Tuesday, May 08, 2012

It Only Takes A Moment

Sometimes there's a moment in which things seem to change.  Occasionally, we actually notice that it has occurred.  I found myself confronted with such a moment yesterday.

I walked into a situation yesterday after being gone for three days expecting to find myself immersed in the same situation as I left.  Instead, I found that I had - at least exponentially - moved to the role of an outsider looking in.

There was no particular warning sign, nor any particular suggestion that I somehow "persona non grata".  It was the fact of walking in a room and realizing that you are just a presence in the room, not an identity.

Throughout the day it remained the same - this sense of being apart, of isolation, of being out of the flow of events where before I was involved in them.  In a real way, it felt as if I had left on Thursday one way and returned on Monday something else.

There are some who might think that I am over reacting to a simple situation or that I am simply being a bit over sensitive after my failures last week. Perhaps that's true - but I cannot be blind to the fact that seemingly in one moment, my life changed.

Is it good or bad?  That remains to be seen overall.  Certainly perspective is never a bad thing, and perhaps in some broken way I am being pushed out of a nest of my own making into a world to grow - into a world where I needed to grow.

But in the back of my mind, there is still this sense of something broken that can be bonded but never fully repaired - of being in but not of. 

Sometimes when you turn a corner, there simply is no going back.

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