One of the feelings I have noticed over the month or so since I have returned from Japan is, occasionally, a sense of serenity.
It is hard to grasp, this serenity. If I think too much about it, it escapes my grasp. If I try to make it come to me when I think I need it most it eludes my flailing about. But if I am patient - if I simply wait for it to come - it comes.
I am not really sure where it is coming from - if it "The Peace of God which passes all understanding" (which it very well could be) it seems, well, less supernatural than I would have expected (Not sure what I anticipated, really. Just something more, you know, Thunder and Lightning and Wheels with Eyes). If it is the result of making a decision and being comfortable with a path, that could be true - except that I am not sure what path I have chosen ( I would be very surprised to find that settling my mind that Iai is the path forward is as life changing a decision as this seems to indicate).
But even to question where or why this serenity has come seems to undermine the whole concept of it. In life, at least most modern life, people seem very eager to run hither and yon seeking "peace" by being incredibly active and frenetic and perhaps mistaking serenity for exhaustion. Or if they have it for a moment, trying to discover what caused it so they can go back to that same well again and again.
It does not really seem to work that way, however.
So for now, I take simple comfort in the fact that it is there. If it is of God, then it will grow all the more. If it is a decision that I have made (perhaps unaware), then it will manifest itself in time. In either event, the true point of it is to be serene, not necessarily to question how it has come.