Clarity and Commitment

I often lack clarity of purpose and commitment to purpose.

Clarity of purpose? I am not ever (perhaps never) really clear on my purpose or purposes in life. What this leads to is a wandering off track, a following of rabbit trails hither and yon as the mood takes me. Not that rabbit trails are bad in and of themselves: I have learned a great many things which I otherwise would not have.

Commitment to purpose? I am one of the worst commiters (if that is even a word) in history. I have learned to carry myself as far as I can on natural ability, but when things become difficult - i.e. I have to actually learn and practice something - I magically "lose" my interest, usually for another rabbit trail.

The result: my life as I know it. Feeling lost and trapped in a series of situations I do not control, unable to find my way towards something meaningful and of value.

This has to stop.

I had written some time ago about (say April) about purposes and roles I wanted to fill (again, a lovely exercise I never completed). Looking at it now, although I like the concept I still think it a bit too complex (although that doesn't excuse finishing it, which I should still do). I need to narrow the purposes down even more, to get to the core of what I believe (in the absence of any other information) I should be doing.

Maybe that's one problem I have: I keep looking for a sign, a guidepost, something to suggest what it is I should be doing. Perhaps I need to approach it from the other point of view: unless I get a sign or guidance that I shouldn't be doing something, I need to to continue down paths that I have chosen.

Because let's be honest: what I've done to this point is not really working.