They'll obstruct your wishes as SOP.

    I've prayed for you and your family, and will continue to do so. I've seen the Lord straighten situations like this out.

    I'm sorry you have to go through this.

    1. Thank you Mad Jack. I very much appreciate the prayers.

      I always operate - at least myself - in that I try to do what is best and what is within the capacity of my job. Best intentions and all that, and I like to think that of others. You are not wrong in that this is not how some people and organization will act. A good reminder to myself.

  7. Prayer is little enough, and all. You all have them, TB. God bless. ♥

  8. Done. Best wishes, TB.

  9. ... insurance companies.... any excuse to not pay...

    Will add to the prayers, my friend.


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