I continue to seem to go through this "argument" with God. "God", I say "why can't I seem to move forward in my life? Why do I seem to be stuck in the same place without the ability to gain traction?"
I wrote here about God intervening in my life to remind me that I was not in fact forgotten. The same thing happened to me again yesterday - twice.
1) Arriving home last night, I saw oil on the front of my car. "Great" I thought, "now what?" Turns out that when I added oil on Saturday I either failed to completely tighten the oil cap or failed to put it on at all. However, instead of burning my engine out and dying on the road, traffic was light enough that I made it home with no problems.
2) Our garage door came off the drum Sunday night. I tried to "fix" it but seemingly made it worse. We called the landlord (a thankful right there!) and a very nice gentleman came out last night. He looked at what I done and as kindly as possible, let me know that what I did was probably not the best thing in the world (as it "lose an eye" not the best thing). The outcome? No severe damage to the door, works better than ever after he fixed it.
I find myself caught between the rock of God's provision and the hard place of my own selfish wants.
I say "rock" and "hard place" as if these two were equivalent items but in fact they are not. God keeps patiently reminding of his provision in more and more areas of my life. I, on the other hand, grouse about the few areas of my life which (although they feel like they impact me greatly) are only part of the greater tapestry of my existence.
My comparison (if I have one) is actually Midnight the Rescue Rabbit, whom we found living under a car in New Home. She lives in our living room now. I wonder if she sees her existence now as better or worse - worse from her point of view in not being "free", better (unconsciously so perhaps) that she's not getting hunted or in the weather extremes and being fed regularly.
Am I willing to accept God at His word that He cares for us - not just in the things we want, but in everything? And if He cares for us in everything, can I accept the fact that in some things the answer to my wants and wishes may be "No"?
I have to conclude that it is not as if God is not active in my life - He has shown Himself to be so. The question is if I can accept what He is doing, even if it doesn't comport with my desires.