Two Tasks

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to do what I do.

I did a calculation last night.  I spent about 25% of my time on work on two types of tasks.  Just two.  In both cases, they are two which are relatively invisible to most everyone else at the company.  That was a huge number when I looked at it.  One quarter a year  - 90 days - I am only working on one of two things.

Is this a way to advance my career? It does not seem so - certainly the number fluctuate, but they are always near the top of my tasks yet I have continued in exactly the same role for 4.5 years now.  And while they are certainly some of the most important things I could be doing for the company that importance does not seem to translate into anything concrete.

But back to the question at hand:  Why do I do what I do?

Because these two groups of tasks are not easy. They involve long periods of crunching data, presenting data, defending data responding to data.  Much of the data I have to respond to are not  of my own creation - instead I am synthesizing, analyzing, and calculating.  And while they are important - really not only just to myself but to the whole company - they are essentially invisible tasks to 90% of the company. 

Where does that leave me?  Stressed before it happens.  Drained after it happens.  Waking up anticipating those days with a sense of not so much anticipation as a mild sense of dread and accepting the fact that even after we have completed the tasks at hand they were be additional work that has to be done before they are truly put to bed.

I keep thinking that somehow I am going to move beyond these things yet I scarcely seem to be able to.