Sometimes the interesting thing about life is that you can see a major event coming, even as you cannot control it, may have no idea what it is or any idea what you will do about it. This is the sense that I find myself haunted by these days, a sense of being directed into a channel to which I cannot see the end.
There just feels like there are multiple pieces in play in my life which I control very few of. On the one hand I simply suppose this is a truth and should be accepted, as much of life is out of our control no matter how much we pretend it is otherwise. On the other hand, there is nothing worse than being powerless.
What's in play? Having moved forward with purchasing a home, we find we are constrained by events three years ago to be out of consideration until December at best. Can we get a six month lease, or will we extend that search another six months? For work: suffice to say a storm is coming and there is little that can be done about. Virtually all of the outcomes I can think of are bad, but the alternatives are no better. Nighean Gheal will be at a transition grade this year and to pull here away from where she has been for the last three years is not the most desirable option. Contrariwise, the type of work I do is not prevalent in New Home; what other options are there, if any?
I write this things to get them out in written form; I scarcely believe that by my writing them any of them will come any closer to being resolved. But I cannot escape the sense of staring down the beach at retreating water, knowing what is coming but suspecting that no matter how far I get inland, the water will follow.