Sometimes there's a moment in which things seem to change. Occasionally, we actually notice that it has occurred. I found myself confronted with such a moment yesterday.
I walked into a situation yesterday after being gone for three days expecting to find myself immersed in the same situation as I left. Instead, I found that I had - at least exponentially - moved to the role of an outsider looking in.
There was no particular warning sign, nor any particular suggestion that I somehow "persona non grata". It was the fact of walking in a room and realizing that you are just a presence in the room, not an identity.
Throughout the day it remained the same - this sense of being apart, of isolation, of being out of the flow of events where before I was involved in them. In a real way, it felt as if I had left on Thursday one way and returned on Monday something else.
There are some who might think that I am over reacting to a simple situation or that I am simply being a bit over sensitive after my failures last week. Perhaps that's true - but I cannot be blind to the fact that seemingly in one moment, my life changed.
Is it good or bad? That remains to be seen overall. Certainly perspective is never a bad thing, and perhaps in some broken way I am being pushed out of a nest of my own making into a world to grow - into a world where I needed to grow.
But in the back of my mind, there is still this sense of something broken that can be bonded but never fully repaired - of being in but not of.
Sometimes when you turn a corner, there simply is no going back.