Is it possible to turn your hopes off while you work?
I'm always pulled two ways when I work: on one way, I try to focus on what it is that I'm doing. On the other, I'm trying to focus on what I want to do. Unfortunately, the two are seldom the same thing.
At one time I had the ability to focus on exactly what I was doing. In particular, I picture working at the convenience store my cousin owned. Every night, it was my job to fill the walk in. Every night, that's exactly what I did: opening each door to face the beers and sodas, then going in back and loading the beers and sodas into the rows, bundled up in a sweat shirt as I did it. I had it down to an art - approximately 1.5 hours to do the whole cooler, clean up, and get ready to close.
Did I ever spend time thinking about doing something else? Possibly. But I knew my routine and I executed it every night. I was there, working away, being where I was.
That feeling of being where I am seems strangely gone from my life at this point. Even when I am at work, it feels like I have forty things there pulling at my attention, begging to be completed. I try and focus, and sometimes I'm even successful at keeping my attenion on one project - but when it's over, I am only suddenly reminded of all the other things I have to do.
This, of course, do not play on anything that I want to do. This is another area that my brain happily runs off pursuing, leaving me to try to wrangle my day with what's left.
How do I do it? How do I completely "be" where I am, even if it entails a constant struggle to accomplish things that seemingly have no meaning?
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